How To Level a PvE Rogue Without Embarrassing Yourself

I was terrible at rogue.  I know this to be true because my previous attempts at rogue had damage so gawdawful bad, people in normally silent Dungeon Finder groups were openly questioning the validity of my very existence.  This time around, however, I have made decisions based on Goa’s expertise instead of the heirlooms I had available, and have accordingly arrived at a stage where (holy sheeyit) it looks almost like I know what I’m doing.  I’m not the worst DPS, you say?  AHAHAHAHA REVENGEEEE YOU THOUGHT I SUCKED BUT YOU WERE WROOOONG

In other words, I suddenly feel about 95% more badass and am therefore qualified to write this “guide” for the equally incompetent.

Step One: Mental Preparation
1. Begin the process of getting over your love affair with Pickpocketing.
It is sad to admit, but your love of Pickpocketing will only lead you to great frustration when it comes to leveling in dungeon groups.  Sheeyit dies too dang fast for you to actually Pickpocket and then Ambush.  Pickpocketing a few coppers and some gnome effigies is but a brief joy soon superseded by sorrow, thanks to the poor DPS you will do as a result.  Your goal is to find something that is hitting the tank, and attack it sooner than anybody else.  (p.s., ogres have pockets.  I hope you’re happy with that knowledge.)

2. Variety is the spice of life and all that jazz.
As DPS, one must prepare for a life of independence yet still be ready to work with others.  Ye must know your skills (or know someone who does, like Goa), since things like Kidney Shot are quite handy when leveling on your own, but are sadly useless against a variety of dungeon mobs.  DPS dungeon queues are quick and relatively painless up until about Blackrock, but once you’re in the 50s, you might as well quest until you hit 58.  Then you can queue for Hellfire Ramparts, where things pick up once more.  Once you hit the late 60s and start queueing for Utgarde Keep, you’ll probably want to quest until at least level 71 or so for your sanity.  Otherwise, it’s Utgarde Keep, Utgarde Keep, Utgarde Keep, and some more Utgarde Keep for you.  Ding, queue popped!  Oh, would ya look at that, it’s Utgarde Keep.

3. But I suck at melee!
Okay, yeah, you do, but this is one of just two classes you don’t have at 90.  You want one of everything, don’t you?  Don’t you?  Be the completionist that you are!

Step Two: Gear Preparation
You will need two heirloom daggers.  Other heirlooms are technically optional, but they’re great for making your nooblet damage-dealing look good in comparison to the DPS of other people.  “But Prinnie,” you say, “we’re in DIRE MAUL.  Does this sheeyit even MATTER?”  Fair question, fellow altoholic!  You see, doing decent DPS without even trying hides the fact that you don’t quite know what you’re doing yet.  Plus, looking good is good for your morale, and good morale is good for actually making it to the end of the leveling process.  By then, theoretically, you’ll actually know what you’re doing and you can ditch the looms.

Step Three: You Are a Mother-Trucking ASSASSIN
At level 10, for the love of Gawd, go with Assassination.  Seriously.  This is why you got two heirloom daggers, instead of one dagger and that agility mace you dumped in Void Storage after trying to level a confused enhancement shaman a year ago.  Speaking of assassins …

Step Four: At level 60, choose Cloak and Dagger
THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP HERE.  Seriously.  It is especially useful if you, like me, are a compulsive looter who often gets left behind by chain-pulling tanks.  Stealth (or Vanish if you must), target some poor mob trailing behind the tank, and BAM!  NOW YOU’RE IN RANGE, MOTHER TRUCKERS!  Shadowstep (which does not require that you Ambush or otherwise do something painful to your target) does not cool down quickly enough to make it worthwhile in comparison.  This is especially true considering that YOU SHOULD AMBUSH NOW.  Yes.  Right now.

Note: try to let the tank hit the mob at least once before you hit Ambush.  Otherwise you’ll Cloak-and-Dagger yourself into being a temporary tank, and that hurts, sometimes badly.

Step Five: FAN OF FREAKING KNIVES
At level 66, you get Fan of Knives.  If there are a handful of mobs near you (which there probably will be, since you’ll almost certainly end up with a chain-pulling tank), you’ll be Fan of Knivesing a lot.

Note: try to let the tank get sufficient aggro before you go Fan of Knivesing all over the place.  Otherwise, your fate is dependent on the group’s healer and your cooldowns.  Good healer?  You’ll be ok.  Got Vanish at the ready?  You’ll be fine.  Panicked at the sudden onslaught of damage and forgot about Vanish as a result, or was the healer busy texting since they didn’t actually expect you to do something stupid?  Welcome to Deathtown, party of rogue.

Step Four: A Glowy Button Appears
At level, uh, 70, enjoy the glowy stabbity button provided by Blindside.  Glowy buttons are the best.

