Tag Archives: bored out of my gourd

So, Uh

Oh Hey Hi Hai dere

Oh Hey
Hi
Hai dere

Ohai

So I ended up reading my own blog and I’m kind of missing the batshittery.  Kind of.  I’m not entirely convinced yet.

Anybody else still out there?  Any new hi-larious blogs?  Is Sassy Hardwrench Warchief yet?  Are there less orcs around?  Have we started being nicer to lazy-ass casuals who just want more mog and less RNG in their lives?  Does LFR have any amusement to it?  Can I skip Draenor or will somebody hang out with me if I go there because I just don’t think I can deal with Tanaaaaah by myself?  Maybe?

Pennies Aren’t Worth What it Costs to Make Them

After learning that flying is bad, casting while moving is bad, and manly orcs boy’s trip is yay great woooo, I stopped looking at WoD updates.  I hit my max capacity for caring and simply couldn’t muster up any more cares for the subject.  Garrisons?  Fine, whatever.  New models?  Okay, that’s nice, I guess, since it’d be swell if Niremere could actually have facial expressions.  Just let me know when they’re done, because I can’t make myself care enough to nitpick during development, okay?  I get this feeling that WoD is something that is just going to happen to me, like I’ll not be paying attention during a fight and then BAM!  EXPANSION HAS HIT YOU FOR 9999 PHYSICAL DAMAGE! (9998 OVERKILL!)  My other suspicion is that my computer will take one look at the new fancy crap and beg for new settings far under the bare minimum that the game is currently set to.

But I watched the fancy cinematic because why not, I guess, sure.  I got two and a half thoughts about it.

Magnificent Hair Seriously, just look at it.  It's freaking magnificent.

Magnificent Hair
Seriously, just look at it. It’s freaking magnificent.

1.) Wow, that guy Grommash has amazing hair.  Look at how smooth, straight and luxuriant it is!  I bet he uses some kinda hair dryer and styling mousse to get it so nice.  Takes about a half hour in the mornings or before battle, maybe.

2.) Wow, is it just me, or does Garrosh’s chin get bigger each time he makes an appearance?
2a.) That is a vicious 5 o’clock shadow.  Good Gawd, Garrosh, going back in time and changing sheeyit is absolutely no excuse to let your personal grooming go!

Why Goblins Should Be All The Things They Aren’t

PALADINS

  1. Let’s be frank here – we’re already priests, so it’s only a matter of time before we successfully bribe someone in the Church.
  2. Gold is light colored.  Therefore, it is a representation of the Light.  Therefore, we totally follow the Light.
  3. There’s no specific rule saying selfish basses can’t be paladins.  Look at all the blood elf paladins running around the place!

MONKS

  1. Even gnomes can be monks.  I mean, what’s up with that?  They’re so short, they barely have functional knees!
  2. We totally don’t care if it’s impossible to add monk trainers to the starting zone (and/or if Blizzard doesn’t want to).  Who uses trainers to actually train crap until dual spec at level 30 anyway?  We’ll be loooong off the islands by then.  It’s not like we can use Zen Pilgrimage to “cheat” and get outta the Isles early anyway, since you don’t learn that until level 20.
  3. We believe in self improvement.  Really!  If time is money, then I gotta do things faster and better, and that takes dedicated training.

DRUIDS

  1. We’re already green.  It’s just like being a shaman, but with more animal forms.  Right?
  2. Our animal forms would totally have bazookas and rockets and uzis attached.  Instead of our bear form using “Swipe,” we’d use “Nuke.”  You have to admit a rocketbeartank would be awesome.  Besides, all our explosive powder would be organic and locally sourced.
  3. We love nature and being natural.  It’s no coincidence that minerals are in the earth and money is in our souls.

Useless Information

So I thought I would write to you all today about the header images used for “That Was an Accident!”

This was my first header, which went quite well with the midnight blue background I selected.  But after a few months of being totally color coordinated, I decided that was boring and that it was time to add more headers.  Hence, this post!

This is one of my favorite recent shots and comes from Azshara.  While many folks might think we goblins haven’t gotten our comeuppance yet for mining the crap out of Azshara and sticking Gallywix’s Pleasure Palace on top of a mountain, I’d like to point out that we (and every other Hordie) do get our faces eaten off by baby raptors in Azshara, which must be some form of justice.  (Goblin miners also get stoned!  That is, they get turned into stone.)  As far as Gallywix, trust me, we’d dump him somewhere if we could.

Mechalis getting eaten by a shark, because that was an accident.  If Budd had told her that 1.) this plan involved getting eaten, and 2.) the way Gnaws gnaws, she never would have volunteered for the quest!

This would be Bombelina prior to her Trade Princess Party.  This was before the “party-crashing pirates must die” moment, so the dress is still in good condition (and those shades are blingin’!).  She is clearly a classy lady.

I’ve always liked this image of Thingie with her backup, ready to lay the smack down on debtors across Kezan.  It shows the grittiness and the tackiness of goblinity, all in one shot!

Because it’s pretty.  But it’s balanced out in the rotation by the next header.

While it may not be the best of compositions, Mechalis really is a bad example.

I chose this one because it is THE STORY OF MY LIFE.  a.k.a., “I didn’t plan that very well,” or “stuck again,” or even “@%#! was NOT watching where I was going!”

DO IT FOR TWINKLES.  R.I.P. Twinkles, you were the best star pony ever, and I will name every horse-like mount I can after you.  Twinkles Jr., Twinkles the 3rd, Twinkles IV, etc. etc. etc.

