Category Archives: Draenei In Space

Tanks, but No Tanks

Balloon TankDon't wanna pop yer bubble.

Balloon Tank
Don’t wanna pop yer bubble.

So, tanks.  Tell me, what’s up with you lately?  Something seems off and I can’t quite put a finger on it.

I love me some tanks.  I try to be understanding when it comes to tanks.  I’m not a full timer or anything, but I’ve tanked sometimes myself and have eyerolled at the mage who always pulls or the DPS who thinks he’s a tank too.  I try not to say anything bad, since they’ve got enough to do and hear enough crap as is.  I mean, I’ll shout “MOVE!” if a tank is standing in sheeyit, but that’s fair, ’cause I shout that at everybody.  Seriously, doods!  I don’t complain when tanks can’t keep hate/aggro, or when we wipe, or when you really need to pull those mobs out of that thing that’s healing them.  You’re doing your job, and I’m doing mine, which is to shoot all the things.

So why is it that I keep on encountering tanks in LFD who are acting like prima damn donnas?  Warrior, paladerp, beartank, drunk monk or death knight, it doesn’t matter.  They can do it because they know we need ’em and can’t live without ’em.  And what do they care about our thirty minute queue times when they can get a party in a minute (or five, depending on heals)?

Why, I ask, must you drop the party in the middle of the freaking instance when you do/do not get that tank trinket you wanted?  Why, I ask, must you drop the party the moment you zone into the dungeon and realize that it’s not the one with the tank gear you wanted?  Why, I ask, must you get trollish, pull crap and THEN drop the party, trying to kill us all when you go?  This last one pisses me off the most, especially if things haven’t been all that damn bad and nobody’s died – what the hale is wrong with you?  Leave if you must, but sheesh, leave us alive.  (Also, what’s up with people botting tanks?  Jeebus, that’s a disaster.)

Given the large number of DPS only alts I have, I complain about the queue times a lot.  I’ve often said I’m going to make a tank @#%$ it so I don’t have to wait this @$%*ing long for a queue anymore! These days, though, my complaint is different.  It’s more like, “I’m gonna make a tank damn it so I don’t have to deal with this sheeyit!”  I’ve started a couple of times but then I always got distracted by other shiny things.

Worm tanks like a pro.

Worm tanks like a pro.
He uses his powers of revulsion to scare the bejeesus outta enemies.

I like to solve my problems.  Well, sorta anyway, since I still couldn’t tank for my ninety million DPS alts … but at least I would be “contributing” and complaining less!  I’d probably want to go Horde, since that’s where I spend most of my time.  All slots on WRA are currently full, unless I deleted one of the low level alts (only Daschela or Thirabel would be candidates).  Therefore, if I want to stay Horde-side on WRA without deleting anybody, I have the following options:

Esplodine, Warrior
Pros: Plate!  Already has Protection set as an alt spec.
Cons: I’m still not having much fun with being a Fury Warrior, but I also remember thinking that I couldn’t take tanking as a warrior any damn more somewhere around Blackfathom Deeps.  Maybe warrior tanking is better now?  Also, she has no tanking gear (WTB shield).

Mechalis, Death Knight
Pros: Plate!
Cons: She’s level 88 right now.  Isn’t that … a little late to start tanking?  She has no tanking gear.  Would have to change her alt spec, which means giving up either Frost (awww, man, but I can dual wield!) or Unholy.  I’d probably ditch Unholy since everybody can control an undead minion for up to five minutes now and just retame it when control drops.

Alexalis, Monk
Pros: Hasn’t even bothered to set her alt spec!
Cons: Would have to compete with ninety million other leveling monks for gear.  I also can’t imagine Alexalis taking damage for anybody, because they’re almost all breathers.

If I DID delete somebody, it would probably be Thirabel, since Daschela is representing for (level 25 wooo) druids.  I could figure out a new pet plan so Therm could tame Gib the Banana Hoarder (BECAUSE OMFG MONKEY IN A FE… wait, have I said that before?) and the other assorted pets I want.  (WTB more stable space.)  Then a slot would then be available for a new tankytype.  Since I can’t have another Death Knight and I’d probably go paladerp for the facerolling because why make this harder than it has to be, this leads me back into my eternal conundrum of “Urgh, blood elves” vs. “Oh Gawd, Tauren fingers and no freaking hairdos.”  (Honestly, guys, have you ever looked at just how few options Taurens have for customization?  It’s kinda unfair!)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOO

(Balloon Tank was found via Google and is apparently the work of this artist.  It’s actually kind of cool to see the tank deflate over time.)

