Tag Archives: hunter

Tonight will be cloudy with a slight chance of a short queue

When I think of Pinnacle of Storms, the first thing I want to know is if Blizzard REALLY thought that name through.  On the one hand, P.O.S. is perfect because you will die and your gold will disappear and so will your faith in humanity.  On the other, that sort of acronym showing up at the last, supposedly most awesomesauce place is kind of awkward.

Let’s start with Iron Qon, the guy who reminds me of mount collectors.  He has TOO MANY mounts and he can’t choose just one of the bunch, so he shows up with three in his hotkeys.  (He hasn’t learned those fancy macros where you can bind more than one mount to a button.)  Anyhoo, the LFR group helps Qon make a decision by killing the crap out of each one of the elemental Quilen he has.  Eventually, when you run through his entire stable, he’s forced to fight you on foot.  I’m sure he cursed every second of it, like how I do when I really want to fly to avoid aggro because I need to get someplace, but I can’t, because Blizzard wants me to see the world.

Actually As it turns out, you DO need two tanks!  Go figure!

Actually
As it turns out, you DO need two tanks! Go figure!

Here’s the thing, though.  Right before the fight, one of our two tanks dropped.  We queued again to bring in another tank because duh, but one did not appear.  People became impatient and charged Qon JUST BECAUSE.  Unfortunately, the LFR queue thinger stops completely while you are in combat, which meant that finding another tank took even longer, which in turn meant people became even more impatient, even after we wiped.  If you get enough stacks of Determination, it doesn’t matter whether you have two tanks or not LOLRITE?  It was like a circular reference in Excel, just with higher repair costs.

While I’m speaking of going in circles, OH MY GAWD WHY ARE THERE MORE TORNADOS HAAALLPPP!  Oh wait, these just stun you?  I guess that’s fine, then.

Is there a button for this? I'm stuck in a tornado and I can't get out!

Is there a button for this?
I’m stuck in a tornado and I can’t get out!

Mercifully, there was a healer who actually had a decent tank off spec.  He (she?) saved the day by willingly tanking the fight for the first time right then and there, which prevented us from running at Qon endlessly because we were bored.  (Hey guys, has anyone heard of teleporting out and doing other things that allow you to LIVE while we wait?  No?)

Qon drops a ranged weapon.  Of course, it didn’t drop for Therm.  I swear to Gawd I’m going to find a spear or something and be a melee huntard.  See, I even practiced my huntanking:

Sometimes Nothing Makes It Any Better Life just hurts.

Sometimes Nothing Makes It Any Better
Life just hurts.

Next up were the Twin Consorts, who somehow manage to have long, lucious wavy locks despite the fact that they’re made of freaking stone.  I already had lots of issues with these bosses, but I was doing pretty good at keeping all my raging feminist thoughts to myself.  Buuut then we had some  jokes …

No Just no.  No.  Stahp.  Shut up.  Fin.  End.  Over.  STOP.

No
Just no. No. Stahp. Shut up. Fin. End. Over. STOP.

Fortunately for all concerned, a tank pulled at the exact moment a friend called, and DPSing with one hand while holding the phone in the other left very few fingers available for typing in all caps.  Fortunately for ME (since I don’t particularly feel like arguing with almost all of a LFR group), all the capslock I committed was to my party itself, not the instance chat.

It was the easiest fight in the whole joint, which OF COURSE was an opening for this:

For Future Reference Learning from your mistakes is smart.

For Future Reference
Learning from your mistakes is smart.

Har har har.  C’mon, people, I know it’s LFR, but you can do better than that.

Seriously? Flounder is unimpressed.

Seriously?
Flounder is unimpressed.

I was feeling generally irritated by this point, and in addition had been informed by multiple screaming people that Lei Shen or Mr. Thunduar or whatever his name is actually requires coordination and sheeyit that is all but impossible with the random nature of a LFR group.  Has Durumu taught us nothing?  THERE’S NO WAY, THERE’S JUST NO WAY.  So I left.  I’m gonna wait for him to get nerfed, and I’m clearly not the only one with that plan.

Speaking of, I somehow feel as though Pandaland’s point itself got nerfed with this dude and the Zandalari.  Yes, it’s a nice, neat little turn of story for a people who got effed over by the Cataclysm to fight the hell back against the world by resurrecting a dead guy.  It’s just that I read so much crap about how the plot and the bosses of Pandaria were different, because they weren’t some Obvious Other.  No, they were the Sha, and the Sha are actually ourselves, our own negativity and our own overpowering strength.  Face yourself!  And now you get a burly half naked dude with control over thunder?  Bah.

Needs More Nerf

I have heard a crapton (yes, a crapton) of bad things about Durumu, whom I deemed “the Soul Crusher” for his ability to wipe LFR groups over and over and over again.  If it wasn’t someone complaining or flat out losing their mind, it was their DBM addon telling me that they wiped for the nth time.  I was told it got nerfed.  I was told it was still fatally terrifying.  I finally decided that I really ought to try it, though not for the ranged weapon (which of course didn’t drop) – no, I was gonna do this for JOURNALISM blogging.  Anything supposedly so catastrophic was going to be GREAT in the worst possible way.

