Category Archives: Blood Elves

Project Platekini Part Two: “Not Saltstone” Set, or the “Fallen Dreams” Set

"Fallen Dreams" Set

“Fallen Dreams” Set

Class: Paladin

H: Not shown | S: Gladiator’s Scaled Shoulders | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Gladiator’s Scaled Chestpiece | Wa: Belt of the Fallen Emperor | L: Cenarion Thicket Legplates
G: Gauntlets of Raw Strength | Wr: Not shown | B: Cataclysmic Gladiator’s Warboots of Alacrity

Shield: Crest of Retribution
1h Sword: Greatsword of Horrid Dreams

Thoughts: If Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, then this is the transmog set that launched one alt and a bazillion plans that still haven’t been finished (yet).  I almost called this the “Dat Ash” Set, but I maintain some pretense of dignity.

This is the set my sole blood elf was made for and undeleted for.  I had a moment of brilliance (Ermagerdda would be a GREAT name for a dwarf or an orc), combined with residual feelings of guilt (ERMAGERD ANOTHER BLOOD ELF THEY’RE LIKE 2/3RDS OF THE HORDE WTF), which mixed with the conversation of some friends who like to talk up how awesome warrior is.  So I deleted the blood elf and made Ermagerdda the Orc Warrior, only to realize that this set, as-is, can only be done on a paladin, what with the class-specific gear and all.  Craaaaap.

Lastly:

Blame Blizzard, Not the Mogger Seriously, I wouldn't go to some of these places if I didn't have to.

Blame Blizzard, Not the Mogger
Seriously, I wouldn’t go to some of these places if I didn’t have to.

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Project Platekini Part 1: “Dark Embrace” Set

"Dark Embrace" Set

“Dark Embrace” Set

Class: Warrior, Paladin, Death Knight

H: Not shown | S: Pauldrons of Zul’Farrak | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Warrior’s Embrace | Wa: Winterfall Belt | L: Legguards of Stratholme
G: Diemetradon Plate Gloves | Wr: Not shown | B: Crustacean Stompers

Shield: Crest of Retribution
1h Sword: Crystal Sword

Thoughts: While platekini wouldn’t be realistically functional, it occurred to me that I was ignoring a whole area of transmog possibilities by not using any at all.  The matching metal bra/panties/stockings look by itself doesn’t do much for me, as I like a bit more complexity (or floofy accessories, whichever) to my armor these days.  So here’s the first set in Project Platekini, which is an attempt to find ways to make platekini pieces attractive to me by working them into more elaborate transmog sets.

A lot of ideas I had for this just didn’t look as great on someone who happens to be two feet tall and dark green, mostly due to the way the proportions of boots and gloves change.  I really couldn’t envision Niremere wearing these either, given her genesis in the human starting zones (WTF GOLDSHIRE WTB MANA BOMB) and subsequent personality development away from them.  She’s ever the practical type – and you’ll never convince me that anybody would WANT to wear platekini in, say, Northrend.  Putting aside the zombie infestation issue for a moment, can we say, “hello, hypothermia?”

Violaryn, as a blood elf, looks good in most things (so there IS a benefit to weighing five pounds!), and practicality is not part of the picture, since she was born to wear platekini.  She will SUFFER for her fashion, thank you.

p.s., I still maintain that platekini in general is fine, as long as men can wear platekini too … which Blizzard has been sadly delinquent on!  C’mon Blizz, need more skimpy outfits for teh menz.

p.p.s., ever notice how few gnomes and pandas you see in platekini?

p.p.s.s. BIG FEET ARE BEAUTIFUL GOSH DARN IT

If There Are Five Stages of Tanking …

She's a Smashing Good TankIrony, I has it.

She’s a Smashing Good Tank
Irony, I has it.

Because I don’t really do Retribution so well and I’m not really temperamentally suited to be the healer (just because I can doesn’t mean I should and all that), I haven’t bothered to set Violaryn’s alt spec.  Therefore, she’s been tanking constantly.  I kinda like tanking; I envision myself plowing ahead FOR THE LIGHT AND STUFF WOOOO, smashing things left and right like some sort of sickly, extremely short Viking with fantastic hair.  And on the upside, the tank queue is OMG amazing even when you have to wait seven minutes for a heals.  On the downside, if there really are five stages of tanking, then I’m probably somewhere between anger and depression – which is just super.

Denial
I deny that denial exists.

