Monthly Archives: March 2013

Excuse me while I start wimping out here

Futility, LFR style.

Futility, LFR style.

I’ve been avoiding playing Thermalix lately.

This is in no small part due to how the Isle of Thunder both annoys the bejeesus out of me while depressing the snot out of me.  It’s nothing but dailies on a gray, angry little island where pretty much everything ever hates your guts.  Players hate you.  Mobs hate you so much, they can magically aggro from wherever they please.  I’m pretty sure the island itself hates you.

Pet ProblemsOne moment he's here, the next ...

Pet Problems
One moment he’s here, the next …

I can be on a different platform.  I can be around a building.  I can be a mere bystander yards away when someone runs by, but somehow, the mobs they’re training will choose to attack me or my pet rather than jog back to where they came from.

Pet ProblemsI find him a bazillion yards from me, around a corner, on a different platform behind a pillar.  LOGIC.

Pet Problems
I find him a bazillion yards from me, around a corner, on a different platform behind a pillar. LOGIC.

So I’m declining the dailies there on daily basis.

Rep grinds in general make me think of how it feels when you get your fingers caught in that crack between the door jamb and the door itself at that exact moment when someone starts to close the damn thing on your tender digits.  This is a problem because rep grinds are the only way I can predictably improve gear, since anything that involves a roll is probably not going to end well.

For Gawd’s sake, I just want a freaking weapon from LFR.  I’m fixated on it now.  I finished that stupid legendary gem quest a long time ago, but I can’t repgrind for a weapon.  I can’t make one that’s better than what I got.  I think that one bow that drops in heroics is practically a myth because I have NEVER seen anyone wearing it.  LFR is the only place I can go where I’ve got a chance in hell of an upgrade.  So I wanna know: how many times do you have to run LFR for a weapon before you can honestly complain that your luck sucks?

There are, at present, four bosses (including Raigonn) that drop ranged weapons.

  • I’ve smashed the Will of the Emperor 11 times
  • I’ve regretted every single second of Hide while fighting Lei Shi, 8 times
  • I’ve kicked the turtles and Tortos himself 2 times

And that doesn’t count the extra rolls, of course.  So am I legit in complaining yet, or am I just wimping out?

The thing I like about leveling alts is the feeling that I’m “getting somewhere.”  But best of all, if I put in effort, I can actually GET that next level.  I can put in all the effort I darn well please and still not see a ranged weapon in LFR.  Rep grinds somehow manage to be twice as tedious as leveling while having much less surprise factor than LFR.   It takes longer to get from point A to point B.  Possibly worse, I can’t sit down and truck my way through a huge chunk of it when I feel like it – you’re stuck with doing little bits every day.  I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING NOWHERE FOREVER.

Challenges - My bad luck is neverending.

Challenges – My bad luck is neverending.

I think I’m just wimping out.  BUT IT ISN’T STOPPING.  Nor are the people who keep on linking all the damn crap they get in LFR to me, which makes me /sadface.  Look, I get that ya’ll are happy since you got your fancy new shiny gear.  You get a couple gloats in for free.  I’ll even congratulate you, because those shoulders/cloak/sword/whatever is awesome!  But after the third time (or the third freaking item, or that new piece of gear on your third freaking alt, or getting more gear on your third freaking run of the joint), just shut up.  SHUT UP.  I’m serious!  I’m sick and tired already of your luck and your shinyass gear, and rubbing it in isn’t funny anymore.

“Warning of the Bloodtusk” Set

"Warning of the Bloodtusk" Set

“Warning of the Bloodtusk” Set

Class: Monk, Druid, Rogue (without staff/polearm and/or waist)

H: Not shown | S: Bloodtusk Shoulderpads | Cl: Phantasmal Drape
Ch: Feral Harness | Wa: Red Belt of Unspoken Warning | L: Oilskin Leggings
G: Loramus’ Gloves | Wr: Not shown | B: Blighted Leather Footpads

Polearm: Grizzly Glaive

Status: Finished

Thoughts: Because trolls, mon!  Cal found these lovely (if you appreciate skulls) shoulders on the Isle of Thunder and sent them to me, so of course I had to make an outfit inspired by them.  It’s somewhat ironic, because I’m terrified to actually GO to Dailyland on Alexalis.  Her gear score is only 440-something!  SHE IS GONNA DIIIEEE.

