Tag Archives: lfd

Between a Lock Rock and a Hard Place

A momentary tangent on warlock spec abbreviations before we begin: “Destro,” sure, that’s cool.  “Aff” or “Afflic,” okay, whatever.  It’s “Demo” that I got a problem with, because every time I read it, I see “Demolition.” In my mind, the demolition of something equals the destruction of its existence and destruction OBVIOUSLY equals Destro, so therefore we’re talking about FIREEEEEEE, right?  Aaand then I realize that I’m so wrong.  I guess “Dem” wouldn’t be that much better, though, since I might just assume that Demonology warlocks all have liberal political beliefs or something.

Anyhoo, Ignitine’s been Destro since day one.  Many folks assured me that Destro was/is the easiest of the specs, and Lord knows I’m not about to start making things more challenging for me than they already are.  There was a brief period of time in which I tried Affliction, but  …

I CAN DO THIS Behold the power of positive thinking!

Behold the power of positive thinking!

… yeah, they were right, Destro is easiest.  When Affliction wasn’t looking like a whole lot more management than I could handle, sheeyit kept dying before I finished casting all my damn Affliction DoTs and that annoyed me.  So back to Destro it was!  YOU CAN’T GO WRONG WITH MORE FIRE.

Or rather, it was back to sitting in some inn, accumulating rested EXP.  Maybe it was because all the pets but the Voidwalker annoyed me one way or another, but using the Grimoire of Sacrifice was weird, because I didn’t like the lack of a pet either.  The prospect of someday attaining green fire wasn’t really all that motivating.  Now, if it was purple fire, we’d be talkin’.  Green?  Eh.  I can’t say that it appeals to me on a “I WIN AT WARLOCK” level either, because who’s not paying attention and spamming Immolation?  THAT WOULD BE ME.  I could never keep up with green fire-set expectations.

CAN'T WE TAKE A BREAK!? No, because we already did!

No, because we already did!

So Ignitine sat quietly until Goa had another altoholism flareup.  At first, while in the 70s, I still felt the mehs.  I was pretty sure I had more or less conquered my tendency to spam excessively refresh Immolation, yet I remained at the bottom of the barrel in terms of DPS.  Then, too, it’s hard to feel badass when you have to stand still for two seconds to cast and the tank has already dragged all the mobs out of range.  But then Ignitine hit 80, and quite suddenly, I was a DPS master!  I went from being the total derps of any LFD group to hitting like a ‘zerked raid boss!  (Or so I like to think.)  My skill level had not increased, nor had I quite overcome my love of hoarding all the embers so I could be on fire as much as possible, but as it turns out, Destro warlock Mastery is SUPER EFFECTIVE.

You Have Captured Level 85!

You Have Captured Level 85!

Plus, things just kind of got silly, which generally improves my feelings about a class by 10% or more.  How the hell am I on fire while underwater in Vashj’ir?  I AM WARLOCK.  I DO NOT NEED YOUR FOOLISH HUMAN LOGICS.  I hit 85 with a pet battle.  I AM WARLOCK.  I DO WAT I WANT.

Interesting Every time I go to the Valley, there's this mushan stuck in a rock.

Every time I go to the Valley, there’s this mushan stuck in a rock.

Ignitine’s now level 90, but she does face a challenge – I didn’t anticipate leveling her, so all of the cloth tokens my other characters collected on the Isle went to gear Ailabeth and Esplodine.  Poor gal has actually had to go look for the treasure chests on her own!

Gettin' Ready Soon I will be Prepared.

Gettin’ Ready
Soon I will be Prepared.

But give her time.  Then, all the things will be on fire.  ALL OF THEM.

Some Things Never Get Old

Some folks have been bugging me to spend more time Alliance-side.  At the same time, the dedicated Horde players that I know have either been threatening to assassinate my poor lowbie spacegoat or stalk my paladerp if I do.  Ah, faction conflict!  Shows up even at the Friends List level.

