Category Archives: Esplodine

The Machinima About the Vale That I Can’t Make

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Blue, blue caravan
Winding down to the valley of lights

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

My true love is a man
Who would hold me for ten thousand nights
In the wild, wild wailing of wind

He’s a house ‘neath a soft yellow moon

Tavern in the Mists

So blue, blue caravan
Won’t you carry me down to him soon

Blue, blue caravan
Won’t you drive away all of these tears
For my true love is a man
That I haven’t seen in years

Wrathion

He said,
“Go where you have to,
For I belong to you until my dying day”

Wrathion

So like a fool, blue caravan, I believed him
And I walked away

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Oh, my blue, blue caravan
The highway is my great wall

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

For my true love is a man
Who never existed at all

Not What He Seems

Oh, he was a beautiful fiction
I invented to keep out the cold
But now, my blue, blue caravan
I can feel my heart growing old

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Oh, my blue, blue caravan
I can feel my heart growing old

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Prepatch Roundup

Electrika Goldwasher, Who Would Heal You With Lava

Electrika Goldwasher, Who Would Heal You With Lava

Electrika
Gearscore: 514 (elemental) / 507 (restoration)
Quote: “OGOD WTF THE DAMAGE, IT HURTS”

  • Became the main for two reasons: OMFG LAVA YES HAHAHA and a second spec that actually does something other than more DPS.  Did I mention lava?  I need to point out lava again.  You know, that whole versatility thing.
  • Electrika will NEVER have enough valor, EVER.
  • Has no Lesser Charms/Mogu Runes of Fate of this writing and probably won’t by the time the patch rolls around, either.  /pro
  • Electrika has the current tier’s 4 piece set bonus on her elemental outfit – the first such thing for me in my entire WoW career.  FOUR WHOLE PIECES ERMAGERD.
  • Needs to freaking finish jewelcrafting.  She’s currently in Cata stuff, but I just.  Can’t.  Seem.  To take the last step.
  • I’ve discovered something that hurts more than Durumu’s purple bullsheeyit, and that is heroic Jin’Rokh’s dance party of death, featuring lightning orbs that … well, really hurt.
  • While the guild will be starting progression as soon as the Siege of Orgrimmar opens, it remains to be seen if Electrika will be present (being backup and all).
  • Will be the first of my characters to faceplant into the new content.
Thermalix Spendtrue, Professional Facepuller

Thermalix Spendtrue, Professional Facepuller

Thermalix
Gearscore: 506 (for all the specs because all she does is shoot things)
Quote: “How many colors does that come in?”

  • Hasn’t seen much action since she got a ToT LFR gun (her life’s goal is now complete) and Electrika became the main (Sorry Therm, bandaging people doesn’t count as healing), therefore she needs to relearn the finer points of Survival and Beast Mastery
  • Wants to tame the red version of Portent, as she has the purple, blue and green ones.
  • Needs to fill up her shiny new stable slots.
  • Wants to start a campaign for having a hunter-tamable murderaffe in game, as well as a petition of some sort for making a sha-snail the next big raid boss.
  • At some point, should begin and progress in the Brawler’s Guild.
Mechalis, Fast as a Rock With No Momentum!

Mechalis, Fast as a Rock With No Momentum!

Mechalis
Gearscore: 476
Quote: “WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

  • So Mechalis, being a Death Knight, has become my only Horde platewearer and thus has been given all the non class-specific plate transmogs originally planned for the deleted paladin.  Accordingly, she’s been running Black Temple with two monks, which has been surprisingly painful.  It’s not the damage that’s the problem.  It’s just that monks can move like they’re on a sugar high, and Mech can’t.  She spends all her time running after them, following the trail of dead bodies they leave behind!  Still, she can’t object to her primary role being looter-in-chief.
  • Wants to go to ICC for transmog gear, like just about every DK ever.  Can’t survive on her own, however, despite the reputation Death Knights have for being practically immortal.
Esplodine, Beauty Queen Most enchanting, least competent enchanter ever.

