Monthly Archives: December 2012

She tanks, she shoots, she scores!

I Solemnly Swear I am Up To No GoodI'm just not feeling motivated.

In which I have a fit and leave the party
I’m just not feeling motivated.

Ooooor not.

At first, I had a “OH NO YOU DIDN’T” impulse when the guy (blood elf, appropriately enough) said that and I was going to wage war.  I mean, I’m no good, but I’m not awful!  Then I realized that 1.) I’m way too lazy for that kind of futility, 2.) Uhhhh I think he’s pulling the boss OHGODWHY, and 3.) I’m a goblin on an RP realm so acting in self interest is completely in character.  Eff it!  I’m outta here.  Yeah, I quit the party, which is why the background for the text is different – I went back and screencapped it to make sure I actually read what I thought I read.  I did edit out a part where I was talking to my guild and saying something like, “a;sflkjas;lfkjas;lfkj if you want my pet to tank, TREAT IT LIKE A TANK.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m not exactly interested in sacrificing one hunter pet, one warlock pet  and one melee DPS to Xin the Weaponmaster just because our actual tank skipped out on the party when the tank trinket didn’t drop.  I am further inclined to sit on my ass if the above situation will then turn into me running around like hell and hoping to Gawd I get lucky, what with all the fancy weapon traps around and the fact that I’m probably the next one to get bludgeoned into oblivion.  I REALLY don’t feel like doing anything at all when I can just smell the “lol guiz I gotta go” that will surely come after the inevitable wipe.

Today is not my day

First the water main breaks down the street and I haven’t had running water since 6 a.m., now this.

Needs more /shout

Needs more /shout

/headdesk

I’ll be fine.  Yes.  I’ll be fine.  This bleeding isn’t that bad, really.

I just have to keep repeating – it’ll all be over soon.  It’ll all be over soon.

Tanks, but No Tanks

Balloon TankDon't wanna pop yer bubble.

Balloon Tank
Don’t wanna pop yer bubble.

So, tanks.  Tell me, what’s up with you lately?  Something seems off and I can’t quite put a finger on it.

I love me some tanks.  I try to be understanding when it comes to tanks.  I’m not a full timer or anything, but I’ve tanked sometimes myself and have eyerolled at the mage who always pulls or the DPS who thinks he’s a tank too.  I try not to say anything bad, since they’ve got enough to do and hear enough crap as is.  I mean, I’ll shout “MOVE!” if a tank is standing in sheeyit, but that’s fair, ’cause I shout that at everybody.  Seriously, doods!  I don’t complain when tanks can’t keep hate/aggro, or when we wipe, or when you really need to pull those mobs out of that thing that’s healing them.  You’re doing your job, and I’m doing mine, which is to shoot all the things.

So why is it that I keep on encountering tanks in LFD who are acting like prima damn donnas?  Warrior, paladerp, beartank, drunk monk or death knight, it doesn’t matter.  They can do it because they know we need ’em and can’t live without ’em.  And what do they care about our thirty minute queue times when they can get a party in a minute (or five, depending on heals)?

Why, I ask, must you drop the party in the middle of the freaking instance when you do/do not get that tank trinket you wanted?  Why, I ask, must you drop the party the moment you zone into the dungeon and realize that it’s not the one with the tank gear you wanted?  Why, I ask, must you get trollish, pull crap and THEN drop the party, trying to kill us all when you go?  This last one pisses me off the most, especially if things haven’t been all that damn bad and nobody’s died – what the hale is wrong with you?  Leave if you must, but sheesh, leave us alive.  (Also, what’s up with people botting tanks?  Jeebus, that’s a disaster.)

Given the large number of DPS only alts I have, I complain about the queue times a lot.  I’ve often said I’m going to make a tank @#%$ it so I don’t have to wait this @$%*ing long for a queue anymore! These days, though, my complaint is different.  It’s more like, “I’m gonna make a tank damn it so I don’t have to deal with this sheeyit!”  I’ve started a couple of times but then I always got distracted by other shiny things.

