Category Archives: OMGWTF

So, Uh

Oh Hey Hi Hai dere

Oh Hey
Hi
Hai dere

Ohai

So I ended up reading my own blog and I’m kind of missing the batshittery.  Kind of.  I’m not entirely convinced yet.

Anybody else still out there?  Any new hi-larious blogs?  Is Sassy Hardwrench Warchief yet?  Are there less orcs around?  Have we started being nicer to lazy-ass casuals who just want more mog and less RNG in their lives?  Does LFR have any amusement to it?  Can I skip Draenor or will somebody hang out with me if I go there because I just don’t think I can deal with Tanaaaaah by myself?  Maybe?

All Things In Their Turn

OMFG Yes, the time has come.

OMFG
Yes, the time has come.

My subscription will lapse soon.

It always seemed to me that a lot of what we saw in WoD was a reaction to MoP.  Mists represented a pinnacle of enjoyment for me, just as it presented a picture of a game gone wrong to others.  I generally saw it as a reasonable balance between work and reward.  Running my ass off to level 90 won me the convenience that I sought in flying, for example, and it was a system that allowed me to indulge in my fondness for alts.  But others saw the whole production as a game that was too easy with a plot that had too little “Warcraft” in it, and so on.

Those voices won, and we got WoD and orcs out the wazoo.  Perhaps that’s not surprising.  I always got the feeling that the WoW development team doesn’t identify with the “casual” player in the same way they do with players who see themselves as “gamers,” or even “hardcore.”  There is an assumption that the game is meant to be enjoyed in a certain way, and other ways – flying out of trouble is the most obvious – are not as legitimate and should not be designed for.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Doing the same thing day in and day out will keep some of the same people around – the type who appreciate that consistency, or those who liked it that way to start with and don’t see much reason to change.  But it does make it more difficult to hold onto players like me.  I have no interest in returning to the game’s “roots,” nor do I seek an “authentic” or even an “immersive” experience.

I seek an enjoyable experience that is accessible to me within the time I have available, and that would be just about the last way I’d describe WoD and the final nail in the coffin for me, Tanaan.


Work Work Work Game Game Game Blog Blog Blog

Work Work Work
Game Game Game
Blog Blog Blog

The most bittersweet thing isn’t leaving the game so much as it’s leaving this blog.  It’s certainly possible that I will return to WoW again in the future, in which case this blog will also see a new day.  But for now, I’ve moved on to FFXIV and made a new blog for it here: The Fanciest Pants.

“That Was an Accident!” has been one of the best (worst?) things I’ve ever put on the internet and one of the most fun timesinks I’ve ever occupied myself with.  As of writing this post, “That Was an Accident!” has 71,755 views and 2,313 comments, not all of which are me!  The numbers are small potatoes for some, but I’ve never put anything on the internet so popular before – and this popularity meant I met a lot of folks that I would have otherwise never encountered.

Thank you in particular to:

  • Matty, Tome, and the other ladies of the Old Ladies Raiding Guild
  • Kashina, Shanthi and Rep of Loot Hoarders
  • Saya and other blog friends I dragged around the world searching for mog
  • Leit, a guy I never played with but who always had something to say

I also want to say thank you to my best buddies in-game, Cavarin and Goa, who kept me company on many a day and odd mission.  You guys are the best!

Prinnie’s Useless Horde Bodyguard Guide

Who Would DO Such a Thing Who, indeed.

Who Would DO Such a Thing
Who, indeed.

Name: Aeda Brightdawn
Class: Derplock
Semi-Bonus: An infernal summoned whenever she feels like it
Bonus: You can summon a party member!

Comments: Let’s be clear here – Aeda’s got some sorta ambition problem, and she likes to bite off way more than she can chew.  Despite being a clothie without a minion of her own, she tries to tank everything.  She will taunt off legit tanks who can actually tank.  If somebody is fighting mobs near you, she will randomly leap over there and taunt all that too, regardless of whether or not that’s a smart move.  She will taunt anything and everything, also with complete disregard to whether or not she actually stands a snowball’s chance in hell against it.  Just the other day, I joined a group to kill Tarlna the Ageless, and you guessed it – Aeda tried tanking her, too.  Yeah, no, Aeda.  Not happening.

