The simple act of punching some poor mob in the face has a long and storied history in Azeroth, starting way back when in the dark ages known as Vanilla. People of that era felt compelled to level up their skill in unarmed combat. It seems strange to us now, but life in those days was rough, and you never knew when you might have to smash in someone’s schnozz. More recently, this “punch the @#$%er in the face!” fighting technique has resurfaced for those who vastly outlevel the quest content they happen to be doing. Why, my buddy Kash was in that very situation the other night! Her character was buff beyond belief in comparison to the zone’s monsters, so in order to finish up the quest chain for a transmog item she wanted, she had to remove her weapon and strip all her gear.
LFR was being unusually docile* that evening, which left me with some extra time on my hands. I had an idea. It was not just a plain old idea, oh no – it was a freaking brilliant idea, and I lost no time sharing it. “Let’s go punch our way through all the old raids ever,” I said. Kash agreed that this was a genius time-wasting concept, so I set about creating a raid group devoted to naked fisticuffs with old school bosses. I spent ages cajoling, demanding and insisting with virtually everybody on my friends list, but weirdly, nobody else wanted to come. (Seriously, guys, where are your priorities!?)
So in the end, it was just Kash and me. We had ambitious plans when we first started, which included taking on everything BC, battering all things Lich King, and ultimately ending up KO’ing Deathwing, all with our puny fists. As you’ve probably guessed, we badly underestimated the amount of time it takes for two people to punch trash and raid bosses to death.
We decided on a “no skills whatsoever” rule, so I brought Alexalis, assuming that as a Mistweaver monk, her punchy-healy goodness would keep our tiny party alive without anybody actually having to use healing abilities. Kash was smart, and brought a tabard with her. I didn’t think that far ahead, but I did have a shirt on by accident! (I forgot Alexalis even had one …)
We started off with Tempest Keep. All seemed well at first, and we made it through the trash easily (if slowly) just by swinging our fists. But then we started down the slippery slope of skill usage with Al’ar, who kept flying away. Movement abilities were okay, we decreed, just not fighty-fighty abilities. Unfortunately for us, old content still has berserk timers, and we went way past that limit. Unfortunately for Al’ar, he couldn’t put much of a dent in us, even when he was berserked. Still, it took so damn long, we concluded that fighty-fighty abilities were okay, as long as you weren’t using a weapon.
Goa then made the mistake of logging in, and in short order I dragged him into the Keep in time to face off against the Void Reaver.
We’d forgotten that Goa, being a warrior, couldn’t use any skills whatsoever without weapons, and that just didn’t seem fair somehow. We let him use his weapons after that, mostly so he could press some buttons, but also because it sped things up a good deal. It’s not that we couldn’t punch everything to death, but more that the punching-only rule was sucking up more time than we had to waste – dinnertime was coming upon us fast. We skipped Solarian or whatever her name is, and went directly to the top, getting into a fist (and dual mace) fight with Kael’thas. We eventually managed to take him out – and promptly forgot to take a good picture.
*So we came to the Spoils fight, and as usual, people started talking to the damned box and starting the fight even though groups hadn’t been split up yet. Irritated, I told ’em, “don’t start it up yet, ya derps,” and they stopped. Weirder yet, nobody objected to being called a “derp.” Even stranger still, nobody insulted me, my momma and my DPS for telling them what to do.