Are There Snails In Here? They gave me nightmares last time.

Are There Snails In Here?
They gave me nightmares last time.

Although friends kept trying to explain the mechanics (beams of light, maze, death) to me, I had to first make sure we weren’t going to get ambushed by any murderous gastropods.  SOMEBODY has to think of these things.

Since the Halls of Flesh-Shaping part of LFR has been out since the 2nd, I was a little startled to find that there were still other people who had no freaking clue what they were doing.  I don’t know why.  You’d think I’d know by now that I have no monopoly on ignorance.

Oh Good Note to self: if I ever tank this, keep this information to myself no matter how true it is.

Oh Good
Note to self: if I ever tank this, keep this information to myself no matter how true it is.

I guess it’s good that he was honest? As a side note, I’ve always been taught never to admit this sort of stuff – you don’t want to draw attention to yourself, especially if that attention is going to be the “OMFG YOU FAIL AND YOU KILLED US ALL” kind.

After removing all the trash, the legend himself appeared.  I rather like his little hat.   Even eyeballs with tentacles and dental problems need good hats.

Durumu Needs Caffeine Badly Twenty pots of coffee ought to do it.

Durumu Needs Caffeine Badly
Twenty pots of coffee ought to do it.

Initially, I tried to remember all the floating eye type bosses in the Legend of Zelda series who resembled Durumu.  After giving up on that exercise, I mentally prepped myself to run through some sort of maze – I was thinking walls, rats, running back and forth as I bounced off dead ends, etc.  I also wondered if, somehow, the encounter would show that Blizzard designers were taking the whole trapped-like-rats-in-a-maze thing a bit far.

Potions and flasks?  Check.  Food?  Check.  Healthstone?  Check.  I clicked “Ready.”

At first there were just some beams of light rotating around in different primary colors.  These supposedly reveal adds, but I never actually saw the adds myself, possibly because I was too busy trying to keep an eye out for the maze thing.  I DID think about making a color wheel joke right about here, but decided to pass on the opportunity.  Then came the bad.

IT'S ALL ON FIRE IT HURTS

IT’S ALL ON FIRE
IT HURTS

GTFO told me I was standing in bad.  DBM also informed me that I needed to move.  I was already going because OMFG OW OW OW OW OW OH CRAP, but it didn’t make a damn bit of difference – there wasn’t anywhere to go to that wasn’t bad.  ANYWHERE NEAR ME WAS BAD.  The bad hurt like hell, too, so I didn’t succeed in finding a safe place.

You know what the bad reminded me of?  This one time we failed in Dragonsoul:

DON'T STAND IN FIRE MOVE U NOOB

DON’T STAND IN FIRE
MOVE U NOOB

There were a few differences, of course.  There weren’t any Aspects to complain while we were the ones being burned alive, but they were more than adequately replaced by fellow members of the LFR group who couldn’t seem to believe that people would actually DIE after having used a health stone and a potion.  The Dragonsoul fire-fire was easier to avoid while there was space to do so.  And we may have been getting torched by magical dragon breath, but it didn’t hurt quite as much as the nasty dark purple stuff in the Halls.

Wait, What? THAT was the maze?

Wait, What?
THAT was the maze?

Lastly, the fire had no pretensions of being a maze.  Let’s take a moment to discuss what a maze is.  They are puzzles!  Challenges!  Mazes have many paths to choose from that may take you to the end or take you nowhere at all.  Note that word: CHOOSE.  You can’t choose when you’re dead.

For the sake of comparison, here are some examples of mazes:

This Is A Maze On Wikipedia

This Is A Maze
On Wikipedia

And:

This Is A Maze Rather fancy actually.

This Is A Maze
Rather fancy actually.

And here’s Durumu’s “maze” …

Not A Maze But possibly some sick, twisted vision of one.

Not A Maze
But possibly some sick, twisted vision of one.

When is a maze not a maze?  When:

  • there aren’t any choices you can make
  • there is no “end” or destination to get to other than “alive”
  • it’s just an enormous puddle of bad
  • you’re dead
Lest You Think You're Safe Found the clear spot?  Good for you.  Now die.

Lest You Think You’re Safe
Found the clear spot? Good for you. Now die.

I’m TOLD that the opening starts to the left or the right of the boss, but the thing is, if you AREN’T ALREADY THERE or aren’t EXTREMELY close, you’re effed.  And sometimes if you are there – I did find the clear space once by accident – you’re effed anyway.  Let’s say you live, though.  You aren’t really in a maze so much as you’re following something you can’t see and praying to Gawd the opening it leaves doesn’t vanish on you because you got a little too far behind.  If it does, YOU DIE.

GET IN LINE Order, people, order!

GET IN LINE
Order, people, order!

