Monthly Archives: February 2013

Is it just me …

AWKWARDHe gave me his "thanks," quotation marks his.  Guess I'd better watch out for the Kor'kron ...

AWKWARD
He gave me his “thanks,” quotation marks his. Guess I’d better watch out for the Kor’kron …

… or is this holiday really awkward in Orgrimmar right now?

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If There Are Five Stages of Tanking …

She's a Smashing Good TankIrony, I has it.

She’s a Smashing Good Tank
Irony, I has it.

Because I don’t really do Retribution so well and I’m not really temperamentally suited to be the healer (just because I can doesn’t mean I should and all that), I haven’t bothered to set Violaryn’s alt spec.  Therefore, she’s been tanking constantly.  I kinda like tanking; I envision myself plowing ahead FOR THE LIGHT AND STUFF WOOOO, smashing things left and right like some sort of sickly, extremely short Viking with fantastic hair.  And on the upside, the tank queue is OMG amazing even when you have to wait seven minutes for a heals.  On the downside, if there really are five stages of tanking, then I’m probably somewhere between anger and depression – which is just super.

Denial
I deny that denial exists.

Anger

I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight's GoneAfter dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight’s Gone
After dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I would occasionally tell him not to Death Grip that, not to pull those and res him when things went wrong (among those guys you pulled is one that summons a totem that charms us, which would be why you died), but for the most part I spent my time giving up on all that because stupid is as stupid does.  He finally got on my nerves right before the last boss, so I had to say something.  I probably would’ve let it pass again after making my point – it was the last boss and all – but then he had to go start being a smartass on me.  Hell no, boy.

Bargaining

Dancing is No DeterrentHe kept on pulling but only danced once.  I am le sad.

Dancing is No Deterrent
He kept on pulling but only danced once. I am le sad.

So they keep on pulling.  They pull with Death Grip.  They pull with Moonfire.  They pull with pets, with arrows, with Frostbolt and arcane power.  You ask them to stop please, then they do it again; as soon as you get one LFD group to stop pulling all the sheeyit, the next LFD group pulls it all once more.  If this is going to be a regular thing – I might as well get some amusement out of it, right?

Depression
Y U DO DIS.  WHY DON’T YOU LEARN?  I AM NOT SLOW, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE AN ADDICTION TO ENERGY DRINKS AND THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.  I ONLY HAVE SO MANY SKILLS TO PULL CRAP WITH ANYWAY.  WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Acceptance
Eff it, man.  I’ll do what I do and they’ll do what they do.  Hey huntard, if your pet dies, your pet dies.  Warlock doesn’t know how to take the threat generation off their Felguard?  It dies.  If a mage takes the aggro, they can have the freaking aggro.  You may laugh now, but some day, a mob will smash your face into the ground.  You won’t say “Darn, I wish I had learned my proper party role and left the pulling to the tank.”  No, you won’t.  But at that very moment, I will know that you have gotten crushed into itty bitty little pieces, and I will silently rejoice.  Karma, people.  Karma.

Wait, that doesn’t sound so much like acceptance as it sounds like mostly restrained frustrations.

“Lovely Cinnamon” Set

"Lovely Cinnamon" Set

“Lovely Cinnamon” Set

“Lovely Cinnamon” Set

Class: Warrior, Paladin

H: Not shown | S: Tyrant’s Epaulets | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Commander’s Armor | Wa: Bloodforged Belt | L: Bloodforged Legplates
G: Bloodscale Gauntlets | Wr: Not shown | B: Bloodscale Sabatons

Shield: Garrett Family Crest
1h Sword: Firebreather

Thoughts: Holiday appropriate and with hair dyed to match!  This outfit is good for relatively low level tanks who are only around the 60s or so, since a lot of awesome plate armor doesn’t open up until the 70s and onward.  Most of it can be found on the AH, save for the sword, which is a dungeon drop.

So I’ve pretty much been tanking like a tank, which is to say I develop “tanking vision” that focuses on mob positioning, whether or not I’ve got All Teh Aggroz and whether or not people are pulling crap.  Things like the chat become secondary, which is why it can be surprising to read things like this:

Wait watWelcome to the wild world of blood elves.

Wait wat
Welcome to the wild world of blood elves.

