I Don’t Know If I Can Do It

Also known as, “More Muttering About Models.”

The nice thing about playing mostly goblins is that my “mains” had no surprises in store for me.  I’ve been sitting on the fence about some other characters, however.  (I’ve also been browsing any and all “OMFG I HATE THE NEW MODELS” threads with avidity.  Look, somebody had problems worse than mine!)

Ailabeth
I loved Ailabeth’s old harlequin face.  To me, it was a smile fixed in place by rigor mortis, a mask resembling her old self that barely covered the motivations of her present unlife.

Ailabeth's New Model Hair apparently does grow in the grave, as does general annoyingness.

Ailabeth’s New Model
Hair apparently does grow in the grave, as does general annoyingness.

With the new model, the brows have been raised and the mouth has been made much narrower*, which gives the harlequin mask a rather pinched smirk.  It makes me want to punch the wearer every time I see it.

On the upside, her hair is fab.  I am ultimately unsure what to do with Ailabeth, but may leave her as Forsaken, since she doesn’t see a large amount of playtime these days.  For now, I’ve changed her face to something that makes me a little less irritated.

*Not that the mouth being made much wider helps, necessarily.  Exhibit A:

Forsaken Eek! Originally posted by Gentlebreeze on the forums.

Forsaken Derp Transformation!
Posted by Gentlebreeze on the forums.

Daschela and Yynsia
I just can’t with the eyes.  Why do they seem so big, when they didn’t before?  Why are they so goddamn turquoise, when they weren’t before?  Why are they so freakishly bright?

Dasch's New Model Nicely defined horns.  Freakishly flat eyes.

Dasch’s New Model
Nicely defined horns. Freakishly flat eyes.

Yynsia's New Model The new bright eyes seem even BRIGHTER on dark skins.

Yynsia’s New Model
The new bright eyes seem even BRIGHTER on dark skins.

Have you seen how the new face looks on the Armory for female draenei hunters?  I THINK YOU SHOULD.

>: | WAT IS WITH THIS FACE

>: |
WAT IS WITH THIS PINCHED EXPRESSION

I’d like to keep them Alliance, so that I am able to switch factions as desired to play with friends.  I’m leaning towards racechanging Daschela, the hunter, to a night elf, since the name originally applied to a night elf druid that later became Betheki the troll.  As far as Yynsia the shaman goes, I’ve been tossing around the idea of changing her either to a dwarf or panda.  On the one hand, I really like the panda casting animation.  On the other, pandas all have sameface syndrome, and I already have one panda.

Niremere
Alas, the changes to the human female hit me like a ton of bricks.  What bugs me the most about the human female faces is how it feels like Blizzard took the same approach they did with pandas: change the colors on the same face and call the resulting variations “different!”  Every face has the same eye shape, just in different colors.  (Speaking of eyes, they gave gnomes a face with mussed up eyeliner. What happened to the smudged eyeliner on my human?)  Every face has pencil-thin brows arched halfway to the moon.  Because of the shading on the upper lip, they almost all appear to be doing the duckface expression if you look at them straight on.

This image is a good example of how the human female faces could, you know, actually resemble the originals in more than eyecolor:

Original, live, and edited versions Originally posted to the forums by Vro of Evenfall server

Original, live, and edited versions
Posted to the forums by Vro

I think I could get used to the human female faces if I made a new character, but the problem with Niremere is that she has a history of sorts, a story in which her old appearance made sense but her new one makes no sense at all.  Niremere’s personality was even-keeled, stern and straightforward, and she was a competent badass who took no sheeyit.  Since the new face only superficially resembles the old one (is it just me, or does it look down), this is not the vibe I get from it.

Nir's New Model She grew a couple inches and several helm sizes.

Nir’s New Model
She grew a couple inches and several helm sizes.

This thread is of interest to me (despite how fast it got derailed by the “I don’t see what’s wrong just suck it up” camp) because the OP used the same face I did and has the same problem with the new model results.  One reply in the thread struck a chord for me as well:

“The human the OP posted, she looked pretty fierce. But with the raised eyebrows, tilted eyeballs, and lack of makeup, she looks pretty derp. And very different.

Still pretty, yeah. But she’s not the same character that was originally created.”

And that’s pretty much the crux of it.

I can’t see race-changing her, to be honest.  “Niremere” is human.  But I can’t see myself playing her much, either.  I’ll probably just leave her sitting as is for a good long while, until my idea of “Niremere” fades and I can pick a different face to go with a different character.