Thanks to the nerfing and the fancy buff you get for failing, we only wiped two or three times.  I’d argue that we call a spade a spade though.  This is a hot mess and needs more nerf.  Either make the bad do less damage, make it the bad appear more slowly so you have time to escape it, and/or make the safe spot more obvious.  Think General Erudax in Grim Batol, where a glowy swirly shows you where it’s safe to stand.  You’ve got a handful of seconds to get there while he casts, but if you don’t QUITE make it, you still have more than a few seconds of life to try.  You aren’t effed unless you’re on the far side of the room, half dead already or just really lost and confused.

Above all, we should not call this sheeyit a maze, because it ain’t.

Primordius was fun, although he made me sad because he was in pain.  Obviously, he’s kind of S.O.L. in any number of ways, including being second in line after Durumu.  I’d say about one tenth of my brain was focused on Primordius, while eight tenths were still screaming OMGWFTNOTAMAZE and the final one tenth was wondering if I got any good screenshots of Durumu.

Dark Animus was TACTICS EL OH EL WTF GUYS UM OK.

I Have A Bad Feeling About This p.s.,  running through the raid with this red sheeyit on your tail is an easy way to irritate others, even if it is fatal.

I Have A Bad Feeling About This
p.s., running through the raid with this red sheeyit on your tail is an easy way to irritate others, even if it is fatal.

In my lame defense, I thought the red sheeyit was only going to hurt me, not everybody else.  (Therefore, if I got out of the raid’s general vicinity, it didn’t matter how I got there.)  Oops?

All The Alts: Thermalix

The way problems interact can be most interesting.  For example, it’s clear I’m an altoholic.  Yet my addiction to heirlooms (I CAN’T LEVEL WITHOUT AT LEAST ONE) confines me largely to WRA, so my altoholism is limited by the number of available character slots.  At the moment, the roster seems to have stabilized at five goblins, two Forsaken and a blood elf (WTB goblin paladin), one human and one night elf.

That leaves one slot open – so far, it’s been a revolving door through which potential contenders come and go.  A shaman!  LIGHTNING BzzzzzzZZZZT.  Wait, what the hell am I doing?  Delete.  ANOTHER HUNTARD!  Wait, we’re getting more stable slots?  Delete.  TANKING MONK!  Wait, I hear it’s kinda complex and you can’t just go around Spinning Crane Kicking all the things.  Delete.  I know, a shaman!  Wait, I’m never going to get to 90 and certainly never going to run heroic raids for that outfit.  Delete.  DRUIDS!  I don’t have one Hordeside.  Wait, troll toes.  Delete.  More panda huntards, for taming things!  Wait, didn’t I just … eh, maybe it’s better not to think too hard about this.

All The Pretty ColorsWho knew LFR could be so ... Lisa Frank?

All The Pretty Colors
Who knew LFR could be so … Lisa Frank?

Despite being the best geared and “the main,” Therm is STILL broke, as she is forced to fund all the flying skills ever for all my Hordeside cast in addition to purchasing additional guild bank tabs (because no one else can afford to).  She wants to build a Depleted Kyparium Rocket too, but because of Expensive Mat Requirements, she hasn’t gotten much farther than her (admittedly impressive) kyparite collection.  That transmog addiction she’s got doesn’t help her wallet, either.  GET AWAY FROM THE AH.  IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

The Good Things

  • Met a bunch of new folks and made some good buddies (Not Therm specific, but since she’s the main, she gets the credit)
  • Started this blog (also not Therm specific, but again, a goblin has no issues with getting more than she bargained for)
  • Hit level 90 and pretended to be awesome for a little bit
  • Made friends with the Golden Lotus Threw the Golden Lotus under the bus once I got what I wanted out of them
  • Tamed a monkey in a fez
  • LAND BEFORE TIME GUYS OH MY GOD DINOS MY INNER CHILD IS HAPPY FOREVER
  • World of Harvest Mooncraft (because the only kind of game I love more than a time waster is a farming sim that is just that)

The Bad Things

  • WHY CAN’T I GET A STUPID LFR WEAPON EVER WHYYYYY
  • Guild drama
  • Dailies (I say we ditch dailies and instead have weeklies, or maybe monthlies …)
  • Isle of Thunder (because getting thrown off the Wall by a pot of boiling oil wasn’t good enough, Blizzard had to crush my soul under the feet of thousands of mogu)

Therm plans to …

  • Tame All Teh Things (Please Gawd, make the 50 stable slot thing true.  Please.  I’ll stop trying to take the Temple Rats out of Zul’Gurub if you make it true.)
  • Build that accursed Depleted Kyparium Rocket
  • Find a way to make oogly mail armor attractive again
  • Try to find The Happies

Speaking of the future, Therm’s (probably forever unrealizable) dream is to some day run into the fabulous Fabulor*.  It’ll be like a movie, see!  He’ll accidentally trip over her because she’s so short, but she’ll forgive him because she’s dazzled by his shining locks and dashing grin.  After LFR hijinks, they’ll go on a picnic at some ridiculous and scenic location, and she’ll give him some random loot she picked up as a token of her affection, and and and and … well, a girl can dream.  It’s hard to find a date who isn’t cheap as hell when you’re short, green and not a frog.

