Tag Archives: goblins

Going Greener

Prinnie: Okay, so, we’re going to try this green fire business.  It’s gotten easier thanks to gear, but rest assured – it will still be a long, tedious process, filled with immense challenge and requiring exact timing!

Ignitine: I’m not worried.

Prinnie: Are you ever?

Ignitine: No, actually.  Is that a problem?

We Got a Badass Over Here Of course you do.  She's a goblin warlock.

We Got a Badass Over Here
Of course you do. She’s a goblin warlock.

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I Give Up (on Tokens, Not in General)

Last week, Ignitine was still wearing a quest robe (item level was like, 603 or something), and what I wanted more than anything was a robe that was just a little less embarrassing – that one that Tectus drops would fit the bill real well.  Unfortunately, last week’s LFR loot results were as follows:

Kargath Bladefist: Shoes I already had
Everybody else: Gold

You Shall Not Haz Oh.  Okay den.

You Shall Not Haz
Oh. Okay den.

I didn’t have any extra rolls, because one of the challenges altoholics have is how we never seem to have quite enough of any one resource to get the full three tokens.  Ignitine is still maxing out her garrison buildings, so she’s low on both Garrison Resources and gold (for eff’s sake, why are those plans so expensive!?), and I don’t really PvP unless there’s that ONE perfect transmog item I NEED that cannot be substituted for anything else.  But by golly, I wanted to up Ignitine’s gear score and I was fixated on that awful robe, so I finally scraped together enough gold and got myself a shiny token.  SWEET, I GOT A TOKEN.  TIME TO RUN LFR AGAIN.

Ready Check for Murder Ok, ok, so this is a dungeon ready check and not one for LFR, but I found it on Pinterest and was like, IT'S PERFECT FOR THIS

Ready Check for Murder
Ok, ok, so this is a dungeon ready check and not one for LFR, but I found it on Pinterest and was like, IT’S PERFECT FOR THIS (despite the pixelation)

The queue finally pops, but then we wipe because they pulled all the trash without tanks.  Okay.  I’m not upset yet.  I’m not gonna leave, I really want to try for that freaking robe.  That was just a derp, really, and you gotta assume that LFR is gonna derp (despite how easy it is these days). We get Tectus down, and it’s time for my extra roll squee!

Given the title of this post, I’m sure you know the result.

BUT LO!  What’s this!?  My followers got a rare mission for a single token!  SQUEE!  ANOTHER CHANCE!  TIME TO DO IT AGAIN!

The queue pops, and we make it to Tectus without wiping.  Alas, the tank pulls Tectus too far out of the area and resets him at about 35%.  Okay.  I’m not upset yet.  I’m not gonna leave, I really want to try for that freaking robe.  We get Tectus down, and it’s time for my extra roll squee!

Yes.  Gold again.

Given that RNG and I are now obviously estranged, this is not a new problem for me.  I realize they can’t just hand us loot, or people would moan about LFR being even more of a gift-giving trainwreck than it already is.  But it’s like, dude, for the time I put into identifying that low piece of gear as THE PROBLEM TO BE SOLVED, getting the extra token, queueueueueing and killing the boss all the while getting my hopes up that the SOLUTION IS AT HAND – and repeating the whole shebang on multiple alts – that gold just sucks.

After cursing the name of RNG through Mogu’shan Vaults, Heart of Fear, Terrace of Endless Spring, Throne of Thunder and Siege of Orgrimmar, I believe I have enough experience to conclude that the only real protection against dashed hopes is to stop inviting hope in the first place – so no more tokens for me!  If they happen to come my way via follower mission, that’s fine.  But I’m sure as hell not going to actively pursue getting three tokens per week.  The satisfaction of knowing that I did everything possible to improve my gear is nothing compared to the annoyance of knowing I did everything within my power and still ended up with no gear to show for it.

 

 

(p.s., I think I rather preferred the ubiquitous bags that you opened rather than looting the bosses, for two reasons – one, you can open on the run, which is important in LFR, and two, you had a small chance of random crap like belts and pets that made the gold seem somehow less stupid.)

