Siege of the Stairboss

Ever since I rolled my first character, I have been constantly trolled by stairs without rails, elevators that insist on going up or down at the exact wrong time, visual illusions that make me think there’s a floor where none exists, ledges that pop right beneath my feet, and the continued existence of the numlock key.  The latter is troublesome because I will sometimes hit said key without realizing it, which subsequently causes me to freak the hell out about how I can’t stop my character from running forward what’s going on, and CRAP, there’s a cliff, SOMEBODY HELP MEEEE!

In fact, I’ve only beaten the gravity god once in all this time – there was that day when Mech lagged out of reality and started trippin’ in the Valley of Four Winds …

Lighter-Than-Air Goblin Either lagging hard or on something.  Or both.

Lighter-Than-Air Goblin
Either lagging hard or on something. Or both.

So it figures that the Siege of Orgrimmar would feature towers.  Orcish towers, of course, much like the ones in use for the zeppelins.  Clearly, orcs do not give a flip about architectural improvements or lawsuits over broken necks, because they didn’t add any rails to the stairs in these towers, either.  SIGH.

Stairs ... This Can't Possibly End Well Somebody's going to fall down 'em, and it's probably gonna be me.

Stairs … This Can’t Possibly End Well
Somebody’s going to fall down ’em, and it’s probably gonna be me.

The guild started methodically smashing through the raid already, so I was not present when they cleared everything up to Galakras.  A couple of the regulars had to call off on this fateful, towerful* night, however, so I was summoned to heal.  It’s funny – once upon a time, I would have considered my healing spec’s 510 gearscore to be amazingly hot sheeyit!   But after listening to the raid discuss gearscores (520s was a definite must), I felt kinda like I was running into this battle wearing a pretty dress and not much else, just like Aethas Sunreaver.  (Spoiler: HOLY CRAP, AETHAS SUNREAVER HAS A FACE.)

OMG HUGE DISCOVERY HERE PEOPLE I dunno, for some reason ... I never thought he had a face.  Or hair.  Or a head for that matter.

I dunno, for some reason … I never thought he had a face. Or hair. Or a head for that matter.

At first, I was on the “tower team.”  This meant that whenever the raid leader said, “my team, let’s go,” I’d run like hell up the hill to the tower (hopefully AFTER somebody else).  We’d then smack some orcs around and run up the stairs in order to take on the dude at the very top of the tower.  Defeating him would let us wrest control of this tactically important feature for ourselves!  That was the idea, at least.

Stupid Stairs I DEMAND AN ELEVATOR ... on second thought, maybe stairs are for the best.

Stupid Stairs
I DEMAND AN ELEVATOR … on second thought, maybe stairs are for the best.

In reality, where was the tower team’s healer?  Ummmmm, well …

A.) Your healer fell down the rail-less stairs and had to run up a second time.
B.) Your healer got knocked the hell off the tower and plummeted to her doom.  (What, you didn’t hear her screaming on Vent?  The healer had the mic on mute, you say?  Oh.  Good.)
C.) That one time your healer got bounced off the tower but DIDN’T die on impact, she tempted fate by expressing her surprise.  So she got shot up and THEN died.
D.) Your healer was really concerned about NOT getting knocked off the tower.  Therefore, she was trying really hard to see the “don’t stand here” stuff on the ground that wasn’t there yet, so YOU died.  Sorry.
E.) Obviously, gravity slows the casting of healing spells by a factor of four.  That’s your healer’s story and she’s sticking to it.
F.) All of the above.

Correct answer: F.

So then they put me on the “ground team.”  Basically, the ground team stays on the ground, which I bet you didn’t expect!  They take on every opponent that comes down the path while preventing the Important NPCs from getting themselves killed, because if one of them goes down, everybody else spontaneously gives up and goes home.

Dangit People He's Just One Blood Elf They're everywhere!  We can get another!

Dangit People He’s Just One Blood Elf
They’re everywhere! We can get another!