Anger

I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight's GoneAfter dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight’s Gone
After dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I would occasionally tell him not to Death Grip that, not to pull those and res him when things went wrong (among those guys you pulled is one that summons a totem that charms us, which would be why you died), but for the most part I spent my time giving up on all that because stupid is as stupid does.  He finally got on my nerves right before the last boss, so I had to say something.  I probably would’ve let it pass again after making my point – it was the last boss and all – but then he had to go start being a smartass on me.  Hell no, boy.

Bargaining

Dancing is No DeterrentHe kept on pulling but only danced once.  I am le sad.

Dancing is No Deterrent
He kept on pulling but only danced once. I am le sad.

So they keep on pulling.  They pull with Death Grip.  They pull with Moonfire.  They pull with pets, with arrows, with Frostbolt and arcane power.  You ask them to stop please, then they do it again; as soon as you get one LFD group to stop pulling all the sheeyit, the next LFD group pulls it all once more.  If this is going to be a regular thing – I might as well get some amusement out of it, right?

Depression
Y U DO DIS.  WHY DON’T YOU LEARN?  I AM NOT SLOW, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE AN ADDICTION TO ENERGY DRINKS AND THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.  I ONLY HAVE SO MANY SKILLS TO PULL CRAP WITH ANYWAY.  WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Acceptance
Eff it, man.  I’ll do what I do and they’ll do what they do.  Hey huntard, if your pet dies, your pet dies.  Warlock doesn’t know how to take the threat generation off their Felguard?  It dies.  If a mage takes the aggro, they can have the freaking aggro.  You may laugh now, but some day, a mob will smash your face into the ground.  You won’t say “Darn, I wish I had learned my proper party role and left the pulling to the tank.”  No, you won’t.  But at that very moment, I will know that you have gotten crushed into itty bitty little pieces, and I will silently rejoice.  Karma, people.  Karma.

Wait, that doesn’t sound so much like acceptance as it sounds like mostly restrained frustrations.

“Lovely Cinnamon” Set

"Lovely Cinnamon" Set

“Lovely Cinnamon” Set

“Lovely Cinnamon” Set

Class: Warrior, Paladin

H: Not shown | S: Tyrant’s Epaulets | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Commander’s Armor | Wa: Bloodforged Belt | L: Bloodforged Legplates
G: Bloodscale Gauntlets | Wr: Not shown | B: Bloodscale Sabatons

Shield: Garrett Family Crest
1h Sword: Firebreather

Thoughts: Holiday appropriate and with hair dyed to match!  This outfit is good for relatively low level tanks who are only around the 60s or so, since a lot of awesome plate armor doesn’t open up until the 70s and onward.  Most of it can be found on the AH, save for the sword, which is a dungeon drop.

So I’ve pretty much been tanking like a tank, which is to say I develop “tanking vision” that focuses on mob positioning, whether or not I’ve got All Teh Aggroz and whether or not people are pulling crap.  Things like the chat become secondary, which is why it can be surprising to read things like this:

Wait watWelcome to the wild world of blood elves.

Wait wat
Welcome to the wild world of blood elves.

Ewww. I bet you if Violaryn happened to be short and green while wearing the same outfit, she would have gotten the cold shoulder instead of … well, the tongue.  I proceeded to ignore the guy until he started to bemoan his loss of skill in the flirting department.  Protip: keep your tongue in your mouth, especially if you’ve just met the girl and she happens to be punching six fel orcs in the face at that moment.

Anyway, the highlight of this holiday is that for two minutes, while Violaryn was transformed into a goblin courier, I got live my dream of being be a goblin paladin.

My Rules for Lowbie LFD Tanking

NO TAMPERING WITH THE MAILNOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

NO TAMPERING WITH THE MAIL
NOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

RULE NUMBER ONE: KEEP ONE AOE SKILL HANDY AT ALL TIMES
Because if it’s there to be pulled, somebody’s probably going to pull it, intentionally or otherwise.  Whatever it is will almost certainly come with friends.

RULE NUMBER TWO: HE CAN’T HELP IT …
If you have a feral druid DPS in the party, he or she is most likely experiencing an identity crisis and will be shapeshifting for most of the dungeon.  As long as he isn’t actually trying to tank while in bear, he’s harmless.

When you see him switch between tree and cat forms in the middle of the fight, be glad all you do is tank crap, and that’s pretty straight forward at this stage of the game since you are a paladerp and all you do is faceroll in your unsurpassable natural (and only) form.  And just disregard the fact that really, only one of the druid forms is useful for his current spec/role.  Dude’s just confused.

