Category Archives: Oh Sheeyit Screenshots

How To Survive Durumu’s Maze

The Full Title At the very moment of inspiration no less.

The Full Title
At the very moment of inspiration no less.

Lately I’ve been surprised by the number of people who perish in the flustercluck that is Durumu’s “maze” phase*, so I’ve written this guide for souls like me who want to survive but sometimes just can’t seem to manage it.   This is the “how to” for the folks who are observationally challenged, situationally incompetent or otherwise just generally confused.   It does NOT in any way instruct you how to do your role properly.  I do not cover other mechanics, nor the potential lore behind why the mogu would want to make an eyeball with teeth attached that also happens to be wearing a hat.  (The questions there really ARE endless!)  No, the sole point of this thing is HOW TO LIVE because IT’S KINDA IMPORTANT.  As written and illustrated, it is primarily intended for ranged players, but hell, since THE GOAL IS SURVIVAL and everybody likes that, melee can do it this way too if they want.

The good news is, nowadays folks are geared to the point where you’ll only have to deal with the maze phase once.  There have been a handful of occasions where I’ve seen Durumu downed even before it started.  But fear not if you must maze it.  Truly, my fellow LFRers, I once was like you.  And you.  And you.  And you, too.  I could not understand or see the maze properly.  It took ages before I figured out how it worked, let alone how to make it to the end of the phase!  Though I still think the maze is a bunch of purple bullsheeyit, I can offer actual, real-person proof that it is in fact possible to survive it on a regular basis.  So here is my Relatively Simple Way of making it.

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLE
(and it’s not the meters)

The key to the whole “making it out alive” thing is truly understanding your priorities during the maze.  So let’s make sure we all got the Most Important Thing up front and center: from the first laser until the last purple crap vanishes, you have exactly ONE THING to do, and that is to LIVE.  I am not kidding.  Nothing else matters.  Are you DPS?  Well, forget it.  Heals?  Obviously, you don’t wanna let the tanks go down, but YOU are the most important thing to heal.  Forget the deeps (unless they’re guildmates and can harass you for it later).  Tanks?  Well, uh, I’ve never tanked this particular fight, so I’m just gonna say, best pray to Gawd you tanks know WTF you’re doing.

In short, during the maze phase, DROP EVERYTHING BUT THE CONCEPT OF GETTING OUT ALIVE.

PREPARATION
(candy and summons are what warlocks are for, amirite?)

Let’s face it, you probably will stand in bad at one point or another, so you’ll want to bring a health potion or a healthstone to the fight with you.  They work instantly, which is ideal.  Standing still to cast a heal can be fraught with danger (for reasons laser beams discussed later).  I suppose you could be a druid with all the instant cast HoTs and so on, but for most of us that would require leveling and gearing.  Buying stuff off the AH or oppressing the warlock class is much easier.

KEY THINGS TO LOOK FOR
(not the purple fuzzy crap, that’s everywhere)

Fair Warning This beam.  This one.  Points back at the door where you entered from.

Fair Warning
This beam. This one. Points back at the door where you entered from.

First, look for this Disintegration Beam.  It ALWAYS points back at the door you entered the platform from, so it helps to keep your back to that door.  (This is also generally why all the freaking purple splotches are always on this side.)

Squigglies, Look For Them This part is very important.

Squigglies, Look For Them
This part is very important.

After a few seconds, these little itty bitty purple squiggly lines will appear on the ground, either on the left side or the right side of the beam.  This tells you which direction you need to run to, but not where specifically the openings will appear.  If you are going for the ranged path, aim towards the outside of the platform.  It’s incredibly important to move THE INSTANT you see these dang things, because you want as much of a head start on the laser beam of death as possible.

Find Your Opening Note that it can be on the far outside edge of the platform.

Find Your Opening (Highlighted)
Note that it can be on the far outside edge of the platform.

There are several paths or openings in the purple fuzz of doom, intended for melee and ranged classes.  These openings sometimes intersect during the phase, but are never together when they first start (so don’t hope for a double wide clear area at the beginning).  The melee circle is very close to the boss for obvious reasons, while the outermost ranged circle will be close to the edge of the platform.  The biggest advantage to the ranged channel is its larger diameter, which makes running the maze “feel” slower.  So if you’re having trouble with the inner melee one, screw that.  Forget DPS dignity.  Seriously, you’re gonna lose it when you die anyway, as death negatively impacts numbers.  When you see those purple squigglies, run your ass out to the outside edge, man.