This Kezan home/business owner really didn’t want people walking on his fine lawn.  In all fairness, he did warn the guy.

Because I am not original in any way, I call this “Sandbox Tiger, Happy DeathKnight.”  Mechalis tried to get to the top of the bronze hourglass, which I assure you did not end well, as it was impossible to get a foot hold (or a grip for that matter).  After retrieving her crushed and broken body, she decided that this spot was good enough.

This is barely moments before Sunblood grabbed a bottle of grog and smashed it over a gnome’s head, starting yet another epic Thousand Needles bar fight.  The thing I like is that you can start the bar fight again, and again, and again, and again!

If the Goblins Were NPCs

So there’s this Blog Azeroth Thing, where Cymre asks what NPC your character would be.

Mechalis as an NPC

YOU! YES, YOU!
You need a rocket camel!

Mechalis would be a Rocket Camel Vendor.  She would fly to different major cities (perhaps one city per week), exploding on the scene and causing mayhem and uproar and attracting lots of publicity, and hopefully making a nice tidy profit once the smoke clears.  She’d have to take one week off every now and then to replenish her supplies, but for the most part, she’d be devoted to sharing Rocket Camels with the world.

Thermalix as an NPC

I’ve looked at the map
I still can’t get out of here

Thermalix would be a secret Quest Giver whom players would normally find lost in a corner somewhere in Dalaran.  If you talk to her often enough, you’ll get a quest where you can offer to escort her safely to the Auction House.  On the way, you will be assaulted by visions of nightmarishly expensive armor and Minigob Manabonk.  If you defeat them all and succeed in showing her the way, you’ll receive some of the engineering crap she’s stored in her bank.  If you’re lucky, you might even get an Explosive Sheep!

Centina as an NPC

I wouldn’t go outdoors in that
But whatever, it’s your dignity

Centina would be a Transmog Specialist.  She’d stand next to the transmog guy in Orgrimmar and critique your outfit loudly and in public.  By critique, she means “inform you that your wardrobe choices need work, and your sense of color is totally … interesting,” and if asked, she’d recommend pieces for you.  This means no one will ever talk to her.

Bombelina as an NPC

If you want me to be there
I’m gonna make you wait

Bombelina would be an optional, rare spawn that shows up occasionally in some dungeon you run way too often to care about.  She would drop a prototype of her latest leather jacket design, made for those moments when you accidentally jump off your flying mount.  They explode upon impact, thereby negating the crushing force of the landing!

Thingie as an NPC

1,000 pelts? I meant 10,000
I like to see you suffer

Thingie would be a daily Quest Giver related to your profession.  She would first ask you to produce 5 of something, which seems reasonable.  The next time you do the quest, she’d ask for 50.  After that, she’ll ask for 500 of the same item.  She would continue this until you are so horribly bored you think the skill up/bag of shiny things isn’t worth it anymore, so you abandon the questline and quit.  Months later, you’ll read a post on a site somewhere, saying that if you manage to survive all her requests, you get an epically shiny, super-duper rare mount.  But she won’t let you continue once you’ve abandoned the quests!

Majig, who hasn’t shown up in the blog in her own right yet, would be that Quest Giver who keeps on walking away from you while you’re trying to read the text, causing the box to close.  It isn’t a glamorous job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

Today is Not a Day for Thinking

When Thermalix and Mechalis submit their “Petition to Address the Dire Lack of Rocket Camels” to Blizzard, they also plan on sneaking in a document or two supporting the addition of some new emotes.  Here’s what they’ve come up with so far, demonstrated (sorta) by Thermalix and Caliverne:

/yarr

/arrr or /yarr

We got the hat.  We got the pants and the shirt.  We got parrots galore!  It’s about darn time we had a pirate emote.  There could also be /ninja.  You could use either one when you are about to steal need loot for transmog purposes.  Yeah, I need those shoulders.  THEY MATCH.

/omg

/omg or /wtf

Especially handy for those who use the Dungeon Finder or LFR regularly.  We’ve all been in those groups where that “Thing You Don’t Do” becomes the “Thing That Idiot Just Did.”  There is clearly a need for an emote to express the frustration and shock one feels at the moment when you realize you have a mage tank!

/derp

/derp

For use when you are the one who has done the “Thing That Idiot Just Did.”  (See: Thermalix, Smart Move #3201: Run up to Helix Gearbreaker in Deadmines Heroic to start a conversation about his fears.)

/rockout

/rockout

While many are fond of the air guitar, Mechalis also suggests we add the air drumset and the air accordion just to keep things varied.  Remember to always play an /encore after your audience /claps!  Show them you appreciate them.  They are armed.

/ragequit

/ragequit

Who hasn’t seen someone do this?  There needs to be an appropriate tantrum animation before you pull the mobs and dump the party.  Then, since everyone else has been appropriately warned, they have time for a quick /omg or /wtf before they die!

p.s., please add /meow too, kthxbye

DAMMITOL – the pill for people who fail!

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

But I couldn’t.  Everyone saw me wipe constantly – guildies, PUGS, you name it.

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

My friend from that other server told me about a new medicine that can help solve problems like mine.  I did my research, and I’m sure it’s the right one for me.

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

Dammitol - The Pill for People Who Fail!

Thank you, Dammitol.  Now I can raid again with confidence!  Maybe Dammitol is the right thing for you too.