I feel like there should be a step five, but I can’t think of one.

The Real End Boss for WoD

Yeah yeah, I know they say they’ve got the final boss worked out and everything, but I got a better idea.  (Don’t I always?)  I can’t help but think that there’s more than a bit of nostalgia in going back to Draenor, so you know what the real final boss of WoD should be?

The Iron Elevator.

The Iron Elevator It will Kick.  Your.  Ass.

The Iron Elevator
It will Kick. Your. Ass.

The Iron Elevator is Garrosh’s Hardcore Revamp of every elevator that’s ever tortured you by not being where you need it to be.  Gnomeregan.  Serpentshrine Cavern.  Blackwing Descent.  The Iron Elevator is made of those nightmares where you think you’re falling and you wake up gasping just before impact – but you die anyway, because this is the Iron Elevator.

The goal is to kill the Iron Elevator before it reaches the bottom.  Of course, the fight will have several death-inducing mechanics.

Dumb Luck: You must leap to the Iron Elevator platform from a distance.  Easy to screw up for no apparent reason.  Engineers and their gliders will eventually be nerfed to keep the challenge alive.  p.s., you will occasionally have to redo this move when the fight bugs out and leaves you stuck midair in the elevator shaft.

Gravity:  You take regular damage over the course of the fight, again for no apparent reason, because that’s just how this sheeyit works.

Heartless Ogre Gravity does what gravity wants.

Heartless Ogre
Gravity does what gravity wants.

Down OF DEATH: Every time the Iron Elevator descends, it does so WHILE ON FIRE.

Iron Horde Elevator Technician: This chipper fellow will periodically show up and attempt to increase the descent speed of the Iron Elevator.  He does not like people trying to kill him (he’s just trying to do his job, dammit), so he will also attempt to knock people off the Iron Elevator to their deaths.

LFR will receive an additional skill button.  This will be the “Call for Help” button.  Nobody actually responds and you’re still stuck on the elevator, but it gives you a “Hopefulness” buff that temporarily lightens the mood of the LFR group.

Bring It The Iron Elevator might have an angry face on it, like this one.

Bring It
The Iron Elevator might have an angry face on it, like this one.

Defeating the Iron Elevator gives you a chance to get the mini Iron Elevator battle pet.  This cute little mechanical will beat the crap out of any opponent it encounters by dropping down and squashing it.  When idle, it descends, and will sometimes be on fire.

 

 

 

p.p.s., you can thank Kash for this.

The Stove is Hot. Stop Touching the Stove.

I have a good friend with a fondness for nostalgia.  This isn’t always a bad thing, mind you, but it does tend to cause emotional burns from time to time.  So whenever she talks about doing X, Y or Z, I tell her that the stove is hot.  She knows the stove is hot.  She should stop touching the stove, because touching the stove she knows to be hot is stupid.  I find it obnoxious when people give advice they obviously don’t follow themselves, so I try to live by my own words of wisdom idioms.

I fail at this on a regular basis.

I was looking for some new way to consume my game time, since Daschela got her cloak and Niremere is stuck trying to get hers.  So about a week ago, I had a very specific dream about leveling a panda rogue.  I mentioned this to Goa, who (of course) said that it must be a sign and maybe I’d like rogue this time around!  There is something to be said to exposure, after all, since you can teach yourself to like formerly hated foods by eating them until you just don’t care anymore.  In this case, there’s the Forsaken rogue I started (and abandoned because WTF AUGH CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT WAIT), and all the former rogues I’ve deleted.

Still, I delayed.  No rogue, I said, because the stove is hot, and I’m not touching that.  Maybe a panda shaman?  I like shamans!  But then I realized that would be my third shaman, and that could be considered just a bit class-obsessive.  Okay, so how about a panda hunter, then?  I like hunters!  Oh.  Wait.  If I made one, that would be my third hunter.  Panda monk?  No, too obvious.  Panda mage!  Meh, Arcane Explosion is still not considered a rotation unto itself.  What about a panda warrior, then?  Naw, I still haven’t finished leveling Pixelby, who’s somewhere in the 60s.  While thinking through all this, I could practically hear my subconscious cheering in the background.  Panda rogue!  Panda rogue!  Panda rogue!

Yeah.  I made a mother trucking panda rogue.

The Eyes of Hellscream are Upon You The Eyes of Hellderp, maybe.

The Eyes of Hellscream are Upon You
The Eyes of Hellderp, maybe.

And the weird thing?  I … I liked it.  Kind of.  Assassination is more fun than Combat, as long as I don’t blow all my Energy at the beginning of combat (which I often do).  I dunno, I like the character for some reason.

There are still some issues, like positioning:

How Do I Rogue in a World Like This Logic is capricious

How Do I Rogue in a World Like This
Logic is capricious

And the lack of AoE is a real bummer.