Other thoughts of note:

  • Interestingly, all the “old faces” have been mostly smoothed and dewrinkled
  • Re: gnomes.  People were complaining about female gnomes being too damn cutesy, so it looks an awful lot like Blizzard overcompensated by making them pissed off instead.
  • New Model Thread Catalogue – contains info on how to contact the lead character artist.  Debating actually doing it, because (as shown above) the human females can be made far more faithful to the original models.

 

Six Point OH CRAP

The Day of Reckoning All of us less attractive types knew our day would come.

The Day of Reckoning
All of us less attractive types knew our day would come.

So, the pre-orcfest patch has landed.  Most importantly, the Horde has been beautified to a degree where the blood elves no longer stand out as the paragons of good hair and platekini.

Speaking of beautiful people with gorgeous hair, can we talk about the background for the Battle.net thingie?  Can we change it?  My monitor’s a bit on the small side, so all I really see of Grom is his nipple ring, which is rather unappealing.

Grom's Nipple Ring Once you notice it, you'll never unsee it.

Grom’s Nipple Ring
Once you notice it, you’ll never unsee it.

Prinnie’s Top 4 AMAAAAAZING Things About the Patch

1. The Toy Box
OH.  MY.  GAWD.  I have the Skymirror on all my characters now.  Let me repeat that.  I have the Skymirror on all my characters now.  And all the random toys I stuck in Void Storage?  GONE!  MORE MOG SPACE IS MINE!  IT’S BRILLIANT!

That's Amazing

That’s Amazing

2. OMFG GHOST WOLF

New and Improved Seriously!  On the old model, you could look straight up its backside and out the mouth!

New and Improved
Seriously! On the old model, you could look straight up its backside and out the mouth!

3. ERMAGERD PETS
I need this hydra and that purple one and that other hydra and this one too plzkthx.

4. PEACE AT LAST
Nobody’s repeatedly choking that one banker in the middle of the Valley of Strength bank anymore!  Hooray!  No more listening to NPCs repeating themselves while I ponder my transmog organization.


Prinnie’s Top 3 Most Hated Things

1. Unleash Weapon
Wait wait wait.  So you mean that in order to maintain optimal DPS, I gotta hit this stupid button every fifteen seconds?  Are you kidding me?  There’s a reason I hated Inquisition, the mage playstyle and so on.

2. Blue Bug Eyes
Why, exactly, are female draenei eyes blue?  It’s kind of creeping me out.

3. Wait, Wat
Niremere used to have an angry face.  Then she got duckface.  I’m not entirely sure what happened, but maybe I’ll get used to it.  If not, to a barbershop we go!

Never Noticed These Before They make me feel ... concerned.

Never Noticed These Before
They make me feel … concerned.


 

My goal before WoD drops is to get a fancy new mog for the front-line team.  WE GOTTA LOOK GOOD.

A Letter to the Devil

Dear Leatherworking,

I think it’s time we discussed the consequences your incessant demands have on our relationship.  I know I’m not blameless here.  My frustration is partially my own fault as a result of deleting that old level 80 rogue, who just so happened to have her leatherworking skills up to Cataclysm levels.  Yes, I’m taking responsibility, but only some responsibility – maybe about a quarter of the total hatred here.  I lay the rest of our problems entirely at your doorstep.

Unimpressed LW, it can't be just me putting effort into our relationship.

Unimpressed With You
LW, it can’t be just me putting effort into our relationship.  You have to do something too!

Have you ever considered how impulsive and illogical you are, Leatherworking?  According to you, five pieces of leather and some gimpy thread is enough to make a pair of pants, but if I want a belt instead, I’d have to get my hands on thirteen pieces of leather, more gimpy thread, some random potion that alchemists hardly ever make anymore and that you’ll never find on a low/medium population server anyway, and a couple of hides that can only be cured with salt dropped from mobs in level 40 dungeons that I haven’t actually been to in weeks.

Let Me Think On This Oh wait, nope.

Let Me Think On This
Oh wait, nope.  No belt for me.

There are guides out there which help me understand your capriciousness, thus enabling me to avoid the most tediously random of your recipes in my quest to know you better.  But words of wisdom from the internet cannot solve all, Leatherworking.  There’s an even deeper underlying problem, and that’s the total number of mats you require in the first place.  You are a horribly selfish, greedy, total bleeping nightmare in this regard.

