For those of you who are into this sorta thing and have an inn at level two or higher, you can totally recruit a half-naked male blood elf.
For those of you who are into this sorta thing and have an inn at level two or higher, you can totally recruit a half-naked male blood elf.
Also known as, “More Muttering About Models.”
The nice thing about playing mostly goblins is that my “mains” had no surprises in store for me. I’ve been sitting on the fence about some other characters, however. (I’ve also been browsing any and all “OMFG I HATE THE NEW MODELS” threads with avidity. Look, somebody had problems worse than mine!)
I loved Ailabeth’s old harlequin face. To me, it was a smile fixed in place by rigor mortis, a mask resembling her old self that barely covered the motivations of her present unlife.
With the new model, the brows have been raised and the mouth has been made much narrower*, which gives the harlequin mask a rather pinched smirk. It makes me want to punch the wearer every time I see it.
On the upside, her hair is fab. I am ultimately unsure what to do with Ailabeth, but may leave her as Forsaken, since she doesn’t see a large amount of playtime these days. For now, I’ve changed her face to something that makes me a little less irritated.
*Not that the mouth being made much wider helps, necessarily. Exhibit A:
Daschela and Yynsia
I just can’t with the eyes. Why do they seem so big, when they didn’t before? Why are they so goddamn turquoise, when they weren’t before? Why are they so freakishly bright?
Have you seen how the new face looks on the Armory for female draenei hunters? I THINK YOU SHOULD.
I’d like to keep them Alliance, so that I am able to switch factions as desired to play with friends. I’m leaning towards racechanging Daschela, the hunter, to a night elf, since the name originally applied to a night elf druid that later became Betheki the troll. As far as Yynsia the shaman goes, I’ve been tossing around the idea of changing her either to a dwarf or panda. On the one hand, I really like the panda casting animation. On the other, pandas all have sameface syndrome, and I already have one panda.
Alas, the changes to the human female hit me like a ton of bricks. What bugs me the most about the human female faces is how it feels like Blizzard took the same approach they did with pandas: change the colors on the same face and call the resulting variations “different!” Every face has the same eye shape, just in different colors. (Speaking of eyes, they gave gnomes a face with mussed up eyeliner. What happened to the smudged eyeliner on my human?) Every face has pencil-thin brows arched halfway to the moon. Because of the shading on the upper lip, they almost all appear to be doing the duckface expression if you look at them straight on.
This image is a good example of how the human female faces could, you know, actually resemble the originals in more than eyecolor:
I think I could get used to the human female faces if I made a new character, but the problem with Niremere is that she has a history of sorts, a story in which her old appearance made sense but her new one makes no sense at all. Niremere’s personality was even-keeled, stern and straightforward, and she was a competent badass who took no sheeyit. Since the new face only superficially resembles the old one (is it just me, or does it look down), this is not the vibe I get from it.
This thread is of interest to me (despite how fast it got derailed by the “I don’t see what’s wrong just suck it up” camp) because the OP used the same face I did and has the same problem with the new model results. One reply in the thread struck a chord for me as well:
“The human the OP posted, she looked pretty fierce. But with the raised eyebrows, tilted eyeballs, and lack of makeup, she looks pretty derp. And very different.
Still pretty, yeah. But she’s not the same character that was originally created.”
And that’s pretty much the crux of it.
I can’t see race-changing her, to be honest. “Niremere” is human. But I can’t see myself playing her much, either. I’ll probably just leave her sitting as is for a good long while, until my idea of “Niremere” fades and I can pick a different face to go with a different character.
Other thoughts of note:
You’d think that I would have remembered just how bad I suck at rogue-ing. I’d made it to level 80, after all, stubbornly stabbing things as best I could while other people actually did the killing DPS. It sucked. I sucked. I was worse at rogue than I was at ret paladerping!
But no. I did not remember.
Since we beat the Challenge modes, Kash’s guild has the fancy cute pet thing that, alas, you have to be Revered to acquire. As I am not able to finance a transfer at this point in time, I decided I’d just level up another alt – not like altoholism is a new problem for me or anything. I had a full set of leather agility looms no longer in use, as well as one agility heirloom sword thanks to leveling a monk. So I got an heirloom dagger, went Combat rogue, and have since regretted this choice utterly.
It’s like, DUH, self, DUH. Didn’t you see this coming? If I can’t be bothered keep up that Inquisition thing for ret paladerping, it stands to reason I am certainly not going to want to keep up Slice and Dice for rogue. Especially not when building up combo points takes too @#$%king long to be useful in the first place! I can generally get up to two or three of them if I can Ambush, which is so not guaranteed, and if my fellow party members are equally incompetent so the mob lives long enough.
Let’s assume I can Ambush, which means I succeeded in 1.) getting into Stealth in the first place, which is sometimes impossible because CHAIN PULLING, and 2.) getting behind the mob before it dies thanks to positional requirements. P.S., the latter is only possible when the tank is a nice PvE person and not a PvPer, since PvPers continually whirl mobs around like some sort of paranoid drug addict on a high. THIS IS NOT THE LUMBER MILL HERE, PEOPLE. The next problem is that Ambush costs 60 energy, but I only have 100 energy max. So let’s say the next thing I want to do is Revealing Strike. Since Revealing Strike is only 40 energy, I can do two things in a row oh boy howdy! But then I’m at absolutely zero energy and have to wait forever to do ANYTHING other than autoattack. Oh, so Revealing Strike gives my Sinister Strikes a chance to generate an extra combo point? Well, that’s just freaking SWELL, because Sinister Strike is a grand total of 50 energy – HALF MY ENTIRE ENERGY POOL. You know how often I get to do that on a regular mob? Like never. I can use it maybe two or three times on a boss if the other DPS suck just as bad or worse than I do!