Alexa last used the Feral Harness about, oh, maybe fifty or sixty levels ago, so I was surprised when I discovered it still sitting in the bank.  I was somewhat startled to find it at all – I must’ve blacked out all the memories of her wearing it, because those definitely are buckles on her bewbs and I normally don’t choose uncomfortable things like that.  I landed the pants on some long ago Uldaman run and promptly dumped them into the bank, where they remained until this Long Awaited Day™.  The shoes confused me by dropping on my first Halls of Reflection run for them, and the gloves merely required questing.  What was tough was the weapon … possibly made worse by the fact that OMG I can transmog staves and polearms together now yayayayayayay.  I actually had to go and make up my MIND!

First, I went with Flame Wrath, which I have never used but have been holding onto since the 50s.  Unfortunately, because monks position staves and polearms upside down on their backs, it looked like the weapon was about to set her butt on fire.  No good.  I don’t think Alexa would’ve been perturbed – just sew a new one on or something – but I just couldn’t stop thinking about how AWKWARD that would be.

So then I tried the Orca-Hunter’s Harpoon, thinking the bronzey accents might go.  It wasn’t BAD, exactly, but it wasn’t great either.

Next, I thought “TERROK’S QUILL!  That’s it!”  Then I remembered it had black on it, which wouldn’t be echoed anywhere else in the outfit.  Also, I discovered that I had already done the quest for it and gone with the mask reward instead.

After that, the Staff of the Plague Beast was clearly the answer, since it had red wrapping on a pointy handle.  Turned out the dragon’s head was too bright and distracting (LOLZ ORANGE).

At some point, Fel pointed out the Grizzly Glaive to me, and we rejoiced at finding something that 1.) had the red and the bronze from the shoulders, 2.) wasn’t TOO troll-like because we are talking Forsaken here, and 3.) didn’t look totally dumb upside down.  We mourned almost immediately, though, since we realized it was a random world drop.  My luck with that sort of thing is historically bad.

That said, I randomly chose to visit the AH one early morning and found it there for 50g, a real steal (especially when considering transmog prices on WRA these days).  DONE.

The Forgotten Depths of OH MY GOD SNAILS

You wanna know who the REAL boss of the Forgotten Depths is?  It’s this guy:

He's a Killer, I Tell YouA slime cold killer.

He’s a Killer, I Tell You
A slime cold killer.

I didn’t know this at first.  I accidentally fell into the Forgotten Depths a day too soon, which was rather nice as I got to explore without the hindrance of a LFR group wanting to know where the hale I was.  I couldn’t get very far, though, due to a magic invisible wall (which, in hindsight, was also nice).  I decided not to post about it at the time, thinking that stealing Blizzard’s thunder (/punny) might be a bit rude.  I did submit a bug report though.  I HELPED IMPROVE THE WORLD WOOOO!

Is This Broke?Yet it's oh so shiny and safe.

Is This Broke?
Yet it’s oh so shiny and safe.

Anyway, I thought the joint belonged to Tortos, who clearly had stepped out to take care of some personal business or something.  I shrugged and made a mental note to come back and give the guy a proper greeting later.  I definitely wasn’t thinking snails, because … well, snails.

We spent a bit of time admiring the shiny rock formations.

Forgotten Depths

Forgotten Depths

We knew that when we came back, we wouldn’t get a chance to look at them again.

There were, in fact, more turtles, but it was kinda crazy and none of my screenshots made sense.

There were, in fact, more turtles, but it was kinda crazy and none of my screenshots made sense.

As it happens, Tortos drops a nice shiny bow.  As it also happens, I did not get said shiny bow (even with the extra roll, because LOLZ WTF IS LUCK).  Aaaand as it happens, this other huntard got it and decided he had to link it in the instance chat.

GAWD GIVE ME STRENGTHEven if homicide's ok in Azeroth, tying the guy to a rocket and sending him to space probably isn't.

Even if homicide’s ok in Azeroth, tying the guy to a rocket and sending him to space probably isn’t.

People have been linking their fancy LFR weapons to me a lot lately.  There have been several who have even pointed out how their significant others have gotten this bow or that gun – teasing, they call it.  Meanwhile, I cried bitter tears of salty RNG frustration, holding my dinky heroic crossbow and my third or fourth Bottle of Infinite Stars.   (I should really start collecting those.)  I used to wonder why I got this fancy Sha-touched gem if I was never going to get a weapon that could use it, and I also used to wonder why nothing would give me gear I didn’t already have (or, Gawd forbid, is BETTER).