As far as I’m concerned, playing Alliance-side more frequently has several issues (not including any charges of favoritism on the part of the game designers):

  1. No goblins.  Goblins would have made the best cross-faction race, not pandas, since we’re loyal to the wallet first and foremost, and our competing cartels would work right into the faction divide.  But it’s a bit late to go back and change that design call, I suppose.
  2. Gnomes are not goblins.  Let me repeat that: GNOMES ARE NOT GOBLINS.
  3. After so long being short and green or arthritic and rotting, it feels downright unnatural to play a character that has a pulse and is considered sexually attractive.
  4. They don’t label the damn docks down at Stormwind Harbor or tell you what boat goes where, so I’m always wondering if I’m getting on the right boat, or waiting at a dock that’s just there for show.
  5. The game designers flipped the sides the bank and portals are on in the Alliance’s Vale shrine.  I’m ALWAYS going to the wrong side.  ALWAYS.

There are some advantages, though.

So Tall, So Weird I fear no puddle.  Which is good, because I don't have Rocket Jump.

So Tall, So Weird
I fear no puddle. Which is good, because I don’t have Rocket Jump.

  1. I’m tall!
  2. I don’t have to swim to clear puddles or shallow bodies of water.

Despite the cons clearly outweighing the pros, I have been spending time on Niremere and Daschela anyway.  What’re friends for, right, if not confusing you with their unpredictable stature and getting you killed on a regular basis?  Daschela’s still leveling, of course:

Feign Death at Skill Levels 1, 2 and 3 1: Elevis, my pet, has failed to Feign.  (Why can't pets Feign?) 2: Daschela Feigns fine. 3. Soc "Feigns" by hiding all his HP.

Feign Death at Skill Levels 1, 2 and 3
1: Elevis, my pet, has failed to Feign. (Why can’t pets Feign?)
2: Daschela Feigns fine.
3. Soc “Feigns” by hiding all his HP.

Things frequently go wrong in the classroom at Scholomance, so I’m ready at a moment’s notice to drop to the floor and wait for sheeyit to clear.  (And why can’t pets Feign along with their owners yet?  I mean seriously.)

On the 90’s side, Nir’s running been some LFR for gear:

Not My Fault Niremere.  Party leader, tank killer, raid wiper.

Not My Fault
Niremere. Party leader, tank killer, raid wiper.

When she’s not causing her beartank to plummet into the void, Nir has been having some semi-brilliant and mostly obvious ideas.  For example: using Vuhdo’s Buff Watch to tell when Inquisition is off!  Theoretically, she’ll hit a bit more like a dry noodle and less like a wet one now!

WTB Combustostunulator Totem


The Original Pandaren Shaman Representing, yo.  Or something.

The Original Pandaren Shaman
Representing, yo. Or something.

Then I got smacked by something and I wasn’t a panda anymore.  But I’m ok with that.

A couple weeks back, Cal, Goa and I were attempting heroic scenarios for the first time.  Somewhere in between getting killed by lightning (NO I CAN’T MOVE, I HAVE TO FINISH PUTTING THIS BARREL OUT.  IT’S IMPORTANT!) and getting swamped by sailors in “Battle on the High Seas,” I decided we really needed an effing healer because OMFG, THEY KILLED ROFFLES THE GOAT!  Okay, so maybe I could’ve moved away from the lightning circle thingie, but my point still stands – with one warrior, one DK and one huntard with a goat, heroic scenarios kinda hurt.

Plus, you know, expanding your horizons and all that jazz is good for you.  Makes you well rounded.  Accordingly, I put Electrika on the fast track.

I think I like shaman healing.  I qualify that because I haven’t yet gotten to “the end game” nor LFR (only level 86), but so far, so good.  I think this is due in no small part to the fact that as a goblin shaman, I feel an element of comedy that other, more ENLIGHTENED and charitable orders (such as Holy Priests) rather lack.  If I’m not tossing buckets of water on people or making it rain on their heads to heal them, I’m totally throwing dirt on the tank for good luck.  If I’m going to heal with something other than laser beams or arrows to the face, this is my kinda thing.