Let's Practice "No" Repeat after me!  "NO!  NO!  NO!"

Let’s Practice “No”
Repeat after me! “NO! NO! NO!”

Prinnierating: Nope.  Would not use again.


Best Picture I Had Sorry, Leo.

Best Picture I Had
Sorry, Leo.

Name: Leorajh
Class: Catman
Semi-Bonus: An actually bloody-looking Bloodlust even if you don’t need it
Bonus: A command table, anywhere!

Comments: Extra extra bonus: if you are almost totally dead, he’ll cast the dinkiest Chain Heal ever.  Chances are it won’t actually be super helpful if you’re getting smashed to pieces by a bazillion adds (that would make him unfairly better than the rest), but hey, at least you feel like he’s trying to be supportive.  Leo here likes the Sun Rock, learning, and long walks around your Garrison on patrol.  Now that I’ve maxed out rep with him, I’m starting to feel bad about the lack of learning opportunities he gets, and I’m avoiding him at all costs.

Prinnierating: Okay, until you suddenly realize you’re not cut out to teach anybody anything about the world.


Ishaal and the Kitchen Sink The sink is in my bag.

Ishaal and the Kitchen Sink
The sink is in my bag.

Name: Talonpriest Ishaal
Class: Shadow Priest
Semi-Bonus: Not being crazy, I think
Bonus: Ishaal has a side contract with United Draenor Mail Service, so neither sleet, nor snow, nor a hail of orcs will stop you from getting your mail, no matter where you stand

Comments: At first, it seemed like the worst thing was going through all of Spires of Arak to get Ishaal, but then I realized it wasn’t that bad, since I needed the cash more than I hated the repetition.  In the end, I saw one big problem: bodyguards in general when combined with a pet-based class played by someone who is also into pet battling and who may also be joined at any given moment by quest-based NPCs.  Let’s see, there’s me, there’s my hunter pet, there’s my battle pet, there’s Rexxar’s bird, there’s my bird bodyguard and his enormous mount, and sometimes he summons a thingiethenameofwhichIforget too!

Prinnierating:  Dude is almost sane.  If you’ve suffered through max reputation with Aeda, Ishaal seems almost forgettable – and that’s good.


So Freaking Tall Seriously, I can't even see my mog when questing.

So Freaking Tall
Seriously, I can’t even see my mog when questing.

Name: Tormmok
Class: Warrior
Semi-Bonus: I don’t know, haven’t gotten that far
Bonus: Repairs, anywhere in Draenor, anytime

Comments: Tormmok is super close to a flight path and as a result he’s ridiculously easy to get, but even so, he happens to be standing nowhere in particular, which means you won’t run into him unless you’re specifically looking for him.  I’ve gone through Gorgrond four times now, and only the last time did I know where to look.  Tormmok has almost disturbingly defined nipples.  Seriously.  Whenever you look at him, he seems faceless thanks to the helm, so your eyes are drawn unwillingly ever downward, where they make themselves quite obvious.  New idea for a feature: TRANSMOG FOR BODYGUARDS.

Oh. You can put those away now, Tormmok.

Oh.
You can put those away now, Tormmok.

In other news, Tormmok is EXTREMELY TALL (well, compared to a goblin at least), and thus I keep on clicking on him rather than the NPC or item I actually want to interact with.

Prinnierating: He’d be better if he would stand a little farther to one side so I can see NPCs again.  [EDIT: Just read the patch notes and saw “A vendor at the Barracks now sells an item that allows a character to shrink their Bodyguards for 60 minutes.”  PERFECT.]


Vivianne ... Look Up "Context" Eels don't have estates, unless there's an entire eel civilization we've just wiped out.