For example (and this is only one example, mind you), you need 410 pieces of thick leather.  SERIOUSLY, LEATHERWORKING?  ARE YOU FREAKING BONKERS?  There’s no efficient way to meet your insane demands.  It’s not like I can buy it – it’s old stuff and my rogue is on a medium population server, so inevitably some asshat’s already purchased what there is on the market and raised the price beyond my means.  Even with the guild perk, I still get one or maybe two pieces of leather from most of the mobs I skin.  I’ve had to resort to stalking around quest hubs and skinning the mobs other people leave behind.  Do you know how embarrassing this is, Leatherworking?  It’s like, “HI GUYS, LEVEL 80 HERE, HANGING OUT IN A LEVEL 40ISH ZONE LALALALA DON’T MIND ME” and people look at you funny.  They stop looting their mobs, so you can’t skin them.

I refuse to pay for a boosted character just to ignore you.  We’ve got to work something out, Leatherworking.  Something that happens more often than Darkmoon’s profession quests.

Sincerely,
Prinnie

How To Level a PvE Rogue Without Embarrassing Yourself

I was terrible at rogue.  I know this to be true because my previous attempts at rogue had damage so gawdawful bad, people in normally silent Dungeon Finder groups were openly questioning the validity of my very existence.  This time around, however, I have made decisions based on Goa’s expertise instead of the heirlooms I had available, and have accordingly arrived at a stage where (holy sheeyit) it looks almost like I know what I’m doing.  I’m not the worst DPS, you say?  AHAHAHAHA REVENGEEEE YOU THOUGHT I SUCKED BUT YOU WERE WROOOONG

In other words, I suddenly feel about 95% more badass and am therefore qualified to write this “guide” for the equally incompetent.

Step One: Mental Preparation
1. Begin the process of getting over your love affair with Pickpocketing.
It is sad to admit, but your love of Pickpocketing will only lead you to great frustration when it comes to leveling in dungeon groups.  Sheeyit dies too dang fast for you to actually Pickpocket and then Ambush.  Pickpocketing a few coppers and some gnome effigies is but a brief joy soon superseded by sorrow, thanks to the poor DPS you will do as a result.  Your goal is to find something that is hitting the tank, and attack it sooner than anybody else.  (p.s., ogres have pockets.  I hope you’re happy with that knowledge.)

2. Variety is the spice of life and all that jazz.
As DPS, one must prepare for a life of independence yet still be ready to work with others.  Ye must know your skills (or know someone who does, like Goa), since things like Kidney Shot are quite handy when leveling on your own, but are sadly useless against a variety of dungeon mobs.  DPS dungeon queues are quick and relatively painless up until about Blackrock, but once you’re in the 50s, you might as well quest until you hit 58.  Then you can queue for Hellfire Ramparts, where things pick up once more.  Once you hit the late 60s and start queueing for Utgarde Keep, you’ll probably want to quest until at least level 71 or so for your sanity.  Otherwise, it’s Utgarde Keep, Utgarde Keep, Utgarde Keep, and some more Utgarde Keep for you.  Ding, queue popped!  Oh, would ya look at that, it’s Utgarde Keep.

3. But I suck at melee!
Okay, yeah, you do, but this is one of just two classes you don’t have at 90.  You want one of everything, don’t you?  Don’t you?  Be the completionist that you are!

Step Two: Gear Preparation
You will need two heirloom daggers.  Other heirlooms are technically optional, but they’re great for making your nooblet damage-dealing look good in comparison to the DPS of other people.  “But Prinnie,” you say, “we’re in DIRE MAUL.  Does this sheeyit even MATTER?”  Fair question, fellow altoholic!  You see, doing decent DPS without even trying hides the fact that you don’t quite know what you’re doing yet.  Plus, looking good is good for your morale, and good morale is good for actually making it to the end of the leveling process.  By then, theoretically, you’ll actually know what you’re doing and you can ditch the looms.

Step Three: You Are a Mother-Trucking ASSASSIN
At level 10, for the love of Gawd, go with Assassination.  Seriously.  This is why you got two heirloom daggers, instead of one dagger and that agility mace you dumped in Void Storage after trying to level a confused enhancement shaman a year ago.  Speaking of assassins …

Step Four: At level 60, choose Cloak and Dagger
THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP HERE.  Seriously.  It is especially useful if you, like me, are a compulsive looter who often gets left behind by chain-pulling tanks.  Stealth (or Vanish if you must), target some poor mob trailing behind the tank, and BAM!  NOW YOU’RE IN RANGE, MOTHER TRUCKERS!  Shadowstep (which does not require that you Ambush or otherwise do something painful to your target) does not cool down quickly enough to make it worthwhile in comparison.  This is especially true considering that YOU SHOULD AMBUSH NOW.  Yes.  Right now.