I gotta say though, there was a moment when the notion of progressing any further scared the everliving crap outta me – and that was the first time I healed Grim Batol.  I had a beartank as my meatshield du jour, and this particular beartank was one of those aggressive pullers.  Trash mobs there can (and did) do knock back to interrupt my casting (I so don’t remember this happening to me before, what’s going on, where are we), which of course was problem enough.  But worse was the tank’s propensity for pulling ALL THE THINGS.  She would pull lots of trash, or trash and bosses.  Oh.  My.  GAWD!  The DAMAGE!  DAMAGE EVERYWHERE!  WE’RE ALL DYING!  HEAL FASTER!  THE DAMAGE JUST WON’T STOP!  OH JEEBUS!  There were several moments where if I hadn’t been preemptively casting, if you will, the heal wouldn’t have gone off in time and beartank would’ve been smeared on the floor.  (Which is why, by the way, I like the resurrection thing shamans can do once every thirty minutes.  I can wait for the sheeyit to clear, resurrect, and then do a Mass res.)

As it turned out, however, I didn’t really need to worry about heroic Grim Batol ever being in my future, because Cataclysm dungeons via LFD (and especially Cataclysm heroics) are in a weird little spot.  Right now, they kinda sorta exist as the only option for a very little while, but they’re REALLY darn close to Pandaland stuff.  So everybody just says “screw that,” buys vendor gear and goes into the Temple of the Jade Serpent.

I think Cal and I queued  for Cata dungeons less than ten times, and while I did queue for a Cata heroic, I never actually got in one.  (I am not counting the one where I zoned in to find everybody dead, since everybody dropped the party after I mass ressed them.)  I never even LOOKED at End Time.  Once I had a gearscore sufficient for End Time, it just so happened I had more than enough to get into Pandaland dungeons, so … I didn’t get turned into a night elf.

I bet you Archbishop Benedictus is feeling kinda lonely there at Wyrmrest Temple, since there’s no one to escort Thrall down to the basement or anyone for him to talk about THERE IS ONLY POWER to.  Whoa, I’m actually feeling kinda nostalgic now.  I kinda WANNA go back and punch Echo of Tyrande just for fun …


One of These Things is Not Like the Other

One of These Things is Not Like the Other

Once I hit 85, I noticed that my solid single target heals no longer heal the same proportion that they used to.  It’s like the health pools went WAY UP at that point, but chunks of healing I do didn’t undergo the same increase.  Maybe it’s gear I need?  I dunno.  For awhile, there was a corner of my mind engaged in fruitlessly screaming things like, “DO YOU SEE THAT GAP IN PARTY MEMBER A’S HP THERE!?  I NEED SOMETHING BIGGER THAN WHAT YOU’RE CASTING!!  NO, BIGGER THAN THAT.  BIGGER THAN THAT ONE TOO!”

I think I’ve gotten used to it now though.  I compensate by casting lots of things lots.  This approach isn’t always great, since I did almost go OOM fighting against Peril and Strife in the Temple of the Jade Serpent.  This was just about as terrifying as watching the beartank pull all the things ever.  Other than that, though, post 85 dungeoning in Pandaland has been OK so far.  I’ve gotten the Blackout Brew alementals in Stormstout Brewery, but somehow have managed to keep everybody alive despite having to hold still (and possibly black out) to cast.  The only time I just Flat Out Failed was when we had a huntard in the party who somehow (probably by standing RIGHT THERE) pulled Hoptallus when the tank wasn’t on the platform.  The tank got locked out, Cal went “…,” and I went “OH MY GOD THE EXPLODING VIRMEN HELP!”  We died, because I just … no.  I can’t, sorry, have a good day.

So here’s where I start to laugh about questing as a healer.