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Face, Meet Desk

Thirabel, as you might recall, was once a Night Elf druid whose sole purpose in life was to beardance on Varian Wrynn’s head.  With her goal fulfilled, I realized the only reason I would want to play a druid would be to transmog leather outfits (since I have wearers of all other armor classes), but that’s 85 levels to go for the sake of completionism, and that kinda killed that plan.  [Edited to add: Oops, forgot about Bombelina.  I have wearers of all armor classes, therefore, the druid for transmog purposes would be redundant.]  I eventually concluded that if I was going to have an alt for an Alliance alt (suddenly, my life is like looking into a mirror looking into a mirror), I was going to make this as damn easy as possible and make her a huntard.

Thirabel

Unfortunately, for a second time lowbie space goat, Azuremyst/Bloodmyst Isle is like the Alliance version of Mulbore: it’s kind of tedious and takes a painfully long time to get anywhere.  My general feeling was something like, “I’ve gone through this place once before, and I’ll be damned if I innoculate the owlbeasts again!”  So, despite my hesitations, I sent Thirabel to Elwynn Forest, to live among the humans.  (Reason 1: They have a hunter trainer.  Reason 2: I find  the human quests more interesting than the night elf ones.  Reason 3: Leveling a space goat amongst dwarves seemed insane.)

Upon arrival in Stormwind, poor Thir was immediately stalked by a loony death knight, so she fled town and ran to Northshire Abbey.  Completing the quests there didn’t take much time, and so Thir entered the most difficult portion of her short life – that is, surviving Goldshire.

Goldshire Never Changes

Goldshire Never Changes
Level 8 vs. Level LOLZ!

I’ve begun to realize that you don’t see the Horde hanging out in the equivalent location (Razor Hill) for the lolz, whereas in Goldshire, the Alliance is there and full of lolzing, and that makes your early levels suck.  Goldshire takes “For the Alliance” and does a little transformation, making it “FOR TEH LOLZ!”  The only problem is that the lolz are generally at your lowbie expense.

Some more lolz were had at Thir’s expense and she was feeling a little jumpy, so she decided it was probably safer to live in the woods.  While helping out in the boondocks (otherwise known as the Stonefield Farm), a level 85 male human mage descended next to her from out of nowhere.  He was wearing a diving helmet and riding a rocket.  Given her past experience with human males (stalker, rather upfront commentary on her appearance, gibberish, all around insanity, etc.), Thir pretty much panicked.  Her fight or flight reflex malfunctioned however, so she /waved.

Rocket Mage 01

Rocket Mage 01
He started off with “Greetings.”

The first thing he had to say filled her with dread.

Rocket Mage 02

Rocket Mage 02
That sounds ominous.

As it turns out, the gift was 200g.  I generally don’t like to take without giving something in return (although some folks have cured me of this habit by refusing to accept the pretty rocks, clam meat and whatnot I try to give), so I gave him the linen I was carrying.  When you’re level 10, you can’t offer much!

Face, meet Desk, because:

  1. You walked into Goldshire despite knowing what goes on there, but also,
  2. You assumed the worst about Mr. Mage, and you were wrong.

DAMMITOL – the pill for people who fail!

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

But I couldn’t.  Everyone saw me wipe constantly – guildies, PUGS, you name it.

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

My friend from that other server told me about a new medicine that can help solve problems like mine.  I did my research, and I’m sure it’s the right one for me.

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

Thank you, Dammitol.  Now I can raid again with confidence!  Maybe Dammitol is the right thing for you too.

Oh Sheeyit Screenshots: Posting Reunion

Why, God, Why?

Why, God, Why?
What did Centina ever do to you?
Why are baby raptors trying to eat her face?

Sandbox Tigers

Sandbox Tigers
Mechalis looks so happy to have found these.

Just a Moment

Just a Moment
Really, they blend in so well.

Dramatically Dead

Dramatically Dead
And soon to be literally so.

Beth, Meet Beth

Beth, Meet Beth
Darkside of Whimsical approaches Bethilhackwhateveritis

Oh Sheeyit Screenshots: The 4th Posting

Centina and Thrall BFF

Centina and Thrall BFF
Wait, is Kaja the Raptor photobombing?

Mechalis Being Dramatic

Mechalis Being Dramatic
So it wasn’t actually that dramatic.
She got stuck looting, but she could still sit down.
That said, it made for a great “Death Knight reaches out for YOUR SOUL” sort of shot.

The Tauren Chieftains

The Tauren Chieftains
… and you can see Gulliver the Seagull!

Bad Romance in a Russian Accent

Bad Romance in a Russian Accent
Mahanth clearly knows how to win men.