Tag Archives: normal raiding

Kinda Like Being the Antiheroi(c)ne

My guild finally achieved its most sought-after goal, the defeat of Garrosh Hellderpscream.  We beat him in flex, which I was present for:

Ding Dong Garrosh is De... wait

Ding Dong Garrosh is De… wait

And in normal, which I was not.  (I suspect this maaaay have something to do with why they succeeded!)  The raid team has now elected to start working through the heroic version of Siege, which is a goal that frankly scares the ever living sheeyit outta me.  I don’t mind heroic content when it’s “OLD old,” like heroic Mogu’shan Vaults or even heroic Dragonsoul.  After all, Bombelina’s outgeared that stuff to the point where her item level literally compensates for my ever present derp mechanisms.  (ToT is probably still scary, though.)

Maybe it’ll be kind of like normal raiding, where I eventually get used to the concept and manage to derp around decently.  Or maybe I’ll just freak out and drop dead the moment Immerseus the Heroic looks me in my tiny goblin eyes, because OMFG normal is hard enough, Jeebus Tapdancing Cripes.  Take the Klaxxi Paragons fight, for example.  Since the regular raiders are of course REGULAR at this, they got the Official Kill Order memorized.  Welp, I don’t.  It’s more of a “TELL ME WHICH THING TO SHOOT AND I’LL SHOOT IT” thing for me.  Or during the Garrosh fight, let’s say we need to go left at all times to avoid the Desecrated Weapon, EXCEPT WHEN x, y or z happens.  But because I haven’t really practiced going RIGHT when z happens, well … I go left, since left is habit I’m left-handed, which means left is OBVIOUSLY the better direction.

You Thought it Was the Lich King BUT NO A banana got me.

You Thought it Was the Lich King, BUT NO
A banana got me.

TL:DR summary: Basically, I think I need a lot of work before I’m remotely helpful in heroic.  Getting rid of my last pieces LFR gear would be nice, of course, but I’m thinking more along the lines of practice at doing things like “not dropping Siegecrafter Blackfuse’s sawblades into the group AND not standing in the damn sawblades once they land.”  Or running the same direction as everybody else instead of the opposite (I always do that because the opposite was closer).  When it comes down to it, I do die in normal, but sometimes I live too, and this gives me hope that maybe there could be more living.

I just don’t want them to have to carry my 100% useless corpse any more than they already do.

And the completionist in me is like, HENRY CLAY FRICK*, I haven’t killed normal Garrosh myself yet!  I want to do THAT!

* So, Henry Clay Frick was apparently a gigantic jerk in his day, and his name STILL makes for great cursing.  It’s like when your parents refer to you by your full name because you are in Serious Trouble, but BETTER, because you are going to CAUSE the trouble.  For everyone.

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Thok the Bloodthirsty and Terrifying and Scary

Turn Around Right Now It's not worth it!  Leave it down here and lock the big door!!

Turn Around Right Now
It’s not worth it! Leave it down here and lock the big door!!

When I was a kid, I was a bit of an odd duck.  Sure, I liked My Little Pony and horsies and whatnot as young girls usually do, but I also had an enduring fascination with geology (volcanoes specifically), meteorology and all kinds of dinosaurs (interests which persist even now, actually).  The thing is, as a wee little Prinnie, I also had an overactive imagination – no mere monster under the bed would suffice for me!  For example, there just could be mummies living in my backyard who might climb in through the windows after dark, but who could be defeated by touching something white in their presence.  (My bedsheets were white, which made the whole concoction most convenient.  It was nicely thrilling AND I could still sleep at night!)

So even though I loved dinos, GIANT MEAT-EATING DINOSAURS always scared the sheeyit outta me (despite every last one of them being deader than a doornail).  They definitely had to be both Giant and Meat-Eating, because these qualities are very important for inspiring just the right amount of terror.  Jurassic Park was like a horror movie for me.  I got through the book just fine, but when it came time to watch the film, I had to leave the freaking room.  I had nightmares about getting eaten alive by T-Rex for YEARS.

Yes, This Scared Me Very Badly Don't judge!  Also velociraptors ogodhalp

OHAI GUIZE DON’T MIND ME JUST WANT LITTLE NOMS
Velociraptors are scary too ogodhalp

I remarked once that I was glad Horridon was not some sort of Giant Meat-Eating dinosaur with cannons, which of course was probably tempting fate.  And even though I know that my personal karma has nothing to do with why Blizzard went and put THIS guy in the new raid, it kinda still feels like it influenced the decision somehow.

Om Nom Nom? NO NOMS.  BAD THOK, BAD.