Vivianne … Look Up “Context”
Eels don’t have estates, unless there’s an entire eel civilization we’ve just wiped out.

Name: Vivianne
Class: Confused Mage
Semi-Bonus: ZOMG METEORS!!! (And a Cauterize should you be near death)
Bonus: A portal back to your Garrison!

Comments: Vivianne is chatty to the point of being somewhat irritating (like pretty much every NPC ever in WoD).  We were in Nagrand one day when she went totally bonkers on me and wouldn’t stop saying the same things over and over and over, even when we were just standing there.  Reloading did nothing, so it turned awkward.  I didn’t know whether I should scream back or do the good ol’ polite smile-and-nod while privately hoping she’d get herself together sometime soon.  Suffice it to say, the experience made me feel a bit iffy on Vivianne.  Still, lots of people loooooooove her sayings, so I guess I’m the only one she’s done that to.

Also, p.s., on the “Vivianne, what are you smoking?” front, her phrases aren’t necessarily, uh, applicable to the mob in question (see image, above).

Vivianne, Vivacious To this day I do not know what set her off.

Vivianne, Vivacious
To this day I do not know what set her off.

Prinnierating: Okay, as long as she doesn’t lose it.

 

 

Yawnmaul

So last week I moved, and it was A Week, which essentially means that every single day was written off as total crap.  I’d decided that as soon as we got the internet working in the new place, I had to play WoW.  Therefore, I set myself up on a little end table (my desk had not yet been moved) and dinged my knee pretty hard so that I could try out at least one wing of the new LFR.

Nope nope, outdated.  Start over.

So last week I pretty much had a meltdown

Let’s rephrase that.

So my various families observed the holidays last week, which essentially means that every single day was devoted to things “in the real world” and not the digital.  This is me, though, so I snuck away for a little WoW time here and there!

Oh wait, it’s outdated again!

So last week was New Year’s and the Significant Other got the flu, which essentially means that every single day was

You know what, forget it.  This, children, is why you should publish your blog posts before a million things happen, because otherwise you do more things and you’ve gotta revise.  Repeatedly.

I also recently switched to a new computer.  While my four year old CPU was literally a tower of processing power at one time, it has now been eclipsed by a creation capable of showing reflections on water surfaces, and ripples on the water, and dramatic views off into the far distance, and light beams and all that fancy visual crap!  Alas, I was too excited to transfer all my screenshots at that time, so while they are not exactly lost, they are unavailable at the time of this posting.  GIFS FOR ALL INSTEAD.

Derp Derp Derp Derp Don't mind me.

Derp Derp Derp Derp
Don’t mind me.

While waiting in the long DPS queue, I pondered why you had to get a silver in the proving grounds for heroic dungeons, but not for LFR, even though incompetence would inconvenience a far larger group of people in the latter.  To me, the “natural order” has always been something like Dungeons (Normal > Heroic) > LFR > Real Raiding™, but guildmates insisted that heroic dungeons are supposed to be harder than LFR nowadays.  So now it’s more like Normal Dungeons > LFR > Heroic Dungeons > Real Raiding™.  Oh, and LFR is obsolete because of flex, or so I’m told.

How LFR Works Now After all, it requires little skill these days.

How LFR Works Now
Well, kinda how it always did.

Anyway, I was assured that the first wing of Highmaul LFR would be a total faceroll, and indeed, it was.  On the upside, there were only three bosses to the first wing, which I think is the darn perfect number for an LFR session – not too brief and therefore unsatisfying, but not too long and therefore irritating.  On the downside, the “challenge” level of LFR has been scaled to a point where even I, consummate lazy bum that I am, think there maaaaay be a problem.  If you make most things this easy,  you are guaranteed to get at least one or more stacks of Determination when the group reaches a boss that can’t simply be smashed to bits like the bosses before it (see: Ko’ragh, I haven’t tried that wing again yet).  Also, I get a feeling of “uh, wow.  Was that it?”