March of the Mammoths?Ok, so there were a couple of elekks in there.

March of the Mammoths?
Ok, so there were a couple of elekks in there.

* Finally, someone playing a blood elf male the way I would!  Why did no one tell me about this blog sooner?  At one point, a former guildmate and I discussed making a blood elf male named Fabuloth, but it didn’t happen – and now it doesn’t need to.  I totally debated making a female fan/Fabulor wannabe (Fabulisse?  Fabulala?), but in the end, I decided that’d be pointless.  As we all know, there can be only one.

Excuse me while I start wimping out here

Futility, LFR style.

Futility, LFR style.

I’ve been avoiding playing Thermalix lately.

This is in no small part due to how the Isle of Thunder both annoys the bejeesus out of me while depressing the snot out of me.  It’s nothing but dailies on a gray, angry little island where pretty much everything ever hates your guts.  Players hate you.  Mobs hate you so much, they can magically aggro from wherever they please.  I’m pretty sure the island itself hates you.

Pet ProblemsOne moment he's here, the next ...

Pet Problems
One moment he’s here, the next …

I can be on a different platform.  I can be around a building.  I can be a mere bystander yards away when someone runs by, but somehow, the mobs they’re training will choose to attack me or my pet rather than jog back to where they came from.

Pet ProblemsI find him a bazillion yards from me, around a corner, on a different platform behind a pillar.  LOGIC.

Pet Problems
I find him a bazillion yards from me, around a corner, on a different platform behind a pillar. LOGIC.

So I’m declining the dailies there on daily basis.

Rep grinds in general make me think of how it feels when you get your fingers caught in that crack between the door jamb and the door itself at that exact moment when someone starts to close the damn thing on your tender digits.  This is a problem because rep grinds are the only way I can predictably improve gear, since anything that involves a roll is probably not going to end well.

For Gawd’s sake, I just want a freaking weapon from LFR.  I’m fixated on it now.  I finished that stupid legendary gem quest a long time ago, but I can’t repgrind for a weapon.  I can’t make one that’s better than what I got.  I think that one bow that drops in heroics is practically a myth because I have NEVER seen anyone wearing it.  LFR is the only place I can go where I’ve got a chance in hell of an upgrade.  So I wanna know: how many times do you have to run LFR for a weapon before you can honestly complain that your luck sucks?

There are, at present, four bosses (including Raigonn) that drop ranged weapons.

  • I’ve smashed the Will of the Emperor 11 times
  • I’ve regretted every single second of Hide while fighting Lei Shi, 8 times
  • I’ve kicked the turtles and Tortos himself 2 times

And that doesn’t count the extra rolls, of course.  So am I legit in complaining yet, or am I just wimping out?

The thing I like about leveling alts is the feeling that I’m “getting somewhere.”  But best of all, if I put in effort, I can actually GET that next level.  I can put in all the effort I darn well please and still not see a ranged weapon in LFR.  Rep grinds somehow manage to be twice as tedious as leveling while having much less surprise factor than LFR.   It takes longer to get from point A to point B.  Possibly worse, I can’t sit down and truck my way through a huge chunk of it when I feel like it – you’re stuck with doing little bits every day.  I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING NOWHERE FOREVER.

Challenges - My bad luck is neverending.

Challenges – My bad luck is neverending.

I think I’m just wimping out.  BUT IT ISN’T STOPPING.  Nor are the people who keep on linking all the damn crap they get in LFR to me, which makes me /sadface.  Look, I get that ya’ll are happy since you got your fancy new shiny gear.  You get a couple gloats in for free.  I’ll even congratulate you, because those shoulders/cloak/sword/whatever is awesome!  But after the third time (or the third freaking item, or that new piece of gear on your third freaking alt, or getting more gear on your third freaking run of the joint), just shut up.  SHUT UP.  I’m serious!  I’m sick and tired already of your luck and your shinyass gear, and rubbing it in isn’t funny anymore.

The Forgotten Depths of OH MY GOD SNAILS

You wanna know who the REAL boss of the Forgotten Depths is?  It’s this guy:

He's a Killer, I Tell YouA slime cold killer.

He’s a Killer, I Tell You
A slime cold killer.

I didn’t know this at first.  I accidentally fell into the Forgotten Depths a day too soon, which was rather nice as I got to explore without the hindrance of a LFR group wanting to know where the hale I was.  I couldn’t get very far, though, due to a magic invisible wall (which, in hindsight, was also nice).  I decided not to post about it at the time, thinking that stealing Blizzard’s thunder (/punny) might be a bit rude.  I did submit a bug report though.  I HELPED IMPROVE THE WORLD WOOOO!

Is This Broke?Yet it's oh so shiny and safe.

Is This Broke?
Yet it’s oh so shiny and safe.

Anyway, I thought the joint belonged to Tortos, who clearly had stepped out to take care of some personal business or something.  I shrugged and made a mental note to come back and give the guy a proper greeting later.  I definitely wasn’t thinking snails, because … well, snails.