RULE NUMBER THREE: … BUT THEY CAN
Huntards and other ranged classes (but mostly huntards, since they’re not AS squishy as mages) like to shoot sheeyit before you get to it.  Save them if you want to, but a little damage would probably do ’em good.  Just sayin’.

Maybe ...Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn't plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn't intend to have us die at all.

Maybe …
Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn’t plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn’t intend to have us die at all.

RULE NUMBER FOUR: MAKE SURE THE HEALER’S GOT YOUR BACK
Because sometimes, the huntard’s got to die.  Also, a good healer who doesn’t panic can save your ass when everything goes to hell – a.k.a., the room in Scholomance with Professor Slate.  Said healer can also save your ass when the chronically confused catbeartreemanbird gets distracted with all the shapeshifting and pulls crap on accident.

Take It Or Leave It'cause I'm stayin'.

Take It Or Leave It
’cause I’m stayin’.

RULE NUMBER FIVE: STAND YOUR GROUND
If you don’t want to run the dungeon like someone who’s hopped up on six venti expresso machiatto chai latte whatevers, then don’t.  You are the tank.  They can take it or leave it.  (As a side note, I’m at full mana because I’m a level 40-something with a mana pool about thiiiiiis big, so I regen what I use in a second – a.k.a., about the time I finish sassing you for pulling half the stuff in Janice Barov’s room.  Being right on the internet is OBVIOUSLY more important than your schedule.)

After all, if you won’t take the damage and the healer won’t heal it, they’re not likely to get very far.  And if they do, then hey – it’s EXP you didn’t have to work for!

RULE NUMBER SIX: IF YOU WANT TO KICK THEM, WELL, YOU PROBABLY CAN’T
If the annoyance they cause is not worth the EXP, then leave.  You’ll get another party because LOLZTANKQUEUEISAMAZING.  If Deserter status occurs, well, you just saved some brain cells and that’s good for you.

He Touched My HAIR!THAT'S IT.

He Touched My HAIR!
THAT’S IT.

RULE NUMBER SEVEN: ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Almost nobody knows where to go in Dire Maul, anyway.

RULE NUMBER EIGHT: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN CLAIM IT WAS AN ACCIDENT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD
Positioning Instructor Chillheart so that your DPS is at imminent risk of Ice Wall death is considered cruel, even if you do find it enjoyable.

Prima Tankin’ Donna

When I try my hand at healing, I often question my competence and make plenty of ragefaces over the endless parade of derp that is the Dungeon Finder.  Yet I am discovering that the more I paladin tank, the more I turn into an uncontrollable, self-assured, and totally unforgiving honey badger.

Deal With ItThat's just how this works.

Deal With It
That’s just how this works.

I don’t know what it is.  Maybe it’s the endless facerolling, or perhaps it’s the gawgeous hair that none can match.  Instead of being the usual “I think it’s actually over this way, guys” sort of person I am when I’m DPSing, or the “ACK!  SORRY OMG YOU DROPPED LIKE A FLY” panic-prone person when I heal, I give people crap for pulling ahead of me and/or being stupid, and I also collude with the healer to get the unkickable killed.

Sometimes, I wonder WHAT HAVE I BECOME!?  But then most of the time, I just think something like this:

I REGRET NOTHINGNa-da.  Zilch.  Zero.

I REGRET NOTHING
Na-da. Zilch. Zero.

THIS PARTY IS NOT A DEMOCRACY!  I am the tank dictator.  It’s my way or the highway, and we don’t have highways in Azeroth.

Ohnoez

Isn't That What Blood Elves Do Anyway?

Isn’t That What Blood Elves Do Anyway?
I mean, they’re the Horde’s eye candy and all.

The image has no relevance to the topic at hand, but it happened to be in my Media Library and wasn’t in use anywhere, so here it is.

I’m currently having a bad idea.  It involves fanfiction, and what’s bad is that it’s actually starting to take form.  It is neither funny nor has anything to do with Niremere’s silly fantasies about the king (“As she studied him from a safe distance, she observed his frown turned into a glower.  She was deeply moved by this transformation.”), so it could be worse.

Speaking of Niremere, this was also in my Library doing nothing:

I didn't wanna join anyway!

I didn’t wanna join anyway!
It’s hard to be so warm-blooded.

I’m now going to attempt not to brainvomit on my computer.  But just in case I do, is there anyone out there who is either accomplished at being lorepolice or, alternately, determining when something is just ridiculously bad?  If somebody (you know, somebody “objective”) is able to determine that my efforts cannot be brought into the realm of “I may have wasted my time, but at least it didn’t hurt,” that may give my logic the ability to stop my “LAWL” instinct.