Thanks to my friends, however, I have moved on.  Yes, I now spend my time dreaming of the day when I miraculously do not suck horribly in PvP.  On said magical day, I would spy a huntard with a fancy LFR weapon (such as this one, who so clearly pointed himself out to me).   I would then kick his ass with my super goblin powers, steal his bow and tie him to a rocket.  Next, I’d taunt him with MY NEW SHINY BOW and laugh about the amazing drop rates he has – then light the fuse.

It’s probably obvious that this new era of amazingness will never come, and it’s also probably obvious that nobody wanted to wait around for me to finish fantasizing, so the group went and killed this multiheaded snake thinger FOR SCIENCE.

This Guy's Just FillerPractically trash!

This Guy’s Just Filler
Practically trash!

Since it was science, it was fatal for me.  Let’s move on to the real villain here, however.

That's Probably BadAnd why is it looking at my pet!?

That’s Probably Bad
And why is it looking at my pet!?

Snails.  Worse, they had a thing for my newly acquired and very shiny luxury model Devilsaur, Luxe.

I Think It's Time to Start Running NowThanks all, been lovely tromping through a cave with ya, but I REALLY gotta go.

I Think It’s Time to Start Running Now
Thanks all, been lovely tromping through a cave with ya, but I REALLY gotta go.

Almost every freaking time a snail popped up, it’d decide my pet was the thing to go for.  At first I tried running, but eventually I just sent poor Luxe in to melee range (and his death) so that the snail would pick on SOMEBODY ELSE.



Even though it was the first day this place was open to the public, there were clearly a handful of folks who had run it before and were more or less constantly pissed off by the incompetent flailing of all other individuals.

Note To SelfBeing a smartass is bad.

Note To Self
Being a smartass is bad.

Long story short, if there are things on the ground, running over said things pops murderous monsters.  I admit to dancing over some crap, mostly because I am a horrible person, and partially because I thought I could explain it (if necessary) by saying that I play with ground clutter to a minimum.  Wait, that doesn’t work at all.  Good thing nobody asked who was dashing on top of the bad, if only because it was assumed everybody was doing it.

Just When You Think You're Safe(Also, how the hell do grubs do that?)

Just When You Think You’re Safe
(Also, how the hell do grubs do that?)

Some folks eventually started being more aware of their surroundings, but only because they had other, more pressing matters to attend to, and every killer snail slowed this train down.

Now is Not the TimeJust hold it!

Now is Not the Time
Just hold it!

There was, apparently, a bird at the end.  This particular fight was remarkable for:

  • The people who ran the LFR previously insisted that everybody remain in the main platform while they would take care of the other platforms, because YOU PEOPLE ARE INCOMPETENT
  • The off tank was supposed to eat the green or something, but that didn’t happen because the main tank died and the off tank was immediately promoted (no Oath of Office required)
  • About ninety million people called for a battle res from the large number of DKs and druids present, but none were paying attention
  • So I got annoyed, dismissed Luxe the Devilsaur in the middle of the fight, and summoned Chiselclaw, my Quilen
  • THE HUNTARD RESSED THE TANK, PEOPLE.  THAT’S RIGHT, I CAN DO EVERYTHING.  Except take an attractive screenshot at the same time as all that …

I’m surprised getting blown off the platform didn’t result in my immediate death.

This Is Rather PrettyIf somewhat confusing, and also not of the boss at all.

This Is Rather Pretty
If somewhat confusing, and also not of the boss at all.

“Savage Scout” Set, or, “How I Fail At Rogue-ing”

"Savage Scout" Set

“Savage Scout” Set

Class: Rogue, Monk, Druid (your weaponry may vary)

H: Scout’s Hood | S: Mantle of Darkness | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Vest of Welcome (Ebon Filigreed Doublet) | Wa: Taut Dragonhide Belt | L: Bogpaddle Leggings
G: Savage Handwraps | Wr: Not shown | B: Swabbie’s Booties

1h Axe: Silversnap Bottle Opener (because if that doesn’t look like a goblin weapon, I don’t know what does)
Dagger: Gutgore Ripper

Status: Finished

Thoughts: Breaking news!  This just in!  Bombelina dresses like an actual rogue, confuses the hell out of people, world explodes.  Details on the news at 10:00.

Poor Bombelina.

