The Forgotten Depths of OH MY GOD SNAILS

You wanna know who the REAL boss of the Forgotten Depths is?  It’s this guy:

He's a Killer, I Tell YouA slime cold killer.

He’s a Killer, I Tell You
A slime cold killer.

I didn’t know this at first.  I accidentally fell into the Forgotten Depths a day too soon, which was rather nice as I got to explore without the hindrance of a LFR group wanting to know where the hale I was.  I couldn’t get very far, though, due to a magic invisible wall (which, in hindsight, was also nice).  I decided not to post about it at the time, thinking that stealing Blizzard’s thunder (/punny) might be a bit rude.  I did submit a bug report though.  I HELPED IMPROVE THE WORLD WOOOO!

Is This Broke?Yet it's oh so shiny and safe.

Is This Broke?
Yet it’s oh so shiny and safe.

Anyway, I thought the joint belonged to Tortos, who clearly had stepped out to take care of some personal business or something.  I shrugged and made a mental note to come back and give the guy a proper greeting later.  I definitely wasn’t thinking snails, because … well, snails.

We spent a bit of time admiring the shiny rock formations.

Forgotten Depths

Forgotten Depths

We knew that when we came back, we wouldn’t get a chance to look at them again.

There were, in fact, more turtles, but it was kinda crazy and none of my screenshots made sense.

There were, in fact, more turtles, but it was kinda crazy and none of my screenshots made sense.

As it happens, Tortos drops a nice shiny bow.  As it also happens, I did not get said shiny bow (even with the extra roll, because LOLZ WTF IS LUCK).  Aaaand as it happens, this other huntard got it and decided he had to link it in the instance chat.

GAWD GIVE ME STRENGTHEven if homicide's ok in Azeroth, tying the guy to a rocket and sending him to space probably isn't.

Even if homicide’s ok in Azeroth, tying the guy to a rocket and sending him to space probably isn’t.

People have been linking their fancy LFR weapons to me a lot lately.  There have been several who have even pointed out how their significant others have gotten this bow or that gun – teasing, they call it.  Meanwhile, I cried bitter tears of salty RNG frustration, holding my dinky heroic crossbow and my third or fourth Bottle of Infinite Stars.   (I should really start collecting those.)  I used to wonder why I got this fancy Sha-touched gem if I was never going to get a weapon that could use it, and I also used to wonder why nothing would give me gear I didn’t already have (or, Gawd forbid, is BETTER).

Thanks to my friends, however, I have moved on.  Yes, I now spend my time dreaming of the day when I miraculously do not suck horribly in PvP.  On said magical day, I would spy a huntard with a fancy LFR weapon (such as this one, who so clearly pointed himself out to me).   I would then kick his ass with my super goblin powers, steal his bow and tie him to a rocket.  Next, I’d taunt him with MY NEW SHINY BOW and laugh about the amazing drop rates he has – then light the fuse.

It’s probably obvious that this new era of amazingness will never come, and it’s also probably obvious that nobody wanted to wait around for me to finish fantasizing, so the group went and killed this multiheaded snake thinger FOR SCIENCE.

This Guy's Just FillerPractically trash!

This Guy’s Just Filler
Practically trash!

Since it was science, it was fatal for me.  Let’s move on to the real villain here, however.

That's Probably BadAnd why is it looking at my pet!?

That’s Probably Bad
And why is it looking at my pet!?

Snails.  Worse, they had a thing for my newly acquired and very shiny luxury model Devilsaur, Luxe.

I Think It's Time to Start Running NowThanks all, been lovely tromping through a cave with ya, but I REALLY gotta go.

I Think It’s Time to Start Running Now
Thanks all, been lovely tromping through a cave with ya, but I REALLY gotta go.

Almost every freaking time a snail popped up, it’d decide my pet was the thing to go for.  At first I tried running, but eventually I just sent poor Luxe in to melee range (and his death) so that the snail would pick on SOMEBODY ELSE.



Even though it was the first day this place was open to the public, there were clearly a handful of folks who had run it before and were more or less constantly pissed off by the incompetent flailing of all other individuals.

Note To SelfBeing a smartass is bad.

Note To Self
Being a smartass is bad.

Long story short, if there are things on the ground, running over said things pops murderous monsters.  I admit to dancing over some crap, mostly because I am a horrible person, and partially because I thought I could explain it (if necessary) by saying that I play with ground clutter to a minimum.  Wait, that doesn’t work at all.  Good thing nobody asked who was dashing on top of the bad, if only because it was assumed everybody was doing it.

Just When You Think You're Safe(Also, how the hell do grubs do that?)

Just When You Think You’re Safe
(Also, how the hell do grubs do that?)

Some folks eventually started being more aware of their surroundings, but only because they had other, more pressing matters to attend to, and every killer snail slowed this train down.

Now is Not the TimeJust hold it!

Now is Not the Time
Just hold it!

There was, apparently, a bird at the end.  This particular fight was remarkable for:

  • The people who ran the LFR previously insisted that everybody remain in the main platform while they would take care of the other platforms, because YOU PEOPLE ARE INCOMPETENT
  • The off tank was supposed to eat the green or something, but that didn’t happen because the main tank died and the off tank was immediately promoted (no Oath of Office required)
  • About ninety million people called for a battle res from the large number of DKs and druids present, but none were paying attention
  • So I got annoyed, dismissed Luxe the Devilsaur in the middle of the fight, and summoned Chiselclaw, my Quilen
  • THE HUNTARD RESSED THE TANK, PEOPLE.  THAT’S RIGHT, I CAN DO EVERYTHING.  Except take an attractive screenshot at the same time as all that …

I’m surprised getting blown off the platform didn’t result in my immediate death.

This Is Rather PrettyIf somewhat confusing, and also not of the boss at all.

This Is Rather Pretty
If somewhat confusing, and also not of the boss at all.

23 thoughts on “The Forgotten Depths of OH MY GOD SNAILS

  1. felenvy

    I didn’t heal that first boss and instead smiled while jumping around kicking turtles :3
    I hated healing that 2nd boss though ><
    And snails, OMG the snails have to be the BEST TRASH EVER D:

          1. Leit

            Stay behind it and pray it doesn’t turn around. Personally I stay way the hell clear and pop Exos and Judgements while the ranged handle it.

            “Oh yeah, imma just stand back here and judge *the hell* out of you, girlfriend…”

            Snails are hermaphrodites, so that will always work! IMPORTANT INFORMATION.

  2. Anoukisse

    As usual, your post had me lolling. The screenshot with the panda “Is this broke?” and your comment when the bow dropped… “And mother trucker I hate that guy”. Just LOL.

    1. Prinnie Powah Post author

      Never fear! If there’s a need to state the obvious, Prinnie is here!

      And I still hate every huntard ever who posts in LFR chat that they got the weapon. I got an envy issue …

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