So you know what a low level rogue does? ALMOST NOTHING. Yeah, this is real fun!
And OoooOoOOooOo Combat rogues get Blade Flurry! Sounds useful for low level dungeons, since people pull mobs en masse! ONLY IT ISN’T USEFUL AT ALL, because it reduces your energy regen by 20%, which at this point is so laughably painful I just can’t even.
I was trying to get some levels in via LFD, since higher level questing gives you more gold – which I will need to purchase the pet – but yeah, screw that. I’m going to just quest. Actually, I may just make another class. Or maybe I should leave this rogue alive as a testament to how I can’t rogue – SO I REMEMBER.
Soon after completing normal Siege, the guild moved onto the heroic version. You might recall I spent some time fretting about this, but I ultimately concluded that I just wasn’t very interested in heroic raiding. Yeah, I’d like the powerful gear and of course want to collect ALL THE COLORS of everything for transmog’s sake, but there’s “challenge,” as far as I’m concerned, and then there’s “suffering so much you learn to enjoy the pain.” I did recently volunteer to jump off a cliff if it would get me a Garrosh kill, which actually worked! (Can we talk the Dark Shaman transmog set now? Because I will totally throw myself off a cliff into the sea onto a bunch of sharp pointy rocks for that … but preferably in Flex mode. I got my limits.)
Yeah, I rolled, got gold, and then I died because of a dot or something, or possibly sheer frustration at FINALLY GETTING HIM DAED TIME TO USE PRECIOUS TOKENS and of course, gold. (Or it could’ve just been overwhelming shock.) So what’s a girl to do now that Garrosh has had his face punched in, Arf the Kor’kron War Wolf the Destroyer of Worlds has been adopted and I’ve conclusively proven that RNG doesn’t care how long you’ve waited for this moment? GET MORE LEGENDARY CLOAKS, OBVIOUSLY.
The two closest contenders are Thermalix and Ignitine.
Thermalix is farther ahead in the quest series, partially because the end goal feels less distant. She is currently stuck collecting Titan Runestones. Ignitine’s got capped rep as well, but because she hit 90 so late, she’s still scrabbling for twenty Secrets of the Empire. Thermalix and Ignitine are now both collecting Titan Runestones. Niremere is trailing far, far behind at halfway through Honored with Wrathiewathie, and I don’t even remember where everybody else is (which means they’re probably all still collecting sigils).
Most people conclude that I am in dire need of an intervention when they hear that I’m working towards more legendary cloaks. But I think I am still sane, since it’s not like I’m actually working real hard towards this goal or anything. It’s more like, “oh gee, I guess I could transmute some trillium,” or, “well, it’s not like I’m doing anything else, so I could run ToT and see if any Secrets drop.”
But then again, I did just stay up until like two a.m. in the morning, grinding Ignitine’s Black Prince rep from the beginning of Revered to capped. It was just so easy as a Destro lock, I couldn’t help myself! I simply parked Ignitine and her Voidlord next to a spot where a bunch of statues spawned on a relatively quick basis (and some dumb ass Mogu walked by regularly), and they Killed Everything That Moved. Sometimes all at once, even. Was I not paying attention to what I was doing, and therefore got hit by four or five mobs that the Voidlord hadn’t aggroed yet? Oh, I got a healthstone for that. Healthstone on cooldown? Oh, I got embers, I’m good. Am I getting knocked back, interrupting my Chaos Bolt casts? An eye for an eye and all that jazz, so I’ll just stun them … ALL AT ONCE. TREMBLE, STATUES, AS YOUR PATHETIC MAGIC BETRAAAAAAYS Y …
(Note to self: sure, you’ve broken ICC a couple times, but it seems clear that ICC has broken you.)
Even though Thermalix is the second character I ever created, I suspect that Ignitine’s got better long term chances of actually getting the cloak. This is partially because Ignitine now outgears Thermalix (when the hell did that happen) by ten points. It’s partially because the demons, while sometimes dumb, somehow seem to be less dumb than hunter pets. (FOR THE LOVE OF DEEPS, STOP DESUMMONING YOURSELVES ON THE IMMERSEUS FIGHT.)
More importantly, Ignitine can heal herself with a renewable resource – embers. (Healthstones don’t hurt, either, nor does making your demon shield you with its very health …) Poor Therm has one pot per fight and any bandages she can get on herself, plus her spirit beast’s incredibly dinky heal. Ignitine breezed through the part where you have to reactivate the Thunder Forge and make the spear to throw at Nalak, as did Bombelina before her. Therm? Nope. I actually had to redo it (gasp), and I specifically planned ahead for the second attempt by running heroic dungeons until I got into a party with a warlock. I stole a Healthstone and kept it for my own nefarious purposes. Potion + bandage + spirit beast’s dinky heal + lockcookie = SUCCESS.