When I queue on Electrika, I queue as heals.  I don’t bother queueing as DPS because I don’t know WTF I’m doing.  The thing is, I’ve been hesitant to change to my secondary (Elemental) spec for questing purposes, because some tanks will charge on the moment they think everybody’s zoned in, regardless of whether everybody’s ready or not.  I’d have to change back, which means losing all my mana and having to sit and drink something, while simultaneously realizing “OGOD THE TANK IS PULLING CRAP.”  This is generally followed by the inevitable “heals?” comment, with the associated “WHERE THE @#$% ARE YOU AND WTF ARE YOU DOING STOP BEING SO LAZY/INCOMPETENT GAWD” unspoken but definitely present.

That means that questing goes somewhat like this:

  1. Put down totems (usually Searing with the stun* one if it’s not on cooldown)
  2. Cast Flame Shock
  3. Start casting Lava Lash
  4. Wait for Lava Lash to cast
  5. Lava Lash finally casts
  6. Start casting Lightning Bolt
  7. Wait for Lightning Bolt to cast
  8. Recast totem if necessary because stupid turtle ate it
  9. Watch as totem does most of the work because I’m slowass at casting offensive spells
  10. Lightning Bolt finally casts
  11. Heal self because OMFG why is this turtle kicking my ass like this
  12. Repeat steps 3 through 11 until mob is dead

It.  Took.  FOREVER.  I hadn’t even finished the quests at Grookin Hill before I decided I’d take the heat from dumb tanks with premature pullation problems.  I actually dug out the Elemental spec that I hadn’t touched since, uh … maybe level 32.  Ish.  I still don’t know what I’m doing, but the cast times seem to be greatly lessened.  Hooray!  Unfortunately, while I SEEM to be doing better, OSHEEYIT THE TURTLE IS STILL KICKING MY ASS and I need to heal me!  So I look for Riptide, only to remember that, oh yeah, wait a minute – I DID actually change my spec.


* I swear this totem has a name, but I keep on wanting to call it the Combustostunulator, which isn’t it.

Gimme a Super Soaker and I’ll Heal You

Electrika is now in the 60s, which is actually past the point where each and every shaman I have ever made has fallen face first into the delete button.  This is my first shaman ever that can actually FLY.

I’m starting to like shaman healing, mostly because I envision myself doing two things:

  1. I am throwing buckets of water at people.  Lots of buckets.
  2. I am making it rain on their heads.  SAD STORMCLOUD FOLLOWS YOU EVERYWHERE.

I like picturing my party looking like soaking wet cats by the end of the dungeon.  And if I’m sometimes secretly pretending to drown everybody in my party, does that make me a bad healer/person?



I gotta say, leveling a healer from scratch helps immensely in feeling comfortable with that role, even if you take a break for a few weeks and come back to it later.  For example, Ailabeth has leveled to 89 completely in Shadow.  Whenever I use her Disc spec to heal in transmog runs (because Holy has too much going on for me to handle), the feelings are not good.  I am pushing buttons that seem like good buttons to push, but not enjoying it because there are probably better buttons to be pushing and/or a better order to push them in, and we’re all getting a little too close to death for my tastes.  Also, I inevitably look for Dispersion when I’m low on mana.  NOT HAPPENING.

But Electrika shows that increased competence leads to slightly less panicking, which is immensely beneficial.  I had a couple of “AMAZING! IT’S LIKE I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!” moments in Blackrock the other day, which of course I failed to screencap.

After clearing the Grim Guzzler of all the bargoers, we exited out the back onto the small, circular platform that rises above the anvil you use for Dark Iron.  We had an overenthusiastic enhancement shaman DPS who noticed Lord Incendius down below and decided to engage him by jumping there.  Perhaps predictably, he aggroed the mobs on the opposite half of the circular platform.  In a scene somewhat reminiscent of Gnomeregan but with way more fire, those mobs proceeded to run through the rest of Blackrock to find us, dragging along every additional monster they could find.

I saw them running for the door when I followed the tank down, so I knew sheeyit was coming.  In the chaos that followed (Dark Iron dwarves!  Golems!  Lord Incendius!  Fire elementals!  ALL THE THINGS!), the DPS shaman died.  Everything attacked him first and all at once before the tank could get aggro on some of it (and I inevitably got aggro from the rest of it by SPAMMING ALL THE HEALS).  One other DPS was a clothie, and the poor chap went down almost instantly while I was focused on keeping the tank and myself up and running so we could get control of the situation.  When all was said and done, I somehow managed to keep the last DPS standing too.  We stood proudly atop a pile of corpses!