Ever since she landed in Outland, she had a deep suspicion that something was not quite right.  She never had quite enough energy to do all the things she wanted to, and it often felt like she was jabbing at mobs with a couple of sticks.  By the time she positioned herself correctly to stab something in the back, that something would already be dead or halfway across the room.  She liked her routines; getting in stealth was important and so was pickpocketing before the first strike (“Gotta get yer money’s worth,” she’d say).  But groups who ran from fight to fight left little time for that sort of stuff, leaving her feeling out of sorts.

Then there came The Day, as she calls it, when she had The Realization.  She was in a Violet Citadel LFD party, and for the first time ever, people started quoting Recount numbers at her.  She had always assumed that DPS numbers didn’t REALLY matter as long as you were seen fighting things and said things went down before party members did.  But it seemed she had passed some sort of threshold where Obviously Doing Stuff no longer sufficed to cover for her poor fighting skills.  She was no longer ignored.  No, it was fight, then Recount.  Fight, then Recount.  Fight, then Recount and a Polite Exchange of Words because OMFG really guys, you gonna keep on Recounting at me after EVERY FIGHT?

It was then that Bombelina saw just how awful a Combat rogue she actually was.  All she was good for was opening boxes and pickpocketing gnome effigies.  And if she was honest about it, that’s all she really wanted to do, anyway.

Still, it was depressing.  She’d always managed to cover for her not-quite anywhere near up-to-snuff DPS by being chatty and pleasant, but now it seemed nothing could compensate for her wimpy chicken arms.   Bombelina started letting herself go, so soon her gloves didn’t match.  Then her boots didn’t match either.  Eventually, her belt clashed, and Bombelina prayed to Gawd that no one saw her cloak and helm before she managed to hide those.  She put on a tabard to cover as much of the sartorial disaster as she could, but somehow, it did nothing but make those boots uglier than they already were.  She stopped going out in groups unless she knew the tank or the healer, fearful that without an Important Defender, she would almost certainly face snark she did not want to deal with.

In short, she became a goblin hermit of sorts.  She never left the Slums, and was usually seen hanging out by the mailbox, waiting for someone – anyone! – to send her another lockbox.  Lockboxes don’t quote Recount at you, and they always have TREASURES.

It was clearly time for an intervention.

A friend drew her out to Northrend with the promise of killing All The Things so she could skin them for leatherworking mats.  Leatherworking had gotten depressing too, you see.  Not wanting to say no to such a nice offer, Bombelina went out questing with him.  They murdered all the things with skins in Grizzly Hills (though you cannot skin all the things with skins) and leveled a bit.  Afterwards, she started to leave the Slums more often.  It was hard to go outdoors looking like such a hot mess, though, so it wasn’t long before she decided that another transmog was in order.

Here, we have the results.  Her DPS is still godawful, but at least she can /dance with pride.

Thermalix Strikes at the Throne of Thunder

Yes, I went there.  AND THERE.

The Throne of ThunderThe goblin mind can justify anything it wants to do. ANYTHING.

The Throne of Thunder
The goblin mind can justify anything it wants to do. ANYTHING.

Though she knows a number of people who are crowing about the increased drop rates these days, Thermalix ran Mogu’shan Vaults and Terrace of Endless Spring this week and came up weaponless yet again.  She was at the farm afterwards, busily pouting and planting pumpkins, when she suddenly hit upon the glorious idea of SEEKING GREAT JUSTICE FOR THE POOR DEAD CHICKENS.  Since she has no equal for leaps of logic (these things make PERFECT SENSE), she grabbed a friend and queued for LFR.  With such a noble mission, how could things possibly go wrong?

Throne of ThunderI probably should've gone with the whole road less traveled.

Throne of Thunder
I probably should’ve gone with the whole road less traveled.

There was trash, of course, but Thermalix didn’t care about that.  They wouldn’t give her JUSTICE.  The first thing she encountered that mattered was Mr. Jin “The Zap” Rokh, seen above.   Thermalix was prepared in some ways (got a mission), but not in others (actually knowing WTF was going to happen).  So Fel did his darndest to explain what was about to unfold … in a way that a goblin could understand.

You see, this place is SCIENCE.  There will be water.  There will be lightning.  The two together can be unpleasant.

The Throne of ThunderIt's for SCIENCE!  And chickens.

The Throne of Thunder
It’s for SCIENCE! And chickens.

