Esplodine had been sitting at 88 for a very, very long time. Since February, to be exact, when she was last spotted in the Valley of Four Winds making imperial silk and turning all the moths into floating baby polar bears. (This was also prior to being renamed something more appropriate for someone who considers “running around in circles casting the circular Arcane Explosion” to be a legitimate rotation.) Despite the fact that I make a point of getting all Pandaland level alts hearthed at the Shrine ASAP, she had never, ever moved out of the Goblin Slums in Orgrimmar.
It just so happens that she’s also got tailoring and enchanting maxed out, and I’m getting kiiiinda tired of buying expensive enchants. (Also, additional bag space is always highly attractive.) Hmmmmmmmmm. Esplodine’s hour had come.
I gotta say, she got a little overconfident. Knowing that she’s a bit challenged when it comes to mage-ing “properly,” Esplodine didn’t bother going to Townlong or (Gawd forbid) the Dread Wastes. Instead, she hung out in Kun-Lai, where she safely trounced all the things – with a few exceptions. But even the exceptions made her a little cocky – sure, she had to flee from four or five hozen that one time, but she lived. Ok, so she only had like, 200 HP left, and if a CRITTER had hit her, she would’ve been toast. BUT NOTHING DID, SO THERE. Sprites? Yeah, whatever. Her own anger? Ok sure, no problem.
She breezed through to 90 on a combination of rested EXP, Slow, Blink and, of course, Arcane Explosion.
So upon hitting 90, she decided she was gonna help out the Darkspear at the last minute. The scenarios went fine (thanks to Cav doing like, 100k+ damage). Being ranged, she survived killing a few commanders in the Barrens for a few resources. She took them back to Vol’jin, both expecting the Kor’kron attack and expecting it to be no big deal.
Unfortunately, within minutes, she realized that clothie + having taken Invocation because it’s a passive (which reduces the amount of HP it returns) + you can only Slow ONE thing + hahaha ilevel 430 hahahaha + these Darkspear guards don’t actually seem to be helping much = OH MY EFFING GOD HELP ME WHY GAWD WHYYYYYYY
She tried to be careful. She tried to pick off the single Kor’kron here and there. It’s just that every freaking time she tried these things, four or five freaking Kor’kron would stomp over and smash her face into the red desert dust.
Esplodine being Esplodine, however, she did not despair. No, she spotted a shadow priest nearby, and thought, “dude, they got Power Word: Shield. And heals. And, frankly, I can use any help I can get.” Random invite to perfect stranger? NO PROBLEM.
It’s safe to say that the perfect stranger did not expect what watching Esplodine operate would be like.
The moment four or five more Kor’kron made a beeline for her, Esplodine took off running. Slow one, sure. Blink, absolutely. Buttonmash the ice shield thing until it comes back up? Yep. Stop running? HELL NO, NOT UNTIL DEATH ITSELF TAKES ME. Rocket Jump! Frost Nova! Nether Tempest! Did Arcane Missiles just proc? Too damn bad, she’d have to stop running and turn around to use it. BLINK!
Even with the assistance of a shadow priest, she still got flattened in Razor Hill.
Being 90 is hard.