Monthly Archives: January 2013

I’m a Barbie Girl! In a blood elf woooorld!

Is It Just MeOr is trying to kick people getting a little ridiculous?

Is It Just Me
Or is trying to kick people getting a little hard?

“I need another platewearer,” I said.  “One who is ridiculous and revels in it.”  It couldn’t be a DK, due to Blizzard refusing to let you have more than one per server.  It couldn’t be a warrior, because I like Charge and am pretty much bored with everything else.  That left paladerp, and my eternal conundrum of Tauren fingers and no hairdos vs. the “oh God what have I done it’s a blood elf” feelings.

Dreddies mentioned wanting to make a warlock, and he always makes blood elf men since they have superfab hair.  I figured if I was going to do this, now would be the time, right?  I can get a pal to help me endure the mellow, unchanging starting zone music!  Hence, Violaryn came into being after some failed attempts and discussions on how blood elf names need to have a certain amount of self-satisfaction and ridonkulousness. (Dreddies became Resenthic, since he made me come up with a name for his new char too.)  Oh Gawd, what have I done?  It’s a blood elf!

"RAWR" is good.A really strained kinda shouted statement is not.

“RAWR” is good for a /roar.
A really strained kinda shouted statement is not.

I don’t know how long Vi will last, so she doesn’t even get a Category lest she fall under the long list of “The Alts Who Didn’t Make It.”  So far, she lives under several restrictions:

  1. She is not allowed to emote except under extreme duress, such as a bad hair day, which blood elves never have.  (Otherwise, I fear I will delete her in a fit of annoyance.)
  2. She must have the most ridiculous and fabulous hair possible.  Screw realistic!  Forget functional!  (Because that’s what blood elves are for, right?)
  3. She cannot be Retribution at any time because I am not interested in attempting to recreate Niremere’s action bars.  (Oh yeah, and she can’t use Niremere’s hairstyle EVER.)
  4. When she wipes, she has to play /violin.  (Alas, there is no /viola …)

Because I care SO MUCH (actually, it’s not so much laziness/cheapness as it is a desire for super quick, relatively painless EXP and a total lack of surplus JP), she is wearing the random castoff heirlooms from everybody else.  There’s the agility mail helm and mail legs … the intelligence mail shoulders and chest that were originally for, you know, a shaman … and dat sword with parry from when I had a short lived cowtank.  With this gear setup, she’s clearly destined for healing.  YEAH!

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT CONUNDRUMMMM

See, on the one hand, I hate responsibility in game.  The nice thing about being DPS is that you are generally only responsible for your own incompetent self.  On the other, I also care very much about my own personal convenience, so being DPS totally sucks because tanks and healers got the queue GOOD.  Tanks, of course, have the queue the best, so maybe I should tank and claim that all that agility gear is for dodge.  Yeah.  LIKE A BEAR.

I healed one dungeon and then switched to Protection because waiting twenty minutes for a tank who wasn’t even level 20 seemed kinda stupid.  This led to a string of parties where I was never able to successfully kick the huntard (and it was ALWAYS a huntard) who insisted on 1.) pulling, 2.) not turning Growl off, and 3.) leaving his pet dead, which, I guess, was probably for the best anyway.  I don’t remember huntard having such a high learning curve at level 20, but what do I know?

Since I couldn’t kick them, I made friends with the healer and we let them die instead.  Best death witnessed was in Wailing Caverns.  Huntard pulled a boss (Verdan the Everliving), and I didn’t take the aggro because I asked several times quite politely to stop doing that.  Of course, the healer wasn’t healing him either, so he started doing the standard hunter thing of backing the boat up while shooting.  Only thing was, he backed up off the edge of the cliff, took severe fall damage, ran into another mob down at the bottom and died.

JUSTICE.

Slowly Dominating the Offensive

He Rides Slowly So You Can SeeNobody's got a mog like him.

He Rides Slowly So You Can See
Nobody’s got a mog like him.

So I’ve been trying to do Dominance Offensive and Operation: Shieldwall simultaneously, since both Thermalix and Niremere are 90.  That hasn’t really worked out so far (it’s just so much easier to do with Thermalix, since her gear is at least twenty item levels better, and HALP IT’S THE RUINS OF OGUDEI OH GOOD GOD), so Therm’s farther ahead.  She actually hit a relevant plot point the other day!  Spoilers and such ahead!