The other major factor for Ignitine’s eventual supremacy is the fact that I can manage 300k mana much better than I do 100 focus. If I have focus, I must use Arcane Shot. It’s some sort of compulsion where I must select the Thrill of the Hunt talent, and I must. Press. The. Flashing. Button. I will Arcane Shot dump every bit of focus as fast as I possibly can until the button stops flashing. But then Kill Command will come off cooldown and I end up not having enough focus! That forces me to take a long time using Cobra Shot to restore focus. Being me and liking flashy buttons, this situation occurs quite often and I always wind up using Cobra Shot more than once whether I need to or not because of my mashing technique. Long story short: as a hunter, efficiency is not my #1 virtue.
Throwing the spear at Nalak was fun, even though I’ve done it before. I think it’s because there’s an element of totally ridiculous risk, but it’s not something utterly insurmountable – it can easily be defeated if I
guilt people ask for help.
Speaking of ogodwtf:
You know what they call THIS?
They call this a STATUS MOUNT. Yeah, that’s right. It may not be as statusy as Invincible, but you can’t see that one anyway. (p.s., can somebody explain to me why I can ride some flying mounts everywhere, even in instances – say, the Sky Golem – but others won’t let me do the same? They’re all “flying” mounts to me, so I don’t get the distinction.)
You know what they call THIS?
A FREAKING DISASTER! Also, I think the shoulder totems/torches/cannons talk when I cast. I have enough voices to start with, so I really don’t know how I feel about adding two more to the choir. I guess it would be appropriate if one talking tiki cannon represented Good Prinnie. Good Prinnie is the Prinnie known for her non-destructive works, like the times when I hit Ghost Wolf before the invis potion button thereby avoiding aggro for the greater good, or when I remembered to
heal the tank keep the tank alive when the actual healer was getting mana, thereby saving time for the greater good. The other talking tiki cannon would represent Derp Prinnie. Derp Prinnie runs around in circles in the Siege of Niuzao, trailing all the adds everywhere while helpfully screaming “OGOD ALL THE ADDS” in Vent. In my defense, I thought we were gonna restart the attempt (we didn’t).
Completing all Challenge mode dungeons at the bronze level will net you “the Undaunted” title. This is a very handy dandy title that serves to prove that you will NOT be stopped by the whim of RNG or even the pain of frequent, repeat death. (YES. YOU HEAR THAT!? I AM NOT DAUNTED BY YOU, RNG!) You can get the mount for all silver runs. The transmog set is only available to those souls who have completed all the Challenge mode dungeons at a gold level (a.k.a., within a narrow, often annoyingly short time limit).
You gotta be READY for Challenge modes. CMs are all like, “you think you know these dungeons, eh? Feel pretty comfy in your tier gear? Used to that legendary DPS cloak proc that tentacles all the adds dead?” A CM dungeon will then laugh its ass off and tear you a new one while you sob about your favorite set bonus that no longer counts, or the fact that your invis pot didn’t last long enough for you to actually jump over the edge and engage Gekkan without also engaging sixteen bazillion adds. Challenge modes like to see you suffer. A CM dungeon will take one look at that fancy food you just ate and then kill you dead so you have to eat something else all over again.
The level of difficulty meant that Bombelina was the only one who could do Challenge modes, relegating every other alt to support staff status. As a result, other characters with CM mog sets I liked better found themselves playing second fiddle despite mog usually being my top priority. Ailabeth got stuck serving time in a damp cave out in Un’goro, looking for stupid mushrooms. On the plus side, she discovered she could pass the time by one-shotting the gorillas with Shadow Word: Pain. She eventually emptied the entire place. Think about it, man – Bombelina, Ailabeth and an entire species were all devastated by Challenge modes!
My partners in crime in this endeavor were Goa, Kash, Shanthi and Shudal. They’re all on the same server and in the same guild, which is good, because that means they’re all freaking heroic raiders (a.k.a., this kinda stuff doesn’t really phase them because lol it’s just timing). Basically, it was all thanks to them that this went over well. I kinda set the low bar in terms of overall performance. Since gear is scaled down, it’s obviously a skill thing, but I shall pretend otherwise. Seeking to deflect attention from my inadequacies, I totally say it’s because I was obviously busy dropping the combustostunulator totem and running away, or bringing out one of my elementals and running away, or trying to put down Healing Stream and running away … multitasking. Yeah.
My reactions to each dungeon were somewhat varied, depending on how painful the experience was.
I don’t even remember this one anymore, which means it wasn’t that traumatic.
Ffffffffff invis potions jeebus cripes get in the car it’s a lot of saurok.
Even though I’ve seen that ice wall a million times and know it’s coming, it turns out that ice walls can still freak me out bad.
Siege of Niuzao
THERE ARE ADDS EVERYWHERE THERE IS NOTHING THAT ISN’T AN ADD THAT ISN’T BAD.
Gate of the Setting Sun
Bombelina doesn’t like to be on the receiving end of multiple bombs.
Temple of the Jade Serpent
I still can’t run in nice, even circles. I do more of an oval. Or this kinda wobbly sort of shape …
Pandas are pushovers.
If I ever see another hozen, it’ll be too soon (and it’s gonna be a dead hozen).
So, elemental shamans get Solar Beam when a druid uses Symbiosis on them. 98% of the time, this is entirely regrettable and utterly pointless. BUT HOLY CRAP, IS IT USEFUL HERE OR WHAT!
It’ll probably be a cold day in hell before you see me in another Challenge Mode dungeon.
Also entitled, “The Case for People Who Don’t Read the Dungeon Journal.”