The other weird thing is that healers don’t seem to like me much.  There have been several parties where every other member’s health has been topped off but mine was left at far less than full.  Is it because I am a rogue?  Is it because the perception of my DPS depends on the other DPSers in the party?  (That is, if there are other players in looms, I’m screwed.  If I am the only one in looms, however, I look great.)  Does “Nioma” mean something bad?  If so, oops.

“Mountain Tracker” Set

"Mountain Tracker" Set

“Mountain Tracker” Set

“Mountain Tracker” Set

Class: Hunter (Alliance required for teeny tiny cape)

H: Ironspine Helm | S: Mantle of the Tireless Tracker | Cl: Incorruptable Shawl
Ch:
Undergrowth Stalker Chestpiece | Wa: Crafted Dreadful Gladiator’s Links of Accuracy | L: Leggings of Twisted Vines
G:
Mountain Gauntlets | Wr: Not shown | B: Atoll Treaders

Bow: Dagryn’s Discarded Longbow (LFR)

Thoughts: Yeah, I know, that should be “Incorruptible,” but it isn’t.  Look it up on Wowhead, you’ll see!

1.) In an ideal transmog world, I would have preferred the blue version of the bow, but that’s from heroic Galakras.  Let’s be real here – there is no bleeping freaking way that’s happening.  I’ll settle for a green bow over “being beaten to a pulp, falling off towers and getting set on fire all at once.”

2.) Speaking of preferences: I always like shorter capes on draenei, mostly because cape + tail = weird.  Long capes should not stick out the way they do!  I wonder if they’re going to be fixing that?

3.) By the time I decided I wanted to use this particular color/model of boots, I had foolishly tossed them in the form of an early quest reward.  I was thus forced to go through a majority of Vashj’ir to get this pair.  D’oh!

4.) Daschela’s progress on the legendary cape is looking up.  I’d originally intended to get Niremere her cloak first, but she’s totally, utterly stuck at Chi-ji’s healing challenge.  Now, Dasch has a great chance of getting her cloak before Nir does simply because I find it a lot easier to shoot blobs and Wrathiepoo from a distance.  I’d thought the healing challenge would be no problem for Nir whatsoever (Bombelina breezed through it like whoa), but apparently, while I’m decent with shaman-style healing, I’m plain horrific at paladin-style (especially when it comes to periods of high damage).  The other major issue Nir faces is Wrathion doing crap DPS to the image of his father (unlike the DPS he does to me in the ranged trial), since that means I must assist him in order to not die of sheer boredom go OOM.  Bombelina, that was easy, all like, “HEALING RAIN!  HEALING STREAM TOTEM!  NOW FLAME SHOCK!  LAVA!  LIGHTNING!  ELEMENTALS GO!”  But poor Niremere?  She’s stuck with “DENOUNCE!  DENOUNCE!  DENOU…SHEEYIT!  WTF!?  WHERE DID HIS HEALTH GO!? CRAP THIS CASTING IS TAKING TOO LONG CRAP CRAP CRAP IT RESET WTF GAWD I HATE YOU WRATHION!”

Pennies Aren’t Worth What it Costs to Make Them

After learning that flying is bad, casting while moving is bad, and manly orcs boy’s trip is yay great woooo, I stopped looking at WoD updates.  I hit my max capacity for caring and simply couldn’t muster up any more cares for the subject.  Garrisons?  Fine, whatever.  New models?  Okay, that’s nice, I guess, since it’d be swell if Niremere could actually have facial expressions.  Just let me know when they’re done, because I can’t make myself care enough to nitpick during development, okay?  I get this feeling that WoD is something that is just going to happen to me, like I’ll not be paying attention during a fight and then BAM!  EXPANSION HAS HIT YOU FOR 9999 PHYSICAL DAMAGE! (9998 OVERKILL!)  My other suspicion is that my computer will take one look at the new fancy crap and beg for new settings far under the bare minimum that the game is currently set to.

But I watched the fancy cinematic because why not, I guess, sure.  I got two and a half thoughts about it.

Magnificent Hair Seriously, just look at it.  It's freaking magnificent.

Magnificent Hair
Seriously, just look at it. It’s freaking magnificent.

1.) Wow, that guy Grommash has amazing hair.  Look at how smooth, straight and luxuriant it is!  I bet he uses some kinda hair dryer and styling mousse to get it so nice.  Takes about a half hour in the mornings or before battle, maybe.

2.) Wow, is it just me, or does Garrosh’s chin get bigger each time he makes an appearance?
2a.) That is a vicious 5 o’clock shadow.  Good Gawd, Garrosh, going back in time and changing sheeyit is absolutely no excuse to let your personal grooming go!

