I seriously had to think real hard about censoring the names in the screenshots for this post. Normally, I’d do so to protect the stupid, but the stupid has been just so damn stupid lately, I really wanted to let it all hang out there. In the end, my momma raised me right. DAMMIT.
I don’t know what crack (I’d say bath salts to be more current, but that just sounds silly) people have been on lately, but lowbie Dungeon Finder queues have been long and
unrewarding mind boggling scarring. As DPS, you’ll wait at least twenty minutes for a tank to queue, only to get a tank that:
1. … wants to solo Ghamoo-Ra, because that makes sense. Just heal him, he’s got this!
Apparently, when I play Forsaken, I get a little more blunt than usual.
He then wants to know the recount for the fight. What’s the DPS? Hey, can somebody show the DPS, because everybody needs to see just how @%#&ing awesome he is! He totally could’ve soloed Ghamoo-Ra if ya’ll hadn’t stepped in. Sadly, nobody had it, and since his epeen couldn’t get the love it needed, he left the party.
2. …is a resto druid bear tank wearing cloth who knows what he’s doing EL OH EL, he just hates the queue time as a healer and oh by the way since he doesn’t normally tank he’s going to need on int/spirit things. Because otherwise he’ll never level!
Keep in mind the party had one healer in need of gear, one warlock in need of gear, and one shadow priest in DIRE need of gear. I was still wearing wrists from Ragefire Chasm! I’m gonna need on that crap too.
Wait, did I call him a resto druid bear tank wearing cloth? I meant to call him a resto druid bear tank twink pissant wearing cloth.
I’m not even going to get into the Gnomeregan party where the shamans (one heals, one DPS) started arguing with each other and the tank over some thunder spell (the reason given to kick Shaman A from the party was “fat”), because I just don’t even what is this.
3. … is on crack.
The tank and healer pair came from the same guild and they were clearly living up their own little inside joke. Of course, nobody else had the slightest effing clue what they were going on about, but maybe that was for the best.
As you may recall, in the Blackfathom Deeps dungeon, there are four little fires you must light. Each summons a swarm of some kind of mob; all must be defeated in order to gain access to the final boss. Despite having a clear aggro problem, Miss Tank proceeded to light all the fires at once. As it happens, her inability to hold aggro didn’t matter much at all, because she died almost instantly – her healer friend was on crack too. Besides, everybody knows you can’t type up snappy smart-on-the-internet retorts and heal at the same time. I managed to get a little further from the scene of the massacre than the rest, thanks to Power Word: Shield, but alas! I got stunned, Will of the Forsaken was on cooldown, and that was that.
Needless to say, the tank and her healer buddy dropped the party at this point. (I’m sure this wipe was somehow everybody else’s fault.) They went on their crack-addled way back to their server, and every member of the party breathed a collective sigh of relief that it wasn’t their server they returned to.
Speaking of being on something , you may also find that your entire party is stoned. This may or may not be a bad thing in and of itself, but it sure as hell changes the speed of the run.
At least I have Shadowform now. Running around as a purple shade pleases me.
Ailabeth hasn’t been experiencing the same sort of mana problems Ebixxie did, with the notable exception of when she got stuck in glitched combat in Gnomeregan and was eventually forced to start punching/wanding things to save mana for the boss. (There will be no drinking of potions or melon juice, because in radiated Gnomeregan,
combat finds you you are FOREVER ALONE IN COMBAT.)
I call Ailabeth’s system “Passive-aggressive mana managment.” It follows two core principles: you will ride on the damage of more efficient classes, and you will expend as little effort as possible. This allows Ailabeth to feel psychologically justified in only casting Mind Flay all the mother trucking time.
Side note: I say “Conga rats” instead of “congrats,” because that amuses me. I also type it out every time I say it, because having a macro to congratulate people seems odd. I had a dungeon finder party member tell me I had a typo in my macro.
Let’s end on something more positive, shall we? Caliverne has challenged me to get Ailabeth to level 40 by Saturday. Does on Saturday count? Given the way things are going, he’s made a very safe bet. BUT I SHALL PREVAIL!