Tag Archives: goldshire is not the land of hobbits

No Shirt, No Shoes, All WTF

Sometimes, like when you’re questing Just Because and you accidentally run into two people out in the middle of nowhere who happen to be wearing no armor whatsoever and are talking about not being afraid of Santa, you just encounter a bunch of things that you can’t unsee.  (Or unthink, for that matter.  Can gnomes even do tha… ?  No.  No.  Bad brain!  BAD!  Stop that this instant!)

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

But onto the newer story (everybody knows just what goes on outside the walls of Stormwind, anyway).

The first time Thermalix completed the shipment for the August Celestials’ work order, she immediately turned her back to the cart to plant new things for Moar Rep.  I didn’t realize that somebody would show up at the ranch to pick up the produce.  I was expecting something more along the lines of the Harvest Moon game series, which has a magical “Shipment” box that you toss stuff in and it gives you money in return.  Magical cart that gives rep?  Suspension of disbelief, I haz it.

So when the Student of Chi-ji showed up to pick up the melons for the aforementioned faction, I wasn’t looking.  I saw the “I just love the sound they make when they explode!” line and had a small “wtf, is that what you’re doing with my carefully tended crops!?” moment before moving on.  I got Things To Do.  There’s virmen in them dere plants, and I gotta shoot ’em!  I’m BUSY!

But then Fel mentioned that the Student of Chi-ji shows up naked.

The idea of somebody picking up melons in their skivvies (or less) was seriously awkward.  Sure, Blizz has to compose outfits for ninety million NPCs, but forgetting to dress the NPCs for the new fancy rep quests?  Couldn’t possibly be true.  I had to know for sure, though, so the next day I waited for the Student to arrive.

I DON'T EVENWhy would you go get farm produce in your underwear?  WHY?

I DON’T EVEN
Why would you go get farm produce in your underwear? WHY?

WELL, I WAS WRONG.  IT’S TRUE.

WAIT, WHAT?I know your sentence wasn't that long, but you lost me.

WAIT, WHAT?
I know your sentence wasn’t that long, but you lost me.

Is this some sort of whacked out Gallagher reference?  Just what are they DOING in that Temple!?  Some kind of crazy watermelon smashing orgy?  Girl, if you gotta wear something, we got SWIMSUITS for that kinda thing.  Don’t go ruinin’ your nice lingerie.

[Edit: At least they armed her.]

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Flustercluckery Lessens, Urge to Burn Everything with Fire Subsides

Things Have Improved

Things Have Improved
We’re feeling better about this whole Alliance business.

When my first attempt to play Alliance ended in total flustercluckery, I decided I needed to take a far more smashy role in the human realm.  Yes yes, Shadow and even Disc priests can be quite deadly, I know.  But taking a giant mace and crushing all the things (and potentially all the asshats) just feels different, so I remade Niremere into a paladink instead of a priest.  This had the advantage of better armor, a bigger stick sword, and also a chance to pick a better angryface for the poor girl in hopes of looking a little less vacant.  While I like to think that all these things had to do with the peace I then experienced while stomping through the beginning areas, it was more likely thanks to the fact that my cats woke me up at an awfully early hour, and there just weren’t that many assholes awake and/or paying attention at that time of the night.

Hey, maybe this whole Alliance/human starting place isn’t so bad after all.

Goldshire

Goldshire
Forget diamonds. Stupidity is forever.

Oh, wait.  Nope.  Goldshire is still Goldshire.  Let’s just move on.

Gone Back to the Earth Mother

Gone Back to the Earth Mother
TTYL

While wiling away the hours before the sun rose, I leveled Niremere out of Elwynn, through Westfall and into Redridge Mountains right past Redridge Mountains into Duskwood.  Phew!  One of the things I was amazed to discover: Hogger didn’t always live in the Stockades.  You know, as a Hordie, I always thought he was eternally there.  That’s just what Hogger did, right?  He always hung out in the Stockades and beat up on the random groups foolish enough to enter.  Well, no.  It seems Hogger once had a life (kind of) in the great wide outdoors, and he didn’t just wander down there for the heck of it.  Sorry, Hogger.  I think you’re a bit too dumb to take into custody, but what does a wee little paladink like Niremere know?

That's a Lotta Lore

That’s a Lotta Lore
LORE!  I learnz eet!

Westfall could be described thusly: “OMFG KING WRYNN WTF FORGET THE TRUCKING TROOPS AND SEND SOME TRUCKING MONEY (AND FOOD)!!111!”  Although Niremere has a huge crush on Varian Wrynn because of his impressive angryface (if only she could move her own features so expressively!), he totally had the Defias coming.  (Side note: Defias = DEFY US?  /punny)

Reading up on the zone brings some understanding in that massive expenditures on armies and the like left Westfall reeling, but it doesn’t answer all the questions. For example, sure, Stormwind totally dropped the ball – but what about the Church?  If one of the basic tenets of the Church of Light is compassion – to help those in need – then the whole religious establishment effed up pretty hardcore, especially considering that Westfall is practically on its doorstep.

I’ve done a few dungeons on Niremere now, and oddly, not a single darn one of them has been the Deadmines.