 

Barbarian At the (Garrison) Gates

Or, “How Ignitine Unexpectedly  Took Over WoD.”  Don’t remember Ignitine?

"Sha" Set

“Sha” Set

She’s the one who likes bad hats, blew up a microwave FOR SCIENCE and manipulated Esplodine into trapping herself in the AH.  All around good sort, really.

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“Volcanic Embrace” Set

"Volcanic Embrace" Set

“Volcanic Embrace” Set

Class: Shaman

H: Erupting Volcanic Headpiece | S: Erupting Volcanic Spaulders | Cl: Coldsinger Cloak
Ch: Gatekeeper’s Embrace | Wa: Varashi Belt | L: Not shown
G:
Nimblefinger Scaled Gloves | Wr: Not shown | B: S.B.R.B. Prototype 3

1h Mace: Plunderer’s Drill
Shield: Protector of Frigid Souls

Thoughts: So I had finally transitioned away from keeping track of my planned mogs with Ye Olde Fashioned Notebooke to making more mogs than I could follow up on with the Mogit addon.  Hooray for technology!

And then I switched computers without writing down what said sets consisted of.

Cav was not very supportive, and he said I should just start over.  I whimpered and cried and threw mini-mog-fits, but I eventually did, if only because I can’t keep my little green hands off Mogit and Gawd knows I’m too lazy to reconnect my old computer just to figure out what was in every last set I’d come up with.

I started this particular set out of convenience – at some point, while clearing out my storage space (yet again), I saw I had most of the yellow version of the shaman tier from Firelands.  Cool beans, the set is half done and I haven’t even left my Garrison yet!

The S.B.R.B. Prototype 3 boots are a quest reward from the goblin starting zone (I KNOW, I’VE HUNG ONTO THEM FOR THAT FREAKING LONG), so if you’re not a goblin and/or did not keep them, you’ll need an alternative.  There is a lookalike for the shoulders should any hunter want to dress up like a shaman, but no lookalike for the helm.

As far as the Plunderer’s Drill goes, it seemed so dang perfect for a goblin.  It has a high drop rate, but keep in mind that the rare that drops it (the Mecha Plunderer) is in a daily quest area and has a respawn time of about an hour and a half – so unless you camp it, have a plan and/or get plain lucky, it can be some time before you spot it.  I achieved success by parking Bombelina next to the spawn site and checking it at ridiculously early morning hours (the things I do for mog …).  I believe sacrificing blood elves to the Mecha Plunderer also improved my chances.  I mean, uh, Aeda Brightdawn kept taunting the thing like she taunts every possible mob in a five mile radius, but she can’t take the beating she invites and that’s not my fault.  So, yeah, I totally used her as a tank knowing she’d drop dead before the mob did.  That is my fault, but it worked out so well.

 

#draenorworldproblems

I just got the level 3 Storehouse.  FINALLY, right?  MY OWN TRANSMOG JOINT.

So I sprint the hell over, all thrilled, and I start trying out different combinations of the stuff I have in storage.  This could work with this, and that might go well, and let’s try that weapon, and how about dem shoes when all of a sudden, the @#%$er moves, the dialog closes, and I am filled with nerdrage.

I take a deep breath.  I try again.  Off Warpweaver Farshlah goes to look at that other box.  You know, the one he looked at a minute ago.

WAT ARE YOU DOING

IF YOU MUST WANDER, WHY THE HELL CAN’T YOU AT LEAST STAY IN RANGE

It’s not like I can RUSH!  I can’t just mog any old thing together!  My combinations must be chosen carefully!  They require thought!  A solid judgement of color!  A sense of proportion!  SOMETIMES I HAVEN’T EVEN SELECTED AN ITEM YET AND HE MOVES.

Okay, I thought.

Let’s try organizing Void Storage.

I’m going to click on this shield here, and then click on the second tab, and then click in that sp… WHY DID YOU MOVE, YOU SON OF A MOTHER TRUCKING

Sworn Enemies They'd be frenemies, but we were never friends

Sworn Enemies
They’d be frenemies, but we were never friends

I can’t.

