Garrisons

This Will Never Do Needs more lights, obviously.

This Will Never Do
Needs more lights, obviously.

The Dream
You know what I want?  I want a goblin-themed Garrison.

Should Look More like Sassy's Place in Stranglethorn Just ignore that it's raining, and admit that it's awesome.

Should Look More like Sassy’s Place in Stranglethorn
Just ignore that it’s raining, and admit that it’s awesome.

So what if I’m in the Frostwolf area, surrounded by orcs and playing through a plotline filled with even more orcs ?  I’m the freaking commander of this joint, and I demand some STYLE in my accommodations.  Screw the orcs and their decorative spikes and limited color schemes!  I want LIGHTS!  I want A BARBEQUE GRILL BY MY TOWN HALL!  I want ACCIDENTAL EXPLOSIONS to keep things interesting!  I want a party to be going down in the Barracks!  I wanna dump that fetid, half-frozen pond at the back of my garrison and put in a heated swimming pool with pool ponies instead!  I want FANCY WALLPAPER with PENGUINS and BANANAS, and most of all, NO FREAKING SPIKES.  We got TECHNOLOGY to defend ourselves with, like explosive rocket chickens and murderous mecha-bunnies.  I don’t need to worry about Goren in the mines or crazed rylaks flying overhead if I got Shredders with flamethrowers, now do I?  NO, I DO NOT.

In other words, my ideal Garrison would be a CLASSY ESTABLISHMENT.

A Grill is an Important Creature Comfort I don't know how we're supposed to live in Draenor without one.

A Grill is an Important Creature Comfort
I don’t know how we’re supposed to live in Draenor without one.

The Reality
The reality looks like we took Orgrimmar and transplanted it into a snowy wasteland, minus my belovedly trashy and super-convenient former home, the Goblin Slums.  Mother truckers!  Also, the damn place was designed for tall people, even though we’ve got a goblin architect.

In Order to Begin Commanding I need some assistance seeing what's on this table.

In Order to Begin Commanding
I need some assistance seeing what’s on this table.

Lumber Mill vs. Frostwall Inn
But let’s talk practical for a second here.  I originally intended to build the Frostwall Inn because I want more followers* (not that I’m trying to create an army or anything).  I ended up bowing to collective wisdom, however, and went with the lumber mill instead.  “Resources are good,” people would say, and I can agree with that.

There was a problem with this plan, though.  Namely, there weren’t any damned trees anywhere.

The lumber mill NPC told me Gorgrond was GREAT for trees, but it took a damn long while before I found the two required to complete the initial work order.  It turns out that we’re all competing for the same trees, and like real trees, they respawn rather slowly.  This meant that Gorgrond was clear-cut for all intents and purposes long before I got there, and it also meant that other people were HIGHLY COMPETITIVE when it came to what trees did exist.  Quite often I would arrive at a suitable piece of timber, only to find it being chopped down before my very eyes!  To add salt to the wound, I soon started finding large trees that I couldn’t do a thing with because of my dinky level one lumber mill.  The level three trees remained standing, both irritating me and making me feel somewhat relieved because apparently, nobody else could do a dang thing with them either.

At the end of the night, I basically said eff this sheeyit, and I built the dang Inn on top of of the lumber mill.

Goblins Everywhere!
Given enough time, I’m going to turn this into a goblin stronghold regardless of its style.  I’ve written down every goblin follower there is.

Penny Clobberbottom A goblin after my own heart.

Penny Clobberbottom
A goblin after my own heart.

 

* Can I just say WTF RNG when it comes to followers?  Nioma’s first follower, Olin Umberhide, went all epically purple for no reason at all, and she got a slew of epic and rare followers thereafter.  And then there’s poor Bombelina, with a Garrison full of average green followers …

Nioma's First Four Followers I am not sheeyitting you, they were all rare/epic.  Poor Bombelina's people are practically all green.

Nioma’s First Four Followers
I am not sheeyitting you, they were all rare/epic. Poor Bombelina’s people are practically all green.

I’m About to Give In

I am about two steps shy of going OMFG I NEED A SERVER TRANSFER STAT.

Logically, I know that all issues will be resolved in due time.  Emotionally, it’s more like, OMFG AT THIS RATE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLAY MY MAIN AGAIN.  The longer I wait, the longer the queue gets.  IT’S LIKE BLACK MAGIC.

I’ve only been able to log in without waiting in a huge queue when it’s like, 3 a.m. in the morning.  THIS IS NOT A SUSTAINABLE HOUR FOR ME.

