My Rules for Lowbie LFD Tanking

NO TAMPERING WITH THE MAILNOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

NO TAMPERING WITH THE MAIL
NOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

RULE NUMBER ONE: KEEP ONE AOE SKILL HANDY AT ALL TIMES
Because if it’s there to be pulled, somebody’s probably going to pull it, intentionally or otherwise.  Whatever it is will almost certainly come with friends.

RULE NUMBER TWO: HE CAN’T HELP IT …
If you have a feral druid DPS in the party, he or she is most likely experiencing an identity crisis and will be shapeshifting for most of the dungeon.  As long as he isn’t actually trying to tank while in bear, he’s harmless.

When you see him switch between tree and cat forms in the middle of the fight, be glad all you do is tank crap, and that’s pretty straight forward at this stage of the game since you are a paladerp and all you do is faceroll in your unsurpassable natural (and only) form.  And just disregard the fact that really, only one of the druid forms is useful for his current spec/role.  Dude’s just confused.

RULE NUMBER THREE: … BUT THEY CAN
Huntards and other ranged classes (but mostly huntards, since they’re not AS squishy as mages) like to shoot sheeyit before you get to it.  Save them if you want to, but a little damage would probably do ‘em good.  Just sayin’.

Maybe ...Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn't plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn't intend to have us die at all.

Maybe …
Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn’t plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn’t intend to have us die at all.

RULE NUMBER FOUR: MAKE SURE THE HEALER’S GOT YOUR BACK
Because sometimes, the huntard’s got to die.  Also, a good healer who doesn’t panic can save your ass when everything goes to hell – a.k.a., the room in Scholomance with Professor Slate.  Said healer can also save your ass when the chronically confused catbeartreemanbird gets distracted with all the shapeshifting and pulls crap on accident.

Take It Or Leave It'cause I'm stayin'.

Take It Or Leave It
’cause I’m stayin’.

RULE NUMBER FIVE: STAND YOUR GROUND
If you don’t want to run the dungeon like someone who’s hopped up on six venti expresso machiatto chai latte whatevers, then don’t.  You are the tank.  They can take it or leave it.  (As a side note, I’m at full mana because I’m a level 40-something with a mana pool about thiiiiiis big, so I regen what I use in a second – a.k.a., about the time I finish sassing you for pulling half the stuff in Janice Barov’s room.  Being right on the internet is OBVIOUSLY more important than your schedule.)

After all, if you won’t take the damage and the healer won’t heal it, they’re not likely to get very far.  And if they do, then hey – it’s EXP you didn’t have to work for!

RULE NUMBER SIX: IF YOU WANT TO KICK THEM, WELL, YOU PROBABLY CAN’T
If the annoyance they cause is not worth the EXP, then leave.  You’ll get another party because LOLZTANKQUEUEISAMAZING.  If Deserter status occurs, well, you just saved some brain cells and that’s good for you.

He Touched My HAIR!THAT'S IT.

He Touched My HAIR!
THAT’S IT.

RULE NUMBER SEVEN: ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Almost nobody knows where to go in Dire Maul, anyway.

RULE NUMBER EIGHT: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN CLAIM IT WAS AN ACCIDENT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD
Positioning Instructor Chillheart so that your DPS is at imminent risk of Ice Wall death is considered cruel, even if you do find it enjoyable.

12 thoughts on “My Rules for Lowbie LFD Tanking

    1. Prinnie Dood Post author

      I seriously think Blizzard is overcompensating for the learning curve and in fact encouraging behavior that makes people rage. If I can’t kick this guy for another four hours, or during loot rolls which he is AFK for, or during/shortly after combat which we’re always in because this is a freaking dungeon, or while he’s just pulling shit and being a jackass, then when CAN I kick him? Pretty much the only time is the time he’s not being a jackass, which is never.

      Reply
      1. Leit

        Yeah, the loot roll and “shortly after combat” timers are waaaay too generous. 3 bloody minutes you have to sit around and wait to get rid of random dickwad x? Gah.

        Reply
  1. Beetlezombie

    You are really getting into the tank mentality :-)
    Or WOW mentality … guess that is the same. Which is good for you, as a tank. Welcome to the dark side.

    Been playing GW2 a lot for the past weeks, and I haven’t encountered a single ass person yet. And I’ve even grouped with random people, done some dungeons, wiped like crazy. Not one single insult was given …

    Instead i’ve had people apologize before starting a dungeon for being new and inexperienced. And saw others reply with actual compassion and understanding.

    Can you imagine the shock on my face?
    Haven’t been taken screenshots, so that sucks, would have made a nice post.

    I’m convinced to the core that Blizzard is employing behavioral psychologists to create the most selfish human cesspool possible, all in the name of people and carrots and creating zombies chasing pixels … and money ofc.

    Maybe I just need a cookie?

    Reply
    1. Prinnie Dood Post author

      You possibly need a cookie. I have a theory that WoW has a large idiot population by virtue of having a much larger playerbase (and other things)! Maybe there are different demographic leanings in the playerbases. Maybe there are more people in anger management classes playing WoW?

      Actually I’d just say eat a cookie anyway, because cookies are awesome.

      Reply

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