ROY G. BIV Transmog: Violet

Previously on “ROY G. BIV Transmog,” our intrepid transmog team had a difference of fashion sense, a dramatic reveal of truth, and a scene in which Prinnie rolled over and admitted Warlock Logic is the Best Logic.  Later, Prinnie learned that greedn is good, and that really, warlocks never change – pretty much ever.


Ignitine: So, this is the last one.  Are we gonna have to have a conversation here?  You know, about my motivations or something?  The composition of my choices?  The fact that I dress LIEK WARLOCK instead of taking the competition into account?

Prinnie: No, I really think it’s better if we don’t.  At this point, reality’s settled in.  Surreality?  Something.

Ignitine: I just didn’t wanna waste your time, since I’m gonna go all out.  After all, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission!  If I wanted to, that is.

Prinnie: I’m not sure I’m ready.  Let me climb under my desk real quick.

"Broken Nightmares" Set

“Broken Nightmares” Set

Prinnie: … what was that sound I just heard?  Was that my soul breaking?

Ignitine: Oh, that?  Yeah, that’s normal.  You get used to it.

The “Broken Nightmares” Set

Class: Warlock

H: Hood of the Horned Nightmare (LFR) | S: Mantle of the Horned Nightmare (LFR) | Cl: Cloak of Seething Hatred
Ch: Bloodsoul Raiment | Wa: Belt of the Falling Rain | L: Not shown
G: Gloves of Broken Fingers | Wr: Not shown | B: Consortium Boots

Dagger: Blade of the Unmaker
Offhand: Mystifying Charm

Thoughts: And thus, the “ROY G. BIV Transmog” series concludes with the biggest, freakiest hat Ignitine could find.  Sure, it’s not the most violet-y, purple-y hat out there, but the violet accents it has TOTALLY COUNT.  Well, they count enough for a certain warlock with highly flexible standards.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been somewhat absent from blogging and the game in general.  I haven’t had as much time to play recently, and as a result, this rendition of the outfit isn’t exactly what I envisioned.  It’s not the exact cape or off-hand I wanted, but it’ll have to do.  I dunno about you, but what with the new expac now in beta and all, most time spent in Azeroth seems like a waiting game occupied mostly by the “MOAR CLOAKS” Project.  What’re you in here for?  Runestones.  I need them all.  What’re you in here for?  Secrets.  Do Secrets drop in here?  What’re you in here for?  Do these bosses drop Runestones?  What’re you in here for?  Don’t ask.  Just don’t ask.

ROY G. BIV Transmog: Blue

Previously on “ROY G. BIV Transmog,” our intrepid transmog team had a difference of fashion sense, a dramatic reveal of truth, and a scene in which Prinnie rolled over and admitted Warlock Logic is the Best Logic.  Later, Prinnie learned that greedn is good.


Ignitine: I want you to picture this brick wall.  It’s a very nice brick wall, very tall and thick.  Nice, solid bricks, you know, not falling apart or anything.  Now, imagine your noggin, and the brain sloshing about in it.  You may have more sloshing happening than I do.  Next, I want you to picture your skull bashing into the wall repeatedly at high speeds, all this splashing and smashing, until you either break through the wall or have a total bloody meltdown.  THAT, my friend, is how I approach things.

Prinnie: This explains so much about you.  Let’s get this month’s outfit over with, yes?

Ignitine: I’m glad you’re starting to see things my way.

"Sha" Set

“Hateful Sha” Set

Prinnie: Oh Gawd help us all, she’s gone back to normal.

Ignitine: OM NOM NOM, baby!

The “Hateful Sha” Set, or the “Om Nom Nom” Set

Class: Warlock

H: Sha-Skin Hood | S: Sha-Skin Shoulders | Cl: Platinum Mesh Cloak
Ch: Hateful Gladiator’s Felweave Raiment | Wa: Sash of the Wizened Wyrm | L: Not shown
G: Mystic’s Gloves | Wr: Not shown | B: Boots of Ethereal Manipulation

Dagger: Midnight Sun
Offhand: Talisman of Kalecgos

Thoughts: Om nom nom!

The moment I first saw this hat, I knew it was a hat responsible for the death of many things – hopes, dreams, and possibly critters.  Yes, this hat was clearly a killer, and I had to have it.  It worked out (for mostly everyone), though – Wrathie-poo wants the Chimaera of Fear from the Sha of Fear?  Yeah sure, I guess I can go grab it for him, ’cause I’m gonna be running Terrace for the hat.

Speaking of the legendary questline, Ignitine finally got her cloak at the end of last month:

Ignitine Cloak Get The wings work for warlocks.

Ignitine Cloak Get
The wings work for warlocks.

Since this contest requires you mog all visible slots, it meant she had to save a cloak for mogging purposes.