Esplodine, Beauty Queen
Most enchanting, least competent enchanter ever.

Esplodine
Gearscore: 471
Quote: “Seriously, who needs 4k for flying now!?  This is ridiculous.  You need HOW MUCH for that enchant!?  Gawd, I need to get that recipe some day.”

  • Somehow, the poor girl became the AH mastermind for my Hordeside characters.  Esplodine has a tendency to viciously undercut anyone on anything, because she gets sent ALL the things my other characters pick up, and she just wants to get rid of it all.  Right now.  Also, your high price on those ugly low level gloves is stupid.
  • Needs to sell those Darkspear tokens … now’s the time!  Also the last chance.
  • Needs to run LFR for enchanting mats.
  • Must befriend the Shado-pan and August Celestials for enchanting/tailoring recipe crap.  Or was that rep requirement getting removed?  Can’t remember.  Got the spellthread from the Golden Lotus, so all is well on that front at least.
Ignitine the Ebil Will Nuke All the Things

Ignitine the Ebil Will Nuke All the Things

Ignitine
Gearscore: N/A
Quote: “You made the shaman after me, so why am I still in Northrend?”

  • Needs to get to 80+ for transmog purposes.
  • Will not be choosing the Grimoire of Supremacy at 75 after all, because I find the sounds the Observer makes highly annoying.
Bombelina Likes Things Including fancy shoulders, lockboxes and not taking damage.

Bombelina Likes Things Including fancy shoulders, lockboxes and not taking damage.

Bombelina
Gearscore: N/A
Quote: “I’m working on it!”

  • Needs to freaking level or something, as it seems like she’s been 80 forever.  All the Ghost Iron lockboxes get sent to Mech, since she can craft keys and Bombelina’s too low to open them.  A maxed leatherworker would be nice, too.
  • Too embarrassed to use LFD with Bombelina.  My DPS is THAT BAD.
Alexalis Wishes Fist Weapons Would Drop in Pairs

Alexalis Wishes Fist Weapons Would Drop in Pairs

Alexalis
Gearscore: 463
Quote: “Wow, did I just see what I think I just saw?”

  • Alexa has to run LFR for gear.  Most important would be another fist weapon/one hander, because she currently has two hands but only one LFR weapon.  Problem!
  • Needs to get the belt for her mog set.  Seriously, it’s the last dang piece.
Ailabeth Blisswell.  Mind Control coming soon to a brain near you.

Ailabeth Blisswell. Mind Control coming soon to a brain near you.

Ailabeth
Gearscore: 444 (that’s a palindrome!)
Quote: “I can only do the Living Steel transmute for one of you two …”

  • Can be found hanging around mailboxes in the Shrine, making flasks for Electrika from herbs that Electrika provided.  Sometimes does Living Steel/Trillium transmutes for Thermalix or others.
  • Needs to get the dagger for her mog set.  Seriously, it’s the last dang piece.
  • Maybe get to 460 gearscore.
Betheki says, "Resto is easy!  Until you screw it up!"

Betheki says, “Resto is easy! Until you screw it up!”

Betheki
Gearscore: N/A
Quote: “NO! DON’T PULL ALL THE VRYKU…. sigh.  Yes yes, I know, I suck as a healer.”

  • Betheki is currently at that awkward stage where LFD dumps you in Utgarde Keep an awful lot, as well as that slightly painful stage where you feel all competent to start with, but then you realize that you’re using the entirely wrong spells because OMFG SHAMAN HABITS CRAP WE’RE DEAD.
  • Wishes tanks wouldn’t pull all the vrykul in the first little hallway of the Keep so she can take a moment to remember what to do other than “Cast Rejuvenation.”  But they never do, so she uses the wrong spell too slowly anyway, and everybody dies.
  • Thinking about switching her alt spec back to boomkin.  If shaman got better around the 70s, maybe boomkin will too?  I can’t do feral (too much like rogue), so it may be her only choice for her DPS alt spec.
Niremere Lane of the Noodlearms