Find Your Opening 2 Without red thingies added.

Find Your Opening 2
Without red thingies added.

I personally like having my camera zoomed WAY out, but most importantly, I also like having it pointing directly down.  This is because it makes the channels easier to see.  I dunno about you, but I have trouble discerning purple fuzz that’s closer vs. purple fuzz that’s farther away (and hence the opening the purple fuzz is on either side of)  when the camera is at more of an eye-level angle.

The path will open up before you, little by little.  It is VERY IMPORTANT to stay VERY CLOSE to the opening edge, if that makes sense.  Why?  BECAUSE DEATH.

This Is Why You Run FAST Do not dawdle, for you will get zapped daeeeeed.

This Is Why You Run FAST
Do not dawdle, for you will get zapped daeeeeed.

If you delay, you’ll get hit by this laser beam of death and doom, which is following you quite quickly (because purple crap by itself wasn’t trouble enough).  Ideally, you’re far enough ahead that you won’t actually see the laser at all.  But if you reacted slowly to the initial squigglies or channel opening, you may see the laser approaching swiftly from behind – and that’s bad.  Use any movement cooldowns to get further ahead.   (Good news – the laser cannot speed up!)  This is the point at which you are most likely to step in purple stuff.

If you have DBM, it will eventually start a countdown to the end of the phase.  If you are NOT on the cutting edge of path opening, DO NOT STOP when the countdown begins – the laser persists for a bit longer, and it would suck to get zapped at the end.  Only stop when there literally is no more clear “forward” area where you can go.

The purple stuff will then vanish, and CONGRATULATIONS!  You might still be alive!  YAY!

 

* Depending on the day, I normally expect slightly less than half the LFR to die – but it seems as though the number is on the rise!  KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.  LEMME SHARE MY KNOWLEDGE.

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The Machinima About the Vale That I Can’t Make

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Blue, blue caravan
Winding down to the valley of lights

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

My true love is a man
Who would hold me for ten thousand nights
In the wild, wild wailing of wind

He’s a house ‘neath a soft yellow moon

Tavern in the Mists

So blue, blue caravan
Won’t you carry me down to him soon

Blue, blue caravan
Won’t you drive away all of these tears
For my true love is a man
That I haven’t seen in years

Wrathion

He said,
“Go where you have to,
For I belong to you until my dying day”

Wrathion

So like a fool, blue caravan, I believed him
And I walked away

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Oh, my blue, blue caravan
The highway is my great wall

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

For my true love is a man
Who never existed at all

Not What He Seems

Oh, he was a beautiful fiction
I invented to keep out the cold
But now, my blue, blue caravan
I can feel my heart growing old

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Oh, my blue, blue caravan
I can feel my heart growing old

Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Aspect of the Daze

Here, have two screenshots that don’t fit into my next post but that I can’t bear to let sit on my harddrive.

Super Beth My superpower is my supernonlogic.

Super Beth
My superpower is my super adaptable logic.

Awkwaaaaard People just keep staring at me!

Awkwaaaaard
People just keep staring at me!

Window Shopper

As you no doubt know (since I recently reminded you), I /flirt with all the long-haired blood elf men ever to see what they will do.  Most of the time, I get ignored.  This is most likely a consequence of being short and green unconventionally attractive.  (If we’re going to be sensible here, it’s also a result of WoW being a game.)   Occasionally, the flirtees will /flirt back, or tell me /no.  Every now and then I’ll come across a real gem, like the guy who told Alexalis he was a bit out of her league because of his amaaaazing hair.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s just for sheeyits and giggles – an experiment for laughs, if you will.

I was in a Terrace LFR a week or so ago on Electrika, testing out my new wireless router.  After we beat the Sha (uh, adds?  Anyone on adds?  Seriously, anyone, please kill adds), I spotted a likely test subject and shot off a /flirt right before he dropped party.  I didn’t think a thing of it.  It’s not Serious Business to me, and since blood elf men are a dime a dozen, I’ve been ignored before.

When I dropped the group and zoned into the Shrine, however, the guy actually slapped me.  This was a new reaction!  How interesting!  Then this gal messaged me:

Flirting With Disaster Might wanna roll on a PvP realm next time?