Let’s make one thing clear: I’m not arguing for the complete, utter abandonment of “personal responsibility,” “independent learning capability,” “initiative,” or whatever you want to call it. I personally hate it 100% when tanks show up in LFR and announce they don’t know what they’re doing or that they’ve never once been there before.
I am suggesting, however, that our ideal – the LFR player who reads up ahead of time – is a high standard that is pointless to apply to the majority of players, and in clinging to this ideal, we do nothing more than frustrate ourselves and others. We play in a reality where the available tools simply do not provide the necessary information in the right way for those who would like to run LFR.
You know what the most efficient method of gaining knowledge is for most folks? It’s people.
“BLEEPING HELL,” you yell. “THERE’S THE MOTHER TRUCKING DUNGEON JOURNAL IN THE GAME! HOW HARD IS THAT?”
Well, I don’t know if you noticed, but if you consider what the LFR player REALLY wants to know, the Dungeon Journal format sucks. Let’s break down what each role needs into the smallest, most generalized pieces possible.
If I am a DPS, I need to know the following things …
1. My own damn skillset
Example: Dude, with this Soulstone, I could battleres a tank or something!
2. What to attack
Example: STOP DPSING BLACKFUSE AND ATTACK THE CRAWLER MINES!
3. Mechanics that will wipe me personally
Example: Standing right next to Thunderstruck!
4. HOW TO AVOID IT
Example: Run far away!
5. Mechanics that will wipe the entire raid if I eff them up
Example: Leading Thok through the raid!
6. HOW TO NOT EFF IT UP
Example: Not leading Thok through the raid!
If I am a healer, I need to know the following things …
1. My own damn skillset
Example: Where did all my freaking mana go!?
2. What is dispellable and what needs to be dispelled
Example: OMFG STOP DISPELLING ON SHA OF PRIDE TRASH I KNOW IT’S FUN BUT IT’S MORALLY QUESTIONABLE!
3. Mechanics that will cause periods of intense or raidwide damage
Example: So, when everybody’s got a lot of Pride, and nobody moves for Swelling Pride …
4. Mechanics that will wipe me personally
Example: What’s this yellow circle thing on me during the Fallen Protectors fight?
5. HOW TO AVOID IT
Example: My beloved DPS, let me share this damage with you!
6. Mechanics that will wipe the entire raid if I eff them up
Example: Thok hears you like being locked out of Holy magic, and he wants to help!
7. HOW TO NOT EFF IT UP
Wish you were a druid! Pay attention to Thok’s cast timer and pray for some sorta instaproc!
If I am a tank, I need to know the following things …
1. My own damn skillset
Example: Oh, so Death Grip DOES work on those!
2. What number of stacks of what debuff to swap at
Example: Horridon, Dark Shamans, Nazgrim, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
3. What boss(es) and/or adds I need to grab
Example: Dear Fellow Tank, I’ll start with Kardris, and you grab Haromm!
4. Where to stand and what direction to face so I don’t kill the raid
Example: Dark Shamans in Falling Ash = Bad!
5. Mechanics that will wipe me personally
Example: The other tank not taunting!
6. HOW TO AVOID IT
Example: Screaming at the other tank to taunt!
7. Mechanics that will wipe the entire raid if I eff them up
Example: Pretty much everything!
8. HOW TO NOT EFF IT UP
Example: Do everything right, duh!
There are some consistencies here, no?
So let’s say I look at the Dungeon Journal to address these basic info needs. What I get is a long, detailed list of abilities that may or may not be relevant (and which must be expanded/minimized) in a small area, in addition to a couple of tabs which let you look at loot and a large picture of the boss itself. Okay, so the picture looks cool, I guess. But really, I don’t need that kinda emphasis on its appearance or the ability to rotate the freaking boss model. I know what the boss looks like. IT’S STANDING RIGHT THERE.
I don’t need to know that the ability will cause XYZ damage over XYZ period of time. The numbers are useless information, because in the heat of the moment, I am almost certainly not going to be looking at my HP, reading up on the damage numbers (or magically remembering them?), and making the obviously simple mathematical calculation to THEN conclude that this crap is going to kill me. No. Just tell me if this sheeyit will kill me dead and how damn fast it’ll do so. If it’s not that fast, is it sheeyit I should stand in for some reason? Yes or no?
Tell me what’s IMPORTANT, not everything.
So, we might then argue that the Dungeon Journal is kinda useless, unless you wanna look at loot. “BUT THERE’S ICY VEINS,” you retort. “YOUTUBE EVEN.”
Well, if the Dungeon Journal contains too much crap for immediate reference, then Icy Veins is still far too detailed for most LFR users. They want only the minimum amount of info needed to survive any given encounter. The Immerseus guide, for example, has three paragraphs on positioning. The LFR version would be something like, “SPREAD OUT EVENLY AND DO NOT STAND ON THE SAME PLATFORM AS A TANK.” Done.
Let’s be real. Very few LFRers are going to read the entirety of a guide when there’s something better available – their fellow players. It’s rare to find a group where absolutely no one will say something, especially if it’s one of the tanks asking for a run down. After all, dealing with someone’s ignorance by giving the silent treatment is kinda stupid. (That’s not to say that people DON’T do it, but most folks are socially conditioned not to.) You’ll also have people like me. I don’t care whether or not I’m enabling idiocy – I’d prefer to take charge of the situation by giving instructions over wiping! So I’ll often yell the right target to attack during Fallen Protectors, whether somebody’s said they don’t know what to do or not. I can tell, DPS. I see you attacking Sun. I’ll yell when to spread during the Sha of Pride fight. If telling people to stack or whatever helps me live, then by Gawd, I am going to do it.