Niremere Lane of the Noodlearms

Niremere
Gearscore: 482
Quote: “My repair bill is more than the gold I got from that …”

  • I hit like a puffball and take more damage than a tissue in the hands of someone with a sinus infection.  On the plus side, her noodle arms are now hitting for like, 50k!  Yay!
  • Got to the 480s at the request of Ty, who wanted to run heroic scenarios Alliance-side.
  • SOME DAY, THAT PLATE CHEST FROM SSC WILL DROP, I SWEAR.
  • Keeping up with content tied reps (like Operation: Shieldwall) has become increasingly difficult for Niremere, because I ran out of time I rely heavily on decent gear to help me compensate for how I can’t ret.  The problem with this strategy: as Nir has gotten farther behind on both rep/LFR and content, she has also gotten behind on gearing to the point where continuing in current stuff kinda sucks.  She still hasn’t finished the solo instances that open up the different parts of the Isle of Thunder (though I haven’t started those again since hitting 480).
Daschela Tel, in a mog she does not yet have

Daschela Tel, in a mog she does not yet have

Daschela
Gearscore: N/A
Quote: “Look, just because I have heirlooms doesn’t make me rich.  My money-making 90s are of the OPPOSITE FACTION.”  (Ok, so she said it a little less politely.)

  • I want to get Daschela to 90 so she can take over content/progression-tied reps for Nire, and also because I enjoy ranged more than melee.  Enjoyment is necessary when going through LFR!  (There ARE times when you just gotta smash crap in the face with a sword.  Still, I generally prefer being far, far away from potential ouch over mauling something up close and personal.  Preserving the sanctity of my hide is priority #1!)
  • I got several (some faction-specific) transmog plans in mind that look great on Draenei, though not so much on goblins, due to the way proportions of items change.  Must.  Complete.  Mog.  Sets.

Have you ever wondered what happens when ModelViewer screws up and you see all the possible hairdos and all the possible facial features, all at once?  No? Well, I’m here to give you nightmares, because it looks like this:

...uh, wow, can't unsee

…uh, wow, can’t unsee

[Edit: oops, hit publish before I added all the images.  WORK IN PROGRESS HERE, people.]

Baby Don’t Hurt Me No More

Esplodine had been sitting at 88 for a very, very long time.  Since February, to be exact, when she was last spotted in the Valley of Four Winds making imperial silk and turning all the moths into floating baby polar bears.  (This was also prior to being renamed something more appropriate for someone who considers “running around in circles casting the circular Arcane Explosion” to be a legitimate rotation.)  Despite the fact that I make a point of getting all Pandaland level alts hearthed at the Shrine ASAP, she had never, ever moved out of the Goblin Slums in Orgrimmar.

It just so happens that she’s also got tailoring and enchanting maxed out, and I’m getting kiiiinda tired of buying expensive enchants.  (Also, additional bag space is always highly attractive.)   Hmmmmmmmmm.  Esplodine’s hour had come.

I gotta say, she got a little overconfident.  Knowing that she’s a bit challenged when it comes to mage-ing “properly,” Esplodine didn’t bother going to Townlong or (Gawd forbid) the Dread Wastes.  Instead, she hung out in Kun-Lai, where she safely trounced all the things – with a few exceptions.  But even the exceptions made her a little cocky – sure, she had to flee from four or five hozen that one time, but she lived.  Ok, so she only had like, 200 HP left, and if a CRITTER had hit her, she would’ve been toast.  BUT NOTHING DID, SO THERE.  Sprites?  Yeah, whatever.  Her own anger?  Ok sure, no problem.

Pay No Attention to Those Tiny Numbers It's a nice shot otherwise.

Pay No Attention to Those Tiny Numbers
It’s a nice shot otherwise.

She breezed through to 90 on a combination of rested EXP, Slow, Blink and, of course, Arcane Explosion.