Since gravity is SUCH a downer, you’d think that being on the ground team would be a great improvement for me.  It was, sorta, since I no longer had to explain my inability to ascend a spiral staircase at a run.  But it kinda sorta wasn’t, because then I had to explain my inability to stop standing in sheeyit.  (“But it’s everywhere” isn’t considered an acceptable excuse.)  Poison clouds got me sometimes, but my #1 biggest, most overwhelming issue was fire arrows.

I swear, it was like I was being constantly bombarded with the things.  You’ll always take some damage from them, but you can avoid the rest of the damage by moving a bit.  Seems like the obvious solution is to never stop moving!  So, um, why’s the healer dead?

B.) Spiritwalker’s Grace was on cooldown, so when they shot me in the face practically constantly and I had to keep moving, I couldn’t get any freaking heals cast on myself or on anybody else, and I got overwhelmed by the initial damage.  Again.
C.) I tried to run away from some fire arrows, but then I ran into some poison instead.  Again.
D.) Actually, I didn’t see what killed me that time either, but I’m pretty sure some fire arrows had something to do with it.
E.) All of the above.

Correct answer: E.

I felt bad for the other ground team healer, who was pretty much carrying the whole thing despite saying that he couldn’t solo heal it.  I don’t know if it’s a lack of practice or what, but it’s like I just can’t make the right decision at the right time – hold still and finish casting this heal at the cost of eating some fire arrows?  Avoid eating more fire arrows at the cost of not finishing the cast?  Either way, this is going to hurt.  Enough consecutive bad decisions and down you go.  I WANT to live, it’s just that I don’t know HOOOOW.

Honestly, I don’t mind being backup.  It means that I don’t always have to be there, which is good, since the guild raids on Pacific time.  (I like shinies, but I also like sleep.)  Being backup does have its challenges, though, because I will always have a lower gearscore and less experience.  The lower gear means I have less oomph to my heals relative to the damage we’re taking, and the lesser amount of experience means that I move a fraction slower than would be ideal.  These things aren’t always fatal, but in current raid content, that sliver of time can mean a lot – especially when it’s a lot of little unconscious hesitations that end up adding into a ton of damage.

Towerful Lots of towery towering towers.

Lots of towery towering towers.

* This is a totally legit way of describing things.  Got a lot of towers?  This place is towerful.  Are the towers very important to the whole encounter?  Those towers are towerful.


20 thoughts on “Siege of the Stairboss

  1. socalminstrel

    Do your guildmates read this blog? Sometimes I wonder if you’re expressing yourself to them indirectly through these posts! 😉

    Healing fights you’re not familiar with is always tricky; healers really need experience with the patterns of damage to be able to plan ahead during the encounter…when will I move, when will I turret, when will I use a cooldown, etc.

    1. Prinnie Powah Post author

      Of course they do! In my desperate search for readers and comments, I link everybody I know here. It helps the first count, but not always the second. 😀 I am aware (or at least hoping) that people I know and don’t know alike are reading the blog, because the audience is part of the reason for actually writing posts that are more than just “/CRIES IN A CORNER, WHY DO I SUCK WHYYYYYYYYYYYY.” I’m trying to share stories and whatnot with a bit of comedy. 😀

      I wish I could get out of the fire arrows. :< Or that they'd shoot someone else. :< Or, alternately, that Blizz would just give up on the whole standing stationary while casting crap since they keep on designing encounters that are meant to eff with that.

      LFR comes out with the first part of Siege today, and I'm torn between LAVA EVERYTHING and trying to heal it. I am thinking that since it's the first week, lava may be better for my sanity. Actually, since it's the first week, maybe I should just avoid it. o_O

      1. socalminstrel

        Yeah, I don’t mind all the heavy movement encounters, I just wish they’d offer all class/specs more on-the-move abilities. We can’t all be hunters. Or rather, we could be, but then only the pets would get healing.

        As for fire arrows, I’m pretty sure they shoot all the things all the time. Maybe it’ll be a sort of comfort to you that you’re not being persecuted by them? I always feel like they’re always shooting at me, too!

        Also, I love your stories and hope you never stop writing them. 🙂 It’s just that from the tone of your stories of raiding with your guild, I had this image of you saying “Sorry for dying, guys, but read my blog and all will be explained!” But without, you know, saying it explicitly. I’m no longer making sense, sorry. :/

        1. Prinnie Powah Post author

          “Sorry for dying, guys, but read my blog and all will be explained!”