If we’re going to go for simple, the best guide I have found thus far is the “DPS Raid Guide – LFR” on WoWHead. Sadly, there’s so much content and lots of guides, so this is not easy to find if you don’t know it exists or how to look for it. (I also like the gif guides there, but I like gifs in general. They often come with cats.)
Let’s have one more cranky curser + sneezing cat shot for the road.
I happened to be looking at Bombelina’s SoO LFR kill totals the other day. They are, in order:
Wing One: Vale of Eternal WTFery
Wing Two: Gates of Retribution
Wing Three: Underhold
Wing Four: Downfall
From this assortment of digits and disappointments, I draw the following mostly unsupported and not necessarily even related conclusions:
1.) The Pain in the Assness Quotient increases substantially after Wing One
And as a result, my numbers begin to drop fast. Unlike Ye Olde ToT LFR, I no longer finish one wing and queue for the next, and I’ve barely even touched the last wing at all. Bombelina is the ONLY one who has defeated Garrosh (on LFR and Flex). In comparison, a good number of my characters have downed Lei Shen, with Bombelina leading the pack at 18 LFR kills. For Gawd’s sake, I’ve killed Siegecrafter Blackfuse and the Klaxxi more in Normal than I have in LFR.
Thanks to mechanics that require skills like group arrangement, personal restraint and focused DPS when presented with multiple targets, crap gets substantially harder for LFR groups after the Sha of Pride. How many times have I seen people start the Galakras fight without setting up a tower team? How many times have I seen people tunnel vision on Nazgrim only to die to all the adds? (Oh yeah, or that whole DEFENSIVE STANCE business.) How many times have I seen people attack different Klaxxi Paragons, or ignore Korven’s Amber? (Answer: more than my number of kills would lead you to believe, since eventually I left and/or every group in question fragmented and quit.)
Blizzard did get smart when they made the Spoils fight require a grand total of FOUR people to start up in LFR, since somebody would ALWAYS kick the box and begin the encounter before everybody was ready. So why, then, can the Galakras encounter STILL be started by ONE person? Practically EVERY TIME I run that wing, SOMEBODY TALKS TO LORTHIE, and there’s NO ESCAPE once it has begun.
Yet it isn’t Pain in the Assness alone. It’s also the fact that everybody’s annoyed as hell by the end of the first boss.
2.) Four bosses is too damn long
Like that one time somebody was getting ready to sass me for doing the least number of dispels on the Sha of Pride trash, or by the time I get back to Nazgrim after the second wipe – I’m finished, even if the last boss is not. I am just DONE by then. DONE. Many people lose their cool a lot sooner. Combine long boss fights with four bosses in the first two wings and you get people dropping so damn fast that nearly any group will disintegrate before it even gets to three stacks of Determination.
Or you get people trolling. “Why are we taking so long to pull the boss,” they say, in a whiny tone with less words, right before they pull the boss and kill everyone. Not sure which result I like least.
3.) OMFG Trash
I know that this is supposed to be like, the penultimate raid for the expansion and sheeyit, but damn! SoO trash is like a boss unto itself, only spread out and every-freaking-where you go. Just run by the blind swordsmen? HAHAHAHA YOU ACT LIKE YOU GOT 25 NOT-COMPLETELY-DISTRACTED PEOPLE TOGETHER HERE. Bunch up tight so you don’t pull all the adds in the middle of Org? HAHAHAHAHA YOU’RE NOT MY MOM, YOU CAN’T TELL ME HOW TO STACK. LFR didn’t know you had to kill ALL the orc engineers who open those boxes, letting out Shredders? HAHAHAHAHAHA ENJOY THE PAIN AND SUFFERING, MOTHER TRUCKERS.
Speaking of those engineers: WHY is it that the gnomes take care of the trash in those rooms for the Alliance, but we Hordies gotta fight through it? Why? It’s like Blizzard is trying to counter Horde favoritism claims by making the last wing suck for Horde. Or maybe they want us to struggle ’cause Garrosh was our Warchief or something. Dudes, you put Garrosh up there, not me!
5.) The Midas Touch OF DEATH
If ever I meet you in a dark alleyway, RNG, you’d best be prepared to take a plunger to the face.
You have been warned.
On the one hand, I like having individualized loot because I can’t imagine an LFR group trying to divvy up the goods, and also because I never win the really good crap when I have to roll against somebody. But on the other hand, it still pisses me the hell off when I spend one of my three carefully acquired tokens, and get more gold. It still irritates me deeply when I spend my evening hours trudging through Orgrimmar with crankyass, snarktastic LFR groups and enduring painful, long boss fights, only to get gold on every single freaking boss, or a piece of gear I can’t actually use. YEAH, THANKS FOR THE OFFHAND, RNG. DID I MENTION I USE A STAFF?
Maybe it’s because it seems to emphasize the unfairness somehow. I have a limited amount (of course) of Seals (vs. 16 bosses or so if you include Ordos and the Celestials), and must be very choosy about spending them – therefore, when I finally use them and get the same old thing (A TRIFLING AMOUNT OF YET MORE GOLD!), it irritates me. When I part with one of my precious, precious coins, I expect a damn piece of loot!
