Tag Archives: goldshire

No Shirt, No Shoes, All WTF

Sometimes, like when you’re questing Just Because and you accidentally run into two people out in the middle of nowhere who happen to be wearing no armor whatsoever and are talking about not being afraid of Santa, you just encounter a bunch of things that you can’t unsee.  (Or unthink, for that matter.  Can gnomes even do tha… ?  No.  No.  Bad brain!  BAD!  Stop that this instant!)

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

But onto the newer story (everybody knows just what goes on outside the walls of Stormwind, anyway).

The first time Thermalix completed the shipment for the August Celestials’ work order, she immediately turned her back to the cart to plant new things for Moar Rep.  I didn’t realize that somebody would show up at the ranch to pick up the produce.  I was expecting something more along the lines of the Harvest Moon game series, which has a magical “Shipment” box that you toss stuff in and it gives you money in return.  Magical cart that gives rep?  Suspension of disbelief, I haz it.

So when the Student of Chi-ji showed up to pick up the melons for the aforementioned faction, I wasn’t looking.  I saw the “I just love the sound they make when they explode!” line and had a small “wtf, is that what you’re doing with my carefully tended crops!?” moment before moving on.  I got Things To Do.  There’s virmen in them dere plants, and I gotta shoot ’em!  I’m BUSY!

But then Fel mentioned that the Student of Chi-ji shows up naked.

The idea of somebody picking up melons in their skivvies (or less) was seriously awkward.  Sure, Blizz has to compose outfits for ninety million NPCs, but forgetting to dress the NPCs for the new fancy rep quests?  Couldn’t possibly be true.  I had to know for sure, though, so the next day I waited for the Student to arrive.

I DON'T EVENWhy would you go get farm produce in your underwear?  WHY?

I DON’T EVEN
Why would you go get farm produce in your underwear? WHY?

WELL, I WAS WRONG.  IT’S TRUE.

WAIT, WHAT?I know your sentence wasn't that long, but you lost me.

WAIT, WHAT?
I know your sentence wasn’t that long, but you lost me.

Is this some sort of whacked out Gallagher reference?  Just what are they DOING in that Temple!?  Some kind of crazy watermelon smashing orgy?  Girl, if you gotta wear something, we got SWIMSUITS for that kinda thing.  Don’t go ruinin’ your nice lingerie.

[Edit: At least they armed her.]

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Face, Meet Desk

Thirabel, as you might recall, was once a Night Elf druid whose sole purpose in life was to beardance on Varian Wrynn’s head.  With her goal fulfilled, I realized the only reason I would want to play a druid would be to transmog leather outfits (since I have wearers of all other armor classes), but that’s 85 levels to go for the sake of completionism, and that kinda killed that plan.  [Edited to add: Oops, forgot about Bombelina.  I have wearers of all armor classes, therefore, the druid for transmog purposes would be redundant.]  I eventually concluded that if I was going to have an alt for an Alliance alt (suddenly, my life is like looking into a mirror looking into a mirror), I was going to make this as damn easy as possible and make her a huntard.

Thirabel

Unfortunately, for a second time lowbie space goat, Azuremyst/Bloodmyst Isle is like the Alliance version of Mulbore: it’s kind of tedious and takes a painfully long time to get anywhere.  My general feeling was something like, “I’ve gone through this place once before, and I’ll be damned if I innoculate the owlbeasts again!”  So, despite my hesitations, I sent Thirabel to Elwynn Forest, to live among the humans.  (Reason 1: They have a hunter trainer.  Reason 2: I find  the human quests more interesting than the night elf ones.  Reason 3: Leveling a space goat amongst dwarves seemed insane.)

Upon arrival in Stormwind, poor Thir was immediately stalked by a loony death knight, so she fled town and ran to Northshire Abbey.  Completing the quests there didn’t take much time, and so Thir entered the most difficult portion of her short life – that is, surviving Goldshire.

Goldshire Never Changes

Goldshire Never Changes
Level 8 vs. Level LOLZ!

I’ve begun to realize that you don’t see the Horde hanging out in the equivalent location (Razor Hill) for the lolz, whereas in Goldshire, the Alliance is there and full of lolzing, and that makes your early levels suck.  Goldshire takes “For the Alliance” and does a little transformation, making it “FOR TEH LOLZ!”  The only problem is that the lolz are generally at your lowbie expense.

Some more lolz were had at Thir’s expense and she was feeling a little jumpy, so she decided it was probably safer to live in the woods.  While helping out in the boondocks (otherwise known as the Stonefield Farm), a level 85 male human mage descended next to her from out of nowhere.  He was wearing a diving helmet and riding a rocket.  Given her past experience with human males (stalker, rather upfront commentary on her appearance, gibberish, all around insanity, etc.), Thir pretty much panicked.  Her fight or flight reflex malfunctioned however, so she /waved.

Rocket Mage 01

Rocket Mage 01
He started off with “Greetings.”

The first thing he had to say filled her with dread.

Rocket Mage 02

Rocket Mage 02
That sounds ominous.

As it turns out, the gift was 200g.  I generally don’t like to take without giving something in return (although some folks have cured me of this habit by refusing to accept the pretty rocks, clam meat and whatnot I try to give), so I gave him the linen I was carrying.  When you’re level 10, you can’t offer much!

Face, meet Desk, because:

  1. You walked into Goldshire despite knowing what goes on there, but also,
  2. You assumed the worst about Mr. Mage, and you were wrong.