I will probably never be so badass again.

Similarly, when we jumped into the Ring of Law, I somehow aggroed the spectators in the ring above.  I don’t recall them ever doing that before, but the moment I saw my portrait go red, the “OH CRAP” warning bells went off.  Indeed, All The Things from the nearby area charged me just as we were fighting the first boss there, but Reincarnation was off cooldown, so I popped back up and kept on going LIKE A PRO.  ONLY the DPS shaman died that time, and I have no idea how I did it – I was so low on mana!  Possibly the tank was better prepared for the sheeyitstorm?

Electrika’s now transitioned into Burning Crusade dungeons and Death Knights.  I always thought the party of “all DKs all the time” was something of a joke, but I actually had a party of all Death Knights the other day, and every last one of ’em was in Blood Presence and Death Gripping crap until I said something.  One was still in Blood Presence even after that!

The real big shift that I’ve noticed, however, is how tanks now pull a lot of crap all at once.  I swear this started pretty suddenly in Hellfire Ramparts.  The first big pull is from the door to the guy who calls the warhounds.  Then they pull everything in the middle + first boss.  There’s a bit of a breather when they drag the two guys at the foot of the stairs up to the small group upstairs, but then the open area is a huge pull of ALL THE THINGS.

Have we gotten braver?  Have we gotten dumber?  Has Blizzard placed more mobs more closely together?  I don’t know, but it’s such a huge amount of damage all at once, even with platewearers, that I have to be ON THE BALL or they die when they do that.   Now that I’ve gotten Healing Rain, I start casting that before the tank has gotten everything grouped up tightly, targeting the approximate spot where I think the tank going to end up.  Once that’s up to cover for the DPS getting aggro and to buy me a bit more time to get a massive heal off for the tank, I start churning out those big buckets of water (Healing Wave/Greater Healing Wave/Chain Heal).  If I’ve misjudged whereabouts the tank will stop running and/or the tank runs JUST out of range, tank will likely end up dead.

Dancing With Spirit Wolves I'm the one with Water Shield.  Not like you can really tell ...

Dancing With Spirit Wolves
I’m the one with Water Shield. Not like you can really tell …

People say that healing is boring, and I do see lots of healers jumping around and/or pulling crap.  I can’t say the same, since I find I have to pay much more attention to what’s going on than I do as a DPS.  Maybe it’s just because I’ve leveled so many DPS classes but so few healers?  In any case, I have pretty much zero screenshots of Electrika, because OMFG THE TANK OH GEEZE.

p.s., I’ve written before about totally colluding with the healer to get an annoying DPS killed.  I’VE NOW BEEN ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THAT REQUEST.  It was so WEIRD.

Pour A Little Healin’ On Me Baby

I didn’t have a healer Hordeside, since my Shadow Priest only uses her Disc offspec if and only if a very good friend asks for backup on a transmog run.  So I started up a shaman (YES AGAIN WTF) since I have plentiful mail heirlooms and no surviving pre-existing shaman of either faction.  (Also, goblins can’t be druids yet.)  So far, I’ve come to the conclusion shaman healing reminds me of throwing buckets of water on people … in slow mo.

MY JOB IS ORLYYour job is to shut up, stop pulling crap and start nuking sheeyit better.

Your job is to shut up, stop pulling crap and start nuking sheeyit better.

I’m told that level 22 is too early to decide that I hate shaman healing.  I’m told that it gets better.  There’s AoEs, there’s Earth Shield, you get haste so casting sheeyit doesn’t take so long …

But I don’t have any AoEs yet.  Earth Shield doesn’t show up until level 26.  Aaaaand I have pretty much zero haste of course, so my spells take a Very.  Long.  Time.  (And if I try to quest by myself, killing things also takes a Very.  Long.  Time.)  To me, this doesn’t make sense.  Why would you make something suck at first?  This isn’t raiding here!  We don’t need to weed out the weak before we’ve even seen Gnomeregan!