Worm tanks like a pro.

Worm tanks like a pro.
He uses his powers of revulsion to scare the bejeesus outta enemies.

I like to solve my problems.  Well, sorta anyway, since I still couldn’t tank for my ninety million DPS alts … but at least I would be “contributing” and complaining less!  I’d probably want to go Horde, since that’s where I spend most of my time.  All slots on WRA are currently full, unless I deleted one of the low level alts (only Daschela or Thirabel would be candidates).  Therefore, if I want to stay Horde-side on WRA without deleting anybody, I have the following options:

Esplodine, Warrior
Pros: Plate!  Already has Protection set as an alt spec.
Cons: I’m still not having much fun with being a Fury Warrior, but I also remember thinking that I couldn’t take tanking as a warrior any damn more somewhere around Blackfathom Deeps.  Maybe warrior tanking is better now?  Also, she has no tanking gear (WTB shield).

Mechalis, Death Knight
Pros: Plate!
Cons: She’s level 88 right now.  Isn’t that … a little late to start tanking?  She has no tanking gear.  Would have to change her alt spec, which means giving up either Frost (awww, man, but I can dual wield!) or Unholy.  I’d probably ditch Unholy since everybody can control an undead minion for up to five minutes now and just retame it when control drops.

Alexalis, Monk
Pros: Hasn’t even bothered to set her alt spec!
Cons: Would have to compete with ninety million other leveling monks for gear.  I also can’t imagine Alexalis taking damage for anybody, because they’re almost all breathers.

If I DID delete somebody, it would probably be Thirabel, since Daschela is representing for (level 25 wooo) druids.  I could figure out a new pet plan so Therm could tame Gib the Banana Hoarder (BECAUSE OMFG MONKEY IN A FE… wait, have I said that before?) and the other assorted pets I want.  (WTB more stable space.)  Then a slot would then be available for a new tankytype.  Since I can’t have another Death Knight and I’d probably go paladerp for the facerolling because why make this harder than it has to be, this leads me back into my eternal conundrum of “Urgh, blood elves” vs. “Oh Gawd, Tauren fingers and no freaking hairdos.”  (Honestly, guys, have you ever looked at just how few options Taurens have for customization?  It’s kinda unfair!)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOO

(Balloon Tank was found via Google and is apparently the work of this artist.  It’s actually kind of cool to see the tank deflate over time.)

Prinnielogic

Locks make me sad.

Locks make me sad.

You know, I just don’t get the lockout on dungeons thing.  I really don’t.  The “You’ve run too many instances recently” thing is annoying, but at least it passes within the hour.  The fact that it’s account wide is a pisser, since I have alts of various levels who might want to run, you know, DIFFERENT DUNGEONS.  Still, its cousin, the “HAHAHA YOU RAN THIS DUNGEON/RAID/WHATEVERITISNOW ONCE THIS WEEK SO EFF YOU” lock is the real big pisser.  It prevents me from doing what I want in the most efficient manner.

Maybe if I try to think about this logically, I’ll understand it.  What’s it meant to accomplish?

Possibility: It’s meant to prevent me from doing something like running Stratholme until my eyes bleed in the hopes of finally, finally seeing that stupid mount drop off Lord Aurius Rivendare.

Prinnie’s Point of View: Pssh!  Let exhaustion handle that!  Take Kara, for example.  I love me some Kara like most folks do, but I would not run it ninety million times in a row given the following factors: the distance I have to travel in the dungeon for the bosses I want, the other things I want to do in the limited playtime I have available and the number of alts I possess.  I’d want to run it maybe once or twice a day which doesn’t seem THAT excessive.

Possibility: YOU PLAYERS HAVE ENOUGH GOLD ALREADY FOR GAWD’S SAKE

Prinnie’s Point of View: I’m no AH specialist, so most of the money I come by happens to be from quests and running heroics through LFD on my level 90 main.  (And do you know how many alts I’ve had to pay to get Master Riding for!?  And the transmog … that sheeyit gets expensive!)  Running low level dungeons specifically to kill bosses for transmog gear (for myself) isn’t exactly allowing me to roll in the gold.