Flirting With Disaster
Might wanna roll on a PvP realm next time?

Which brings me to this question: how should real life relationships be reflected in game and subsequently be treated by others in WoW, if at all?

I’ve only ever dated a couple of gamer guys, and both were more into console fighting games than MMORPGs (though I did drag one into a short-lived Ragnarok Online addiction).  Generally, I’m of the stance that as long as things don’t get hot and heavy (the partner in question doesn’t ERP, get emotionally involved or actually meet the person), then things are cool.  I don’t particularly care if some random player /flirts with his avatar or not, since for all I know, the person doing the flirting could be a 50 year old guy living in a different country.

Yet this chick (and her guy) obviously had a far different take on the issue.  To her, the /flirt emote always has intent to pursue behind it, and the intent itself is offensive.  She finds that it puts her and her relationship on the defensive, which is tiresome, even more so because it (apparently) happens regularly.  I suspect that she is tired of being flirted with specifically because she is female, as well.  This further contributes to her irritation when I flirt with the wrong guy.

In real life, it’s much, much easier to pick up on “we’re in a relationship” cues than it is in game.  Then there are general “rules” that are followed by most – such as, you can look, but you can’t touch.  In the digital realm, however, these cues are much harder to come by and uncertainty poses a challenge – how are people supposed to behave if they don’t know?  If we continue to distinguish between “real” and online game life, should others respecting your relationship even matter?  After all, in that case, it would have little effect upon the real world.  Should /flirt be considered an innocent transgression by the unknowing, or a romantic aggression by someone who does not care?

Thermalix Strikes at the Throne of Thunder

Yes, I went there.  AND THERE.

The Throne of ThunderThe goblin mind can justify anything it wants to do. ANYTHING.

The Throne of Thunder
The goblin mind can justify anything it wants to do. ANYTHING.

Though she knows a number of people who are crowing about the increased drop rates these days, Thermalix ran Mogu’shan Vaults and Terrace of Endless Spring this week and came up weaponless yet again.  She was at the farm afterwards, busily pouting and planting pumpkins, when she suddenly hit upon the glorious idea of SEEKING GREAT JUSTICE FOR THE POOR DEAD CHICKENS.  Since she has no equal for leaps of logic (these things make PERFECT SENSE), she grabbed a friend and queued for LFR.  With such a noble mission, how could things possibly go wrong?

Throne of ThunderI probably should've gone with the whole road less traveled.

Throne of Thunder
I probably should’ve gone with the whole road less traveled.

There was trash, of course, but Thermalix didn’t care about that.  They wouldn’t give her JUSTICE.  The first thing she encountered that mattered was Mr. Jin “The Zap” Rokh, seen above.   Thermalix was prepared in some ways (got a mission), but not in others (actually knowing WTF was going to happen).  So Fel did his darndest to explain what was about to unfold … in a way that a goblin could understand.

You see, this place is SCIENCE.  There will be water.  There will be lightning.  The two together can be unpleasant.

The Throne of ThunderIt's for SCIENCE!  And chickens.

The Throne of Thunder
It’s for SCIENCE! And chickens.

Thermalix gets science.  Really, she does.  She just doesn’t get why it has to be so damn painful all the time.  She also doesn’t get why we’d have a palace with water and crap in a place with constant bad weather.  IS THERE NOT WATER ENOUGH COMING FROM THE SKY??

The Throne of ThunderIt is an option.

The Throne of Thunder
It is an option.

Anyway, then came Horridon.  He also had a buddy, but Therm doesn’t remember that guy.  This is mostly because next to the shining beacon of awesomesauce that is Horridon the Horrible, anybody short of a god would fade into nothingness.  He was THERE – but he didn’t matter.

The Throne of ThunderOH GOD NO BAD DINO STOP

The Throne of Thunder
OH GOD NO BAD DINO STOP

I don’t really remember why, exactly, I thought Therm could escape through a door.  I might’ve had some idea of cowering in a small opening that Horridon could not get himself into.  Unfortunately, pretty much all the doors are locked, busted or filled with trolls who would rather you die right here right now.