Maybe it’s because I can’t necessarily or easily get seals for the LFR that’s the appropriate level for the character in question. For some of my alts, grinding Timeless Coins to purchase Mogu Runes of Fate is an impossibility. Depending on my skill or lack thereof with an alt (as well as their gear), it may take too long to be practical, or may result in too many deaths. Why can’t I choose which dang charm type I get from the quest guy?
Maybe it’s because I want to stomp on the toes of every asshat but can’t, and that impotent anger is redirected into RNG hate.
Or maybe it’s because I keep on hoping that dealing with sheeyit will be worth it because surviving said sheeyit will reward me with this or that thing that I’ve really wanted for whatever reason (getting rid of bad gear/getting a set bonus/etc.). When it does not, it’s like I’ve gone through the same old sheeyit for no damn good reason. If I cannot guarantee a replacement or even noticeably up my chance of upgrading my worst slots (why yes, that character is carting around a 450 trinket, thanks), then why bother?
I’ve started writing down what I get, or trying to at least. I take note of the character, the date, the LFR/flex, what loot I received initially, whether or not I rolled, and what I received for that roll. The idea here is that I will be able, in times of great gear sadness, to look at the list and say, “but hey, Bombelina got such and such on this date!” Either that, or it’ll just reinforce my stinky RNG. Probably the latter.
Niremere has long been Retribution/Protection. Of those two, Protection was my favorite – prance in, throw shield, smash things, dance out! For the Light yay! I did, however, chicken out big time when it came to tanking LFR, and I went back to Retribution. I didn’t exactly LIKE Retribution, but I didn’t really HATE it either, and maybe gear would make it better?
I decided to keep on Retting it up after the patch to see if the 5.4 changes made any positive difference for me. Alas, patch changes or no, I still don’t get Retribution and I just can’t seem to have fun with it. Sure, Inquisition lasts for a whole freaking minute now (OH BOY DON’T I FEEL SPECIAL), but I still don’t like having to expend Holy Power to keep it up. Nope. Nobody need expect the
Spanish Inquisition here, because it ain’t happening.
Inquisition doesn’t even LOOK cool. Sure, it gives me glowy hands, but I can’t even see my freaking self in combat half the time, let alone my dainty little hands! I hit like a tired poodle and I am not feeling the two-handed weapon love, because I still love shields and that’s not changing dammit. I can only cast like two Flash of Lights before running out of mana (I can’t use Word of Glory for healing somebody, silly, I gotta use that Holy Power for
Templar’s Verdict Inquisition I don’t even know anymore) and I can’t offtank worth crap, so there’s no running in and saving the day all dramatic-like in emergencies.* There’s only repairs. And being boring. And feeling like I’m fighting in neck-deep mud.
Despite that, I kept dragging Niremere through Throne of Thunder LFR, and she wound up with some shiny tier tokens! I was then regretting exchanging them for Retribution gear (even though I hadn’t actually done that yet), when this conversation more or less occurred:
Me: I know I should use them for Ret … theoretically, a set bonus would help …
Friend: Wait, use them for the spec you hate?
Me: Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss. Because I shouuuullddddd.
Friend: That’s stupid. I don’t even know why you play a spec you hate.
Suddenly, I didn’t know why either. I gave the spec a chance, really! It just never took. Niremere has been in Ret spec for the better part of 80 out of 90 levels, aside from tanking sprees here and there. To continue this way was like bashing my head into a brick wall in the hopes of developing some sort of brain injury that might possibly change my personality, which in turn could possibly make me like Retribution. It clearly wasn’t working out, if only because I have a really thick skull.
So I decided to commence PROJECT “I DON’T KNOW IF I LIKE HOLY, BUT IT ISN’T RET SO THERE.”
First step was to get gear, because nobody wants to run into an instance naked. Accordingly, I ran all the LFRs ever, then died my way around the Timeless Isle looking for chests, and finally I bought PvP crap off the AH to fill in the holes. (I have a new protip for the loading screens: “Warning! The Timeless Isle hurts like mother trucking HELL if you are undergeared!”)
Unfortunately, I am forced to neglect the “finishing touches,” as it were. Since Nir’s gear rocketed up so quickly (we’re talking like twenty item levels), I can’t afford to fully reforge/enchant/gem it. She’s reforged and mostly gemmed at this point, though there is no way in hell I’m enchanting that wep from a heroic dungeon whether I can afford to or not.
Once she had something to wear, Nir ran to the nearest Paladin trainer and gave him gold. It was then time to HEAL ALL THE THINGS. Kinda.
The worst thing about starting healing with a new class at level 90 is that you are stricken with a general feeling of “oh my GAWD, all the things wat the hell is going on,” which can’t be helped except through exposure to the spec and the diligent application of effort. (True understanding comes even later.) And aside from reading a guide to get an idea of what you should be doing, your only real option is to literally click the buttons to see for yourself what they do.
Turns out that not only is it really hard to figure crap out when you have all the things to learn all at once, it’s ESPECIALLY hard to do when they’re almost all named “Holy” Somethingorother. I CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH HOLY DOES WHAT HEALING THING. I actually had to write notes down. NOTES. TO PLAY A GAME. (L-shift click, Light of Dawn, HP click, multi target!)