We spent a bit of time admiring the shiny rock formations.

Forgotten Depths

Forgotten Depths

We knew that when we came back, we wouldn’t get a chance to look at them again.

There were, in fact, more turtles, but it was kinda crazy and none of my screenshots made sense.

There were, in fact, more turtles, but it was kinda crazy and none of my screenshots made sense.

As it happens, Tortos drops a nice shiny bow.  As it also happens, I did not get said shiny bow (even with the extra roll, because LOLZ WTF IS LUCK).  Aaaand as it happens, this other huntard got it and decided he had to link it in the instance chat.

GAWD GIVE ME STRENGTHEven if homicide's ok in Azeroth, tying the guy to a rocket and sending him to space probably isn't.

GAWD GIVE ME STRENGTH
Even if homicide’s ok in Azeroth, tying the guy to a rocket and sending him to space probably isn’t.

People have been linking their fancy LFR weapons to me a lot lately.  There have been several who have even pointed out how their significant others have gotten this bow or that gun – teasing, they call it.  Meanwhile, I cried bitter tears of salty RNG frustration, holding my dinky heroic crossbow and my third or fourth Bottle of Infinite Stars.   (I should really start collecting those.)  I used to wonder why I got this fancy Sha-touched gem if I was never going to get a weapon that could use it, and I also used to wonder why nothing would give me gear I didn’t already have (or, Gawd forbid, is BETTER).

Thanks to my friends, however, I have moved on.  Yes, I now spend my time dreaming of the day when I miraculously do not suck horribly in PvP.  On said magical day, I would spy a huntard with a fancy LFR weapon (such as this one, who so clearly pointed himself out to me).   I would then kick his ass with my super goblin powers, steal his bow and tie him to a rocket.  Next, I’d taunt him with MY NEW SHINY BOW and laugh about the amazing drop rates he has – then light the fuse.

It’s probably obvious that this new era of amazingness will never come, and it’s also probably obvious that nobody wanted to wait around for me to finish fantasizing, so the group went and killed this multiheaded snake thinger FOR SCIENCE.

This Guy's Just FillerPractically trash!

This Guy’s Just Filler
Practically trash!

Since it was science, it was fatal for me.  Let’s move on to the real villain here, however.

That's Probably BadAnd why is it looking at my pet!?

That’s Probably Bad
And why is it looking at my pet!?

Snails.  Worse, they had a thing for my newly acquired and very shiny luxury model Devilsaur, Luxe.

I Think It's Time to Start Running NowThanks all, been lovely tromping through a cave with ya, but I REALLY gotta go.

I Think It’s Time to Start Running Now
Thanks all, been lovely tromping through a cave with ya, but I REALLY gotta go.

Almost every freaking time a snail popped up, it’d decide my pet was the thing to go for.  At first I tried running, but eventually I just sent poor Luxe in to melee range (and his death) so that the snail would pick on SOMEBODY ELSE.

MAKE IT DIE FASTERMAKE THE SNAILS GO AWAY PLZKTHX

MAKE IT DIE FASTER
MAKE THE SNAILS GO AWAY PLZKTHX

Even though it was the first day this place was open to the public, there were clearly a handful of folks who had run it before and were more or less constantly pissed off by the incompetent flailing of all other individuals.

Note To SelfBeing a smartass is bad.

Note To Self
Being a smartass is bad.

Long story short, if there are things on the ground, running over said things pops murderous monsters.  I admit to dancing over some crap, mostly because I am a horrible person, and partially because I thought I could explain it (if necessary) by saying that I play with ground clutter to a minimum.  Wait, that doesn’t work at all.  Good thing nobody asked who was dashing on top of the bad, if only because it was assumed everybody was doing it.

Just When You Think You're Safe(Also, how the hell do grubs do that?)

Just When You Think You’re Safe
(Also, how the hell do grubs do that?)

Some folks eventually started being more aware of their surroundings, but only because they had other, more pressing matters to attend to, and every killer snail slowed this train down.

Now is Not the TimeJust hold it!

Now is Not the Time
Just hold it!

There was, apparently, a bird at the end.  This particular fight was remarkable for:

  • The people who ran the LFR previously insisted that everybody remain in the main platform while they would take care of the other platforms, because YOU PEOPLE ARE INCOMPETENT
  • The off tank was supposed to eat the green or something, but that didn’t happen because the main tank died and the off tank was immediately promoted (no Oath of Office required)
  • About ninety million people called for a battle res from the large number of DKs and druids present, but none were paying attention
  • So I got annoyed, dismissed Luxe the Devilsaur in the middle of the fight, and summoned Chiselclaw, my Quilen
  • THE HUNTARD RESSED THE TANK, PEOPLE.  THAT’S RIGHT, I CAN DO EVERYTHING.  Except take an attractive screenshot at the same time as all that …

I’m surprised getting blown off the platform didn’t result in my immediate death.

This Is Rather PrettyIf somewhat confusing, and also not of the boss at all.

This Is Rather Pretty
If somewhat confusing, and also not of the boss at all.

