Monthly Archives: March 2013

Becoming One With the Derp

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Let your worries flow from your body, and allow yourself to become one with the derp.

Or more accurately, level a DPS to 90 and then you’ll BE the derp, thanks to the amount of time spent traipsing around in Pandaland by your lonesome.  Blingtron being everywhere you go doesn’t faze you, but you’re startled when people actually say things out loud in the Shrine.  You’re jaded and you’ve lost your patience.  (I’m just telling you, those mother trucking hyenas were ASKING to die!  They should’ve just let me skin their buddy in peace!)  You wonder if that jerk of a questgiver really gave you all the quests he had, or if he’s just going to send you back to almost the same dang spot for something else.  Wait, were you there before?  You’re not sure anymore.  It’s all blending together … ding!  Level 90.  Clarity of derp achieved.

Some people craft gorgeous, useful jewels.  Some people engineer creative devices.I derp.

Some people craft gorgeous, useful jewels. Some people engineer creative devices.
I derp.

In all, Alexalis followed the same pattern established by my ninety million alts already in Pandaland:

The Pandarian JourneyI hear people quest in that Krasarangarang place.

The Pandarian Journey
I hear people quest in that Krasarangarang place.

  • Land in the Jade Forest.  Cue the pandas and Sha.
  • Leave the Jade Forest ASAP, because hozen.  Virmen take the stage.
  • At level 87, realize I can totally go to Kun-Lai Summit now and there’s a 24 SLOT BAG there! Hell yeah!
  • Decide to open up the Eternal Vale first in order to hearth at the shrine, since the return portal from Org is on the wrong side of Pandaland for pretty much any zone that isn’t the Jade Forest.  Bag tomorrow.
  • Get the bag from the quests.
  • Wonder what to do now that I’ve achieved my dream of increased storage space.
  • Quest aimlessly, shuffling from Townlong to Dread Wastes, depending on which seems the least agonizing at that exact moment in time.

During the course of 85 to 90, Alexalis encountered two rares, Sele’na and Lon the Bull.  She successfully defeated Sele’na, but lost to Lon.  She had the misfortune of meeting him exactly when everything ever in the area respawned, and that was just way too many mad cows at once.

Speaking of derping, I regularly catch myself referring to her spec as “Windwaker,” even though she’s used that spec for almost all of her 90 levels.  They’re totally similar, am I right?  Right?

Pigses.

Pigses.

Alexalis and Mr. WigglesThere may be a bit more suspicion in this relationship.

Alexalis and Mr. Wiggles
There may be a bit more suspicion in this relationship..

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“Fancypants” Set, or, “The Quick Templar” Set

"Fancypants" Set, or "The Quick Templar" Set

“Fancypants” Set, or “The Quick Templar” Set

Class: Paladin

H: Golden Circlet | S: Turalyon’s Shoulderguards of Conquest | Cl: Consortium Cloak of the Quick
Ch: Turalyon’s Battleplate of Conquest | Wa: Talonguard Girdle | L: Templar’s Legplates
G: Gloves of the Swarm | Wr: Not shown | B: Sapphiron’s Scale Boots

Shield: Skyguardian’s Shield
1h Mace: Lucky Old Sun

Of course, looking at those shots, you CAN’T SEE the accursed gloves that caused me so much trouble!  So here’s a screenshot where they are obviously visible (though I was experimenting with a different weapon and shield).  I’m not entirely happy with the mace/shield combo, but whatever.  GLOVES.

Gloves of the SwarmI haz them.

Gloves of the Swarm
I haz them.

Thoughts: This transmog is made of disappointed hopes and wasted time.  AHAHAHAHAHA.  Aahahahaha.  /sobs  /goes and wipes out everything in the Ruins of Ahn-Qiraj just because she can

You see, once upon a long time ago, a lowbie paladerp named Niremere decided that she had to level insanely fast in order to be able to take part in the Theramore event.  This traumatic experience left the corpses of countless brain cells in its wake, which is probably why I decided that only the Gloves of the Swarm would do for this getup.  In turn, because life is life and my luck is bad, this meant that the Gloves of the Swarm NEVER FREAKING DROPPED.  As a result of THAT, yours truly lost STILL MORE brain cells, which is the most likely explanation as to why I KEPT ON TRYING.  (Either that, or stubbornness.  Either one.)  Thanks to the magic of Deadly Boss Mods, I am able to quantify my suffering at approximately one bazillion kills.  Yes, that is an accurate number.

This outfit was intended to be Niremere’s formal plate set for Important Occasions, even though I never roleplay and she’s been wearing it FOREVER AND ALL THE TIME anyway.  I’m not sure if it’s the stereotypical Alliance paladin color scheme – blue, gold and white – or what, but this has been one of maybe three outfits I’ve put together that has actually inspired perfect strangers to whisper me and say something, and currently holds the title (or something) of receiving the most comments in-game.  The second most-commented outfit is technically platekini.  Go figure!

They Like Me!

They Like Me!
Sure, they’d like me more in platekini, but whatevs!