Possibility: Blizzard’s got an obsession with people “getting out into the world.”

Prinnie’s Point of View: al;sfkja;lsfdja;slfj WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVEN’T BEEN THERE OR SOMETHING!?  Jeebus!  At this point, I have a full cast of characters on WRA, of whom one is 90, two are 88, another is 85, there are a couple in the 70s and others at various lower levels.  I’ve been in the freaking world A LOT.  Sure I want to go into the world – to the place where I can get the armor I want for this transmog set.  (As a side note, Thermalix got to 85 almost exclusively through questing without heirlooms and got to 90 mostly through questing.)

Prinnie’s Solution: Obviously, we should just kill the lock on running things because it’s just annoying and doesn’t do much to get people fantastic sums of gold OR stop the people who have gold from getting gold in other ways.  But since I doubt that will ever happen, maaaaybe what we could do is take the former attunement quests and just reorient them a little bit.  If you’re attuned, you can run the instance an X number of times before it locks, or maybe it never locks at all!  I’d do that quest in a heartbeat.

Heart of War Secret Santa 2012

My guildmate, Abruine, was unfortunate enough to get me as his Secret Santa this year … I decided to make him a lovely collage and poem.

He's just like Batman, except he's a cow.And sometimes he wears more armor, but sometimes he wears way less.

He’s just like Batman, except he’s a cow.
And sometimes he wears more armor, but sometimes he wears way less.

A blood elf by day
but a cow by night, he tanks.
Abruine is the Batcow.

When all mounts bore him
and no wyvern will suffice,
he’ll jump from the highest peak.

But never fear, for
his goblin glider is near,
and he bubbles on landing.

Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear

Everything Really IS a Huntard WeaponHoly crap, actual proof that everything IS a huntard weapon.

Everything Really IS a Huntard Weapon
Holy crap, actual proof that everything IS a huntard weapon.

When Pandaland Mists of Pandaria was announced, I was aghast (and sometimes still am), because pandas are Not My Thing in both the real world and MMORPG universe.  It’s not like I want pandas to go extinct or anything, it’s just that I don’t really get the cuteness they are often credited for, since I tend to find small creatures more adorable.  WoW-wise, I thought something like, say, a splinter faction of the Naga would be neat.  (Admittedly, I have no idea how they’d deal with pants.  Perhaps they could wear a plate tube instead?)  I also suggested that raptors be the next new race and Philosoraptors be the next new class, because raptors are awesome.

I forget which arrived first – the moment when Blizzard made it clear that they didn’t expect to add any non-cute options for female pandas or the promotional video which lacked even one female lead, but the two factors combined to make me fairly irritated when considering fictional pandabears in fantasy land.  Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the fur patterns, of which there are plenty – I’m talking scars like the guys have, or anything that might make the eternal :3 expression less freakishly adorable.  Given the nature of LFD and LFR, I’m all about the equal opportunity for pissed-off looks.  I can’t /roar ALL the time.

Blizzard’s issues with female characters aren’t exactly new.  Ignore the whole platekini/sexual objectification argument for a second.  What seems worse to me is how they often seem to forget or run out of time to even make females of many races and they never go back to do so (Taunka, Kaulak, Yuangol, Grummies, Tol’vir, Ogres, etc. etc. etc.).  Actually, now that I think about it, I just had a mental image of female Kaulak in platekini.  How, exactly, would a Tol’vir wear the black mageweave leggings?  Errrr, never mind.

Obviously, they had to make women an option for pandas, but in so doing they fell into another gender trap: the persistent (and false) dichotomy of “sexy vs. cute.”  Possibly in an effort to avoid going overly sexy like the Worgen, Blizzard walked right into the other option.  Female pandas, intentionally or not, got shoved into the cute box full force.  (p.s., I don’t know about you, but I think seeing the male pandas do Carmeldansen would be awesome.)