Thermalix Strikes at the Throne of Thunder

Yes, I went there.  AND THERE.

The Throne of ThunderThe goblin mind can justify anything it wants to do. ANYTHING.

The Throne of Thunder
The goblin mind can justify anything it wants to do. ANYTHING.

Though she knows a number of people who are crowing about the increased drop rates these days, Thermalix ran Mogu’shan Vaults and Terrace of Endless Spring this week and came up weaponless yet again.  She was at the farm afterwards, busily pouting and planting pumpkins, when she suddenly hit upon the glorious idea of SEEKING GREAT JUSTICE FOR THE POOR DEAD CHICKENS.  Since she has no equal for leaps of logic (these things make PERFECT SENSE), she grabbed a friend and queued for LFR.  With such a noble mission, how could things possibly go wrong?

Throne of ThunderI probably should've gone with the whole road less traveled.

Throne of Thunder
I probably should’ve gone with the whole road less traveled.

There was trash, of course, but Thermalix didn’t care about that.  They wouldn’t give her JUSTICE.  The first thing she encountered that mattered was Mr. Jin “The Zap” Rokh, seen above.   Thermalix was prepared in some ways (got a mission), but not in others (actually knowing WTF was going to happen).  So Fel did his darndest to explain what was about to unfold … in a way that a goblin could understand.

You see, this place is SCIENCE.  There will be water.  There will be lightning.  The two together can be unpleasant.

The Throne of ThunderIt's for SCIENCE!  And chickens.

The Throne of Thunder
It’s for SCIENCE! And chickens.

Thermalix gets science.  Really, she does.  She just doesn’t get why it has to be so damn painful all the time.  She also doesn’t get why we’d have a palace with water and crap in a place with constant bad weather.  IS THERE NOT WATER ENOUGH COMING FROM THE SKY??

The Throne of ThunderIt is an option.

The Throne of Thunder
It is an option.

Anyway, then came Horridon.  He also had a buddy, but Therm doesn’t remember that guy.  This is mostly because next to the shining beacon of awesomesauce that is Horridon the Horrible, anybody short of a god would fade into nothingness.  He was THERE – but he didn’t matter.

The Throne of ThunderOH GOD NO BAD DINO STOP

The Throne of Thunder
OH GOD NO BAD DINO STOP

I don’t really remember why, exactly, I thought Therm could escape through a door.  I might’ve had some idea of cowering in a small opening that Horridon could not get himself into.  Unfortunately, pretty much all the doors are locked, busted or filled with trolls who would rather you die right here right now.

In truth, I’m somewhat thankful that Blizzard went with a direhorn for Horridon.  If it had been a Devilsaur like Oondasta, I would’ve been in a corner crying, door or no door, trolls or no trolls.  Anybody remember Sharptooth from the Land Before Time?  He, other carnivorous dinosaurs and, for some reason, mummies (I kid you not) were the terror or my childhood.

The Throne of ThunderMy dreams are usually three times my size.

The Throne of Thunder
My dreams are usually three times my size.

Some day.  But first …

The Throne of ThunderOtherwise, this angle could be awkward.

The Throne of Thunder
Otherwise, this angle could be awkward.

Thermalix has this secret fear that Zandalari trolls go commando.  I don’t know why.  It seems like something they’d do, and she’d just rather not know that sort of thing.  But so many of them keep showing up in kilts!  They’re practically giants, and Therm’s somewhere around two feet tall.  If her suspicions are true, she’s bound to witness something sooner or later.

The Throne of ThunderI have to figure out how to salvage those cannons first ... Or were they coffins?  Kinda hard to tell.

The Throne of Thunder
I have to figure out how to salvage those cannons first … Or were they coffins? Kinda hard to tell.

Either way, I’d like to take those home with me.  Anybody got a crowbar?

On to the council.

The Throne of ThunderWORK IN PROGRESS HERE PEOPLE

The Throne of Thunder
WORK IN PROGRESS HERE PEOPLE

I was told it was a flustercluck, and indeed, the council of trolls delivered.  There was some contention in the LFR group in regards to who should be killed daaeed first.  Kill whoever’s possessed.  No, kill the sand guy.  No, the sand guy and the storm guy are equally bad.  Ignore the hulk.  No, kill him if he’s possessed.  No, kill the female troll, she does healing crap.  No, kill adds.  Thermalix concluded that she didn’t like the sand guy, so she was going to shoot him.  He seemed like the type to assassinate innocent chickens.

Being a goblin, however, Therm could not resist planning for the future once they were all taken care of.  Well, she probably just couldn’t keep up the pretense of fighting for the sake of dead chickens.  Real estate’s got so much more potential.

The Throne of ThunderYou know, after we deal with the whole troll/mogu thing.

The Throne of Thunder
You know, after we deal with the whole troll/mogu thing.

And lastly, she had to try something that she didn’t dare do while everybody else was still in the LFR – she went back to where the windy platform/bridgethings were, and she jumped.  It seemed to be the most efficient way of finding out what was down there.