Note: try to let the tank hit the mob at least once before you hit Ambush.  Otherwise you’ll Cloak-and-Dagger yourself into being a temporary tank, and that hurts, sometimes badly.

Step Five: FAN OF FREAKING KNIVES
At level 66, you get Fan of Knives.  If there are a handful of mobs near you (which there probably will be, since you’ll almost certainly end up with a chain-pulling tank), you’ll be Fan of Knivesing a lot.

Note: try to let the tank get sufficient aggro before you go Fan of Knivesing all over the place.  Otherwise, your fate is dependent on the group’s healer and your cooldowns.  Good healer?  You’ll be ok.  Got Vanish at the ready?  You’ll be fine.  Panicked at the sudden onslaught of damage and forgot about Vanish as a result, or was the healer busy texting since they didn’t actually expect you to do something stupid?  Welcome to Deathtown, party of rogue.

Step Four: A Glowy Button Appears
At level, uh, 70, enjoy the glowy stabbity button provided by Blindside.  Glowy buttons are the best.

I feel like there should be a step five, but I can’t think of one.

The Real End Boss for WoD

Yeah yeah, I know they say they’ve got the final boss worked out and everything, but I got a better idea.  (Don’t I always?)  I can’t help but think that there’s more than a bit of nostalgia in going back to Draenor, so you know what the real final boss of WoD should be?

The Iron Elevator.

The Iron Elevator It will Kick.  Your.  Ass.

The Iron Elevator
It will Kick. Your. Ass.

The Iron Elevator is Garrosh’s Hardcore Revamp of every elevator that’s ever tortured you by not being where you need it to be.  Gnomeregan.  Serpentshrine Cavern.  Blackwing Descent.  The Iron Elevator is made of those nightmares where you think you’re falling and you wake up gasping just before impact – but you die anyway, because this is the Iron Elevator.

The goal is to kill the Iron Elevator before it reaches the bottom.  Of course, the fight will have several death-inducing mechanics.

Dumb Luck: You must leap to the Iron Elevator platform from a distance.  Easy to screw up for no apparent reason.  Engineers and their gliders will eventually be nerfed to keep the challenge alive.  p.s., you will occasionally have to redo this move when the fight bugs out and leaves you stuck midair in the elevator shaft.

Gravity:  You take regular damage over the course of the fight, again for no apparent reason, because that’s just how this sheeyit works.

Heartless Ogre Gravity does what gravity wants.

Heartless Ogre
Gravity does what gravity wants.

Down OF DEATH: Every time the Iron Elevator descends, it does so WHILE ON FIRE.

Iron Horde Elevator Technician: This chipper fellow will periodically show up and attempt to increase the descent speed of the Iron Elevator.  He does not like people trying to kill him (he’s just trying to do his job, dammit), so he will also attempt to knock people off the Iron Elevator to their deaths.

LFR will receive an additional skill button.  This will be the “Call for Help” button.  Nobody actually responds and you’re still stuck on the elevator, but it gives you a “Hopefulness” buff that temporarily lightens the mood of the LFR group.

Bring It The Iron Elevator might have an angry face on it, like this one.

Bring It
The Iron Elevator might have an angry face on it, like this one.

Defeating the Iron Elevator gives you a chance to get the mini Iron Elevator battle pet.  This cute little mechanical will beat the crap out of any opponent it encounters by dropping down and squashing it.  When idle, it descends, and will sometimes be on fire.

 

 

 

p.p.s., you can thank Kash for this.

The Stove is Hot. Stop Touching the Stove.

I have a good friend with a fondness for nostalgia.  This isn’t always a bad thing, mind you, but it does tend to cause emotional burns from time to time.  So whenever she talks about doing X, Y or Z, I tell her that the stove is hot.  She knows the stove is hot.  She should stop touching the stove, because touching the stove she knows to be hot is stupid.  I find it obnoxious when people give advice they obviously don’t follow themselves, so I try to live by my own words of wisdom idioms.

I fail at this on a regular basis.

I was looking for some new way to consume my game time, since Daschela got her cloak and Niremere is stuck trying to get hers.  So about a week ago, I had a very specific dream about leveling a panda rogue.  I mentioned this to Goa, who (of course) said that it must be a sign and maybe I’d like rogue this time around!  There is something to be said to exposure, after all, since you can teach yourself to like formerly hated foods by eating them until you just don’t care anymore.  In this case, there’s the Forsaken rogue I started (and abandoned because WTF AUGH CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT WAIT), and all the former rogues I’ve deleted.