So upon hitting 90, she decided she was gonna help out the Darkspear at the last minute.  The scenarios went fine (thanks to Cav doing like, 100k+ damage).  Being ranged, she survived killing a few commanders in the Barrens for a few resources.  She took them back to Vol’jin, both expecting the Kor’kron attack and expecting it to be no big deal.

Unfortunately, within minutes, she realized that clothie + having taken Invocation because it’s a passive (which reduces the amount of HP it returns) + you can only Slow ONE thing + hahaha ilevel 430 hahahaha + these Darkspear guards don’t actually seem to be helping much = OH MY EFFING GOD HELP ME WHY GAWD WHYYYYYYY

She tried to be careful.  She tried to pick off the single Kor’kron here and there.  It’s just that every freaking time she tried these things, four or five freaking Kor’kron would stomp over and smash her face into the red desert dust.

Esplodine being Esplodine, however, she did not despair.  No, she spotted a shadow priest nearby, and thought, “dude, they got Power Word: Shield.  And heals.  And, frankly, I can use any help I can get.”  Random invite to perfect stranger?  NO PROBLEM.

It’s safe to say that the perfect stranger did not expect what watching Esplodine operate would be like.

BLINK SLOW FROST NOVA BLINK OGOD RUN RUN RUN Eff that dignity thing, I'm going for SURVIVAL.

BLINK SLOW FROST NOVA BLINK OGOD RUN RUN RUN
Eff that dignity thing, I’m going for SURVIVAL.

The moment four or five more Kor’kron made a beeline for her, Esplodine took off running.  Slow one, sure.  Blink, absolutely.  Buttonmash the ice shield thing until it comes back up?  Yep.  Stop running?  HELL NO, NOT UNTIL DEATH ITSELF TAKES ME.  Rocket Jump!  Frost Nova!  Nether Tempest!  Did Arcane Missiles just proc?  Too damn bad, she’d have to stop running and turn around to use it. BLINK!

Even with the assistance of a shadow priest, she still got flattened in Razor Hill.

Being 90 is hard.

What?  You want me to port all your level 1 bank alts to the Shrine? As long as you're payin', I don't see why not.

What? You want me to port all your level 1 bank alts to the Shrine?
As long as you’re payin’, I don’t see why not.

“Dream Lord” Set, or the “Parachute” Set

"Dream Lord" Set, or the "Parachute" Set

“Dream Lord” Set, or the “Parachute” Set

Class: Mage

H: Time Lord’s Hood | S: Furious Gladiator’s Silk Amice | Cl: Imbued Infantry Cloak
Ch: Vicious Embersilk Robe | Wa: Dreamer’s Belt | L: Not shown
G: Vicious Embersilk Gloves | Wr: Not shown | B: Riptide Shoes

Wand: Wand of Prismatic Focus
Offhand: Talisman of Nightbane

Thoughts: So I love the Time Lord’s Hood.  Love.  If I could, I’d go back in time and do Dragonsoul LFR to get that color variant, but alas!  Such a thing is no longer possible for Esplodine.  So, you do what you can, and what Esplodine CAN do is tag along and try not to die on regular 10 man runs.  The token for the helm dropped on the last Dragonsoul run she was on, but the druid healer we pugged needed on it as well and won.  Esplodine almost had a heart attack followed by an uncontrollable urge to rise from the dead, turn said tree into paper and (of course) grab the hat, but fortunately all she had to do was grovel a lot.  The druid decided the tier didn’t look good and traded the token to Esplodine.  VICTORY.

For better or worse, the moment I finally got her all nice and mogged up, I thought “parachute.”  And now I can’t unsee.

I’ve had the Talisman of Nightbane in the bank forever and always wanted to use it (IT’S A MAGICAL BLOWTORCH, YESSSSSSS), so I did.  Unfortunately, I then thought “Hindenburg,” and now I can’t unsee.

But I love the Time Lord’s Hood.