The Throne of ThunderIt may be connected to the Twisting Nether.

The Throne of Thunder
It may be connected to the Twisting Nether.

“Ironscale Beast” Set

"Ironscale Beast" Set

“Ironscale Beast” Set

Class: Hunter (with crossbow), Shaman

H: Mok’Nathal Beast-Mask | S: Retcher’s Shoulderpads | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Mail of the Geyser | Wa: Windchill Binding | L: Ironscale Leggings
G: Yak Gauntlets | Wr: Not shown | B: Greaves of the Earthbinder

Crossbow: Horrifying Horn Arbalest*

Status: Finished

Thoughts: A second take on the Mok’Nathal Beast-Mask (with the first being the “Wolf in the Mists” set), this one is even BETTER for hiding mud and blending in!  Speaking of blending in, Moonfang (formerly known as The Lone Hunter) started off as my active pet for this getup, since he coordinates quite well.  Before you ask, the answer is yes, actually, I often try to match my pets to my transmog.  I just as often fail because I tame things like hot pink snakes and monkeys in fezzes.  Getting back to the pet and transmog at hand, I DID discover a slight problem with the combo – Moonfang also coordinates extremely well with the environment and overall atmosphere of the Isle of Thunder.

I know he's around here somewhere ...He's just so dang hard to find sometimes.

I know he’s around here somewhere …
He’s just so dang hard to find sometimes.

I can’t see him unless he is RIGHT in front of my face.  As a ghost, he blends in so well, it’s like he was never even there.  I lose sight of him the moment I glance away at anything else.  If it weren’t for his little portrait hanging out below mine like always, I’d just assume he gave up on the afterlife on the spot and faded away.  (Sometimes, I feel the same.  I have HOW MANY dailies left on this one damn island?  Cruel world!  I’m just going to give up and Feign Death right here.  JUST LEAVE ME TO DIIIIEEEE!  /sob … No wait, on second thought, don’t.  COME BACK!)

So, even though he matches like a pro, the poor puppy gets switched out when I visit the new Isle of Dailies Daily Queen that place.  I bring out Valentine or Peep, simply because they are SO BRIGHT it’s pretty darn obvious where they are at all times, even if they’re tanking something at a distance from me.  Also, if Valentine can tank the Lich King, I don’t think he’ll have much of an issue with some guy who can only control thunder.  Just sayin’.

Anyway, this outfit would not work for a male character, since it relies on the fact that the top loses almost all of the pale gray-blue color scheme of the Sanctified Frostwitch set it actually belongs to and magically turns mostly brown IF you happen to have bewbs.  The gem/clasp/thing at the throat is all that remains of the original primary hue, and it’s so small it’s hardly noticeable.  Also, while guys do get the color, they don’t get to show the cleavage.  Sorry, guys.  I know some of you want to put your moobs out there, but this outfit will not do it for you.

* I almost tossed this when Pandaland came along.  But I realized that this bow is totally from Dragonsoul, and what are the chances that I’m going to waltz through that joint by myself anytime soon?

I picture it like this …

Hey Zonozz, nice to see ya again, old buddy.  You see this ultra-mega-super-gun with an item level of ninety billion?  No, Zon, nine thousand was so five patches ago.  And yeah, you dead now.  Ultralixion!  Wow, it’s been so long!  We’re really nine expansions in now, totally trufax.  And I know, I look way different!  I racechanged to the new race, the Raptorians.  They got this nice racial.  So anyway, lemme tell you about this gun I picked up in the alternate reality of Pandaland in space on a Sha-ship … you’ll get a better view if I show it to you.  Stand there.  Yeah, that’s good.

… but I totally don’t see it HAPPENING.

Many Dinos, Tame Them

New in Patch 5.2: Thermalix Spendtrue, DINOSAUR HUNTARD.

MISSION: DINOThere will be Direhorns.

MISSION: DINO
There will be Direhorns.

Well, that’s not exactly true.  Thermalix had the white Devilsaur from Un’goro Crater for a while back in the day, but they parted ways some time ago when Therm had to clear out some stable space for a monkey in a fez.  These days, Therm wanted one of those scarlet Direhorns, bigger than a Cadillac and redder than hell.  While they don’t come with all the bells and whistles any good goblin expects, Therm’s an engineer – she can handle that.

In any case, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s return to the beginning of the 5.2 patch.

Thermalix’s first priority was obtaining the farm.  This was much easier than she had anticipated.  Given the amount of work involved in opening the place up to its full potential, she was expecting it to be handed over for only the most thankless of tasks.  Say, something like having to wine and dine all the Tillers all over again, or maybe offering bribes of hard-to-obtain items that ONLY drop from mushans which have been exposed to the Sha of Anger for five seconds or less, or even offing Yoon by orchestrating a mysterious Exploding Master Plow accident (much as she liked the panda, if he’s gotta go, he’s gotta go).  Farms are serious business, guys.  And plows OBVIOUSLY blow up all the time!  Everybody knows plow fatalities are common.  Fortunately for Yoon, however, Therm’s worries were unfounded.  Dude just walked off.