I just can’t.


Not Sure I Want to Know Sometimes, it's just better to let burning warlocks burn.

Not Sure I Want to Know
Sometimes, it’s just better to let burning warlocks burn.

My followers are always birds of a feather, so to speak.  Thermalix is swamped with followers who can counter Minion Swarms, and I’ve only had one mission to get a follower retraining certificate.  This is a certified pain in the whozawhatzit when considered from the perspective of my Plan: Gobligeddon*.

The first time I used my inn to recruit a follower, I searched for the Scavenger trait.  I had not gotten a follower with it Hordeside, and Bombelina was in the throes of a resource shortage due to the way a high population server can clear-cut the entirety of Gorgrond in a minute or less.  (I have since discovered that if I log on at four a.m. server time, TREES EVERYWHERE.)  Once I started leveling this follower, though, it occurred to me that the Scavenger trait is actually kinda pointless.  Number one, it’s not like you get that many missions for garrison resources, and number two, the mission probably has a threat said follower can’t counter and will fail in attempting anyway.

HOW DO I LOG Gathering resources is sometimes difficult.

HOW DO I LOG
Gathering resources is sometimes difficult.

So screw that. My current plan is to look exclusively for followers with Epic Mount, and pray to Gawd that they also have an ability that would actually be useful to me (if it’s Minion Swarms or Timed Battle, I will possibly have to punch someone).  The higher level missions are always ridiculously long, which I find problematic.  I only play for a couple/few hours in the evening, and sometimes in the morning before I leave for work.  I’d like to see my salvage crates followers more than once in a blue moon, thank you very much!


GO AWAY I will not be asking the Tauren to be my guards anytime soon kthxbye.

GO AWAY
I will not be asking the Tauren to be my guards anytime soon kthxbye.

Can someone tell that Tauren representative to get out of the middle of the room?  He BOTHERS me.  He just STANDS there and scratches himself.  He doesn’t walk around, or tell jokes, or say hi, or anything!  No, he just stands there like a creepy cow.


Now, about those “eff over disrupt the enemy” daily quests … I had gotten one from Khadgar’s elemental-thing that wanders around my garrison (I think?), but after that, I forgot about them completely until Cav inquired if I wanted to go irritate some ogres.  I next proceeded to shatter Cav’s faith in my intelligence by asking where he got these fancypants quests.  He could not get his head around the fact that I did not know.  After attempting to glue together the pieces of his broken mind, he finally told me, “that table in your town hall …”

Oh!  You mean that troll guy I ignore because he always says the same boring thing to me when I leave the building!

SHOCK Oh, THAT guy!

SHOCK
Oh, THAT guy!

Why the hell did Blizzard make it so that everybody in your faction is doing the quest in the same place on the same damn day?  I mean, really.  PITA on a high pop server for sure, as you have to be constantly on the lookout for things that aren’t dead.  They’re hard to find.

I'll Show Myself Out Now We're done here.

I’ll Show Myself Out Now
We’re done here.

 

 

* Every single active follower will some day be either a goblin or some sort of mechanical contraption, like Pleasure-Bot 8000.  Since you can’t search for followers by race (or, errr, metal type?), retraining certificates would make this much easier!

Spires of Awesome

Bombelina Hits 100

Bombelina Hits 100

After doggedly questing my way through Frostwall, Gorgrond and pretty much everything I could find in Talador, I ended up hitting level 100 while derping about in the Spires of Arak.  Quite a few folks have gushed over the WoD’s quests to me, but from my point of view, quests are quests are quests.  Kill x of that, y of that, and z of that, while simultaneously stopping at these three objective points to either pick something up or find a particular mob, and for efficiency’s sake, avoid the one big mob over there with the giant ! on the portrait, because you know you’re going to need to kill that later.

It’s not that it’s a bad thing to know the song and dance routine by now (it can be very efficient).  It’s just that the Draenor quests aren’t amazingly better than the Pandaland quests for me, because structurally, they’re more of the same thing.  I’m not saying that’s bad – I liked them – I just didn’t find ’em revolutionary.  And while I found the bonus objectives to be more of the traditional kill kill kill, I liked them anyway because HOORAY, A MECHANIC THAT VALIDATES MY DESIRE TO RUN TO THAT WEIRD LOOKING CORNER OF THE MAP!

