Monthly Archives: July 2012

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

It’s been a long time since I was last in Un’goro Crater; my last visit was long enough ago that I made it as a troll. (Totally forgot that I went there on Mechalis.)  Niremere recently set foot in the area and has been making a point of killing every color of Devilsaur ever (she’s now smashed all but the green).  While on this journey, she encountered the legend himself, Maximillian of Northshire.

Killing Dragons with Maximilian of Northshire

Killing Dragons with Maximillian of Northshire
/flex Ok, so this wasn’t the Drago…er, Devilsaur Queen herself .

You can see Maximillian of Northshire is giving Squire Niremere a nasty look.  She may just be a Squire in training, but shouldn’t she know better than to take credit for killing King Mosh?

Killing Dragons with Maximilian of Northshire

Killing Dragons with Maximillian of Northshire
OCRAP RUN AND HURL EVERYTHING EVER

Meanwhile, in Orgrimmar:

How to Get Bacon on WRA

How to Get Bacon on WRA
Step 1. Find a bunch of swine.
Step 2. Drag them to the Org AH.
Step 5. PROFIT.

Of course, all the dead pigs lying around got folks on the subject of bacon. This inevitably attracted the attention of the kind of vegetarian that you just can’t argue with.  Caliverne didn’t feel like trying, but why should he?  Ailabeth’s got mad conversational skillz.

Vegetarians vs. Carbivores

Vegetarians vs. Carbivores, or
How to Talk to Righteous Vegetarians on WRA
DEFUSE, DEFLECT and LAUGH

I Should’ve Made a Tank (More Dungeon Fun!)

But tanks don’t Float.

Campfire Stories

Campfire Stories
I try to be nice, but …
Sometimes, #$%!#$ tanks.

HOLY CRAP

HOLY CRAP THAT’S INSANITY
He can’t be kicked for another FOUR HOURS.

Did you know that people actually bot tanks?  I had no idea until we ran into this guy.  Sadly, I don’t have any screenshots of the party in action, as I was too busy yelling at people not to zone in since the mobs weren’t resetting.  At first, we thought he was stupid.  He wasn’t pulling “right” in that he wasn’t clearing areas and was going back and forth in an illogial fashion (not to mention he pulled the boss).  We eventually concluded that he wasn’t human after he continued to run in and die, over and over and over and over and over.  (Just to make sure, I called him a moron and got zero response.  Suspicions confirmed!)  Blizzard, this sort of thing doesn’t actually help “bad” players get parties so they can learn.  We’re not @#%$ing dying over and over to this bot or waiting four hours.  We’re dropping the damn party!

A good dungeon moment:

The Makings of a Great Joke

The Makings of a Great Joke
Seriously, this one could be good.

Yes, we think of these sorts of things.

Yes, we think of these sorts of things.
It’s Dire Maul. It’s the only way to stay sane.

And, of course, the corresponding bad moment in a different party:

Flirtation Fail

Flirtation Fail
Contrary to expectation, necrophilia does not excite Forsaken.

A moment in which Ailabeth thinks of the poor left behind NPC of Razorfen Downs, only to then leave him behind (hey, he didn’t have an escort quest like the other guy – what was he expecting?):

Poor Henry

Poor Henry, prisoner in the Murder Pens
Nobody talks to him. Nobody frees him.

And here’s the moment I realize that Hagara the Stormbinder’s run-in-circles mechanic could be put to use:

The Elemental Treadmill

The Elemental Treadmill
So we take Hagara the Stormbinder’s run in a circle mechanic …
AND MAKE A PROFIT. It’s BRILLIANT.

Seriously!  The market for exercise equipment in Azeroth is WIDE OPEN!

I Love Floating

I Like Floating 01

I Like Floating 01
It just makes everything better.

Thanks to rigorous scientific testing, I have established that 10 out of 10 Ailabeths love to float, while conversely, 10 out of 10 Calivernes can’t stand the damn buff don’t you Float me DAMMIT BETH.

Seriously, floating makes everything twice as awesome.  It’s so awesome I had to use the glyph that removes the reagent requirement so I could float everywhere – cities, dungeons, over water, you name it.  The hunched over Forsaken pose works very, very well with Float and ups the creepiness factor significantly.  She becomes some sort of shadow wraith/spectre/ghost, haunting Caliverne with the possibility of casting Float upon him.

I Like Floating 02

I Like Floating 02
Shortly after this …

Caliverne and I were hanging around Duskwood looking for rares.  We were studying the off-the-beaten-path gravesite of The Unknown Soldier when two level 85 night elves – one druid and one rogue – showed up.  Now, Caliverne PVPs, but being backed up by Ailabeth is more a handicap than anything else, as she was level 50 or so and Does.  Not.  PVP.  Therefore, we ran like hell.