FOOL.  ENDLESS PROFIT IS MIIIIIINE!

Or maybe not, but a supply of carrots is.

Farm For The HordeI can plant four things at once now!  World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Farm For The Horde
I can plant four things at once now! World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Now, back to the thundar and dinos.

Thermalix arrived on the Isle of Thunder to find Lorthie* and the Sunreavers in need of assistance.  While they’re strong enough to create fancy magic invisibility domes that you can’t ride any type of mount in (this seems like an oversight somehow), they were having a problem with Mogu.  And dead things.  And trolls.  And Saurok.  You’d think we were having problems with EVERYTHING on this dang island … oh wait, actually, yeah, we are.

InvisibilityNothing to see here.

Invisibility
Nothing to see here.

Let me summarize this island for you: Blah blah blah dailies.  Also, lightning.

Now that we’re done with that useful and insightful description, it’s DINOTIME!  To the Land Before Time Jurassic Park Isle of Giants!

As it turns out, you need a fancy tome of learnin’ to know how to tame Direhorn-type dinos, even though you were totally able to tame Devilsaur-type dinos back in Un’goro Crater without having to get your Masters degree in Huntering.  While I say a dino is a dino, Blizzard either wanted to make some form of awesomesaur available to every hunter spec, or they simply wanted to use the word “Dinomancy.”

After careful CCing because OWW OMG WTF (apparently you aren’t supposed to fight the Dinomancers alone),  I was victorious.  It certainly helped that while Dinomancers do heal THEMSELVES, they don’t heal EACH OTHER.  Still, I don’t know how long it took, nor how many Dinomancers fell to my bow, mostly because I was too busy trying to grab some dang Dinomancers for myself.  There was a surprising amount of competition!  [Edit: It also helps not to pull all the dinosaurs ever, just sayin’.]

MISSION ACCOMPLISHEDWell, mostly, anyway.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, mostly, anyway.

Truly, he is a magnificent creature.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?
Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

* I’ve got some campaign slogans for him!

LORTHIE FOR WARCHIEF 2013: HE WEARS THE PANTS IN THIS FACTION
LORTHIE FOR WARCHIEF 2013: ONLY ONE MAN IN THE HORDE HAS HAIR ENOUGH TO TAKE ON VARIAN WRYNN’S PONYTAIL

Secretly, I’d still vote for Sassy Hardwrench or Basic Campfire.

Gara’jal the Spirit Binder

Don't Worry, GuysPuntable Marmot's Got This

Don’t Worry, Guys
Puntable Marmot’s Got This

I’d like to show you a nice shot of Garajal’s dead body as a testament to the fact that we killed him, but … this is the best I got.

He's dead, Jim.

He’s dead, Jim.

A guildmate got a little excited during the fight, see, and went overboard.  Just a little.

Well, if we weren't sure that he was dead before, we're 100% sure he's dead now.

Well, if we weren’t sure that he was dead before, we’re 100% sure he’s dead now.

Meanwhile, In Pandaland

So I regularly hear guildmates complain about their daily Shado-pan companions.Thermalix, of course, has better things to complain about.

So I regularly hear guildmates complain about their daily Shado-pan companions.
Thermalix, of course, has better things to complain about.

Having knocked the Tillers, Golden Lotus and Dominance Offensive off her list of reps to work on when she feels inclined to do so, Thermalix elected to start making friends with the Shado-pan.  Folks recommended going Klaxxi, but the bugs just don’t have awesome hats waiting for you at Exalted like the Shado-pan do.  Since I am incapable of doing all the dailies + running LFR + running everything ever all the time, I will never have enough Valor to purchase what I need.  Therefore, I’m going to work towards what I want, and what I want is a damn fancy ninja hat.

In other news, Alexalis hit level 85 and marched off to Pandaland to join Mechalis, Ailabeth and Centina, who have been chilling there at levels 88, 88 and 87, respectively.  (Having completed the Dynamic Duo achievement with Niremere, I just can’t seem to pick a third alt to raise to 90.)

While Alexalis was in the Jade Forest hating on the water sprites (the way they jump from one foot to the other is especially grating), I happened to notice something interesting.

Alexalis Takes PandalandDisregard the corpses in the corner.  OH I KILL MYSELF.

Alexalis Takes Pandaland
Disregard the corpses in the corner. OH I KILL MYSELF.

But look closer …

Alexalis Takes PandalandThat's the thing about this joint ... you  never want to look closer.

Alexalis Takes Pandaland
That’s the thing about this joint … you never want to look closer.

What are those sprites DOING?  Who knew that sprites were in an all out war with warlock imps?  Maybe one day, warlocks everywhere will wake up and discover that each and every last imp in the world has been squished into oblivion.  In a good world, that’d be the end of it.  In the strange twisted realm that I am sure these water sprites occupy, they would insist on becoming every warlock’s new best friend.

DECISIONS DECISIONSOr maybe ... BOTH.

DECISIONS DECISIONS
Or maybe … BOTH.