RAGE and FRUSTRATION and STUFF ALL THE BAD FEELINGS, I HAVE THEM

RAGE and FRUSTRATION and STUFF
ALL THE BAD FEELINGS, I HAVE THEM

[Edit: Tried to do a server transfer.  Got "Error: You have a character online for this account. Please make sure all characters are offline."  I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN ABLE TO LOG IN YET]

/flails

Hello Lag, My Old Friend

Also entitled, “Ermagerd Warlerds.”  Comes with spoilers, sort of.

Being a little too eager to see the new content, I woke up early to send Bombelina through the Dark Portal.  I felt puzzled by Thrall’s premature baldness.  How had I not noticed it before?  Had his thick and luxuriant braids, their source hidden beneath a hood, convinced me that he had a full head of manly orc-hair?  As he and that random draenei dude barged through the portal like a couple of ninnies (look, I know you two are buff, but the Iron Horde’s got sheer numeric advantage on their side), I felt slightly betrayed by that whole adulthood thing.  I had to go to work at this critical moment.  “Just five more minutes …” I wanted to say.

Continue reading

Tier Mix 02: Celestial Gale Set

"Celestial Gale" Set

“Celestial Gale” Set

“Celestial Gale” Set

Class: Shaman

H: Headpiece of Celestial Harmony (Heroic) | S: Shoulderwraps of Celestial Harmony (Heroic) | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Relentless Gladiator’s Mail Armor | Wa: Girdle of the Gale Storm | L: Not shown
G:
Relentless Gladiator’s Ringmail Gauntlets | Wr: Not shown | B: Skom Greaves

Dagger: Lhakaz’s Missing Ribspreader
Shield: Cannonball-Dented Shield

Thoughts: Technically, the helm and shoulders aren’t mogged yet, since she’s actually still wearing them, but that’s just between you and me.  I feel like the getup looks a little weird without the red cloak I had in mind, but I can’t mog the legendary cape, so that’ll just have to wait as well.  This set is one of two outfits I have planned for Bombelina to wear while blasting her way through WoD.

I’m tempted to ditch the Cannonball-Dented Shield and go for my old standby favorite, Gizlock’s Hypertech Buckler (it’s one of the gear-like shields that moves but doesn’t require engineering).

On another note, I am now regretting not getting and/or destroying some of those toys to save on space …

Pow! Bam! Smack! Wham!

The simple act of punching some poor mob in the face has a long and storied history in Azeroth, starting way back when in the dark ages known as Vanilla.  People of that era felt compelled to level up their skill in unarmed combat.  It seems strange to us now, but life in those days was rough, and you never knew when you might have to smash in someone’s schnozz.  More recently, this “punch the @#$%er in the face!” fighting technique has resurfaced for those who vastly outlevel the quest content they happen to be doing.  Why, my buddy Kash was in that very situation the other night!  Her character was buff beyond belief in comparison to the zone’s monsters, so in order to finish up the quest chain for a transmog item she wanted, she had to remove her weapon and strip all her gear.

LFR was being unusually docile* that evening, which left me with some extra time on my hands.  I had an idea.  It was not just a plain old idea, oh no – it was a freaking brilliant idea, and I lost no time sharing it.  “Let’s go punch our way through all the old raids ever,” I saidKash agreed that this was a genius time-wasting concept, so I set about creating a raid group devoted to naked fisticuffs with old school bosses.  I spent ages cajoling, demanding and insisting with virtually everybody on my friends list, but weirdly, nobody else wanted to come.  (Seriously, guys, where are your priorities!?)

Punchathon in Tempest Keep I just don't know why there are so few of us willing to do this kinda sheeyit out there.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
I just don’t know why there are so few of us willing to do this kinda sheeyit out there.

So in the end, it was just Kash and me.  We had ambitious plans when we first started, which included taking on everything BC, battering all things Lich King, and ultimately ending up KO’ing Deathwing, all with our puny fists.  As you’ve probably guessed, we badly underestimated the amount of time it takes for two people to punch trash and raid bosses to death.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep Don't need no stinkin' pants.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
Don’t need no stinkin’ pants.

We decided on a “no skills whatsoever” rule, so I brought Alexalis, assuming that as a Mistweaver monk, her punchy-healy goodness would keep our tiny party alive without anybody actually having to use healing abilities.  Kash was smart, and brought a tabard with her.  I didn’t think that far ahead, but I did have a shirt on by accident!  (I forgot Alexalis even had one …)

Punchathon in Tempest Keep Come at me!

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
Come at me!