Kargath Bladefist
So I guess Kargath hooks some people with chains and throws ’em into the audience (I’m told it’s a random selection in LFR).  That didn’t happen to me, though, so I was bored.  It felt kind of like the Sha of Fear LFR fight, but with more testosterone and less fleeing in terror.  There were these “Flame Pillar” fiery skull-things that popped up and disappeared throughout the fight.  They’re apparently very important for interrupting Kargath’s Berserker Rush, but he didn’t target me for that, either, and I wasn’t dumb enough to stand next to them, so shape of the burning pillars reminded me of those round tube-like brushes you see in car washes.  Suddenly I was thinking of cleaning things …

How to improve: Get Kargath some shampoo and open the freaking Tiger Pits, and maybe have some tigers with blades on their paws pop out of them!  Yeah, that’s a great idea!

The Butcher
How was this even considered a boss?  I’ve met snails tougher than that!  Oh wait, he gave me loot, therefore, he is a boss.  Somehow.

How to improve: Get rid of this guy, or at least give him his primary mechanic back.  I mean, seriously, he is embarrassing right now.

Brackenspore
This one seemed more fun with the different kinds of adds spawning.  There must’ve been a handful of experienced folk present, because otherwise I cannot explain how the group went in swinging and came out alive without any stacks of Determination.

How to improve: First, add more flamethrowers.  Second, replace Brackenspore with Thok v2, and instead of mushrooms and plants appearing throughout the fight, have a bunch of mini raptor-sized Thoks show up instead.  Their bites would debilitate you in different ways!  If you got “Lose a Leg,” you’d experience a 35% reduction to mobility.  “Nomming on Your Noggin” would slow your casting speed, and so on.

I Am a Mighty Lion Thrashing All the Bosses in LFR

I Am a Mighty Lion
Thrashing All the Bosses in LFR

All in all, I do appreciate the move away from encounters where one person doing something stupid at the very start can screw the whole thing up, a la talking to Lorthie or Wrynn and beginning the Galakras fight before a tower team has been chosen (or before everybody’s zoned in).  Still, I kind of miss the LFR ToT level of challenge.  Okay, okay, I miss the LFR ToT level of challenge minus Durumu and Lei Sheeyit.  I definitely miss the snails.  I hope there’s something quirky like them in one of the later wings that gives this raid some character.

 

 

I’m About to Give In

I am about two steps shy of going OMFG I NEED A SERVER TRANSFER STAT.

Logically, I know that all issues will be resolved in due time.  Emotionally, it’s more like, OMFG AT THIS RATE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLAY MY MAIN AGAIN.  The longer I wait, the longer the queue gets.  IT’S LIKE BLACK MAGIC.

I’ve only been able to log in without waiting in a huge queue when it’s like, 3 a.m. in the morning.  THIS IS NOT A SUSTAINABLE HOUR FOR ME.

RAGE and FRUSTRATION and STUFF ALL THE BAD FEELINGS, I HAVE THEM

RAGE and FRUSTRATION and STUFF
ALL THE BAD FEELINGS, I HAVE THEM

[Edit: Tried to do a server transfer.  Got “Error: You have a character online for this account. Please make sure all characters are offline.”  I HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN ABLE TO LOG IN YET]

/flails

Hello Lag, My Old Friend

Also entitled, “Ermagerd Warlerds.”  Comes with spoilers, sort of.

Being a little too eager to see the new content, I woke up early to send Bombelina through the Dark Portal.  I felt puzzled by Thrall’s premature baldness.  How had I not noticed it before?  Had his thick and luxuriant braids, their source hidden beneath a hood, convinced me that he had a full head of manly orc-hair?  As he and that random draenei dude barged through the portal like a couple of ninnies (look, I know you two are buff, but the Iron Horde’s got sheer numeric advantage on their side), I felt slightly betrayed by that whole adulthood thing.  I had to go to work at this critical moment.  “Just five more minutes …” I wanted to say.

