Thok the Bloodthirsty and Terrifying and Scary

Turn Around Right Now It's not worth it!  Leave it down here and lock the big door!!

Turn Around Right Now
It’s not worth it! Leave it down here and lock the big door!!

When I was a kid, I was a bit of an odd duck.  Sure, I liked My Little Pony and horsies and whatnot as young girls usually do, but I also had an enduring fascination with geology (volcanoes specifically), meteorology and all kinds of dinosaurs (interests which persist even now, actually).  The thing is, as a wee little Prinnie, I also had an overactive imagination – no mere monster under the bed would suffice for me!  For example, there just could be mummies living in my backyard who might climb in through the windows after dark, but who could be defeated by touching something white in their presence.  (My bedsheets were white, which made the whole concoction most convenient.  It was nicely thrilling AND I could still sleep at night!)

So even though I loved dinos, GIANT MEAT-EATING DINOSAURS always scared the sheeyit outta me (despite every last one of them being deader than a doornail).  They definitely had to be both Giant and Meat-Eating, because these qualities are very important for inspiring just the right amount of terror.  Jurassic Park was like a horror movie for me.  I got through the book just fine, but when it came time to watch the film, I had to leave the freaking room.  I had nightmares about getting eaten alive by T-Rex for YEARS.

Yes, This Scared Me Very Badly Don't judge!  Also velociraptors ogodhalp

OHAI GUIZE DON’T MIND ME JUST WANT LITTLE NOMS
Velociraptors are scary too ogodhalp

I remarked once that I was glad Horridon was not some sort of Giant Meat-Eating dinosaur with cannons, which of course was probably tempting fate.  And even though I know that my personal karma has nothing to do with why Blizzard went and put THIS guy in the new raid, it kinda still feels like it influenced the decision somehow.

Om Nom Nom? NO NOMS.  BAD THOK, BAD.

Om Nom Nom?
NO NOMS. BAD THOK, BAD.

Thok is Giant.  And he is Meat-Eating.

LITTLE NOMS? Bad Thok!  What did I tell you about nomming on people!?

LITTLE NOMS?
Bad Thok! What did I tell you about nomming on people!?

So Thok, being the Giant Meat-Eating dino that he is, must fulfill his destiny by mercilessly terrorizing anyone in the immediate area.  He does this in a couple ways.  First, he interrupts casting and locks you out of that magic school for two seconds with increasing frequency as the fight goes on.  This, predictably, is annoying as everliving hell if you happen to rely upon spells that aren’t instant.  But if you were thinking that melee had it good, well, no, not exactly.  They are the most likely to get eaten if they don’t get the eff out of the way, after all.  Can you sleep at night, or do you hear big pointy teeth chomping on your armor?

But perhaps even worse for everyone involved, Thok will eat other prisoners in the enclosure and as a result gain abilities that make the life of his next intended dinner – yes, that would be the raid – miserable.  Say he eats the Saurok – suddenly you’re handling not only a mad and mean dinosaur, but one who is all of the above AND poisonous!  Or let’s say he chows down on the Yaungol.  Things also become unpleasant – for when he bleeds, he bleeds fire everywhere.  And there’s nothing you can do to stop him from EATING ALL THE THINGS, other than kicking his ass and staying the hell away when he’s chasing after YOU.

... I AM GOING TO DIE


I AM GOING TO DIE

Since my first run against Thok was with friends who are like, ninety million times more competent and geared than I am, my responsibility in this fight was simple: don’t get eaten.  My personal goal was not to squeak in terror if I got targeted, and I’m proud to say that I shrieked loudly when I did.  Ghost Wolf form helps one escape from being eaten, what with the 30% increased movement speed!  Unfortunately, Thok has a movement speed increase of his own.  I was within feet of becoming a bite-sized snack before a priest Leap of Faithed me the hell out of the danger zone – which is pretty much anywhere in front of Thok and his teeth.

MORE NOMS PLZ One goblin is not nearly enough.

MORE NOMS PLZ
One goblin is not nearly enough.

Sometimes, I wonder what kind of abilities Thok would end up with if he ate a tiny terrified goblin such as myself.  Would he be able to do the female goblin giggle?  Shoot lightning beams out of his eyes?  Kill players via a Big Derp attack, where he unexpectedly trips, falls over, and squashes everybody underneath him?  Or would he be inflicted with a debuff, something like, “Indecision: You cannot pick a mog and are stunned for four seconds until you figure it out.”

My only regret was that I had been told there was a snail kept in the vicinity, but I didn’t see it.  Apparently no one wanted to let it out of its cage …

NO NOMS FOR YOU I'm going to move away now, before he bites me because he was totally just faking.

NO NOMS FOR YOU
I’m going to move away now, before he bites me because he was totally just faking.

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16 thoughts on “Thok the Bloodthirsty and Terrifying and Scary

    1. Prinnie Powah Post author

      Seriously, I totally can’t watch Jurassic Park by myself, even now that I’m an old fart and theoretically know better.

      LFR-Thok will probably break my mind.

      Reply
  1. Leit

    In mostly-unrelated news, sharks apparently only bite things to try and figure out what they are, being as their eyesight is godawful and they don’t have hands. Generally they find the taste of fresh human to be terrible, which is why most survive this fact-finding process with a bite or so. (it’s also why sharks tend to end up with all sorts of weird shit being pulled out of their bellies when they do get caught…)

    So, maybe dino-buddy isn’t looking for a meal. Maybe he just wants to know what you are, and his teeny little arms are betraying him. 😦

    Reply
    1. Prinnie Powah Post author

      I have two responses to this:

      1. One of my cats does the same thing. She tries to figure out what’s edible and what’s not by eating it first, and then figuring it out later. The thing is, as a responsible kitty owner, I am able to remove the most frequent victims (socks usually) from her reach and all the socks remain happy and hole-free. I CAN’T DO THIS WITH THOK.

      2. You know, this might not be so bad if I were a Tauren. But for a goblin, one bite and it’s over! (Actually I think anyone who gets within a cone-shaped area in front of him while he’s Fixated just dies. There’s no surviving.)

      Reply
  2. Erinys

    I watched a large chunk of Jurassic Park through my jumper 😦 and am still semi afraid of the carpet crocodiles when I have to get out of bed in the middle of the night. Also a giant meat eating giggling Dino would be even more terrifying.

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Why so linear | int i;

  4. Talarian

    Hey Prinnie Powah, sorry for throwing a comment on a really old post (well, old in Internet days), but I was hoping I could borrow some of your highly amusing pictures (with attribution of course) for a WoW parody song about Thok that I’ve written. I’m not commercializing the piece (no ads, selling, etc.), just purely for funsies. Thanks 🙂

    Reply
  5. Pingback: Liebsternated | That Was an Accident!

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