Because the only other character I’ve done a lot of healing on recently is Daschela (my druid), I associate Riptide with Rejuvenation.  They’ve both got an instant cast, provide a bit of heal at first and more healing over time, and make another healing spell more effective.  You get it at a low level and it’s pretty much a standard thing to use when you are a nooblet, so they’re totally similar, amirite?  Actually, this comparison only contributes to my frustration, for Riptide has a stupid cooldown that Regrowth does not.  It basically means I can’t hit Riptide two or three times in a row like I can with Rejuvenation to get the squishy babytank out of the red bad danger zone.   (But six seconds isn’t much, you say.  Well, when you have a tank with a few hundred HP, those six seconds can mean death.)

At this point, I have two healing spells, both of which feel like they’re taking FOREVER when I NEED them RIGHT NOW.  When in combat, I’ll start casting one of these before the squishy babytank needs a heal, but it’s not uncommon for the squishy babytank to die RIGHT before I get the heal off.  If I hesitate, or if there’s a sudden swell of damage after I already started casting the less powerful healing spell, the babytank is pretty much effed.

This usually results in the entire party dying, because I’ll get flustered (I WAS SO CLOSE OMFG), go a;lsfdkjas;ldfkjas;lfkja;slfdkjasl;fdj, and proceed to heal the wrong person.


On the other hand, sometimes I get a nonsquishy babytank who might even pop a Word of Glory in here or there, and I can actually eat dinner with one hand while healing with the other.

I’m told I need to learn how to blame the tank for bad gear and the DPS for not killing stuff faster.  (Secret: I only look at the tank’s gear if there’s something Obviously Wrong, like the time that one DK showed up in part leather with Resurrection Sickness*.)  Ok, sure, I’ll work on my blaming others skill.  Still, the true test of my endurance will be to see if this shaman lasts past the 50s.  This is traditionally when my shamans kick the bucket.

On a lighter note …

Physics, Don't Question ThemBecause the moment I do, their failure will fail.

Physics, Don’t Question Them
Because the moment I do, their failure will fail.

*Makes you wonder WTF that DK was doing.

The Derp Knight Has a Plan

Mech heard about this joint called the Isle of Thunder.  She made note of the fact that it depressed the bejeesus out of Thermalix and seemed too risky to Alexalis, and thought – hell, she’s a Death Knight!  As long as she doesn’t go Unholy, she won’t have a pet to keep track of.  She wears plate.  She’s got the ability to suck the life out of things, just like the Isle.  Hell, she’s a professional faceroller.  It’s simply what she DOES.  Isle of Thunder?  How about Isle of Thundammitmechishererunaway?

So she swore to hit 90 and go there, because this type of plan can’t fail to go well.


Mech Has a Plan

She began with Dungeon Finder, but concluded that some questing was, perhaps, inevitable.  You know, queues being what they are …

Mech Has a PlanI fail to see the issue here.

Mech Has a Plan
I fail to see the issue here.

Clearly she was simply attempting to free the guy … of his mortal burdens.  While questing, Mech decided to keep the LFD queue going, even if only for the lolz – since it popped about once every half hour to forty-five minutes.  She may have to learn how to actually tank.  WTB gear.  And knowledge.

Mech Has a PlanYou know you run LFD too much when ...

Mech Has a Plan
You know you run LFD too much when …

Running into people you know while LFD may be a sign that you LFD too much.

Mech Has a PlanFacepull does not equal faceroll

Mech Has a Plan
Facepull does not equal faceroll

Pandaland had a point to prove to Mech.  Namely, that facerolling thing you intend on doing?  EL OH EL TRY AGAIN.

Mech Has a PlanPractice makes perfect.

Mech Has a Plan
Practice makes perfect.

Mech, however, was not deterred.  After all, when you get Scourged, your brain isn’t quite the same, nor are your logical inhibitions, like that one where death = bad.