Continue reading

Pow! Bam! Smack! Wham!

The simple act of punching some poor mob in the face has a long and storied history in Azeroth, starting way back when in the dark ages known as Vanilla.  People of that era felt compelled to level up their skill in unarmed combat.  It seems strange to us now, but life in those days was rough, and you never knew when you might have to smash in someone’s schnozz.  More recently, this “punch the @#$%er in the face!” fighting technique has resurfaced for those who vastly outlevel the quest content they happen to be doing.  Why, my buddy Kash was in that very situation the other night!  Her character was buff beyond belief in comparison to the zone’s monsters, so in order to finish up the quest chain for a transmog item she wanted, she had to remove her weapon and strip all her gear.

LFR was being unusually docile* that evening, which left me with some extra time on my hands.  I had an idea.  It was not just a plain old idea, oh no – it was a freaking brilliant idea, and I lost no time sharing it.  “Let’s go punch our way through all the old raids ever,” I saidKash agreed that this was a genius time-wasting concept, so I set about creating a raid group devoted to naked fisticuffs with old school bosses.  I spent ages cajoling, demanding and insisting with virtually everybody on my friends list, but weirdly, nobody else wanted to come.  (Seriously, guys, where are your priorities!?)

Punchathon in Tempest Keep I just don't know why there are so few of us willing to do this kinda sheeyit out there.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
I just don’t know why there are so few of us willing to do this kinda sheeyit out there.

So in the end, it was just Kash and me.  We had ambitious plans when we first started, which included taking on everything BC, battering all things Lich King, and ultimately ending up KO’ing Deathwing, all with our puny fists.  As you’ve probably guessed, we badly underestimated the amount of time it takes for two people to punch trash and raid bosses to death.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep Don't need no stinkin' pants.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
Don’t need no stinkin’ pants.

We decided on a “no skills whatsoever” rule, so I brought Alexalis, assuming that as a Mistweaver monk, her punchy-healy goodness would keep our tiny party alive without anybody actually having to use healing abilities.  Kash was smart, and brought a tabard with her.  I didn’t think that far ahead, but I did have a shirt on by accident!  (I forgot Alexalis even had one …)

Punchathon in Tempest Keep Come at me!

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
Come at me!

We started off with Tempest Keep.  All seemed well at first, and we made it through the trash easily (if slowly) just by swinging our fists.  But then we started down the slippery slope of skill usage with Al’ar, who kept flying away.  Movement abilities were okay, we decreed, just not fighty-fighty abilities.  Unfortunately for us, old content still has berserk timers, and we went way past that limit.  Unfortunately for Al’ar, he couldn’t put much of a dent in us, even when he was berserked.  Still, it took so damn long, we concluded that fighty-fighty abilities were okay, as long as you weren’t using a weapon.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep I mean seriously, can't he just stay over here and get punched to death like a respectable raid boss?

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
I mean seriously, can’t he just stay over here and get punched to death like a respectable raid boss?

Goa then made the mistake of logging in, and in short order I dragged him into the Keep in time to face off against the Void Reaver.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep Void Reaver's warranty has been voided.  EL OH EL OH okay, shutting up now.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
Void Reaver’s warranty has been voided. EL OH EL OH okay, shutting up now.

We’d forgotten that Goa, being a warrior, couldn’t use any skills whatsoever without weapons, and that just didn’t seem fair somehow.  We let him use his weapons after that, mostly so he could press some buttons, but also because it sped things up a good deal.  It’s not that we couldn’t punch everything to death, but more that the punching-only rule was sucking up more time than we had to waste – dinnertime was coming upon us fast.  We skipped Solarian or whatever her name is, and went directly to the top, getting into a fist (and dual mace) fight with Kael’thas.  We eventually managed to take him out – and promptly forgot to take a good picture.

Punchathon in Tempest Keep It turns out that if you run in circles around Kael-ol-buddy here, he'll shuffle around so fast he knocks himself out.  (Sorta.)