Continue reading

CRZ Travel Advisory In Effect for Outland

Free parachutes?Never trust 'em.

Free parachutes?
Never trust ’em.

A CRZ Travel Advisory is in effect for large portions of Outland, starting from a couple of patches ago and lasting until the indefinite future.  Being randomly ejected from your vehicle when you cross zone lines is highly likely.  Falling to your death is also highly probable.  Pilots operating dual passenger mounts in Outland zones are strongly encouraged to avoid flying anywhere near the Twisting Nether.

When it comes to parachutes ... You get what you pay for! This model lacks rockets.

When it comes to parachutes …
You get what you pay for!
This model lacks rockets.

Purgatory gives you a long time to contemplate your sins.

Purgatory gives you a long time to contemplate your sins.

This travel advisory is in effect until Blizzard stops laughing at how we react when our mounts suddenly disappear and we slowly descend to our doom.  Use all possible caution.

Looking For Reallyquietpeople

We Don't Need a VolunteerThey totally ignored me, so I decided not to do it.

We Don’t Need a Volunteer
They totally ignored me, so I decided not to do it.

Having now been through all the different pieces of Pandaland raids, I think there shouldn’t be a set order in which to progress through them.  Fools and smartasses alike should be randomly deposited in a raid that is not a prereq for others.  The way things stand, there’s an inverse relationship between how sucky and hard the raid SHOULD be and where it stands in the order of things.  The beginning ones like Mogushan turn out to be far more of a pain in the ass than they really ought to be because all the folks who haven’t done this before and/or who are derping hard that day wind up mixing with all the folks who are trying to be smart on the internet and/or are cranky because GAWD THERE IS TOO MUCH DERP HERE.  In addition, its highly likely a Mogushan Vaults group will land an extra troll or two since there’s only a gear requirement.

It’s this combination of people, really, who make 28g such an utterly insufficient reward.  If I could magically do LFR alone, 28g per boss would be great.  But when I get all mah buddies from the internetz together, a guaranteed 28g that buys me nothing I want/need with a little itty bitty once a week chance at the gear drop I want/need is like scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of motivators.

I have a theory (which has probably been put forth before by many other people) that LFR’s stinkiness is composed of the toxic interactions between two major groups.  Perhaps evening out the balance between them will improve the LFR experience.

The People Who Are a “Certain Kind of Special”
Yes, there are the people who always die, and usually to something stupid and/or avoidable.  But remember, without derp, we’d have a hard time judging what competence is!  Individually, these souls aren’t a problem, but if you get enough momentum in idiocy, everybody gets swept up in it.  These guys may never talk and they might get locked out because they aren’t paying attention, but that’s probably for the best.*

Centina is Both Special and SuperiorAnd also not in a raid, but that's beside the point.

Centina is Both Special and Superior
And also not in a raid, but that’s beside the point.

The People Who Are Smart on the Internetz
At least one half to four fifths of the raid (read: nearly all DPS and some healers, probably because the tanks are too busy to type) will be composed of people who believe themselves to be a Better Player than the above mentioned sort.  They are anything but a noob and have played since Vanilla and @%$# you &^$*# learn how to play your class.  The issue here is how they see all everybody else did wrong while simultaneously feeling compelled (for whatever reason) to lol at the wrongdoer(s) in raid chat.  There’s some sort of reward for being exceptionally sarcastic and witty as they insinuate or tell everybody outright just how bad the poor noob fails.  Unfortunately, this bunch never quite achieves the height of brilliance they believe themselves to possess.

Since Team Special is, invariably, going to do something stupid (Ben Franklin said something like the only certain things in life are death and taxes, but he forgot stupid), Team LOLZUNOOB will have ample opportunity to show off their superiority and cutting sense of humor.  It’s just that they’re using dull knives, and oh my GAWD raid chat kills me because of it.  Sometimes it takes a surprising amount of willpower to ignore it all instead of shouting, YES.  THE IDIOTS ARE DUMB.  YOU ARE NOT!  YAY FOR YOU!  ALSO, WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC, THE SKY IS BLUE, GRAVITY WORKS AND SNOT COMES OUT OF NOSES.

I hate to ignore all the things ever because sometimes people do say useful bits of information, and sometimes you run into people who are awesome.  How will you know that they’re awesome if you’re ignoring them?  But in choosing to pay attention to everybody, 28g becomes a pittance, and the repair bill makes it even less than that!