Now what?

Decisionating

Flying baby pandas yay!  (Until the Forsaken DK kills them all because Forsaken DKs are generally cranky.)

Flying baby pandas yay!
(Until the Forsaken DK kills them all because Forsaken DKs are generally cranky.)

Putting aside Thermalix and Niremere for the moment (since they count as the mains for their respective factions), now that I think about it, I have four alts in Pandaland.  FOUR.  What am I doing!?  I need to pick one and level her to 90.  You know, “choosing,” that act of making a decision and following through on it?  Yeah, that thing.

Mechalis, the Level 88 Derp Death Knight

Pros: How do you fail at a Death Knight?  (AND you can totally control the ghost pandas in the Shado-pan Monastery!)  I like being the equivalent of a death knight rogue, kinda.  I prowl around the edges of a quest area, pretending I’m not wearing plate.  Then, when the target mob has made the foolish mistake of separating from the others, DEATH GRIP.  After totally killing whatever it is, I then meld back into the shadows, sort of.  It’s more like using a goblin’s natural height to hide behind her surroundings.

Cons: Because she dumped Inscription/herbing a long time ago and only recently picked up mining and blacksmithing, girlfriend can’t mine in Pandaland yet.  Questing past all those cursed Ghost Iron nodes is driving me NUTS.  Otherwise, I have a completely unproven, unfounded suspicion that in Pandaland, the more armor you wear, the harder crap hits you – because it can.  Therefore, I do not look forward to Townlong Steppes or the Dread Wastes.

Ailabeth, the Level 88 Shadow Priest

Pros: Her Shadow routine is something like this:  1.) Summon a mindsquid and have it terrorize anything small and helpless in the vicinity, like critters.  2.) Realize critters don’t give EXP.  3.) Identify a better victim.  4.) Cast Power Word: Shield.  5.) Nuke its brains out while laughing because it totally can’t do any darn thing about it.  Additionally, smirk at any nearby Sha and insult nearby Mogu just because.  6.) Repeat as desired.  How is that not awesome?

Cons: When mobs hit me, it ruins my Levitate.  I actually have to RECAST it!  /whatsupwiththat

Centina, the level 87 Arcane Mage

Pros: Portal hotness.  Actually, have I told you how much I love Crittermorphing all the butterflies in Valley of the Four Winds?  FLYING BABY PANDAS YAY!

Cons: I am a wimpy lazy pansy mage.  You’ll probably find Centina cowering in a hole somewhere, whimpering about how all the things hurt.  Unfortunately for me, standing in one spot and nuking the face off things only works when you’re in dungeons, and the DPS queue is, of course, slow.  (As a side note, I recently learned that I can’t actually say “Slow as molasses in January” anymore, because molasses in January actually moves at 35 MPH and WILL KILL YOU.  The more you know!)

Alexalis, the level 86 Windwakerwalker Monk

Pros: Super survivor, Pandaland style.  Independent and able to quest on her own without cowering in a hole somewhere, whimpering about how all the things hurt. Wields hugeass swords.  Touch of Death.  Rolling.  See that mob way over there?  Flying Serpent Kick TO THE FACE.

Cons:  Alexalis’ only profession is Skinning, mostly to supplement Bombelina’s leatherworking.  You see, once upon a time, I planned on Bombelina hitting 85 long before I even got around to making a monk.  But as it’s turned out, monk is fun and I am a really incompetent rogue, which makes rogue-ing less fun.  (Also, spending a the whole PUG pickpocketing or skinning things is not socially acceptable, which sucks.)  End result: Bombelina is still in the mid 70s and just hit the cusp of Cata leatherworking.  She’ll actually have to level to get further at some point.  Oops.  So basically, WTF DO I DO WITH ALL THIS EXOTIC LEATHER  ALEXALIS IS SENDING OMG NO BANK SPACE.