The only other classes I’ve healed extensively on in recent memory, shaman and druid, don’t really have an equivalent to Holy Power that they have to build up in order to spend. As a result, I spent a fair amount of time
freaking out about dropping HP clicking on buttons furiously while wondering why nothing was happening. I would subsequently (and usually abruptly) realize that I had no Holy Power and this particular Holy thing needed it, therefore, fail. I actually do have the bright red status text on my screen for things like “Not enough Holy Power.” I just never read it.
Feeling somewhat overwhelmed, I made a little dwarf paladin with the idea of “learning from the ground up.” But somewhere around level 3, I decided that the effort required to learn crap from scratch at level 90 was probably going to be less than the effort required to level from 1 to 90, so she got left somewhere in the snowy wilds outside Ironforge. I haven’t deleted the character, though, because people on my friends list
had a fit were extremely confused when they saw me playing a female dwarf. Maybe I’ll surprise them again later!
So I grabbed a beartank friend with good gear (he assured me that with his self heal, he could solo heroics) and off we went into LFD land. I warned him to be prepared. I warned him I had no clue what all the buttons did, and also that my keybinds were all freaked up, and finally that I still had to set up Vuhdo properly and whatnot, so be careful! Did I get said beartank killed? YEP. YOU BETCHA.
The next morning I queued randomly by myself, which ended up being embarrassing as well. I got caught red-handed with Righteous Fury still on from a failed-ret-tanking episode the night before (see * at end, again). Ugh! It’s like the hunter who leaves Aspect of the Pack on for the whole fight (which I have NEVER done, nope, believe you me, 100% truth telling here). Fortunately the party was quite helpful and gave me a number of tips, and there was a shaman who covered for my general ineptitude (in addition to pointing out that whole Righteous Fury thing).
Later that day, I felt I at least had the basics down because people weren’t dying anymore in heroics. When looking at the Raid Finder to see if there were any LFRs I missed, I realized that Nir had the gearscore to queue for SoO … hmmm.
Crazy? Hell yes. Still, it seemed like a slightly less crazypants idea than learning how to paladerp heal via PvP, which was Goa’s suggestion, so I queued up for it. It was definitely an enlightening experience. It turns out that not only do I need to know buttons, but I also have to relearn mana management, blah. Electrika has almost zero mana issues at present because of gear, Water Shield, Mana Tide totem and the Telluric Currents glyph (which returns a bit of mana if you use Lightning Bolt). Betheki (the druid) is at level 80, which is too high to have the noob type of mana issues, but too low to have LFR “holy crap, please kill it before it ‘zerks” kind of mana issues.
So yeah, who spent practically all of the Fallen Protectors fight using only Holy Shock and Light of Dawn? That would be meeeeee. While I am more than perfectly happy to coast when it comes to DPS (heeeey we got like, six people doing 200k? SWEET), I feel immense guilt when it comes to coasting on heals. I almost left the group three or four times because I felt my heals were too low to justify my presence. I wound up staying anyway because there was an amazing shaman who covered for me and at least one other healer as well. Overgeared? Overachiever? Don’t know, but he was the key to Nir getting the first gear token from this tier. (I am overjoyed that the paladin LFR color scheme does NOT involve nuclear snot green.)
* So let me tell you about the last time Nir was fighting Will of the Emperor, a.k.a. Jan-xi and Qin-xi. As you no doubt know by now if you are a regular LFRer, adds and bosses spawn on the far side of the room, opposite where the entrance is. The idea is to drag the bosses from that end back over to the other, positioning them near the two separate staircases that the raid entered the fight area with. One boss per set of stairs, easy!
In this particular LFR, we had a tank who wasn’t quite clear on what to do other than “get aggro.” He grabbed his boss, yes, but then he stood with it at the back of the room, which is bad. It exposes the DPS to unnecessary heavy damage (which in turn stresses healers), and it’s not like the DPS can go somewhere else to avoid it – adds continually spawn back there for the duration of the fight. Everybody yelled at him but he went nowhere with the boss, so I whispered him and told him to go up front by the stairs, which he did – sorta. He pulled it to the same staircase that the other tank/boss was at, which elicited further shouts of dismay from the LFR. I kept on whispering him, telling him where the second staircase was, and he WAS trying to listen. It’s just that he dragged his boss over about halfway, which is ALSO bad, because that puts the boss right on top of the healers.
So finally I put on Righteous Fury, used Reckoning twice, and ran like a bat outta hell for the right set of stairs. Defensive bubbles? If only I had realized just how squishy I am despite the freaking plate, I would’ve used one. I took 1.5 hits and was DOWN. But hey, since my corpse was apparently much easier to see than my living self, the tank finally got the boss to the right spot and we didn’t wipe. Hooray!
Esplodine had been sitting at 88 for a very, very long time. Since February, to be exact, when she was last spotted in the Valley of Four Winds making imperial silk and turning all the moths into floating baby polar bears. (This was also prior to being renamed something more appropriate for someone who considers “running around in circles casting the circular Arcane Explosion” to be a legitimate rotation.) Despite the fact that I make a point of getting all Pandaland level alts hearthed at the Shrine ASAP, she had never, ever moved out of the Goblin Slums in Orgrimmar.
It just so happens that she’s also got tailoring and enchanting maxed out, and I’m getting kiiiinda tired of buying expensive enchants. (Also, additional bag space is always highly attractive.) Hmmmmmmmmm. Esplodine’s hour had come.