Thermalix gets science.  Really, she does.  She just doesn’t get why it has to be so damn painful all the time.  She also doesn’t get why we’d have a palace with water and crap in a place with constant bad weather.  IS THERE NOT WATER ENOUGH COMING FROM THE SKY??

The Throne of ThunderIt is an option.

The Throne of Thunder
It is an option.

Anyway, then came Horridon.  He also had a buddy, but Therm doesn’t remember that guy.  This is mostly because next to the shining beacon of awesomesauce that is Horridon the Horrible, anybody short of a god would fade into nothingness.  He was THERE – but he didn’t matter.

The Throne of ThunderOH GOD NO BAD DINO STOP

The Throne of Thunder

I don’t really remember why, exactly, I thought Therm could escape through a door.  I might’ve had some idea of cowering in a small opening that Horridon could not get himself into.  Unfortunately, pretty much all the doors are locked, busted or filled with trolls who would rather you die right here right now.

In truth, I’m somewhat thankful that Blizzard went with a direhorn for Horridon.  If it had been a Devilsaur like Oondasta, I would’ve been in a corner crying, door or no door, trolls or no trolls.  Anybody remember Sharptooth from the Land Before Time?  He, other carnivorous dinosaurs and, for some reason, mummies (I kid you not) were the terror or my childhood.

The Throne of ThunderMy dreams are usually three times my size.

The Throne of Thunder
My dreams are usually three times my size.

Some day.  But first …

The Throne of ThunderOtherwise, this angle could be awkward.

The Throne of Thunder
Otherwise, this angle could be awkward.

Thermalix has this secret fear that Zandalari trolls go commando.  I don’t know why.  It seems like something they’d do, and she’d just rather not know that sort of thing.  But so many of them keep showing up in kilts!  They’re practically giants, and Therm’s somewhere around two feet tall.  If her suspicions are true, she’s bound to witness something sooner or later.

The Throne of ThunderI have to figure out how to salvage those cannons first ... Or were they coffins?  Kinda hard to tell.

The Throne of Thunder
I have to figure out how to salvage those cannons first … Or were they coffins? Kinda hard to tell.

Either way, I’d like to take those home with me.  Anybody got a crowbar?

On to the council.


The Throne of Thunder

I was told it was a flustercluck, and indeed, the council of trolls delivered.  There was some contention in the LFR group in regards to who should be killed daaeed first.  Kill whoever’s possessed.  No, kill the sand guy.  No, the sand guy and the storm guy are equally bad.  Ignore the hulk.  No, kill him if he’s possessed.  No, kill the female troll, she does healing crap.  No, kill adds.  Thermalix concluded that she didn’t like the sand guy, so she was going to shoot him.  He seemed like the type to assassinate innocent chickens.

Being a goblin, however, Therm could not resist planning for the future once they were all taken care of.  Well, she probably just couldn’t keep up the pretense of fighting for the sake of dead chickens.  Real estate’s got so much more potential.

The Throne of ThunderYou know, after we deal with the whole troll/mogu thing.

The Throne of Thunder
You know, after we deal with the whole troll/mogu thing.

And lastly, she had to try something that she didn’t dare do while everybody else was still in the LFR – she went back to where the windy platform/bridgethings were, and she jumped.  It seemed to be the most efficient way of finding out what was down there.

The Throne of ThunderIt may be connected to the Twisting Nether.

The Throne of Thunder
It may be connected to the Twisting Nether.

“Ironscale Beast” Set

"Ironscale Beast" Set

“Ironscale Beast” Set

Class: Hunter (with crossbow), Shaman

H: Mok’Nathal Beast-Mask | S: Retcher’s Shoulderpads | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Mail of the Geyser | Wa: Windchill Binding | L: Ironscale Leggings
G: Yak Gauntlets | Wr: Not shown | B: Greaves of the Earthbinder

Crossbow: Horrifying Horn Arbalest*

Status: Finished

Thoughts: A second take on the Mok’Nathal Beast-Mask (with the first being the “Wolf in the Mists” set), this one is even BETTER for hiding mud and blending in!  Speaking of blending in, Moonfang (formerly known as The Lone Hunter) started off as my active pet for this getup, since he coordinates quite well.  Before you ask, the answer is yes, actually, I often try to match my pets to my transmog.  I just as often fail because I tame things like hot pink snakes and monkeys in fezzes.  Getting back to the pet and transmog at hand, I DID discover a slight problem with the combo – Moonfang also coordinates extremely well with the environment and overall atmosphere of the Isle of Thunder.