At this point, I’m leaning towards Ailabeth or Alexalis, because I enjoy playing those classes in a manner that actually approaches the approved rotation.  (My favorite part of mage-ing – running around in circles while casting Arcane Explosion – doesn’t do so well for the DPS.)  Ailabeth has an advantage in that she’s already 88 and hearthed at the Shrine in the Vale.  But swords, guys.  They tempt me.

“Starfire Tempest” Set

"Starfire Tempest" Set

“Starfire Tempest” Set

“Starfire Tempest” Set

H: Hallowed Crown | S: Mantle of the Tempest | Cl: Mantle of Desire
Ch: Hallowed Garments | Wa: Starfire Sash | L: Not shown
G: Darkbind Fingers | Wr: Not shown | B: Slippers of the Lonely Road

Staff: Magician’s Staff

Thoughts: No guildmates were harmed in the collection of this outfit.  (There may be some temporary psychological damage, but that’ll wear off, so it doesn’t count.)

Centina wanted an outfit that a pretty pretty princess an arcane mage would wear to nuke things in style.  Obviously, this sort of thing requires a crown!  Because my luck is typically somewhere between awful and pitiful, I wound up running dungeons a lot for the robe and crown (there can be no substitutes!), which in turn led to Centina drowning in netherweave.  She then made bazillions of netherweave bags, only to discover that the price of said bags had more or less tanked on WRA, and also that I am pretty much out of alts to dump them on.  Soooo she stopped making them and donated a crapton of netherweave bolts to the guildbank instead.  That’s goblin generosity for you?

CRZ Travel Advisory In Effect for Outland

Free parachutes?Never trust 'em.

Free parachutes?
Never trust ’em.

A CRZ Travel Advisory is in effect for large portions of Outland, starting from a couple of patches ago and lasting until the indefinite future.  Being randomly ejected from your vehicle when you cross zone lines is highly likely.  Falling to your death is also highly probable.  Pilots operating dual passenger mounts in Outland zones are strongly encouraged to avoid flying anywhere near the Twisting Nether.

When it comes to parachutes ... You get what you pay for! This model lacks rockets.

When it comes to parachutes …
You get what you pay for!
This model lacks rockets.

Purgatory gives you a long time to contemplate your sins.

Purgatory gives you a long time to contemplate your sins.

This travel advisory is in effect until Blizzard stops laughing at how we react when our mounts suddenly disappear and we slowly descend to our doom.  Use all possible caution.

Looking For Reallyquietpeople

We Don't Need a VolunteerThey totally ignored me, so I decided not to do it.

We Don’t Need a Volunteer
They totally ignored me, so I decided not to do it.

Having now been through all the different pieces of Pandaland raids, I think there shouldn’t be a set order in which to progress through them.  Fools and smartasses alike should be randomly deposited in a raid that is not a prereq for others.  The way things stand, there’s an inverse relationship between how sucky and hard the raid SHOULD be and where it stands in the order of things.  The beginning ones like Mogushan turn out to be far more of a pain in the ass than they really ought to be because all the folks who haven’t done this before and/or who are derping hard that day wind up mixing with all the folks who are trying to be smart on the internet and/or are cranky because GAWD THERE IS TOO MUCH DERP HERE.  In addition, its highly likely a Mogushan Vaults group will land an extra troll or two since there’s only a gear requirement.

It’s this combination of people, really, who make 28g such an utterly insufficient reward.  If I could magically do LFR alone, 28g per boss would be great.  But when I get all mah buddies from the internetz together, a guaranteed 28g that buys me nothing I want/need with a little itty bitty once a week chance at the gear drop I want/need is like scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of motivators.

I have a theory (which has probably been put forth before by many other people) that LFR’s stinkiness is composed of the toxic interactions between two major groups.  Perhaps evening out the balance between them will improve the LFR experience.