I suppose my solution would force Team LOLZUNOOB to suffer more in the long run, but this may not be a bad thing.  You see, I hope that they will eventually become so bitter and jaded, they either hush up or post on the forums in a tizzy fit and quit like people care.  Everybody’s a winner then!  Team Special can continue being special, because that’s never going to change, while Team LOLZUNOOB can go play something else they find more rewarding and I can not have to /facepalm.

* Not mentioned here but certainly not forgotten: the person with the macro that seems clever or meaningful until it’s repeated ninety million times.

W(hy)TF is This So Easy!?

Or, “In Which Therm takes on the Sha of Fear (and Doesn’t Die Horribly),” or, “That One LFR Where Thermalix Didn’t Die Once.  Yay!”

Lemme Line Up My Shot HereI'm sad you can only punt him once.

Lemme Line Up My Shot Here
I’m sad you can only punt him once.

In my limited experience thus far, Mogushan Vaults was full of death because of trolls.  The Dread Advance Approach was full of death because OMGWTF BUGS WITH TORNADOS.  So when I finally got up to the Terrace of Endless Spring, I was ready to get ground into the dirt because this sheeyit just does not go well for me but I never learn.

Imagine my surprise when not only did nothing bad happen, but the dang place turned out to be easy.  There was no going into the spirit realm to kill random invisible dancing trolls because it seemed like the thing to do, no bad blobs of bug poison to avoid while running around in circles trying to find out which end is the front end of Garalon and which damn leg are we shooting now, no exploding amber monstrosities (or turning into a gooey puddle of will-challenged amber), and DEFINITELY no fancypants avoid-the-tornados-or-die mechanic.

In fact, what to do was pretty obvious.  The only thing that was confusing was when the water spirit would hide until we went away, which we never did, but she’d come back to get busted up more anyway.  Am I supposed to try to shoot things when the spirit hides?  Or not get hit by something (which means I must be doing something right because I didn’t)?  I guess I’ll just run around aimlessly until it shows up again.

I Don't Have A Good Shot of the FightBut I got this.

I Don’t Have A Good Shot of the Fight
But I got this.

I did have my derp moments, such as when the water spirit pushes you back.  I thought I had wedged myself pretty firmly into some piece of decorative architecture, but alas, I went over the waterfall and had to swim back around.  (Good thing I wasn’t the only one, meaning I had somebody to follow.  My sense of direction can be extremely poor.)

Anyway, let’s talk about the Sha of Fear.

I Like That PlanSeems doable.

I Like That Plan
Seems doable.

Why does he get to be all red and stuff when all the rest are just black and white?  And, as the pinnacle boss of this joint, shouldn’t he be all SUPER TOUGH OH MY GAWD?  The worst thing he did to me was Fear me, ohnoes.  I did get teleported away once and had to shoot a Golden Lotus panda to get back, but that wasn’t bad either.  (Actually, TELEPORT ME AGAIN!   I wanna do that part some more!)

Efficiency is an AdvantageOk, so this wasn't really true in the end.  But I like to believe it is.

Efficiency is an Advantage
Ok, so this wasn’t really true in the end. But I like to believe it is.

Shoot the Sha, kill the adds, run back if you get feared or kill the panda if you get teleported away.  I was expecting TERROR and UNSPEAKABLE DARKNESS, but the place was pretty and the guy himself just didn’t deliver.  There wasn’t anything like getting dumped off Deathwing’s back.  No losing your sanity and killing all your teammates a la Yogg-Saron, even.  If this guy is the Sha of Fear, he’s like the Sha of little fears, such as that hesitant feeling you get when you’re descending a slippery staircase in the dark while wearing socks.  It was so easy … I clearly am doing something wrong.

Now that I think about it, though, he’s probably got some better, cooler move in regular or Heroic mode.  This makes me think maybe I should just stick to LFR.  I like NOT wiping ninety million times.

Now There's Nothing To FearExcept normal mode.  That scares the sheeyit outta me.

Now There’s Nothing To Fear
Except normal mode. That scares the sheeyit outta me.

I was shocked to actually get a hat token.  Unfortunately, because I was automatically assuming “oh good, 28g again,” I had reflexively rolled with my last Charm of Good Fortune before I realized I got the hat token, and I amazingly landed … another hat token.  Should you do the same, it vendors for 50g!

This is REAL BIG NEWS!

This is REAL BIG NEWS!