Other thought fragments:

  • I wasn’t hugely enthralled with pandas, but guess I preferred the ambiguity of the Sha concept over EVIL ORCS.  (“When I kill something, it STAYS DEAD.”  ORLY, Kargath?)
  • I think I like Yrel?  Maybe?  Not sure yet?
  • I felt like Shattrath was largely just tossed in, like, oh hey, plot point yo.  I swear I spent at least twice as much time with a bunch of fur-clad orcs as I did charging through what I thought was a super-important city.

Right now, I am currently derping around doing one of four or five things:

1.) I swear to Gawd I am going to finish all these quests, even if it kills me.
JUST YOU WATCH.

2.) KILL THEM ALL
By now, I’ve been trained by the game to react when I see that tantalizing skull symbol on my map.  My brain lights up with good thoughts – RARE!  IT MAY HAVE A TOY!  MAYBE IT HAS A PET!  I MUST KILL IT! – and off I sprint, tossing out a Flame Shock the moment my target is within range.

Admittedly, the rares started getting a hair tougher the further I got into Spires, since my getup got comparatively weaker, but I was still able to defeat them on my own.  Then it got a little easier because I’d finally figured out how to take a bodyguard along with me!  As an elemental shaman, I traditionally use my good ol’ Earth Elemental as a temporary tank/make-aggro-go-haywire-er, but bodyguard Aeda Brightdawn turns out to be much better at grabbing and keeping aggro off me than Rocky is.  I’m cool with another body between me and danger.

Then, last week, I discovered that all this see-rare-kill-rare conditioning had been … not a lie, exactly, but kind of a trap.

I’d found a big blue hydra rare named Echidna.  Aeda is a freaking tiny blood elf, so I couldn’t see her through the foggy crap Echidna was spewing out – but then I noticed that little “I’m a diva and I’m going to punish you for letting me die by taking an hour to resurrect” icon appear.  Basically, Echidna had gone and ripped Aeda’s head off.  Based on the couple seconds it all took, I concluded THAT’S BAD AND I MUST LEAVE.

I tried to run, but, as the very first comment on Wowhead states (I kid you not), Echidna “hits like a mack Truck.”

Yeah, that comment was pretty accurate.

3.) Silver Proving Grounds
I am not the person this requirement was created to satisfy.  I don’t think it will put an end to the people queueing as tanks or heals and wondering what to do next, or DPS pulling crap when they shouldn’t.  I don’t think it will stop the stupid, because stupid is more certain than death or taxes.  I can borrow another standardized line to describe it: Stupidity is forever.

Get Ready ... To fail by one second

Get Ready …
To fail by one second

I do find it irritating that I have to do the Silver for each spec and then at least once for each alt.  Let’s be real here – I don’t expect to be bored enough to complete it on all my alts any time in the near future!

Bronze was easy-peasy.  As far as silver goes, DPS is OK, I just have to practice enough to shave a couple seconds off so I don’t run out of time on the last round.  Healing?  HAHAHAHAHA I RUN OUT OF MANA BY ROUND SIX OGOD WHY DOES THIS HURT SO BAD WHY ARE MY HEALS SO WEAK WE’RE INTERRUPTING CRAP I SWEAR

4.) Garrison of Grief
Bombelina expects quality, and like any good goblin, she’s not above working people to the bone to get it.  Her poor little green followers will level regardless of their feelings on the matter.  Her wee little level 90 recruits will get slammed into the hardest missions they can manage.  There will be no mercy.

5.) Getting additional alts through the starting zone and resting comfortably in their bare-bones Barracks.
Thermalix, Ignitine, Esplodine, Mechalis, Nioma, Ailabeth, Alexalis, Betheki
Daschela, Niremere, Yynsia

Basically, I do the starting zone about two quests at a time.  Stop the Dark Portal, then stop.  Free some people in cages and set huts on fire, then stop.  Kill some orb things, then stop.  Etc. etc. etc.  Tedious, but it works … eventually.