We started off with Tempest Keep.  All seemed well at first, and we made it through the trash easily (if slowly) just by swinging our fists.  But then we started down the slippery slope of skill usage with Al’ar, who kept flying away.  Movement abilities were okay, we decreed, just not fighty-fighty abilities.  Unfortunately for us, old content still has berserk timers, and we went way past that limit.  Unfortunately for Al’ar, he couldn’t put much of a dent in us, even when he was berserked.  Still, it took so damn long, we concluded that fighty-fighty abilities were okay, as long as you weren’t using a weapon.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep I mean seriously, can't he just stay over here and get punched to death like a respectable raid boss?

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
I mean seriously, can’t he just stay over here and get punched to death like a respectable raid boss?

Goa then made the mistake of logging in, and in short order I dragged him into the Keep in time to face off against the Void Reaver.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep Void Reaver's warranty has been voided.  EL OH EL OH okay, shutting up now.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
Void Reaver’s warranty has been voided. EL OH EL OH okay, shutting up now.

We’d forgotten that Goa, being a warrior, couldn’t use any skills whatsoever without weapons, and that just didn’t seem fair somehow.  We let him use his weapons after that, mostly so he could press some buttons, but also because it sped things up a good deal.  It’s not that we couldn’t punch everything to death, but more that the punching-only rule was sucking up more time than we had to waste – dinnertime was coming upon us fast.  We skipped Solarian or whatever her name is, and went directly to the top, getting into a fist (and dual mace) fight with Kael’thas.  We eventually managed to take him out – and promptly forgot to take a good picture.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep It turns out that if you run in circles around Kael-ol-buddy here, he'll shuffle around so fast he knocks himself out.  (Sorta.)

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
It turns out that if you run in circles around Kael-ol-buddy here, he’ll shuffle around so fast he knocks himself out. (Sorta.)

 

 

 

 

 

*So we came to the Spoils fight, and as usual, people started talking to the damned box and starting the fight even though groups hadn’t been split up yet.  Irritated, I told ‘em, “don’t start it up yet, ya derps,” and they stopped.  Weirder yet, nobody objected to being called a “derp.”  Even stranger still, nobody insulted me, my momma and my DPS for telling them what to do.

I Don’t Know If I Can Do It

Also known as, “More Muttering About Models.”

The nice thing about playing mostly goblins is that my “mains” had no surprises in store for me.  I’ve been sitting on the fence about some other characters, however.  (I’ve also been browsing any and all “OMFG I HATE THE NEW MODELS” threads with avidity.  Look, somebody had problems worse than mine!)

Ailabeth
I loved Ailabeth’s old harlequin face.  To me, it was a smile fixed in place by rigor mortis, a mask resembling her old self that barely covered the motivations of her present unlife.

Ailabeth's New Model Hair apparently does grow in the grave, as does general annoyingness.

Ailabeth’s New Model
Hair apparently does grow in the grave, as does general annoyingness.

With the new model, the brows have been raised and the mouth has been made much narrower*, which gives the harlequin mask a rather pinched smirk.  It makes me want to punch the wearer every time I see it.

On the upside, her hair is fab.  I am ultimately unsure what to do with Ailabeth, but may leave her as Forsaken, since she doesn’t see a large amount of playtime these days.  For now, I’ve changed her face to something that makes me a little less irritated.

*Not that the mouth being made much wider helps, necessarily.  Exhibit A:

Forsaken Eek! Originally posted by Gentlebreeze on the forums.

Forsaken Derp Transformation!
Posted by Gentlebreeze on the forums.

Daschela and Yynsia
I just can’t with the eyes.  Why do they seem so big, when they didn’t before?  Why are they so goddamn turquoise, when they weren’t before?  Why are they so freakishly bright?

Dasch's New Model Nicely defined horns.  Freakishly flat eyes.

Dasch’s New Model
Nicely defined horns. Freakishly flat eyes.

Yynsia's New Model The new bright eyes seem even BRIGHTER on dark skins.

Yynsia’s New Model
The new bright eyes seem even BRIGHTER on dark skins.

Have you seen how the new face looks on the Armory for female draenei hunters?  I THINK YOU SHOULD.

>: | WAT IS WITH THIS FACE

>: |
WAT IS WITH THIS PINCHED EXPRESSION

I’d like to keep them Alliance, so that I am able to switch factions as desired to play with friends.  I’m leaning towards racechanging Daschela, the hunter, to a night elf, since the name originally applied to a night elf druid that later became Betheki the troll.  As far as Yynsia the shaman goes, I’ve been tossing around the idea of changing her either to a dwarf or panda.  On the one hand, I really like the panda casting animation.  On the other, pandas all have sameface syndrome, and I already have one panda.