Mech Has a PlanAnd now for part two, gearing up.

Mech Has a Plan
And now for part two, gearing up.

Lastly …

WTB Direct FlightFlight paths, the airlines of Azeroth.

WTB Direct Flight
Flight paths, the airlines of Azeroth.

Vote Kicking in LFD


Ideal world: all people in the party respond to each other, thus coming to a pace that is acceptable to all.  Tank pulls faster than he or she was before, so the guilty puller stops pulling sheeyit when that’s the tank’s job.  Everybody learns their roles, gets to 90 and performs admirably in raids, instances and whatnot.

Real world: Tank pulls faster than he or she was before, but the guilty puller keeps on pulling sheeyit when that’s the tank’s job because he or she wants to go faster still and there is no consequence for not working at the pace others would prefer.  Tank quits tanking since DPS is going to tank anyway, healer develops psychological issues, DPS lols and says “I can [insert role here] better than you.”  Everybody ever QQs over LFD wait times and the jerks who ruin the community.

Or they just pull crap and dump the party.

Some of this stems from the LFD votekick, which is the only immediate and effective reprisal for idiocy.  Its mysterious inner workings seem to be something like this: if there’s a group where someone is disrupting the party equilibrium and/or getting everybody killed, I cannot kick him if the system deems me to be too votekick happy and/or if he’s already been kicked ninety million times and/or anybody is in combat which we probably are because the person pulls crap ahead of the party (which is probably why I wanted to kick him in the first place), and/or while there’s a loot roll going on for even the merest green which is made worse when said person is AFK and, you know, not rolling.

There may even be secret rules like, “You can’t kick Trollolololman on his aunt’s birthday” for all we know.  Also, if it takes like ten minutes to complete the dungeon but you can’t kick Jerkface for another fifteen minutes, you’ve just experienced the very definition of futility – that is, votekick has absolutey no useful result whatsofreakingever.

This is stupid.  It’s time for a new setup where we let people kick people – in essence, let people police themselves.

More Words Version Behind the Cut

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If There Are Five Stages of Tanking …

She's a Smashing Good TankIrony, I has it.

She’s a Smashing Good Tank
Irony, I has it.

Because I don’t really do Retribution so well and I’m not really temperamentally suited to be the healer (just because I can doesn’t mean I should and all that), I haven’t bothered to set Violaryn’s alt spec.  Therefore, she’s been tanking constantly.  I kinda like tanking; I envision myself plowing ahead FOR THE LIGHT AND STUFF WOOOO, smashing things left and right like some sort of sickly, extremely short Viking with fantastic hair.  And on the upside, the tank queue is OMG amazing even when you have to wait seven minutes for a heals.  On the downside, if there really are five stages of tanking, then I’m probably somewhere between anger and depression – which is just super.

I deny that denial exists.


I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight's GoneAfter dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight’s Gone
After dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I would occasionally tell him not to Death Grip that, not to pull those and res him when things went wrong (among those guys you pulled is one that summons a totem that charms us, which would be why you died), but for the most part I spent my time giving up on all that because stupid is as stupid does.  He finally got on my nerves right before the last boss, so I had to say something.  I probably would’ve let it pass again after making my point – it was the last boss and all – but then he had to go start being a smartass on me.  Hell no, boy.


Dancing is No DeterrentHe kept on pulling but only danced once.  I am le sad.

Dancing is No Deterrent
He kept on pulling but only danced once. I am le sad.

So they keep on pulling.  They pull with Death Grip.  They pull with Moonfire.  They pull with pets, with arrows, with Frostbolt and arcane power.  You ask them to stop please, then they do it again; as soon as you get one LFD group to stop pulling all the sheeyit, the next LFD group pulls it all once more.  If this is going to be a regular thing – I might as well get some amusement out of it, right?


