Tag Archives: lei shen

Part Three: The Real Lei Sheeyit

When it comes to fighting the Twins, I have a mental image of the guild hunter as some sort of well-armored ballerina, dancing out patterns that, if you look real close and squint hard, might actually resemble the Celestials.  He is dancing with precision and grace, but if you didn’t know what shape he was making, you’d be at a loss.

But enough of interpretive dance.  Let’s speak of Lei Shen, the guy who has no shirt and no shoes but expects service from the Zandalari anyway.  We intrepid adventurers went in to free the Zandalari of his oppressive regime for blood, guts and glory.  And gold.  And gear.

Right In The Middle With You From this platform, Lei Shen makes it rain in the Isle of Thunder.  Good job, Lei Shen.

Right In The Middle With You
From this platform, Lei Shen makes it rain in the Isle of Thunder. Good job, Lei Shen.

You know what freaks me out the most about Lei Shen, regardless of mode?  It’s how the freaking teleporter pad thing puts you RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of his platform.  Of course, the middle is better than the edge, since that’s where HE is … but it just feels so exposed, like he might just turn around, go “WELL HELLO THERE,” and shock the sheeyit out of us all.  Fortunately he, like every mob ever, suffers from extreme near-sightedness.  (Next big market for goblins: mob optometry.)

In LFR, the Lei Shen sequence feels something like this, with arrows indicating a period of movement:

↑ THERE WENT A HEALER → BATTLERES ON THE TANK PLEASE ↓ CAN WE GET A BATTLERES ON THE TANK PLEASE ← JEEBUS HOW MANY WARLOCKS AND DRUIDS DO WE HAVE WHO AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION ↑ GO TO YOUR MARKER → STACK ↓ etc.

You basically pray that the tanks know what the hell they’re doing with this whole conduit business, and follow them around the square until the intermission/one section of the platform blows/etc.  It’s a certain kind of chaotic, but it has a predictable pattern.

In normal, the Lei Shen sequence (for me, at least) seems something like this:

→ ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ ↑ ↓ OW → ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ OH GOD THAT HURT ↑ ↓ ↔ WTF → ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ ADDS → ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ CRAP UM WELL REINCARNATION’S STILL GOT AN 11 MINUTE COOLDOWN

A Rare Shot Trust me, they're hard to come by.  If there's something I can stand in, I'm already dead there.

A Rare Shot
Trust me, they’re hard to come by. If there’s something I can stand in, I’m already dead there.

Seems similar, but while you don’t have to worry about the tanks knowing their sheeyit, following them around the square is a completely different ballgame.  You must stack, but you GOTTA spread out.  STACK!  Move away!  You can’t be so close because adds pain bad ow help death. STACK NO BAD STACK MORE GO AWAY STACK SPREAD STACK it’s like some sort of … weird interpretive dance, actually, with potentially fatal consequences if you fail to perform the attraction/repulsion routine just right.  I think we had to take seven or eight shots at it in all before we managed to ground the guy permanently (for the week).

Dear Lei Shen This is why having friends is good.  They can kick ass for you when you are dead.

Dear Lei Shen
This is why having friends is good. They can kick ass for you when you are dead.

Since this was my first time defeating being part of a group that defeated the “real” raid version Lei Shen, I achieved:

Does This Feat Make Me Look Legit?

Does This Feat Make Me Look Legit?

Does this make me legit?

I credit the others for 97% of it.  The last 3% would be my own efforts that, while useful, were comparatively miniscule.  I don’t FEEL like a “real raider,” at least not yet.  (Maybe repeat exposure helps?)  Having the feat seems somehow surreal, as though I were some sort of dream-observer, watching from a different plane.  This could be due to all the time I spent dead.

Healing LFR

Selecting, or Getting in the Groove
So far, I only have the “basics” in terms of addons updated and refunctioning since the patch.  I haven’t gotten around to installing Vuhdo, partially due to time (I’d have to learn it), but also because I find myself wondering if it would actually speed me up or not – I would still need to move my right hand away from the keys and to the mouse to mouse over someone, and then back again to heal.

No Russian Allowed Either While we're at it, I ban the speaking of French in front of Dark Animus.

No Russian Allowed Either
While we’re at it, I ban the speaking of French in front of Dark Animus.

As a result, I’m debating redoing my keybinds.  All my healing spells align to the right of the keyboard due to leveling via LFD/heroics.  The thing stopping me from doing this, however, is the fact that I keep the same “pattern” across multiple characters.  It helps when I’m reduced to blind button mashing (say, when in a PvP rage), because I’ll generally be hitting the right “type” of hotkey.  Any class that has any sort of healing capabilities will always have those abilities towards the right of the keyboard.  Priest, Death Knight, it doesn’t matter.  The order is typically Damage > Healing > Panic Buttons.  Relearning muscle memory for one character is bad enough, but all of ’em?  Eeeee.