In truth, I’m somewhat thankful that Blizzard went with a direhorn for Horridon.  If it had been a Devilsaur like Oondasta, I would’ve been in a corner crying, door or no door, trolls or no trolls.  Anybody remember Sharptooth from the Land Before Time?  He, other carnivorous dinosaurs and, for some reason, mummies (I kid you not) were the terror or my childhood.

The Throne of ThunderMy dreams are usually three times my size.

The Throne of Thunder
My dreams are usually three times my size.

Some day.  But first …

The Throne of ThunderOtherwise, this angle could be awkward.

The Throne of Thunder
Otherwise, this angle could be awkward.

Thermalix has this secret fear that Zandalari trolls go commando.  I don’t know why.  It seems like something they’d do, and she’d just rather not know that sort of thing.  But so many of them keep showing up in kilts!  They’re practically giants, and Therm’s somewhere around two feet tall.  If her suspicions are true, she’s bound to witness something sooner or later.

The Throne of ThunderI have to figure out how to salvage those cannons first ... Or were they coffins?  Kinda hard to tell.

The Throne of Thunder
I have to figure out how to salvage those cannons first … Or were they coffins? Kinda hard to tell.

Either way, I’d like to take those home with me.  Anybody got a crowbar?

On to the council.

The Throne of ThunderWORK IN PROGRESS HERE PEOPLE

The Throne of Thunder
WORK IN PROGRESS HERE PEOPLE

I was told it was a flustercluck, and indeed, the council of trolls delivered.  There was some contention in the LFR group in regards to who should be killed daaeed first.  Kill whoever’s possessed.  No, kill the sand guy.  No, the sand guy and the storm guy are equally bad.  Ignore the hulk.  No, kill him if he’s possessed.  No, kill the female troll, she does healing crap.  No, kill adds.  Thermalix concluded that she didn’t like the sand guy, so she was going to shoot him.  He seemed like the type to assassinate innocent chickens.

Being a goblin, however, Therm could not resist planning for the future once they were all taken care of.  Well, she probably just couldn’t keep up the pretense of fighting for the sake of dead chickens.  Real estate’s got so much more potential.

The Throne of ThunderYou know, after we deal with the whole troll/mogu thing.

The Throne of Thunder
You know, after we deal with the whole troll/mogu thing.

And lastly, she had to try something that she didn’t dare do while everybody else was still in the LFR – she went back to where the windy platform/bridgethings were, and she jumped.  It seemed to be the most efficient way of finding out what was down there.

The Throne of ThunderIt may be connected to the Twisting Nether.

The Throne of Thunder
It may be connected to the Twisting Nether.

Mixup Mashup Screenshot Post

You know that glyph where your party members can use your Stag form as a mount?  Daschela somewhat regrets letting Fel buy her that.  SHE STILL HAS HER DIGNITY, DAMMIT!

Negotiations Breakdown

Negotiations Breakdown
The Independent Druid Still Takes Bribes

I also had an unexpected conundrum in a LFD group.  I queued Daschela up as a healer, only to find that our tank was named something terrible!

I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS GUYS

I’M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS GUYS
Wait, let me pretend to RP as a night elf here. Ok, we’re good.

Speaking of Dungeon Finder, Alexalis was chatting with her party members on the challenges faced by Forsaken monks – specifically, how your toes might fall off when performing Spinning Crane Kick.  Then this conversation came about:

The Tailor of Punville

The Tailor of Punville

And lastly, Carmen wins again:

A Winner Is You!

A Winner Is You!
That’s right, Carmen doesn’t blink.

Guild Activity

Carmen, Champion of Valhalas!They apparently don't care that they've been pwned by a monkey in a fez.

All Hail Carmen, Champion of Valhalas!
They apparently don’t care that they’ve been pwned by a monkey in a fez.

Carmen, formerly a resident of the Swamp of Sorrows, made quite a splash in Valhalas the other day when I stopped by to help a guildmate out.  I suppose to the Vrykul, a defeat is a defeat, whether it came at the hands of another Vrykul or a monkey in a fez.

Guild Runs: This Is How We Do It

Guild Runs: This Is How We Do It

I begin to suspect that our guild rule is something like this: when all else fails, SHOOT FASTER.  If necessary, run back from the graveyard, but SHOOT MOAR FASTER.

It gets you there faster AND has the added bonus of being kinda funny.

It gets you there faster AND has the added bonus of being kinda funny.

Warlock … or lolock?