Niremere
Alas, the changes to the human female hit me like a ton of bricks.  What bugs me the most about the human female faces is how it feels like Blizzard took the same approach they did with pandas: change the colors on the same face and call the resulting variations “different!”  Every face has the same eye shape, just in different colors.  (Speaking of eyes, they gave gnomes a face with mussed up eyeliner. What happened to the smudged eyeliner on my human?)  Every face has pencil-thin brows arched halfway to the moon.  Because of the shading on the upper lip, they almost all appear to be doing the duckface expression if you look at them straight on.

This image is a good example of how the human female faces could, you know, actually resemble the originals in more than eyecolor:

Original, live, and edited versions Originally posted to the forums by Vro of Evenfall server

Original, live, and edited versions
Posted to the forums by Vro

I think I could get used to the human female faces if I made a new character, but the problem with Niremere is that she has a history of sorts, a story in which her old appearance made sense but her new one makes no sense at all.  Niremere’s personality was even-keeled, stern and straightforward, and she was a competent badass who took no sheeyit.  Since the new face only superficially resembles the old one (is it just me, or does it look down), this is not the vibe I get from it.

Nir's New Model She grew a couple inches and several helm sizes.

Nir’s New Model
She grew a couple inches and several helm sizes.

This thread is of interest to me (despite how fast it got derailed by the “I don’t see what’s wrong just suck it up” camp) because the OP used the same face I did and has the same problem with the new model results.  One reply in the thread struck a chord for me as well:

“The human the OP posted, she looked pretty fierce. But with the raised eyebrows, tilted eyeballs, and lack of makeup, she looks pretty derp. And very different.

Still pretty, yeah. But she’s not the same character that was originally created.”

And that’s pretty much the crux of it.

I can’t see race-changing her, to be honest.  “Niremere” is human.  But I can’t see myself playing her much, either.  I’ll probably just leave her sitting as is for a good long while, until my idea of “Niremere” fades and I can pick a different face to go with a different character.


Other thoughts of note:

  • Interestingly, all the “old faces” have been mostly smoothed and dewrinkled
  • Re: gnomes.  People were complaining about female gnomes being too damn cutesy, so it looks an awful lot like Blizzard overcompensated by making them pissed off instead.
  • New Model Thread Catalogue – contains info on how to contact the lead character artist.  Debating actually doing it, because (as shown above) the human females can be made far more faithful to the original models.

 

Six Point OH CRAP

The Day of Reckoning All of us less attractive types knew our day would come.

The Day of Reckoning
All of us less attractive types knew our day would come.

So, the pre-orcfest patch has landed.  Most importantly, the Horde has been beautified to a degree where the blood elves no longer stand out as the paragons of good hair and platekini.

Speaking of beautiful people with gorgeous hair, can we talk about the background for the Battle.net thingie?  Can we change it?  My monitor’s a bit on the small side, so all I really see of Grom is his nipple ring, which is rather unappealing.

Grom's Nipple Ring Once you notice it, you'll never unsee it.

Grom’s Nipple Ring
Once you notice it, you’ll never unsee it.

Prinnie’s Top 4 AMAAAAAZING Things About the Patch

1. The Toy Box
OH.  MY.  GAWD.  I have the Skymirror on all my characters now.  Let me repeat that.  I have the Skymirror on all my characters now.  And all the random toys I stuck in Void Storage?  GONE!  MORE MOG SPACE IS MINE!  IT’S BRILLIANT!

That's Amazing

That’s Amazing

2. OMFG GHOST WOLF

New and Improved Seriously!  On the old model, you could look straight up its backside and out the mouth!

New and Improved
Seriously! On the old model, you could look straight up its backside and out the mouth!

3. ERMAGERD PETS
I need this hydra and that purple one and that other hydra and this one too plzkthx.

4. PEACE AT LAST
Nobody’s repeatedly choking that one banker in the middle of the Valley of Strength bank anymore!  Hooray!  No more listening to NPCs repeating themselves while I ponder my transmog organization.


Prinnie’s Top 3 Most Hated Things

1. Unleash Weapon
Wait wait wait.  So you mean that in order to maintain optimal DPS, I gotta hit this stupid button every fifteen seconds?  Are you kidding me?  There’s a reason I hated Inquisition, the mage playstyle and so on.

2. Blue Bug Eyes
Why, exactly, are female draenei eyes blue?  It’s kind of creeping me out.

3. Wait, Wat
Niremere used to have an angry face.  Then she got duckface.  I’m not entirely sure what happened, but maybe I’ll get used to it.  If not, to a barbershop we go!

Never Noticed These Before They make me feel ... concerned.

Never Noticed These Before
They make me feel … concerned.


 

My goal before WoD drops is to get a fancy new mog for the front-line team.  WE GOTTA LOOK GOOD.