Eff it, man.  I’ll do what I do and they’ll do what they do.  Hey huntard, if your pet dies, your pet dies.  Warlock doesn’t know how to take the threat generation off their Felguard?  It dies.  If a mage takes the aggro, they can have the freaking aggro.  You may laugh now, but some day, a mob will smash your face into the ground.  You won’t say “Darn, I wish I had learned my proper party role and left the pulling to the tank.”  No, you won’t.  But at that very moment, I will know that you have gotten crushed into itty bitty little pieces, and I will silently rejoice.  Karma, people.  Karma.

Wait, that doesn’t sound so much like acceptance as it sounds like mostly restrained frustrations.

My Rules for Lowbie LFD Tanking

NO TAMPERING WITH THE MAILNOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

NOTHING you can open in Strath contains something good. NOTHING.

Because if it’s there to be pulled, somebody’s probably going to pull it, intentionally or otherwise.  Whatever it is will almost certainly come with friends.

If you have a feral druid DPS in the party, he or she is most likely experiencing an identity crisis and will be shapeshifting for most of the dungeon.  As long as he isn’t actually trying to tank while in bear, he’s harmless.

When you see him switch between tree and cat forms in the middle of the fight, be glad all you do is tank crap, and that’s pretty straight forward at this stage of the game since you are a paladerp and all you do is faceroll in your unsurpassable natural (and only) form.  And just disregard the fact that really, only one of the druid forms is useful for his current spec/role.  Dude’s just confused.

Huntards and other ranged classes (but mostly huntards, since they’re not AS squishy as mages) like to shoot sheeyit before you get to it.  Save them if you want to, but a little damage would probably do ’em good.  Just sayin’.

Maybe ...Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn't plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn't intend to have us die at all.

Maybe …
Except the druid wiped too, which makes me think that either 1.) he didn’t plan his revenge well, or 2.) he didn’t intend to have us die at all.

Because sometimes, the huntard’s got to die.  Also, a good healer who doesn’t panic can save your ass when everything goes to hell – a.k.a., the room in Scholomance with Professor Slate.  Said healer can also save your ass when the chronically confused catbeartreemanbird gets distracted with all the shapeshifting and pulls crap on accident.

Take It Or Leave It'cause I'm stayin'.

Take It Or Leave It
’cause I’m stayin’.

If you don’t want to run the dungeon like someone who’s hopped up on six venti expresso machiatto chai latte whatevers, then don’t.  You are the tank.  They can take it or leave it.  (As a side note, I’m at full mana because I’m a level 40-something with a mana pool about thiiiiiis big, so I regen what I use in a second – a.k.a., about the time I finish sassing you for pulling half the stuff in Janice Barov’s room.  Being right on the internet is OBVIOUSLY more important than your schedule.)

After all, if you won’t take the damage and the healer won’t heal it, they’re not likely to get very far.  And if they do, then hey – it’s EXP you didn’t have to work for!

If the annoyance they cause is not worth the EXP, then leave.  You’ll get another party because LOLZTANKQUEUEISAMAZING.  If Deserter status occurs, well, you just saved some brain cells and that’s good for you.

He Touched My HAIR!THAT'S IT.

He Touched My HAIR!

Almost nobody knows where to go in Dire Maul, anyway.

Positioning Instructor Chillheart so that your DPS is at imminent risk of Ice Wall death is considered cruel, even if you do find it enjoyable.

Mixup Mashup Screenshot Post

You know that glyph where your party members can use your Stag form as a mount?  Daschela somewhat regrets letting Fel buy her that.  SHE STILL HAS HER DIGNITY, DAMMIT!

Negotiations Breakdown

Negotiations Breakdown
The Independent Druid Still Takes Bribes

I also had an unexpected conundrum in a LFD group.  I queued Daschela up as a healer, only to find that our tank was named something terrible!


Wait, let me pretend to RP as a night elf here. Ok, we’re good.

Speaking of Dungeon Finder, Alexalis was chatting with her party members on the challenges faced by Forsaken monks – specifically, how your toes might fall off when performing Spinning Crane Kick.  Then this conversation came about:

The Tailor of Punville

The Tailor of Punville

And lastly, Carmen wins again:

A Winner Is You!

A Winner Is You!
That’s right, Carmen doesn’t blink.