The People Who Are a “Certain Kind of Special”
Yes, there are the people who always die, and usually to something stupid and/or avoidable.  But remember, without derp, we’d have a hard time judging what competence is!  Individually, these souls aren’t a problem, but if you get enough momentum in idiocy, everybody gets swept up in it.  These guys may never talk and they might get locked out because they aren’t paying attention, but that’s probably for the best.*

Centina is Both Special and SuperiorAnd also not in a raid, but that's beside the point.

Centina is Both Special and Superior
And also not in a raid, but that’s beside the point.

The People Who Are Smart on the Internetz
At least one half to four fifths of the raid (read: nearly all DPS and some healers, probably because the tanks are too busy to type) will be composed of people who believe themselves to be a Better Player than the above mentioned sort.  They are anything but a noob and have played since Vanilla and @%$# you &^$*# learn how to play your class.  The issue here is how they see all everybody else did wrong while simultaneously feeling compelled (for whatever reason) to lol at the wrongdoer(s) in raid chat.  There’s some sort of reward for being exceptionally sarcastic and witty as they insinuate or tell everybody outright just how bad the poor noob fails.  Unfortunately, this bunch never quite achieves the height of brilliance they believe themselves to possess.

Since Team Special is, invariably, going to do something stupid (Ben Franklin said something like the only certain things in life are death and taxes, but he forgot stupid), Team LOLZUNOOB will have ample opportunity to show off their superiority and cutting sense of humor.  It’s just that they’re using dull knives, and oh my GAWD raid chat kills me because of it.  Sometimes it takes a surprising amount of willpower to ignore it all instead of shouting, YES.  THE IDIOTS ARE DUMB.  YOU ARE NOT!  YAY FOR YOU!  ALSO, WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC, THE SKY IS BLUE, GRAVITY WORKS AND SNOT COMES OUT OF NOSES.

I hate to ignore all the things ever because sometimes people do say useful bits of information, and sometimes you run into people who are awesome.  How will you know that they’re awesome if you’re ignoring them?  But in choosing to pay attention to everybody, 28g becomes a pittance, and the repair bill makes it even less than that!

I suppose my solution would force Team LOLZUNOOB to suffer more in the long run, but this may not be a bad thing.  You see, I hope that they will eventually become so bitter and jaded, they either hush up or post on the forums in a tizzy fit and quit like people care.  Everybody’s a winner then!  Team Special can continue being special, because that’s never going to change, while Team LOLZUNOOB can go play something else they find more rewarding and I can not have to /facepalm.

* Not mentioned here but certainly not forgotten: the person with the macro that seems clever or meaningful until it’s repeated ninety million times.

Guild Activity

Carmen, Champion of Valhalas!They apparently don't care that they've been pwned by a monkey in a fez.

All Hail Carmen, Champion of Valhalas!
They apparently don’t care that they’ve been pwned by a monkey in a fez.

Carmen, formerly a resident of the Swamp of Sorrows, made quite a splash in Valhalas the other day when I stopped by to help a guildmate out.  I suppose to the Vrykul, a defeat is a defeat, whether it came at the hands of another Vrykul or a monkey in a fez.

Guild Runs: This Is How We Do It

Guild Runs: This Is How We Do It

I begin to suspect that our guild rule is something like this: when all else fails, SHOOT FASTER.  If necessary, run back from the graveyard, but SHOOT MOAR FASTER.

It gets you there faster AND has the added bonus of being kinda funny.

It gets you there faster AND has the added bonus of being kinda funny.

Warlock … or lolock?

Tanks, but No Tanks

Balloon TankDon't wanna pop yer bubble.

Balloon Tank
Don’t wanna pop yer bubble.

So, tanks.  Tell me, what’s up with you lately?  Something seems off and I can’t quite put a finger on it.

I love me some tanks.  I try to be understanding when it comes to tanks.  I’m not a full timer or anything, but I’ve tanked sometimes myself and have eyerolled at the mage who always pulls or the DPS who thinks he’s a tank too.  I try not to say anything bad, since they’ve got enough to do and hear enough crap as is.  I mean, I’ll shout “MOVE!” if a tank is standing in sheeyit, but that’s fair, ’cause I shout that at everybody.  Seriously, doods!  I don’t complain when tanks can’t keep hate/aggro, or when we wipe, or when you really need to pull those mobs out of that thing that’s healing them.  You’re doing your job, and I’m doing mine, which is to shoot all the things.