Ewww. I bet you if Violaryn happened to be short and green while wearing the same outfit, she would have gotten the cold shoulder instead of … well, the tongue.  I proceeded to ignore the guy until he started to bemoan his loss of skill in the flirting department.  Protip: keep your tongue in your mouth, especially if you’ve just met the girl and she happens to be punching six fel orcs in the face at that moment.

Anyway, the highlight of this holiday is that for two minutes, while Violaryn was transformed into a goblin courier, I got live my dream of being be a goblin paladin.

“Guild Gladiator” Set, or, “The Rofflestomp” Set

"Guild Gladiator" Set

“Guild Gladiator” Set

“Guild Gladiator” Set

Class: Paladin

H: Golden Circlet | S: Furious Gladiator’s Ornamented Spaulders | Cl: Mantle of Fury
Ch: Breastplate of Wracking Souls (Renowned Guild Tabard) | Wa: Stormforged Belt | L: Furious Gladiator’s Ornamented Legplates
G: Furious Gladiator’s Ornamented Gloves | Wr: Not shown | B: Wrathful Gladiator’s Greaves of Triumph

Shield: Brutal Gladiator’s Barrier
1h Sword: Fang of Truth

Thoughts: DISAPPOINTED HOPES AND DREAMS started this set, but then gorgeousness finished it.

So basically, I’ve been “working” on a different set for Niremere for oh, I think … twenty four weeks or so by now?  It’s complete except for the gloves, which are from a raid with a weekly lockout WHICH NEVER DROP.  She was wearing the incomplete set when Theramore was first nuked off the map, and she’s been wearing it ever since (the gloves will drop next week … hope springs eternal).  But I was getting tired of wearing it without the gloves, and heck, maybe they weren’t dropping BECAUSE I was wearing it.  You know, don’t tempt fate and all that jazz.

Simultaneously, I decided to start tanking on Niremere again.  I accordingly assembled a bunch of tanking gear, which of course didn’t match AT ALL.  At some point I picked up a Renowned Guild Tabard to cover the chest because of the ACK NOT MATCHING, which is when I realized that damn – that’s one hot tabard!

The Furious Ornamented Gladiator’s stuff matched well, I thought, and although normally, the Breastplate of Wracking Souls would never go, all you see are the dark sleeves and the high neck – so it works.

The problem I experienced with this set was more of my own doing than anything else.  Since I didn’t really want to aim for something that involved yet another raid with a weekly lockout (Ulduar, I’m looking at you), I decided sure, I’ll PvP for that pair of boots and shield.  It may be painful, but at least I’m guaranteed to get it.  (Side note: my current quibble is that the gems on the shoulders are blue, while the ones on the shield are green.  I’m telling my OCD side to shut the hell up.)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Apparently, Alliance PvP is le suck (or so I’m told), so coping with the weekly lockout and my bad luck might’ve been easier.

Everybody Just Shut UpThat goes for me too.  BEING SMART ON THE INTERNET, IT DOES NOTHING

Everybody Just Shut Up
That goes for me too. BEING SMART ON THE INTERNET, IT DOES NOTHING

ROFFLESTOMPED.

HELP I'M GETTING ROFFLESTOMPEDAnybody?  Hello?  No?  Well ok then.

HELP I’M GETTING ROFFLESTOMPED
Anybody? Hello? No? Well ok then.

ROFFLESTOMPED AGAIN.

Reverse Rofflestomp FailGOOD GAWD THIS GUY DROVE ME NUTS.

Reverse Rofflestomp Fail
GOOD GAWD THIS GUY DROVE ME NUTS.

I COULDN’T ROFFLESTOMP THIS DUDE AND HIS LIGHTWELL!  URGH!  He was just chilling behind this wall by the flag, merrily healing anybody who grabbed it.  So I tried to punch him, but when he didn’t shield himself, he pulled up a Lightwell that had about 1/3rd my HP and because he can, you know, heal in addition to that (and so can I) – we pretty much entered a total stalemate.  I had to get a friend to come over and help me evict him from the premises, because NOBODY ELSE WAS PAYING ATTENTION.

In good news, I got the boots and shield.  I just lost all faith in humanity (again).