Punchathon in Tempest Keep
It turns out that if you run in circles around Kael-ol-buddy here, he’ll shuffle around so fast he knocks himself out. (Sorta.)

 

 

 

 

 

*So we came to the Spoils fight, and as usual, people started talking to the damned box and starting the fight even though groups hadn’t been split up yet.  Irritated, I told ’em, “don’t start it up yet, ya derps,” and they stopped.  Weirder yet, nobody objected to being called a “derp.”  Even stranger still, nobody insulted me, my momma and my DPS for telling them what to do.

I Don’t Know If I Can Do It

Also known as, “More Muttering About Models.”

The nice thing about playing mostly goblins is that my “mains” had no surprises in store for me.  I’ve been sitting on the fence about some other characters, however.  (I’ve also been browsing any and all “OMFG I HATE THE NEW MODELS” threads with avidity.  Look, somebody had problems worse than mine!)

Ailabeth
I loved Ailabeth’s old harlequin face.  To me, it was a smile fixed in place by rigor mortis, a mask resembling her old self that barely covered the motivations of her present unlife.

Ailabeth's New Model Hair apparently does grow in the grave, as does general annoyingness.

Ailabeth’s New Model
Hair apparently does grow in the grave, as does general annoyingness.

With the new model, the brows have been raised and the mouth has been made much narrower*, which gives the harlequin mask a rather pinched smirk.  It makes me want to punch the wearer every time I see it.

On the upside, her hair is fab.  I am ultimately unsure what to do with Ailabeth, but may leave her as Forsaken, since she doesn’t see a large amount of playtime these days.  For now, I’ve changed her face to something that makes me a little less irritated.

*Not that the mouth being made much wider helps, necessarily.  Exhibit A:

Forsaken Eek! Originally posted by Gentlebreeze on the forums.

Forsaken Derp Transformation!
Posted by Gentlebreeze on the forums.

Daschela and Yynsia
I just can’t with the eyes.  Why do they seem so big, when they didn’t before?  Why are they so goddamn turquoise, when they weren’t before?  Why are they so freakishly bright?

Dasch's New Model Nicely defined horns.  Freakishly flat eyes.

Dasch’s New Model
Nicely defined horns. Freakishly flat eyes.

Yynsia's New Model The new bright eyes seem even BRIGHTER on dark skins.

Yynsia’s New Model
The new bright eyes seem even BRIGHTER on dark skins.

Have you seen how the new face looks on the Armory for female draenei hunters?  I THINK YOU SHOULD.

>: | WAT IS WITH THIS FACE

>: |
WAT IS WITH THIS PINCHED EXPRESSION

I’d like to keep them Alliance, so that I am able to switch factions as desired to play with friends.  I’m leaning towards racechanging Daschela, the hunter, to a night elf, since the name originally applied to a night elf druid that later became Betheki the troll.  As far as Yynsia the shaman goes, I’ve been tossing around the idea of changing her either to a dwarf or panda.  On the one hand, I really like the panda casting animation.  On the other, pandas all have sameface syndrome, and I already have one panda.

Niremere
Alas, the changes to the human female hit me like a ton of bricks.  What bugs me the most about the human female faces is how it feels like Blizzard took the same approach they did with pandas: change the colors on the same face and call the resulting variations “different!”  Every face has the same eye shape, just in different colors.  (Speaking of eyes, they gave gnomes a face with mussed up eyeliner. What happened to the smudged eyeliner on my human?)  Every face has pencil-thin brows arched halfway to the moon.  Because of the shading on the upper lip, they almost all appear to be doing the duckface expression if you look at them straight on.

This image is a good example of how the human female faces could, you know, actually resemble the originals in more than eyecolor:

Original, live, and edited versions Originally posted to the forums by Vro of Evenfall server

Original, live, and edited versions
Posted to the forums by Vro

I think I could get used to the human female faces if I made a new character, but the problem with Niremere is that she has a history of sorts, a story in which her old appearance made sense but her new one makes no sense at all.  Niremere’s personality was even-keeled, stern and straightforward, and she was a competent badass who took no sheeyit.  Since the new face only superficially resembles the old one (is it just me, or does it look down), this is not the vibe I get from it.