This outfit could technically qualify for Project Platekini as it includes the Templar’s Legplates, which expose some random thigh (ONLY in the front, not in the back.  Don’t know why).  I came up with this getup before I ever thought of Project Platekini, however, so I’m not going to tag it as part of it.

Many Dinos, Tame Them

New in Patch 5.2: Thermalix Spendtrue, DINOSAUR HUNTARD.

MISSION: DINOThere will be Direhorns.

MISSION: DINO
There will be Direhorns.

Well, that’s not exactly true.  Thermalix had the white Devilsaur from Un’goro Crater for a while back in the day, but they parted ways some time ago when Therm had to clear out some stable space for a monkey in a fez.  These days, Therm wanted one of those scarlet Direhorns, bigger than a Cadillac and redder than hell.  While they don’t come with all the bells and whistles any good goblin expects, Therm’s an engineer – she can handle that.

In any case, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s return to the beginning of the 5.2 patch.

Thermalix’s first priority was obtaining the farm.  This was much easier than she had anticipated.  Given the amount of work involved in opening the place up to its full potential, she was expecting it to be handed over for only the most thankless of tasks.  Say, something like having to wine and dine all the Tillers all over again, or maybe offering bribes of hard-to-obtain items that ONLY drop from mushans which have been exposed to the Sha of Anger for five seconds or less, or even offing Yoon by orchestrating a mysterious Exploding Master Plow accident (much as she liked the panda, if he’s gotta go, he’s gotta go).  Farms are serious business, guys.  And plows OBVIOUSLY blow up all the time!  Everybody knows plow fatalities are common.  Fortunately for Yoon, however, Therm’s worries were unfounded.  Dude just walked off.

FOOL.  ENDLESS PROFIT IS MIIIIIINE!

Or maybe not, but a supply of carrots is.

Farm For The HordeI can plant four things at once now!  World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Farm For The Horde
I can plant four things at once now! World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Now, back to the thundar and dinos.

Thermalix arrived on the Isle of Thunder to find Lorthie* and the Sunreavers in need of assistance.  While they’re strong enough to create fancy magic invisibility domes that you can’t ride any type of mount in (this seems like an oversight somehow), they were having a problem with Mogu.  And dead things.  And trolls.  And Saurok.  You’d think we were having problems with EVERYTHING on this dang island … oh wait, actually, yeah, we are.

InvisibilityNothing to see here.

Invisibility
Nothing to see here.

Let me summarize this island for you: Blah blah blah dailies.  Also, lightning.

Now that we’re done with that useful and insightful description, it’s DINOTIME!  To the Land Before Time Jurassic Park Isle of Giants!

As it turns out, you need a fancy tome of learnin’ to know how to tame Direhorn-type dinos, even though you were totally able to tame Devilsaur-type dinos back in Un’goro Crater without having to get your Masters degree in Huntering.  While I say a dino is a dino, Blizzard either wanted to make some form of awesomesaur available to every hunter spec, or they simply wanted to use the word “Dinomancy.”

After careful CCing because OWW OMG WTF (apparently you aren’t supposed to fight the Dinomancers alone),  I was victorious.  It certainly helped that while Dinomancers do heal THEMSELVES, they don’t heal EACH OTHER.  Still, I don’t know how long it took, nor how many Dinomancers fell to my bow, mostly because I was too busy trying to grab some dang Dinomancers for myself.  There was a surprising amount of competition!  [Edit: It also helps not to pull all the dinosaurs ever, just sayin’.]

MISSION ACCOMPLISHEDWell, mostly, anyway.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, mostly, anyway.

Truly, he is a magnificent creature.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?
Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

* I’ve got some campaign slogans for him!

LORTHIE FOR WARCHIEF 2013: HE WEARS THE PANTS IN THIS FACTION
LORTHIE FOR WARCHIEF 2013: ONLY ONE MAN IN THE HORDE HAS HAIR ENOUGH TO TAKE ON VARIAN WRYNN’S PONYTAIL

Secretly, I’d still vote for Sassy Hardwrench or Basic Campfire.

Can’t Teach an Old Casual New Tricks

I debated for awhile whether or not I was going to post this, but then I realized, it really doesn’t matter.  If nothing else, it’ll help me cope with the fact that I got hung out to dry without a chance to defend myself or address any of the issues that guild leadership allowed to boil over.  If folks are angry with me for writing what I think, well, it’s not like I’ll never know, since they never told me about the issues they had with me in the first place.  Rather than deal with the ACTUAL problem – the misunderstandings that were allowed to fester – they elected to get rid of the perceived source of the problem – me.  Easier, yes.  The right thing to do?  Depends on who you talk to.  When I tried to talk to an officer, I was ultimately redirected to the guild master, who just wanted to get it over with.  It didn’t sound like folks who were willing to change the way they see me.

In the end, though, this is fine.  Now that I know how the guild handles interpersonal issues, it clearly wasn’t the place for me, no matter how much I loved hanging out with everyone, or how funny and smart I thought everyone was.  I need things out in the open, because I’m tired of no one telling me TO MY FACE there’s an issue.  I’m tired of people being surprised and insulted when I fail to magically realize and correct my apparently bad behavior.

I also think raiding had a lot to do with it, so I’m done with raiding too.

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