Garrisons

This Will Never Do Needs more lights, obviously.

This Will Never Do
Needs more lights, obviously.

The Dream
You know what I want?  I want a goblin-themed Garrison.

Should Look More like Sassy's Place in Stranglethorn Just ignore that it's raining, and admit that it's awesome.

Should Look More like Sassy’s Place in Stranglethorn
Just ignore that it’s raining, and admit that it’s awesome.

So what if I’m in the Frostwolf area, surrounded by orcs and playing through a plotline filled with even more orcs ?  I’m the freaking commander of this joint, and I demand some STYLE in my accommodations.  Screw the orcs and their decorative spikes and limited color schemes!  I want LIGHTS!  I want A BARBEQUE GRILL BY MY TOWN HALL!  I want ACCIDENTAL EXPLOSIONS to keep things interesting!  I want a party to be going down in the Barracks!  I wanna dump that fetid, half-frozen pond at the back of my garrison and put in a heated swimming pool with pool ponies instead!  I want FANCY WALLPAPER with PENGUINS and BANANAS, and most of all, NO FREAKING SPIKES.  We got TECHNOLOGY to defend ourselves with, like explosive rocket chickens and murderous mecha-bunnies.  I don’t need to worry about Goren in the mines or crazed rylaks flying overhead if I got Shredders with flamethrowers, now do I?  NO, I DO NOT.

In other words, my ideal Garrison would be a CLASSY ESTABLISHMENT.

A Grill is an Important Creature Comfort I don't know how we're supposed to live in Draenor without one.

A Grill is an Important Creature Comfort
I don’t know how we’re supposed to live in Draenor without one.

The Reality
The reality looks like we took Orgrimmar and transplanted it into a snowy wasteland, minus my belovedly trashy and super-convenient former home, the Goblin Slums.  Mother truckers!  Also, the damn place was designed for tall people, even though we’ve got a goblin architect.

In Order to Begin Commanding I need some assistance seeing what's on this table.

In Order to Begin Commanding
I need some assistance seeing what’s on this table.

Lumber Mill vs. Frostwall Inn
But let’s talk practical for a second here.  I originally intended to build the Frostwall Inn because I want more followers* (not that I’m trying to create an army or anything).  I ended up bowing to collective wisdom, however, and went with the lumber mill instead.  “Resources are good,” people would say, and I can agree with that.

There was a problem with this plan, though.  Namely, there weren’t any damned trees anywhere.

The lumber mill NPC told me Gorgrond was GREAT for trees, but it took a damn long while before I found the two required to complete the initial work order.  It turns out that we’re all competing for the same trees, and like real trees, they respawn rather slowly.  This meant that Gorgrond was clear-cut for all intents and purposes long before I got there, and it also meant that other people were HIGHLY COMPETITIVE when it came to what trees did exist.  Quite often I would arrive at a suitable piece of timber, only to find it being chopped down before my very eyes!  To add salt to the wound, I soon started finding large trees that I couldn’t do a thing with because of my dinky level one lumber mill.  The level three trees remained standing, both irritating me and making me feel somewhat relieved because apparently, nobody else could do a dang thing with them either.

At the end of the night, I basically said eff this sheeyit, and I built the dang Inn on top of of the lumber mill.

Goblins Everywhere!
Given enough time, I’m going to turn this into a goblin stronghold regardless of its style.  I’ve written down every goblin follower there is.

Penny Clobberbottom A goblin after my own heart.

Penny Clobberbottom
A goblin after my own heart.

 

* Can I just say WTF RNG when it comes to followers?  Nioma’s first follower, Olin Umberhide, went all epically purple for no reason at all, and she got a slew of epic and rare followers thereafter.  And then there’s poor Bombelina, with a Garrison full of average green followers …

Nioma's First Four Followers I am not sheeyitting you, they were all rare/epic.  Poor Bombelina's people are practically all green.

Nioma’s First Four Followers
I am not sheeyitting you, they were all rare/epic. Poor Bombelina’s people are practically all green.