You wanna know who the REAL boss of the Forgotten Depths is? It’s this guy:
I didn’t know this at first. I accidentally fell into the Forgotten Depths a day too soon, which was rather nice as I got to explore without the hindrance of a LFR group wanting to know where the hale I was. I couldn’t get very far, though, due to a magic invisible wall (which, in hindsight, was also nice). I decided not to post about it at the time, thinking that stealing Blizzard’s thunder (/punny) might be a bit rude. I did submit a bug report though. I HELPED IMPROVE THE WORLD WOOOO!
Anyway, I thought the joint belonged to Tortos, who clearly had stepped out to take care of some personal business or something. I shrugged and made a mental note to come back and give the guy a proper greeting later. I definitely wasn’t thinking snails, because … well, snails.
We spent a bit of time admiring the shiny rock formations.
We knew that when we came back, we wouldn’t get a chance to look at them again.
As it happens, Tortos drops a nice shiny bow. As it also happens, I did not get said shiny bow (even with the extra roll, because LOLZ WTF IS LUCK). Aaaand as it happens, this other huntard got it and decided he had to link it in the instance chat.
People have been linking their fancy LFR weapons to me a lot lately. There have been several who have even pointed out how their significant others have gotten this bow or that gun – teasing, they call it. Meanwhile, I cried bitter tears of salty RNG frustration, holding my dinky heroic crossbow and my third or fourth Bottle of Infinite Stars. (I should really start collecting those.) I used to wonder why I got this fancy Sha-touched gem if I was never going to get a weapon that could use it, and I also used to wonder why nothing would give me gear I didn’t already have (or, Gawd forbid, is BETTER).
Thanks to my friends, however, I have moved on. Yes, I now spend my time dreaming of the day when I miraculously do not suck horribly in PvP. On said magical day, I would spy a huntard with a fancy LFR weapon (such as this one, who so clearly pointed himself out to me). I would then kick his ass with my super goblin powers, steal his bow and tie him to a rocket. Next, I’d taunt him with MY NEW SHINY BOW and laugh about the amazing drop rates he has – then light the fuse.
It’s probably obvious that this new era of amazingness will never come, and it’s also probably obvious that nobody wanted to wait around for me to finish fantasizing, so the group went and killed this multiheaded snake thinger FOR SCIENCE.
Since it was science, it was fatal for me. Let’s move on to the real villain here, however.
Snails. Worse, they had a thing for my newly acquired and very shiny luxury model Devilsaur, Luxe.
Almost every freaking time a snail popped up, it’d decide my pet was the thing to go for. At first I tried running, but eventually I just sent poor Luxe in to melee range (and his death) so that the snail would pick on SOMEBODY ELSE.
Even though it was the first day this place was open to the public, there were clearly a handful of folks who had run it before and were more or less constantly pissed off by the incompetent flailing of all other individuals.
Long story short, if there are things on the ground, running over said things pops murderous monsters. I admit to dancing over some crap, mostly because I am a horrible person, and partially because I thought I could explain it (if necessary) by saying that I play with ground clutter to a minimum. Wait, that doesn’t work at all. Good thing nobody asked who was dashing on top of the bad, if only because it was assumed everybody was doing it.
Some folks eventually started being more aware of their surroundings, but only because they had other, more pressing matters to attend to, and every killer snail slowed this train down.
There was, apparently, a bird at the end. This particular fight was remarkable for:
- The people who ran the LFR previously insisted that everybody remain in the main platform while they would take care of the other platforms, because YOU PEOPLE ARE INCOMPETENT
- The off tank was supposed to eat the green or something, but that didn’t happen because the main tank died and the off tank was immediately promoted (no Oath of Office required)
- About ninety million people called for a battle res from the large number of DKs and druids present, but none were paying attention
- So I got annoyed, dismissed Luxe the Devilsaur in the middle of the fight, and summoned Chiselclaw, my Quilen
- THE HUNTARD RESSED THE TANK, PEOPLE. THAT’S RIGHT, I CAN DO EVERYTHING. Except take an attractive screenshot at the same time as all that …
I’m surprised getting blown off the platform didn’t result in my immediate death.