I know he's around here somewhere ...He's just so dang hard to find sometimes.

I know he’s around here somewhere …
He’s just so dang hard to find sometimes.

I can’t see him unless he is RIGHT in front of my face.  As a ghost, he blends in so well, it’s like he was never even there.  I lose sight of him the moment I glance away at anything else.  If it weren’t for his little portrait hanging out below mine like always, I’d just assume he gave up on the afterlife on the spot and faded away.  (Sometimes, I feel the same.  I have HOW MANY dailies left on this one damn island?  Cruel world!  I’m just going to give up and Feign Death right here.  JUST LEAVE ME TO DIIIIEEEE!  /sob … No wait, on second thought, don’t.  COME BACK!)

So, even though he matches like a pro, the poor puppy gets switched out when I visit the new Isle of Dailies Daily Queen that place.  I bring out Valentine or Peep, simply because they are SO BRIGHT it’s pretty darn obvious where they are at all times, even if they’re tanking something at a distance from me.  Also, if Valentine can tank the Lich King, I don’t think he’ll have much of an issue with some guy who can only control thunder.  Just sayin’.

Anyway, this outfit would not work for a male character, since it relies on the fact that the top loses almost all of the pale gray-blue color scheme of the Sanctified Frostwitch set it actually belongs to and magically turns mostly brown IF you happen to have bewbs.  The gem/clasp/thing at the throat is all that remains of the original primary hue, and it’s so small it’s hardly noticeable.  Also, while guys do get the color, they don’t get to show the cleavage.  Sorry, guys.  I know some of you want to put your moobs out there, but this outfit will not do it for you.

* I almost tossed this when Pandaland came along.  But I realized that this bow is totally from Dragonsoul, and what are the chances that I’m going to waltz through that joint by myself anytime soon?

I picture it like this …

Hey Zonozz, nice to see ya again, old buddy.  You see this ultra-mega-super-gun with an item level of ninety billion?  No, Zon, nine thousand was so five patches ago.  And yeah, you dead now.  Ultralixion!  Wow, it’s been so long!  We’re really nine expansions in now, totally trufax.  And I know, I look way different!  I racechanged to the new race, the Raptorians.  They got this nice racial.  So anyway, lemme tell you about this gun I picked up in the alternate reality of Pandaland in space on a Sha-ship … you’ll get a better view if I show it to you.  Stand there.  Yeah, that’s good.

… but I totally don’t see it HAPPENING.

No Shirt, No Shoes, All WTF

Sometimes, like when you’re questing Just Because and you accidentally run into two people out in the middle of nowhere who happen to be wearing no armor whatsoever and are talking about not being afraid of Santa, you just encounter a bunch of things that you can’t unsee.  (Or unthink, for that matter.  Can gnomes even do tha… ?  No.  No.  Bad brain!  BAD!  Stop that this instant!)

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

But onto the newer story (everybody knows just what goes on outside the walls of Stormwind, anyway).

The first time Thermalix completed the shipment for the August Celestials’ work order, she immediately turned her back to the cart to plant new things for Moar Rep.  I didn’t realize that somebody would show up at the ranch to pick up the produce.  I was expecting something more along the lines of the Harvest Moon game series, which has a magical “Shipment” box that you toss stuff in and it gives you money in return.  Magical cart that gives rep?  Suspension of disbelief, I haz it.

So when the Student of Chi-ji showed up to pick up the melons for the aforementioned faction, I wasn’t looking.  I saw the “I just love the sound they make when they explode!” line and had a small “wtf, is that what you’re doing with my carefully tended crops!?” moment before moving on.  I got Things To Do.  There’s virmen in them dere plants, and I gotta shoot ’em!  I’m BUSY!

But then Fel mentioned that the Student of Chi-ji shows up naked.

The idea of somebody picking up melons in their skivvies (or less) was seriously awkward.  Sure, Blizz has to compose outfits for ninety million NPCs, but forgetting to dress the NPCs for the new fancy rep quests?  Couldn’t possibly be true.  I had to know for sure, though, so the next day I waited for the Student to arrive.

I DON'T EVENWhy would you go get farm produce in your underwear?  WHY?

Why would you go get farm produce in your underwear? WHY?


WAIT, WHAT?I know your sentence wasn't that long, but you lost me.

I know your sentence wasn’t that long, but you lost me.