Nir's New Model She grew a couple inches and several helm sizes.

Nir’s New Model
She grew a couple inches and several helm sizes.

This thread is of interest to me (despite how fast it got derailed by the “I don’t see what’s wrong just suck it up” camp) because the OP used the same face I did and has the same problem with the new model results.  One reply in the thread struck a chord for me as well:

“The human the OP posted, she looked pretty fierce. But with the raised eyebrows, tilted eyeballs, and lack of makeup, she looks pretty derp. And very different.

Still pretty, yeah. But she’s not the same character that was originally created.”

And that’s pretty much the crux of it.

I can’t see race-changing her, to be honest.  “Niremere” is human.  But I can’t see myself playing her much, either.  I’ll probably just leave her sitting as is for a good long while, until my idea of “Niremere” fades and I can pick a different face to go with a different character.


Other thoughts of note:

  • Interestingly, all the “old faces” have been mostly smoothed and dewrinkled
  • Re: gnomes.  People were complaining about female gnomes being too damn cutesy, so it looks an awful lot like Blizzard overcompensated by making them pissed off instead.
  • New Model Thread Catalogue – contains info on how to contact the lead character artist.  Debating actually doing it, because (as shown above) the human females can be made far more faithful to the original models.

 

The Real End Boss for WoD

Yeah yeah, I know they say they’ve got the final boss worked out and everything, but I got a better idea.  (Don’t I always?)  I can’t help but think that there’s more than a bit of nostalgia in going back to Draenor, so you know what the real final boss of WoD should be?

The Iron Elevator.

The Iron Elevator It will Kick.  Your.  Ass.

The Iron Elevator
It will Kick. Your. Ass.

The Iron Elevator is Garrosh’s Hardcore Revamp of every elevator that’s ever tortured you by not being where you need it to be.  Gnomeregan.  Serpentshrine Cavern.  Blackwing Descent.  The Iron Elevator is made of those nightmares where you think you’re falling and you wake up gasping just before impact – but you die anyway, because this is the Iron Elevator.

The goal is to kill the Iron Elevator before it reaches the bottom.  Of course, the fight will have several death-inducing mechanics.

Dumb Luck: You must leap to the Iron Elevator platform from a distance.  Easy to screw up for no apparent reason.  Engineers and their gliders will eventually be nerfed to keep the challenge alive.  p.s., you will occasionally have to redo this move when the fight bugs out and leaves you stuck midair in the elevator shaft.

Gravity:  You take regular damage over the course of the fight, again for no apparent reason, because that’s just how this sheeyit works.

Heartless Ogre Gravity does what gravity wants.

Heartless Ogre
Gravity does what gravity wants.

Down OF DEATH: Every time the Iron Elevator descends, it does so WHILE ON FIRE.

Iron Horde Elevator Technician: This chipper fellow will periodically show up and attempt to increase the descent speed of the Iron Elevator.  He does not like people trying to kill him (he’s just trying to do his job, dammit), so he will also attempt to knock people off the Iron Elevator to their deaths.

LFR will receive an additional skill button.  This will be the “Call for Help” button.  Nobody actually responds and you’re still stuck on the elevator, but it gives you a “Hopefulness” buff that temporarily lightens the mood of the LFR group.

Bring It The Iron Elevator might have an angry face on it, like this one.

Bring It
The Iron Elevator might have an angry face on it, like this one.

Defeating the Iron Elevator gives you a chance to get the mini Iron Elevator battle pet.  This cute little mechanical will beat the crap out of any opponent it encounters by dropping down and squashing it.  When idle, it descends, and will sometimes be on fire.

 

 

 

p.p.s., you can thank Kash for this.