I’m just going to have to keep practicing the motions and hope I get a little smoother at it.

Recount
I always think Recount should be taken with a grain of salt in an LFR setting due to the wide variety of gear that people show up wearing, not to mention the large gap in caring capacity that often exists.  The guy fresh out of heroics just isn’t going to do the same as the guy in ToT LFR/raid gear even if he’s some sort of magic miracle player, you know?

When I am DPS, I primarily use Recount just to keep an eye on whereabouts my DPS is “in general.”  Seeing it in the top 5 (or even in the top 10) is a nice ego boost, but, again, it’s LFR – a lot of that total is either my gear talking or the simple apathy of the team I wound up with.

When it comes to healing, my standards are generally quite simple.  Are we alive?  Then you did good!  Are we dead?  Well, then you did bad.

An Inch from Wiping Does this count as a photo finish?

An Inch from Wiping
Does this count as a photo finish?

But that sort of standard is dependent upon me being the only healer.  I can only attribute the fail 100% to my healing capabilities if I’m the only one in that role, after all.  When there are others, it suddenly becomes harder to determine whether I’m even remotely competent or if I just got lucky and was lumped in with some druid who drastically overgears the instance.  I find it kinda difficult to judge “where I am” in terms of capacity because if we’re alive and if I can probably thank other healers for that, then my only other option is to look at Recount – which is rather meaningless for the reason noted above.

My numbers are low to start off with, and I am making it worse.  As I’ve complained about that whole 300k mana limit before, I’m purposely avoiding Casting All The Damn Time, and I’m trying to choose smaller heals if at all possible.  I want to keep as much mana as I can so that if sheeyit hits the fan near the end, I’m not SOL – I can still pull out the big guns.  If we’re not taking big damage, I’ll toss some spells or a totem at the boss instead of more heals.  This means, however, that my HPS score is, uh … well, let’s just say that I’m generally the second to last healer in the line of numbers.

Dispels?  Close to the top!  General activity?  Practically number one.  Keeping up HOTs like Riptide or even Earth Shield on the main tank?  I’m pro!  Overall?  NO CLUE.

Wipe Paradeeeeeee
And then sometimes it just seems like there’s NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.

Shut Up Shut Up Shut Up Shut Up If I keep on praying for it, maybe they'll do it.

Shut Up Shut Up Shut Up Shut Up
If I keep on praying for it, maybe they’ll do it.

Even if I healed out the wazoo, I shouldn’t be the top healer – not at 484 gearscore.  Though I’m almost fully gemmed, I’m only partially enchanted at this point in time.  So imagine my surprise when Recount was showing me as #2 for most healing done during my last attempt at Durumu.  I was swamping the tanks and the DPS with all the heals I had, the tanks especially because Oh My God the DAMAGE – one moment they’d be fine, and the next you’d look at ’em to find they’re at 24% HP AND SHEEYIT HEAL CAST FASTER O CRAP!  SOMEBODY BATTLE RES THE TANK, FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD.  Fortunately, I never ran out of mana because we wiped constantly.

What Got Me This Time My combat log was helpful.  It said, "You died."  Thanks, but what did it?

What Got Me This Time
My combat log was helpful. It said, “You died.” Thanks, but what did it?

If it wasn’t one tank or the other suddenly kicking the bucket, it was the first maze phase wiping out over half the LFR.  I personally know that I AM going to die each and every time on the maze phase, because I Just Don’t Get It.  I get dodging bugs with tornadoes now, even if I have iron feet (and I actually made it to the end in Ghost Wolf form last time I tried woooo for progress), but I Just Don’t Get the “maze” of death that Durumu has.  I see the little jumpy purple electric lines on the floor, but somehow, those don’t ever tell my brain where it’s safe to stand.  It’s like in a different language.  I see the lines themselves for themselves, if that makes sense, but I don’t see the shape they’re meant to outline – once my brain DOES see them as outlines, it’s of a different shape, and I invariably wind up standing on the wrong side of things.  My plan (or at least, what WAS my plan) was to die as expected, and then use Reincarnation when the Purple Badness of Gawdawful Painful Death disappeared to pop up and keep on healing.

Except … what’s the point when half the raid or more went down on the same phase?

The third wipe was spectacular, as somebody pulled before the raid was actually ready to go.  We lost like a third of the group and we hadn’t even gotten to the color wheel phase yet!  After that, I just left.  Wiping is one thing, but wiping plus sarcastic better-player-than-thou type commentary is just more than I want to deal with.

Clearly, We're Going to Go Far Together Communication contributes to a cohesive group!

Clearly, We’re Going to Go Far Together
Communication contributes to a cohesive group!