Still, I delayed.  No rogue, I said, because the stove is hot, and I’m not touching that.  Maybe a panda shaman?  I like shamans!  But then I realized that would be my third shaman, and that could be considered just a bit class-obsessive.  Okay, so how about a panda hunter, then?  I like hunters!  Oh.  Wait.  If I made one, that would be my third hunter.  Panda monk?  No, too obvious.  Panda mage!  Meh, Arcane Explosion is still not considered a rotation unto itself.  What about a panda warrior, then?  Naw, I still haven’t finished leveling Pixelby, who’s somewhere in the 60s.  While thinking through all this, I could practically hear my subconscious cheering in the background.  Panda rogue!  Panda rogue!  Panda rogue!

Yeah.  I made a mother trucking panda rogue.

The Eyes of Hellscream are Upon You The Eyes of Hellderp, maybe.

The Eyes of Hellscream are Upon You
The Eyes of Hellderp, maybe.

And the weird thing?  I … I liked it.  Kind of.  Assassination is more fun than Combat, as long as I don’t blow all my Energy at the beginning of combat (which I often do).  I dunno, I like the character for some reason.

There are still some issues, like positioning:

How Do I Rogue in a World Like This Logic is capricious

How Do I Rogue in a World Like This
Logic is capricious

And the lack of AoE is a real bummer.

The other weird thing is that healers don’t seem to like me much.  There have been several parties where every other member’s health has been topped off but mine was left at far less than full.  Is it because I am a rogue?  Is it because the perception of my DPS depends on the other DPSers in the party?  (That is, if there are other players in looms, I’m screwed.  If I am the only one in looms, however, I look great.)  Does “Nioma” mean something bad?  If so, oops.

“Mountain Tracker” Set

"Mountain Tracker" Set

“Mountain Tracker” Set

“Mountain Tracker” Set

Class: Hunter (Alliance required for teeny tiny cape)

H: Ironspine Helm | S: Mantle of the Tireless Tracker | Cl: Incorruptable Shawl
Ch:
Undergrowth Stalker Chestpiece | Wa: Crafted Dreadful Gladiator’s Links of Accuracy | L: Leggings of Twisted Vines
G:
Mountain Gauntlets | Wr: Not shown | B: Atoll Treaders

Bow: Dagryn’s Discarded Longbow (LFR)

Thoughts: Yeah, I know, that should be “Incorruptible,” but it isn’t.  Look it up on Wowhead, you’ll see!

1.) In an ideal transmog world, I would have preferred the blue version of the bow, but that’s from heroic Galakras.  Let’s be real here – there is no bleeping freaking way that’s happening.  I’ll settle for a green bow over “being beaten to a pulp, falling off towers and getting set on fire all at once.”

2.) Speaking of preferences: I always like shorter capes on draenei, mostly because cape + tail = weird.  Long capes should not stick out the way they do!  I wonder if they’re going to be fixing that?

3.) By the time I decided I wanted to use this particular color/model of boots, I had foolishly tossed them in the form of an early quest reward.  I was thus forced to go through a majority of Vashj’ir to get this pair.  D’oh!

4.) Daschela’s progress on the legendary cape is looking up.  I’d originally intended to get Niremere her cloak first, but she’s totally, utterly stuck at Chi-ji’s healing challenge.  Now, Dasch has a great chance of getting her cloak before Nir does simply because I find it a lot easier to shoot blobs and Wrathiepoo from a distance.  I’d thought the healing challenge would be no problem for Nir whatsoever (Bombelina breezed through it like whoa), but apparently, while I’m decent with shaman-style healing, I’m plain horrific at paladin-style (especially when it comes to periods of high damage).  The other major issue Nir faces is Wrathion doing crap DPS to the image of his father (unlike the DPS he does to me in the ranged trial), since that means I must assist him in order to not die of sheer boredom go OOM.  Bombelina, that was easy, all like, “HEALING RAIN!  HEALING STREAM TOTEM!  NOW FLAME SHOCK!  LAVA!  LIGHTNING!  ELEMENTALS GO!”  But poor Niremere?  She’s stuck with “DENOUNCE!  DENOUNCE!  DENOU…SHEEYIT!  WTF!?  WHERE DID HIS HEALTH GO!? CRAP THIS CASTING IS TAKING TOO LONG CRAP CRAP CRAP IT RESET WTF GAWD I HATE YOU WRATHION!”