This brings me to my thoughts on the Yuangol Slayer set, which is what we huntards get to wear as the epic outfit of hunterness for this expansion.  I get why people like skulls as images – death is powerful and to take on its characteristics can make you badass.  Horns are cool too – they offer potent, animalistic energy.

But Gawd, do I look like a moron in both.

UrghIf I met me in a dark alley while I was wearing this hat, I'd have a heart attack and die.

Urgh
If I met me in a dark alley while I was wearing this hat, I’d have a heart attack and die.

Because Life is Ironic or Something

I spent some time debating whether or not possessing just a couple pieces of agility gear was enough to start beartanking with.  On the one paw, OH MY GAWD I AM TANKING IF I DIE WE ARE PROBABLY EFFED.  (This IS a position of responsibility.)  On the other, Daschela’s only level 40 and it’s not like anybody can visually check her near-total lack of agility heirlooms since RAWRRR she’s a bear.  I’ll just pray that the healer doesn’t inspect her, amirite?

Therefore, Daschela said to hell with it and decided to test out her skills in a super low dungeon first – just in case.  She recruited a tolerant healer friend and they headed out just to see how badly things could go.

I May Be Putting Something OffI'm pretty sure I'm going to kill my heals, even though I'm level 40 and going to a level 20something dungeon.

I May Be Putting Something Off
I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill my heals, even though I’m level 40 and going to a level 20something dungeon.

I talked myself into actually going eventually.

Beartanking is Easier if You RoarSee?  Here's some proof.

Beartanking is Easier if You Roar
See? Here’s some proof.

RIGHT.  So after shifting her skills around a bit and getting over the initial OMGWTF feelings whenever she /roared as a bear but a night elf woman’s voice came out, Daschela felt ready to queue.

Her first honest-to-Gawd beartanking experience turned out to be the one and only Dire Maul.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaand the first thing she noticed just happened to be the fact that she was fighting alongside a completely naked worgen.

I Guess I Can't TalkIF ONLY I had thought to quote "No shirt, no shoes, no service" at him.

I Guess I Can’t Talk
IF ONLY I had thought to quote “No shirt, no shoes, no service” at him.

Apparently, he was just having fun by running around naked.  In Dire Maul.  Also, the healer was a shoeless dwarf, but next to the naked worgen, who’s looking?

The Dwarf's Got No Shoes EitherI expect the mage to start stripping next.

The Dwarf’s Got No Shoes Either
I expect the mage to start stripping next.

So basically, the message for me in all this is: you’re level 40, who the eff cares about your gear because LOLZ!  If you show up to tank in healer-type leather, there’s going to be a naked worgen FOR NO APPARENT REASON so it seriously JUST DOES NOT MATTER.

Despite our total lack of gear in some cases, it went ok.  Look at Daschela holding aggro like a pro!

Daschela Keeps AggroON ALL TEH THINGZ

Daschela Keeps Aggro
ON ALL TEH THINGZ

It’s ALMOST like I know what I’m doing!

Why Goblins Should Be All The Things They Aren’t

PALADINS

  1. Let’s be frank here – we’re already priests, so it’s only a matter of time before we successfully bribe someone in the Church.
  2. Gold is light colored.  Therefore, it is a representation of the Light.  Therefore, we totally follow the Light.
  3. There’s no specific rule saying selfish basses can’t be paladins.  Look at all the blood elf paladins running around the place!

MONKS

  1. Even gnomes can be monks.  I mean, what’s up with that?  They’re so short, they barely have functional knees!
  2. We totally don’t care if it’s impossible to add monk trainers to the starting zone (and/or if Blizzard doesn’t want to).  Who uses trainers to actually train crap until dual spec at level 30 anyway?  We’ll be loooong off the islands by then.  It’s not like we can use Zen Pilgrimage to “cheat” and get outta the Isles early anyway, since you don’t learn that until level 20.
  3. We believe in self improvement.  Really!  If time is money, then I gotta do things faster and better, and that takes dedicated training.

DRUIDS

  1. We’re already green.  It’s just like being a shaman, but with more animal forms.  Right?
  2. Our animal forms would totally have bazookas and rockets and uzis attached.  Instead of our bear form using “Swipe,” we’d use “Nuke.”  You have to admit a rocketbeartank would be awesome.  Besides, all our explosive powder would be organic and locally sourced.
  3. We love nature and being natural.  It’s no coincidence that minerals are in the earth and money is in our souls.