Better-Player-Than-Thou Incoming
Warning!  Danger, Will Robinson, danger Will Robinson!  There’s a priest with a 509 item level who thinks that you suck and you should learn your class!  (484 item level and first time trying to heal Pinnacle of Storms not withstanding.  Actually, it was my second attempt vs. Lei Shen EVER, since he still terrifies me and Therm’s only gone in there once.)

Good Thing You Corrected Yourself Would never have guessed who you meant otherwise.

Good Thing You Corrected Yourself
Would never have guessed who you meant otherwise.

I don’t know what it was last night, but it was like somebody put industrially contaminated mud in the world’s chocolate cake or something – LFR was just filled to the BRIM with self-satisfied, superior players who were all too ready with a snappy retort to put down all the sucky, crappy, incompetent morons like the Rest Of Us.

Lord Forbid We Trouble the Mighty Raider This type of player is just a real big pisser.

Lord Forbid We Trouble the Mighty Raider
This type of player is just a real big pisser.

It’s the first time I’ve ever been a target for this type of behavior in LFR.  As a huntard, nobody really cares what I do as long as I don’t pull the boss or otherwise troll people.  I’ve certainly Said Things Back to this type of player before, but it’s always been in defense of other players, LFR in general or the perceived reason for this wipe or that one – not myself.

I wish I could report that I handled it with both sass and class, but after the second wipe on Lei Shen, I said “#%$& it” and left.   Worse, I started to tear up even though I know – I KNOW – that this kind of sour grape is full of certified bullshit.  It’s just that I been having actual fun in LFR up until this point.  I’d flown under the radar and hadn’t gotten called out by an asshole up until the last damn boss.  I thought I was doing ok – not great, certainly, but getting better – and I was honest to Gawd trying.  And then suddenly here’s this prick with his/her panties in a twist and a bad attitude the size of Jupiter, and the reality of LFR (hey yeah, there are asshole strangers!) intruded again.  @%$# you for raining on my parade.

So then I switched to Therm, thinking well, let me try to get a bow from Tortos or something.  Nobody gives a crap about Therm, right?

Urge to Burn Sheeyit Rising Maybe I should level my warlock next.

Urge to Burn Sheeyit Rising
Maybe I should level my warlock next.

She zoned into a group that had, apparently, wiped on trash.  Ok, whatever – this is current content, so yes, trash CAN still kill you if you aren’t careful.  But this group was also full of the same kind of person that I HATE, all ragging on the new tank for not quite getting sheeyit right (like grabbing the bats but not standing close enough to Tortos), beeyitching at DPS for not attacking this or that and/or sucking in general, DPS making snide comments about healers not healing, such as, “oh, you were?  Guess I didn’t notice,” etc. etc. etc.

What the ever living frick is wrong with people?  I hate this type of player so goddamn much it almost hurts.  If things aren’t good enough by their standards, they ruin every damn thing with their corrosive acid spit and then they feel good about it.  If I could reach through the internet and punch them in the mother trucking face with a jackhammer, I would.  Just what the mother trucking truck do you think are you accomplishing by being a %@#$, jackass?  Do you feel better now that you’ve pointed out how everybody else has effed up except for you?  Do you feel good now that you’ve magically proved your point and superiority with sarcasm?  Go shove a stick up yo…. wait, this is supposed to be a comedy blog.

I just don’t want to listen to their sheeyit.  So I dropped that party too and went to play Animal Crossing, because at least in Animal Crossing, things are mother trucking happy.

All A Matter of Perspective Gotta keep it in mind.

All A Matter of Perspective
Gotta keep it in mind.

Lei Sheeeeeeeeeyit

Let's Talk About This! I need a minute to think up another excuse.

Let’s Talk About This!
I need a minute to think up another excuse.

When Thermalix logged in late last week, Cal informed her that it was high time she shot Lei Shen in the face.  She was forced to admit that he had a point, since the one reason she had given for not doing so was “I CAN’T GO UNTIL HE GETS NERFED INTO REALITY,” aaand the dude got nerfed.  Unfortunately for her, she didn’t have a second argument to fall back on.  Therm couldn’t point to how she didn’t know WTF she was doing, because that’s normal and also the standard mode of operation for most non-tanks in LFR.  She couldn’t point to gear being a barrier, because she had the gearscore to get in.  She couldn’t claim that she had to wash her rocket camel, because it exploded the week before.

Here’s what Therm DID know about Lei Shen before going in:

  • Has face tentacles or cancerous growths
  • Would probably be the kid who sticks his finger in an electrical outlet for fun
  • Most LFRs run screaming before they even take on the adds in front of his room
  • He doesn’t drop a ranged weapon
Bring It On C'mon Lei Shen, let's just get it over with.

Bring It On
C’mon Lei Shen, let’s just get it over with.

It’s hard to say whether more or less knowledge would have helped.

Continue reading