My Rules for Lowbie LFD Tanking

NO TAMPERING WITH THE MAILNOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

NO TAMPERING WITH THE MAIL
NOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

RULE NUMBER ONE: KEEP ONE AOE SKILL HANDY AT ALL TIMES
Because if it’s there to be pulled, somebody’s probably going to pull it, intentionally or otherwise.  Whatever it is will almost certainly come with friends.

RULE NUMBER TWO: HE CAN’T HELP IT …
If you have a feral druid DPS in the party, he or she is most likely experiencing an identity crisis and will be shapeshifting for most of the dungeon.  As long as he isn’t actually trying to tank while in bear, he’s harmless.

When you see him switch between tree and cat forms in the middle of the fight, be glad all you do is tank crap, and that’s pretty straight forward at this stage of the game since you are a paladerp and all you do is faceroll in your unsurpassable natural (and only) form.  And just disregard the fact that really, only one of the druid forms is useful for his current spec/role.  Dude’s just confused.

RULE NUMBER THREE: … BUT THEY CAN
Huntards and other ranged classes (but mostly huntards, since they’re not AS squishy as mages) like to shoot sheeyit before you get to it.  Save them if you want to, but a little damage would probably do ’em good.  Just sayin’.

Maybe ...Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn't plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn't intend to have us die at all.

Maybe …
Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn’t plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn’t intend to have us die at all.

RULE NUMBER FOUR: MAKE SURE THE HEALER’S GOT YOUR BACK
Because sometimes, the huntard’s got to die.  Also, a good healer who doesn’t panic can save your ass when everything goes to hell – a.k.a., the room in Scholomance with Professor Slate.  Said healer can also save your ass when the chronically confused catbeartreemanbird gets distracted with all the shapeshifting and pulls crap on accident.

Take It Or Leave It'cause I'm stayin'.

Take It Or Leave It
’cause I’m stayin’.

RULE NUMBER FIVE: STAND YOUR GROUND
If you don’t want to run the dungeon like someone who’s hopped up on six venti expresso machiatto chai latte whatevers, then don’t.  You are the tank.  They can take it or leave it.  (As a side note, I’m at full mana because I’m a level 40-something with a mana pool about thiiiiiis big, so I regen what I use in a second – a.k.a., about the time I finish sassing you for pulling half the stuff in Janice Barov’s room.  Being right on the internet is OBVIOUSLY more important than your schedule.)

After all, if you won’t take the damage and the healer won’t heal it, they’re not likely to get very far.  And if they do, then hey – it’s EXP you didn’t have to work for!

RULE NUMBER SIX: IF YOU WANT TO KICK THEM, WELL, YOU PROBABLY CAN’T
If the annoyance they cause is not worth the EXP, then leave.  You’ll get another party because LOLZTANKQUEUEISAMAZING.  If Deserter status occurs, well, you just saved some brain cells and that’s good for you.

He Touched My HAIR!THAT'S IT.

He Touched My HAIR!
THAT’S IT.

RULE NUMBER SEVEN: ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Almost nobody knows where to go in Dire Maul, anyway.

RULE NUMBER EIGHT: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN CLAIM IT WAS AN ACCIDENT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD
Positioning Instructor Chillheart so that your DPS is at imminent risk of Ice Wall death is considered cruel, even if you do find it enjoyable.

Prima Tankin’ Donna

When I try my hand at healing, I often question my competence and make plenty of ragefaces over the endless parade of derp that is the Dungeon Finder.  Yet I am discovering that the more I paladin tank, the more I turn into an uncontrollable, self-assured, and totally unforgiving honey badger.

Deal With ItThat's just how this works.

Deal With It
That’s just how this works.

I don’t know what it is.  Maybe it’s the endless facerolling, or perhaps it’s the gawgeous hair that none can match.  Instead of being the usual “I think it’s actually over this way, guys” sort of person I am when I’m DPSing, or the “ACK!  SORRY OMG YOU DROPPED LIKE A FLY” panic-prone person when I heal, I give people crap for pulling ahead of me and/or being stupid, and I also collude with the healer to get the unkickable killed.

Sometimes, I wonder WHAT HAVE I BECOME!?  But then most of the time, I just think something like this:

I REGRET NOTHINGNa-da.  Zilch.  Zero.

I REGRET NOTHING
Na-da. Zilch. Zero.

THIS PARTY IS NOT A DEMOCRACY!  I am the tank dictator.  It’s my way or the highway, and we don’t have highways in Azeroth.