I gotta say, she got a little overconfident. Knowing that she’s a bit challenged when it comes to mage-ing “properly,” Esplodine didn’t bother going to Townlong or (Gawd forbid) the Dread Wastes. Instead, she hung out in Kun-Lai, where she safely trounced all the things – with a few exceptions. But even the exceptions made her a little cocky – sure, she had to flee from four or five hozen that one time, but she lived. Ok, so she only had like, 200 HP left, and if a CRITTER had hit her, she would’ve been toast. BUT NOTHING DID, SO THERE. Sprites? Yeah, whatever. Her own anger? Ok sure, no problem.
She breezed through to 90 on a combination of rested EXP, Slow, Blink and, of course, Arcane Explosion.
So upon hitting 90, she decided she was gonna help out the Darkspear at the last minute. The scenarios went fine (thanks to Cav doing like, 100k+ damage). Being ranged, she survived killing a few commanders in the Barrens for a few resources. She took them back to Vol’jin, both expecting the Kor’kron attack and expecting it to be no big deal.
Unfortunately, within minutes, she realized that clothie + having taken Invocation because it’s a passive (which reduces the amount of HP it returns) + you can only Slow ONE thing + hahaha ilevel 430 hahahaha + these Darkspear guards don’t actually seem to be helping much = OH MY EFFING GOD HELP ME WHY GAWD WHYYYYYYY
She tried to be careful. She tried to pick off the single Kor’kron here and there. It’s just that every freaking time she tried these things, four or five freaking Kor’kron would stomp over and smash her face into the red desert dust.
Esplodine being Esplodine, however, she did not despair. No, she spotted a shadow priest nearby, and thought, “dude, they got Power Word: Shield. And heals. And, frankly, I can use any help I can get.” Random invite to perfect stranger? NO PROBLEM.
It’s safe to say that the perfect stranger did not expect what watching Esplodine operate would be like.
The moment four or five more Kor’kron made a beeline for her, Esplodine took off running. Slow one, sure. Blink, absolutely. Buttonmash the ice shield thing until it comes back up? Yep. Stop running? HELL NO, NOT UNTIL DEATH ITSELF TAKES ME. Rocket Jump! Frost Nova! Nether Tempest! Did Arcane Missiles just proc? Too damn bad, she’d have to stop running and turn around to use it. BLINK!
Even with the assistance of a shadow priest, she still got flattened in Razor Hill.
Being 90 is hard.
After going through the effort of getting Nir geared in heroic dungeon and Darkspear weekly tank plate, and then shelling out the precious gold to (mostly) enchant/gem her for that role, I have utterly and totally chickened out. I concluded that I it was much safer to DPS my way into ToT, whereupon I will switch my loot specialization to Protection. Once I acquire ToT tank plate, I will then requeue for Mogu’shan Vaults as a tank. This will enable me to safely blame the healers for any fail because with my gear, I obviously know what I’m doing amirite?
I think I’ve pointed out before that I suck at Retribution. It’s not a rotation that comes naturally to me, and keeping up Inquisition seems to be beyond my attention span, what with its maximum duration being thirty seconds. Inquisition, I mean, not my attention span – that’s more like a minute. It’s also beyond my willpower, because if I have three charges of Holy Power, I want to use Templar’s Verdict with that sheeyit! Apparently they’re going to increase the duration of Inquisition (as seen on the 5.4 PTR), but it probably won’t solve my latter issue.
Honestly, this is one of the things that prevents me from really enjoying the paladin class. I’d like to have a “helpful” spec (tanking) and a “loner” spec (theoretically, ret). But because I can’t seem to master Retribution whatsoever, that means I can tank, or I can tank in terms of watching my performance be about as bad as possible even though I’m actually using skills. (I’m talking 30k bad.) Nir got very, very lucky with loot and rolls in Mogu’shan Vaults last week, landing a chest piece, Starshatter and legs. So I am going to assume getting out of tank plate, reforging/gemming and the enormous size of a human female’s Starshatter will help my miserable performance. Hope springs eternal!
Secretly, I’d also like 1handed Retribution to actually be a viable option, mostly because that would work better for Nir’s backstory (not like I ever RP, but somehow she has the longest and most complete one) and also because I like shields. Alas, being so bad to start off with means that I really couldn’t make an effective argument for it. No, I really do need the big smashy 2handers to compensate for incompetence.
The other day, the DPS queue for LFR was going to be at least a half hour, so I thought I’d go to the Barrens and kill some Commanders for resources and fun. (I forgot that it’s not fun on melee, because of increased exposure to poison, fire and axes.) Right after a series of deaths due to not being able to get out of poison fast enough, I accidentally got myself flagged for PvP by a careless tab target. I died again right before the commander went down, of course. Was it the commander or a player taking advantage of my distraction? I will never know.
I knew I was flagged, so I waited until everyone had left to go fight the next Commander before I ressed. Unfortunately, there was a Stealthed rogue I didn’t see, literally waiting just for me to come back to loot so she could stun me and rogue me in the back. When I say just for me, I’m not being sarcastic – there was no other flagged Alliance in the area other than myself. I felt so hopeless in Ret, I just stood there so it would be over more quickly. That way I could run back AGAIN and try to loot the stupid resources AGAIN. Then I flew to a hiding spot and remained there until the flag wore, but by then I didn’t feel like doing anything at all.
p.s., I also decided to DPS because tanking Elegon with two FPS seemed destined to be really, really awkward. I’ve never fallen through the floor before, but they always say there’s a first time for everything.