I Need a Damn Translator

I Need a Damn Translator
(I hope it’s something other than “DIE YOU MOTHERTRUCKERS.”)

There isn’t a translator out there (there’s one where you pick “phrases,” but that obviously isn’t going to work), so I’m left to my own devices to figure out what the rogue said.  My guess: “Yikes!  They look like they crawled out of there yesterday.”  I may be paraphrasing slightly.

Duskwood Rares

Duskwood Rares
Watcher Eva and Eliza

We also found The Great Pumpkin The Carved One.  We then decided to chill in some crypts, because that’s what Forsaken do.

So Many Sparkles

So Many Sparkles
We’re so Forsaken, we hang around in crypts for fun.

One last floating shot.  I can’t help myself.

I Like Floating 03

I Like Floating 03
Shadow of Stratholme

Dungeon Runner

Dungeon Finder WTFery

I know I posted an axe to the head shot before.
But now it’s ESPECIALLY RELEVANT.

I seriously had to think real hard about censoring the names in the screenshots for this post.  Normally, I’d do so to protect the stupid, but the stupid has been just so damn stupid lately, I really wanted to let it all hang out there.  In the end, my momma raised me right.  DAMMIT.

I don’t know what crack (I’d say bath salts to be more current, but that just sounds silly) people have been on lately, but lowbie Dungeon Finder queues have been long and unrewarding mind boggling scarring.  As DPS, you’ll wait at least twenty minutes for a tank to queue, only to get a tank that:

1. … wants to solo Ghamoo-Ra, because that makes sense.  Just heal him, he’s got this!

Dungeon Finder WTFery

Dungeon Finder WTFery
The ability to kill crap is a requirement for soloing.

Apparently, when I play Forsaken, I get a little more blunt than usual.

He then wants to know the recount for the fight.  What’s the DPS?  Hey, can somebody show the DPS, because everybody needs to see just how @%#&ing awesome he is!  He totally could’ve soloed Ghamoo-Ra if ya’ll hadn’t stepped in.  Sadly, nobody had it, and since his epeen couldn’t get the love it needed, he left the party.

2. …is a resto druid bear tank wearing cloth who knows what he’s doing EL OH EL, he just hates the queue time as a healer and oh by the way since he doesn’t normally tank he’s going to need on int/spirit things.  Because otherwise he’ll never level!

Dungeon Finder WTFery

Dungeon Finder WTFery
We knew it was gonna be good the moment he showed up in a dress.

Keep in mind the party had one healer in need of gear, one warlock in need of gear, and one shadow priest in DIRE need of gear.  I was still wearing wrists from Ragefire Chasm!  I’m gonna need on that crap too.

Wait, did I call him a resto druid bear tank wearing cloth?  I meant to call him a resto druid bear tank twink pissant wearing cloth.

Dungeon Finder WTFery

Dungeon Finder WTFery
AND HE KEPT GOING ON AND ON

I’m not even going to get into the Gnomeregan party where the shamans (one heals, one DPS) started arguing with each other and the tank over some thunder spell (the reason given to kick Shaman A from the party was “fat”), because I just don’t even what is this.

3. … is on crack.

Dungeon Finder WTFery

Dungeon Finder WTFery
God only knows, ’cause I sure don’t.

The tank and healer pair came from the same guild and they were clearly living up their own little inside joke.  Of course, nobody else had the slightest effing clue what they were going on about, but maybe that was for the best.

As you may recall, in the Blackfathom Deeps dungeon, there are four little fires you must light.  Each summons a swarm of some kind of mob; all must be defeated in order to gain access to the final boss.  Despite having a clear aggro problem, Miss Tank proceeded to light all the fires at once.   As it happens, her inability to hold aggro didn’t matter much at all, because she died almost instantly – her healer friend was on crack too.  Besides, everybody knows you can’t type up snappy smart-on-the-internet retorts and heal at the same time.  I managed to get a little further from the scene of the massacre than the rest, thanks to Power Word: Shield, but alas!  I got stunned, Will of the Forsaken was on cooldown, and that was that.

Dungeon Finder WTFery

Dungeon Finder WTFery
Something is off about your comedic timing.

Needless to say, the tank and her healer buddy dropped the party at this point.  (I’m sure this wipe was somehow everybody else’s fault.)  They went on their crack-addled way back to their server, and every member of the party breathed a collective sigh of relief that it wasn’t their server they returned to.

Speaking of being on something , you may also find that your entire party is stoned.  This may or may not be a bad thing in and of itself, but it sure as hell changes the speed of the run.

Dungeon Finder WTFery

Dungeon Finder WTFery
Shortly after this, the tank went to light something …

At least I have Shadowform now.  Running around as a purple shade pleases me.