Is this some sort of whacked out Gallagher reference?  Just what are they DOING in that Temple!?  Some kind of crazy watermelon smashing orgy?  Girl, if you gotta wear something, we got SWIMSUITS for that kinda thing.  Don’t go ruinin’ your nice lingerie.

[Edit: At least they armed her.]

Becoming One With the Derp

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Let your worries flow from your body, and allow yourself to become one with the derp.

Or more accurately, level a DPS to 90 and then you’ll BE the derp, thanks to the amount of time spent traipsing around in Pandaland by your lonesome.  Blingtron being everywhere you go doesn’t faze you, but you’re startled when people actually say things out loud in the Shrine.  You’re jaded and you’ve lost your patience.  (I’m just telling you, those mother trucking hyenas were ASKING to die!  They should’ve just let me skin their buddy in peace!)  You wonder if that jerk of a questgiver really gave you all the quests he had, or if he’s just going to send you back to almost the same dang spot for something else.  Wait, were you there before?  You’re not sure anymore.  It’s all blending together … ding!  Level 90.  Clarity of derp achieved.

Some people craft gorgeous, useful jewels.  Some people engineer creative devices.I derp.

Some people craft gorgeous, useful jewels. Some people engineer creative devices.
I derp.

In all, Alexalis followed the same pattern established by my ninety million alts already in Pandaland:

The Pandarian JourneyI hear people quest in that Krasarangarang place.

The Pandarian Journey
I hear people quest in that Krasarangarang place.

  • Land in the Jade Forest.  Cue the pandas and Sha.
  • Leave the Jade Forest ASAP, because hozen.  Virmen take the stage.
  • At level 87, realize I can totally go to Kun-Lai Summit now and there’s a 24 SLOT BAG there! Hell yeah!
  • Decide to open up the Eternal Vale first in order to hearth at the shrine, since the return portal from Org is on the wrong side of Pandaland for pretty much any zone that isn’t the Jade Forest.  Bag tomorrow.
  • Get the bag from the quests.
  • Wonder what to do now that I’ve achieved my dream of increased storage space.
  • Quest aimlessly, shuffling from Townlong to Dread Wastes, depending on which seems the least agonizing at that exact moment in time.

During the course of 85 to 90, Alexalis encountered two rares, Sele’na and Lon the Bull.  She successfully defeated Sele’na, but lost to Lon.  She had the misfortune of meeting him exactly when everything ever in the area respawned, and that was just way too many mad cows at once.

Speaking of derping, I regularly catch myself referring to her spec as “Windwaker,” even though she’s used that spec for almost all of her 90 levels.  They’re totally similar, am I right?  Right?



Alexalis and Mr. WigglesThere may be a bit more suspicion in this relationship.

Alexalis and Mr. Wiggles
There may be a bit more suspicion in this relationship..

“Fancypants” Set, or, “The Quick Templar” Set

"Fancypants" Set, or "The Quick Templar" Set

“Fancypants” Set, or “The Quick Templar” Set

Class: Paladin

H: Golden Circlet | S: Turalyon’s Shoulderguards of Conquest | Cl: Consortium Cloak of the Quick
Ch: Turalyon’s Battleplate of Conquest | Wa: Talonguard Girdle | L: Templar’s Legplates
G: Gloves of the Swarm | Wr: Not shown | B: Sapphiron’s Scale Boots

Shield: Skyguardian’s Shield
1h Mace: Lucky Old Sun

Of course, looking at those shots, you CAN’T SEE the accursed gloves that caused me so much trouble!  So here’s a screenshot where they are obviously visible (though I was experimenting with a different weapon and shield).  I’m not entirely happy with the mace/shield combo, but whatever.  GLOVES.

Gloves of the SwarmI haz them.

Gloves of the Swarm
I haz them.

Thoughts: This transmog is made of disappointed hopes and wasted time.  AHAHAHAHAHA.  Aahahahaha.  /sobs  /goes and wipes out everything in the Ruins of Ahn-Qiraj just because she can

You see, once upon a long time ago, a lowbie paladerp named Niremere decided that she had to level insanely fast in order to be able to take part in the Theramore event.  This traumatic experience left the corpses of countless brain cells in its wake, which is probably why I decided that only the Gloves of the Swarm would do for this getup.  In turn, because life is life and my luck is bad, this meant that the Gloves of the Swarm NEVER FREAKING DROPPED.  As a result of THAT, yours truly lost STILL MORE brain cells, which is the most likely explanation as to why I KEPT ON TRYING.  (Either that, or stubbornness.  Either one.)  Thanks to the magic of Deadly Boss Mods, I am able to quantify my suffering at approximately one bazillion kills.  Yes, that is an accurate number.