          It probably is a subconscious motivator! We’re of course too busy when in raid for much other than:

          Raid Leader: Beth, did you just get knocked off?
          Me: ……… Yesssssssssssssss.
          Raid Leader: Beth, what got you that time?
          Me: …………………. I stood in poisonnnnn. T____T
          Raid Leader: Where’s my healer?
          Me: …………………………. I dieeeeeeeeeed. T_T

            1. Prinnie Powah Post author

              Yeeeeeeeeeeep that’s usually when I fire off responses to whispers. (And by response, I mean something like, “CRAP I STOOD IN CRAP” regardless of the original subject.)

      2. Mama Druid

        “I’m trying to share stories and whatnot with a bit of comedy.”

        And you are succeeding. I am a people you don’t know & your posts highly amuse me. Thank you for the taking the time to write & utilize your Photoshop skills (seriously!).

        I love your comment about getting another Blood Elf. On most servers, especially RP servers, Belves are the overwhelming majority Horde-side. You really could port to Silvermoon City and grab a handful. Heh. That would make a fun story for them!

        Also, I hope to all that is holy/unholy (pick your poison) in the vast lands of Azeroth that you do not have to fight/heal **ON** the stairs. I was waiting for it as I was reading, but you did not mention this atrocity.

        1. Prinnie Powah Post author

          Why thanks! Always glad to hear from new folks. 😀

          We didn’t fight on the stairs at all, thank Gawd – we killed the mobs at the base, then ran to the top where the boss was. I could barely handle going up them let alone having to like, do something at the same freaking time.

  2. Jojo

    I, too, struggle with stairs, lifts etc. The first time I went to Orgrimmar I ran into the lift tower expecting a spiral staircase to find the lift was about half way up/down and to see my poor cow face down on it 😦 With stairs, I have been known to follow the ‘inside path’ and in fact cut across where there is no stairs and plummet to my death.
    So, trust me when I say that you’re not alone!!

  3. Toast

    Your posts are too funny. Here’s hoping you can accompany your guild in the first few bosses a few more times before being thrown back to the wolves of the Kor’kron at Orgrimmar’s gate! Gear does a lot for your survival, don’t feel bad!

    1. Prinnie Powah Post author

      I am pretty sure I just have to stay on the ground and figure out how to live. We gave it a shot last night for practice’s sake in Flex mode, and got through the whole fight, so it’s totally doable. (It also totally seemed like there were less fire arrows everywhere in flex, which I consider a 100% plus!)

  4. Leit

    …wait a sec. According to the forsaken starting area, only humans are susceptible to being raised by Sylvanas’ new flunkies. Where’s she planning to get the mojo to raise an elf?

    And on a completely unrelated, no really totes legit note, what exactly has she been up to with Koltira?

    1. Prinnie Powah Post author

      My idea is that maaaaaybe she got some inspiration from the mogu. Or something. Or they hired a goblin to build a resurrection amplifier that works on anybody regardless of race.

      Whatever she’s up to with Koltira, I’m pretty sure he’s not enjoying it. Actually maybe he’s her test subject for resurrecting elves? (Would it count if the elf in question has already been dead?)

  5. Zeirah

    Oh this was me.. we originally didn’t know there should be a ground team and so everyone ran up the stairs onto the towers and I’d be thrown off or fall off or something, I think there were sighs of relief when they discovered a ground team strat because it meant they could legitmately leave me down there.

  6. Leit

    Did this fight in Flex last night. OMG all the adds but why.

    Have you tried Dark Shaman yet? Legit worst melee fight EVER. Survived one pull – our kill. And that was only in Flex…

    1. Prinnie Powah Post author

      Yeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Pretty much everything in the area ever aggros, we discovered, so we pretty much wiped out all of “downtown” Orgrimmar. We beat the Dark Shamans, though I wasn’t alive at the end of the fight. Between all the stuff on the ground and all the stuff on the ground, there was no way short of a miracle I was gonna live.


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