EBIL I CAN HAZ

EBIL I CAN HAZ
Shadowform yay!

Ailabeth hasn’t been experiencing the same sort of mana problems Ebixxie did, with the notable exception of when she got stuck in glitched combat in Gnomeregan and was eventually forced to start punching/wanding things to save mana for the boss.  (There will be no drinking of potions or melon juice, because in radiated Gnomeregan, combat finds you you are FOREVER ALONE IN COMBAT.)

Dungeon Finder WTFery

Dungeon Finder WTFery
Forced to Melee in Dark Times

I call Ailabeth’s system “Passive-aggressive mana managment.”  It follows two core principles: you will ride on the damage of more efficient classes, and you will expend as little effort as possible.  This allows Ailabeth to feel psychologically justified in only casting Mind Flay all the mother trucking time.

Side note: I say “Conga rats” instead of “congrats,” because that amuses me.   I also type it out every time I say it, because having a macro to congratulate people seems odd.  I had a dungeon finder party member tell me I had a typo in my macro.

Let’s end on something more positive, shall we?  Caliverne has challenged me to get Ailabeth to level 40 by Saturday.  Does on Saturday count?  Given the way things are going, he’s made a very safe bet.  BUT I SHALL PREVAIL!

This Never Occurred to Me Before

This Never Occurred to Me Before
Seriously, have you noticed this?

Ohnoez

Isn't That What Blood Elves Do Anyway?

Isn’t That What Blood Elves Do Anyway?
I mean, they’re the Horde’s eye candy and all.

The image has no relevance to the topic at hand, but it happened to be in my Media Library and wasn’t in use anywhere, so here it is.

I’m currently having a bad idea.  It involves fanfiction, and what’s bad is that it’s actually starting to take form.  It is neither funny nor has anything to do with Niremere’s silly fantasies about the king (“As she studied him from a safe distance, she observed his frown turned into a glower.  She was deeply moved by this transformation.”), so it could be worse.

Speaking of Niremere, this was also in my Library doing nothing:

I didn't wanna join anyway!

I didn’t wanna join anyway!
It’s hard to be so warm-blooded.

I’m now going to attempt not to brainvomit on my computer.  But just in case I do, is there anyone out there who is either accomplished at being lorepolice or, alternately, determining when something is just ridiculously bad?  If somebody (you know, somebody “objective”) is able to determine that my efforts cannot be brought into the realm of “I may have wasted my time, but at least it didn’t hurt,” that may give my logic the ability to stop my “LAWL” instinct.

Forsaking Goblin Exclusivity /punny

I know goblins can be evil and all, but Ebixxie was just too damn cute to be a shadow priest.  Therefore, I resurrected Ailabeth for the purpose.  (Wasn’t she already a level 80 priest, you say?  She was Disc, but couldn’t you have just respec-ed her?  Oh, you deleted her?  HAHAHAHAHA.)

Ailabeth's Perspective

Ailabeth’s Perspective

Ailabeth Restarts

Ailabeth Restarts
The Dramatic Version

I’d like to say that her (re)beginning moments were appropriately dramatic, as seen above.  I’d be lying, though.  No, it started off like this:

Ailabeth Restarts

Ailabeth Restarts
The Reality Version (Dumass has a cousin!)

Caliverne trekked out to Ailabeth’s grave to be a relatively live witness to a momentous occasion – that is, yours truly making an alt that wasn’t short, green and stuck on some volcanic island chain for her first ten or eleven levels (and 100+ quests).   That, and he’s a fan of the Forsaken – here’s one more body for the fold!

Perhaps inspired by Dumass’s newly risen relative, seen above, Ailabeth quickly left the area and went straight after the chickens in Tirisfal, hoping to obtain a Westfall chicken of her own.

Chicken Saga 01

Chicken Saga 01
I WILL have that chicken.

The thing is, this pet poses a challenge from the dignity perspective.  Passerby will regard you as touched at best and crazy as hell at worst, and anyone leveling nearby will hate your guts for as long as you /chicken.

Caliverne lives in Undercity and hangs around the Tirisfal area regularly, protecting wee NPCs from rampaging dwarves and gnomes alike.  He wasn’t on his daily patrol for long before he saw Ailabeth again, this time out by Saldean’s Farm.  She was doing /chicken repeatedly.  In fact, she was /chicken-ing a lot, to the point where she definitely looked more than a little mental.  /chicken /chicken /chicken /chicken /chicken /chicken

And yet somehow, despite his doubts about her activities and his impressive stature for the Tirisfal area, she talked him into doing it too.

Chicken Saga 02

Chicken Saga 02
SO WILL HE.

Pay no attention to the two Forsaken running around, talking to chickens.  Everything is perfectly fine.  It’s entirely as planned.