Because I often feel a deep sense of inadequacy where gear is concerned (it’s not the highest item level! It’s not upgraded! I need moar Gems! Moar Enchants!), a guildmate and I queued up for The Dread Advance section of LFR the other day. I am generally afflicted with a gear-related inferiority complex when it comes to DPS, so I also wanted some numeric affirmation that I am, in fact, getting a little better. My goal was to make it into the top 10 DPS for the overall run. This would (somehow) prove to myself that there may, some day, be some scant hope for being awesome and even useful.
It might’ve helped some if I had read the Dungeon Journal beforehand, but when I tried to open that thing up, it gave me a list of bosses and no more. (Kind of like when my button to abandon quests is unclickable, or when my glyph interface goes blank, or I can’t see any achieves – the clicking, it does nothing.) So it was a bit of a blind run.
I started off somewhere around #14 and stayed there for a good long while because pheromones got me down, and of course being dead does wonders for DPS! (By the way, I’m pretty sure that in WoW, “pheromones” is just a fancy word for “poison.”) I don’t remember much of the first fight, however, because the second boss fight was waaaay more traumatic. It confirmed that I just can’t dodge tornadoes.
I first suspected I had a case of iron feet when I fought Grand Vizier Ertan back in Vortex Pinnacle. She’s got this tornado shieldy thingie that goes in and out with one opening, and my only way of avoiding the tornadoes was to get lucky and have that opening form around me. Then there was the Throne of the Four Winds. You remember that bit with the marching tornadoes? I generally died right then and there every time. You could tell me where it was coming from – you could tell me where to go, even – and nine times out of ten, it wouldn’t make a difference. (Oh yeah, and Armsmaster Harlan’s Blades of Light thing counts as a tornado – I totally die a lot to that too.)
And now, there are bugs with tornadoes. This guy’s got tornadoes. Lots of tornadoes, by which I mean OHGODHELPMELOTS of tornadoes. If they catch you, they whirl you all the way back to the end of the room, which is very far away from all the healers. Because I am inept as previously described, this phase goes something like this: I escape Tornado A, only to run face first into Tornado B, and then when I get outta Tornado B and start running again, I hit Tornado C. Once I escape Tornado C’s clutches, I will dodge Tornado D but will get blindsided by Tornado E and then die. I will continue to lie there for the rest of the fight, unable to see a damn thing, because I am that freaking far away from the action. GO ME!
Next up was Garalon, a gigantic mutant cockroach. Because he is so enormous and I can only zoom out so far, I couldn’t tell which end was his front end unless I got slashed a lot and died. In addition to this major difficulty, he has more
pheromones poison and he spurts toxic bad hurty blood. BUT, I do have one major advantage here in this fight: HE DOESN’T HAVE TORNADOES.
If we kill all his legs or he just has one at a given moment, HOW THE HELL DOES HE KEEP WALKING AROUND? I don’t see him hopping on one bug foot or anything!
The LFR group died a couple times here, but because Garalon forgot to pack the tornadoes, I lived much longer (I even survived the last attempt!) than before, and I was able to rescue my poor showing in Overall DPS. I managed, in the end, to wind up at #9 – JUST making my goal of being in the top 10 and safely surpassing my goal of not being dead last/the AFKer.
I also got a cape. Yay capes!