Thermalix Spendtrue, Reporting from Pandaland!
THERMALIX: Thermalix Spendtrue, reporting live from Pandaria. I’ve just finished canvassing the continent, and I think we’ve got some excellent tourism opportunities here -
PRINNIE: Therm, try to stay on topic here! I thought we were giving a report about, you know, the important things.
THERMALIX: RIGHT. Like money? So, as I was saying …
THERMALIX: … we’ve got scenery and temples out the wazoo! And check out the Pandalandian wildlife!
Pandaland – Wildlife!
Pandas in their natural habitat.
Just think, we could have a Pandarian bar crawl. And check out the atmosphere of this joint!
Pandaland – Oh, the Atmosphere!
Delightfully ominous. Wait …
THERMALIX: Er, wait, not that atmosphere. Anyway, even royalty visits Pandaria!
Pandaland – Royalty!
Shortly after this, he came over and shoved the cameraman.
THERMALIX: Couldn’t get his autograph, though. Dude’s greenist.
PRINNIE: Wow, you’re right! This place has huge tourism potential! Say, I heard they were building this huge, magnificent statue out of jade. That’s gotta be incredible. We can set that up as the focal point for tour groups in that zone … see the sights, smell the smells, kick a monkey for charity or something, and then cap it all off with an authentic Pandarian drink at this monument!
THERMALIX: Oh. Yeah, well, that statue, we’re … we’re gonna have to have a chat about that statue.
PRINNIE: Therm, what’d you do to it?
THERMALIX: Nothing. I wasn’t even anywhere near. I am innocent of all charges of detonating charges.
PRINNIE: I’m not sure I belie -
THERMALIX: Let’s talk about the merchandising possibilities, shall we? Jade kafa cups with “Thermalix Tours” emblazoned quite boldly on the side! Jade statues (limited supply)! Amber kafa cups! Amber with your very own Klaxxi Paragon stored inside, break it open to find out which out of ten kinds you got! Gotta collect ‘em all as they say. Jewelry of all sorts. Hats that make you look like a Grummie? No, how about hats that make you look like a Mogu? On second thought, scratch the hats. Toy hozen that need a bath. Virmen-shaped jacks. Maybe we can do a promotion where if you go on ten yak rides, you get one yak wash for free …
PRINNIE: I’ll let you take care of that department.
THERMALIX: Listen, I’d love to, but I’m busy.
PRINNIE: You? Busy? Busy doing what, pray tell?
THERMALIX: Well, dailies of course, but mostly watching these scallions grow.
Pandaland – Tiller Time!
Can’t touch this.
PRINNIE: … wat is this I don’t even
THERMALIX: Well, I planted them with a powder mixture of my own creation, intended for fertilizer really, but it rained and the whole business turned out a bit more touchy than expected. I have to make sure nobody walks on them, ’cause they’re kiiiinda like landmines right now. On second thought, maybe I should feed them to the virmen?
PRINNIE: I’ll just … leave you to your business.
I would totally buy/grow explosive carrots to feed to the Virmen. Where’s *that* daily, Yoon?
What I wanna know is why doesn’t this big fancy amazing plow I now have SMASH THEIR SKULLS IN!? Yoon said this thing was so amazingly tough, I’d totally get cited by the Shado-Pan for causing an earthquake scare! WHY DO THE OCCUPYING VIRMEN LIVE THROUGH IT WHEN I PLOW THE SOIL!? /rage
Advertising. *sigh* Always makes things sound better than they really are.
Grats on 90, Thermalix :
Thanks! She’s been 90 for a while now (since … October 14th! /cough), but OMG DAILIES NO TIME OMG.