I felt like there was no point in contributing to or making a fuss about the above mentioned problems – things were obviously set in an established pattern and there was an impending deadline for the expansion.  Mostly I just wanted to play the dang game so I could SHOOT ALL TEH THINGZ and need on every piece of huntard gear ever.  I was annoyed enough to swear off making a pandabear of my own for the immediate future.

Still, I knew that it was only a matter of time before I became so inured to seeing pandabears everywhere, I would try making one of my own.  My resistance was also greatly weakened by a guildmate of mine who plays a panda and is so freaking cute in every transmog ever that I go aslfkja;slfkja;lskdfja.  WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME DOWN TO TRANSMOG!?

Let Me Faceroll HarderI faceroll so hard, I can shoot you while balancing on one foot.

Let Me Faceroll Harder
I faceroll so hard, I can operate a crossbow and shoot you while balancing on one foot.

So, panda.  I JUST noticed that pandas have no eyebrows, which I guess isn’t surprising since they have fur and all, but it still looks kinda freaky.

She’s a huntard, since the power of cute and/or beer overcomes evil and they can’t be warlocks.  Though I forced Thermalix to clear out some more stable space (“That one’s not a rare!  If you really want it, you can tame it again!”), I still wanted to make a second huntard to tame some of the crazier looks and silly pets that Therm’s plans don’t have space for.  I’m talking pets like Gib the Banana-Hoarder (I am NOT looking forward to camping this bastar…uh, creature in the era of CRZ), because OMGWTFBBQ MONKEY IN A FEZ, and Winna’s Kitten, since that questline breaks my heart and I must SAVE TEH KITTEH.  I’d link you to the quest line, which (to my mind) got sadder after Cata, but according to WoWHead as I write this post, Felwood doesn’t exist.

You know what kills me?  This kills me:

Y U NO TRANSMOGMy heart, it is broken.

Y U NO TRANSMOG
My heart, it is broken.

Other than the sheer ADORBS*, why does it kill me, you ask?  Purple is my favorite color ever.  I’d been bemoaning the lack of a transmogrifiable purplish monk belt for weeks, and as if to add insult to injury, this is one of the white-quality outfits you get in the beginning zone – SO YOU CAN’T TRANSMOG IT.  Why, Blizzard, why?  /sob

I find it a little odd that as a huntard, I still had to do the same starting quests which were obviously very monk-centric.  For example, I still had to go and defeat six trainees, who were fighting each other in hand-to-hand combat.  Um, guys, see this turtle here with me?  Yeah, I’m a huntard.  You’ve got to be kidding me if you actually think I’m going to try to punch you with my fists.  No, you’re going to stand way over there while I’m going to sic my pet on your ankles and shoot you in the face.  Fortunately for me, the nooblet NPC monks haven’t learned Grapple Weapon yet.

I kind of hate the whole starting-zone-on-an-island thing, because you just can’t leave.  This whole island system that nobody else can get to and that you can’t get out of seems to exist solely to protect super-low leveled nooblets from PvP griefers, which is (of course) a non-issue on my RP realm.  Why not just make the super-low leveled starting areas Sanctuaries or something?  Yeah, I’ve done the goblin starting zone tons of times so you’d think I’d be used to the inability to get off the freaking islands by now, but still it drives me nuts.

Also, the fact that pandas can’t get a guild until they choose a faction is both a blessing and a curse.  On the one hand, this means that I don’t get randomass whispers that are OBVIOUSLY macros while I’m only level 2 to join some guild I’ve never heard of.  Yay!  On the other, it means I can’t join my Horde or Alliance guilds to chat until I get off the freaking island.  AUGH!

I’m almost tempted to take bets on how long she’ll last before I race-change her into a goblin.

* I almost named her Adorbs, which isn’t taken on WRA.  ALMOST.  I decided to pun on robust/rotund instead, since pandas are most graciously gifted in comparison to blood elves (who make up the other half of the Horde).  I also love the word “rotund,” but “Rotunda” wouldn’t work.