So why is it that I keep on encountering tanks in LFD who are acting like prima damn donnas?  Warrior, paladerp, beartank, drunk monk or death knight, it doesn’t matter.  They can do it because they know we need ’em and can’t live without ’em.  And what do they care about our thirty minute queue times when they can get a party in a minute (or five, depending on heals)?

Why, I ask, must you drop the party in the middle of the freaking instance when you do/do not get that tank trinket you wanted?  Why, I ask, must you drop the party the moment you zone into the dungeon and realize that it’s not the one with the tank gear you wanted?  Why, I ask, must you get trollish, pull crap and THEN drop the party, trying to kill us all when you go?  This last one pisses me off the most, especially if things haven’t been all that damn bad and nobody’s died – what the hale is wrong with you?  Leave if you must, but sheesh, leave us alive.  (Also, what’s up with people botting tanks?  Jeebus, that’s a disaster.)

Given the large number of DPS only alts I have, I complain about the queue times a lot.  I’ve often said I’m going to make a tank @#%$ it so I don’t have to wait this @$%*ing long for a queue anymore! These days, though, my complaint is different.  It’s more like, “I’m gonna make a tank damn it so I don’t have to deal with this sheeyit!”  I’ve started a couple of times but then I always got distracted by other shiny things.

Worm tanks like a pro.

Worm tanks like a pro.
He uses his powers of revulsion to scare the bejeesus outta enemies.

I like to solve my problems.  Well, sorta anyway, since I still couldn’t tank for my ninety million DPS alts … but at least I would be “contributing” and complaining less!  I’d probably want to go Horde, since that’s where I spend most of my time.  All slots on WRA are currently full, unless I deleted one of the low level alts (only Daschela or Thirabel would be candidates).  Therefore, if I want to stay Horde-side on WRA without deleting anybody, I have the following options:

Esplodine, Warrior
Pros: Plate!  Already has Protection set as an alt spec.
Cons: I’m still not having much fun with being a Fury Warrior, but I also remember thinking that I couldn’t take tanking as a warrior any damn more somewhere around Blackfathom Deeps.  Maybe warrior tanking is better now?  Also, she has no tanking gear (WTB shield).

Mechalis, Death Knight
Pros: Plate!
Cons: She’s level 88 right now.  Isn’t that … a little late to start tanking?  She has no tanking gear.  Would have to change her alt spec, which means giving up either Frost (awww, man, but I can dual wield!) or Unholy.  I’d probably ditch Unholy since everybody can control an undead minion for up to five minutes now and just retame it when control drops.

Alexalis, Monk
Pros: Hasn’t even bothered to set her alt spec!
Cons: Would have to compete with ninety million other leveling monks for gear.  I also can’t imagine Alexalis taking damage for anybody, because they’re almost all breathers.

If I DID delete somebody, it would probably be Thirabel, since Daschela is representing for (level 25 wooo) druids.  I could figure out a new pet plan so Therm could tame Gib the Banana Hoarder (BECAUSE OMFG MONKEY IN A FE… wait, have I said that before?) and the other assorted pets I want.  (WTB more stable space.)  Then a slot would then be available for a new tankytype.  Since I can’t have another Death Knight and I’d probably go paladerp for the facerolling because why make this harder than it has to be, this leads me back into my eternal conundrum of “Urgh, blood elves” vs. “Oh Gawd, Tauren fingers and no freaking hairdos.”  (Honestly, guys, have you ever looked at just how few options Taurens have for customization?  It’s kinda unfair!)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOO

(Balloon Tank was found via Google and is apparently the work of this artist.  It’s actually kind of cool to see the tank deflate over time.)