This outfit was intended to be Niremere’s formal plate set for Important Occasions, even though I never roleplay and she’s been wearing it FOREVER AND ALL THE TIME anyway.  I’m not sure if it’s the stereotypical Alliance paladin color scheme – blue, gold and white – or what, but this has been one of maybe three outfits I’ve put together that has actually inspired perfect strangers to whisper me and say something, and currently holds the title (or something) of receiving the most comments in-game.  The second most-commented outfit is technically platekini.  Go figure!

They Like Me!

They Like Me!
Sure, they’d like me more in platekini, but whatevs!

This outfit could technically qualify for Project Platekini as it includes the Templar’s Legplates, which expose some random thigh (ONLY in the front, not in the back.  Don’t know why).  I came up with this getup before I ever thought of Project Platekini, however, so I’m not going to tag it as part of it.

Many Dinos, Tame Them

New in Patch 5.2: Thermalix Spendtrue, DINOSAUR HUNTARD.

MISSION: DINOThere will be Direhorns.

There will be Direhorns.

Well, that’s not exactly true.  Thermalix had the white Devilsaur from Un’goro Crater for a while back in the day, but they parted ways some time ago when Therm had to clear out some stable space for a monkey in a fez.  These days, Therm wanted one of those scarlet Direhorns, bigger than a Cadillac and redder than hell.  While they don’t come with all the bells and whistles any good goblin expects, Therm’s an engineer – she can handle that.

In any case, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s return to the beginning of the 5.2 patch.

Thermalix’s first priority was obtaining the farm.  This was much easier than she had anticipated.  Given the amount of work involved in opening the place up to its full potential, she was expecting it to be handed over for only the most thankless of tasks.  Say, something like having to wine and dine all the Tillers all over again, or maybe offering bribes of hard-to-obtain items that ONLY drop from mushans which have been exposed to the Sha of Anger for five seconds or less, or even offing Yoon by orchestrating a mysterious Exploding Master Plow accident (much as she liked the panda, if he’s gotta go, he’s gotta go).  Farms are serious business, guys.  And plows OBVIOUSLY blow up all the time!  Everybody knows plow fatalities are common.  Fortunately for Yoon, however, Therm’s worries were unfounded.  Dude just walked off.


Or maybe not, but a supply of carrots is.

Farm For The HordeI can plant four things at once now!  World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Farm For The Horde
I can plant four things at once now! World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Now, back to the thundar and dinos.

Thermalix arrived on the Isle of Thunder to find Lorthie* and the Sunreavers in need of assistance.  While they’re strong enough to create fancy magic invisibility domes that you can’t ride any type of mount in (this seems like an oversight somehow), they were having a problem with Mogu.  And dead things.  And trolls.  And Saurok.  You’d think we were having problems with EVERYTHING on this dang island … oh wait, actually, yeah, we are.

InvisibilityNothing to see here.

Nothing to see here.

Let me summarize this island for you: Blah blah blah dailies.  Also, lightning.

Now that we’re done with that useful and insightful description, it’s DINOTIME!  To the Land Before Time Jurassic Park Isle of Giants!

As it turns out, you need a fancy tome of learnin’ to know how to tame Direhorn-type dinos, even though you were totally able to tame Devilsaur-type dinos back in Un’goro Crater without having to get your Masters degree in Huntering.  While I say a dino is a dino, Blizzard either wanted to make some form of awesomesaur available to every hunter spec, or they simply wanted to use the word “Dinomancy.”

After careful CCing because OWW OMG WTF (apparently you aren’t supposed to fight the Dinomancers alone),  I was victorious.  It certainly helped that while Dinomancers do heal THEMSELVES, they don’t heal EACH OTHER.  Still, I don’t know how long it took, nor how many Dinomancers fell to my bow, mostly because I was too busy trying to grab some dang Dinomancers for myself.  There was a surprising amount of competition!  [Edit: It also helps not to pull all the dinosaurs ever, just sayin’.]

MISSION ACCOMPLISHEDWell, mostly, anyway.

Well, mostly, anyway.

Truly, he is a magnificent creature.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?
Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

* I’ve got some campaign slogans for him!


Secretly, I’d still vote for Sassy Hardwrench or Basic Campfire.