Om Nom Nom?
NO NOMS. BAD THOK, BAD.

Thok is Giant.  And he is Meat-Eating.

LITTLE NOMS? Bad Thok!  What did I tell you about nomming on people!?

LITTLE NOMS?
Bad Thok! What did I tell you about nomming on people!?

So Thok, being the Giant Meat-Eating dino that he is, must fulfill his destiny by mercilessly terrorizing anyone in the immediate area.  He does this in a couple ways.  First, he interrupts casting and locks you out of that magic school for two seconds with increasing frequency as the fight goes on.  This, predictably, is annoying as everliving hell if you happen to rely upon spells that aren’t instant.  But if you were thinking that melee had it good, well, no, not exactly.  They are the most likely to get eaten if they don’t get the eff out of the way, after all.  Can you sleep at night, or do you hear big pointy teeth chomping on your armor?

But perhaps even worse for everyone involved, Thok will eat other prisoners in the enclosure and as a result gain abilities that make the life of his next intended dinner – yes, that would be the raid – miserable.  Say he eats the Saurok – suddenly you’re handling not only a mad and mean dinosaur, but one who is all of the above AND poisonous!  Or let’s say he chows down on the Yaungol.  Things also become unpleasant – for when he bleeds, he bleeds fire everywhere.  And there’s nothing you can do to stop him from EATING ALL THE THINGS, other than kicking his ass and staying the hell away when he’s chasing after YOU.

... I AM GOING TO DIE


I AM GOING TO DIE

Since my first run against Thok was with friends who are like, ninety million times more competent and geared than I am, my responsibility in this fight was simple: don’t get eaten.  My personal goal was not to squeak in terror if I got targeted, and I’m proud to say that I shrieked loudly when I did.  Ghost Wolf form helps one escape from being eaten, what with the 30% increased movement speed!  Unfortunately, Thok has a movement speed increase of his own.  I was within feet of becoming a bite-sized snack before a priest Leap of Faithed me the hell out of the danger zone – which is pretty much anywhere in front of Thok and his teeth.

MORE NOMS PLZ One goblin is not nearly enough.

MORE NOMS PLZ
One goblin is not nearly enough.

Sometimes, I wonder what kind of abilities Thok would end up with if he ate a tiny terrified goblin such as myself.  Would he be able to do the female goblin giggle?  Shoot lightning beams out of his eyes?  Kill players via a Big Derp attack, where he unexpectedly trips, falls over, and squashes everybody underneath him?  Or would he be inflicted with a debuff, something like, “Indecision: You cannot pick a mog and are stunned for four seconds until you figure it out.”

My only regret was that I had been told there was a snail kept in the vicinity, but I didn’t see it.  Apparently no one wanted to let it out of its cage …

NO NOMS FOR YOU I'm going to move away now, before he bites me because he was totally just faking.

NO NOMS FOR YOU
I’m going to move away now, before he bites me because he was totally just faking.

Halfway to a Miracle

Shamans are OP Well, THOSE shamans are OP.  Man, I'd totally jive with an Old God if I could be that OP too.

Shamans are OP
Well, THOSE shamans are OP. Man, I’d totally jive with an Old God if I could be that OP too.

I don’t really have a whole lot of screenshots of the Nazgrim fight, on either flex or normal.  My memory of both is crystal clear despite that, so I can tell you with 100% accuracy that I set a new guild record for deaths in a single fight during the flex run.  It was like, ADDS OGOD down went the dinky, derpy shaman!  BUT SHE WAS NOT DEFEATED.  Reincarnation!  WAIT WHAT THE HELL HIT ME down she went again!  But the guildies got her covered, so she’s up to fight once more with a Soulstone!  But HOLY CRAP ADDS and she’s down yet again!  After that, they had to leave me on the floor there.

So it was something of a miracle when this occurred in normal:

Whoa, Holy Crap I'M STANDING ON MY FEET HOLY SMOKES (And yes, I got gold on both rolls.  Can't have it all, I suppose.)

Whoa, Holy Crap
I’M STANDING ON MY FEET HOLY SMOKES
(And yes, I got gold on both rolls. Can’t have it all, I suppose.)

Yeah, it took me a minute to realize he was dead, so I was still mashing buttons like hell for a couple seconds afterwards.  Upon figuring out that the fight was over, my train of thought was something like this:

ALIVE

LEGIT FIGHT

ALIVE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I know, I think real hard when reacting instinctively.

Nazgrim Is Daed AND I AM NOT

Nazgrim Is Daed
AND I AM NOT

So while everybody else was mourning deep mourns for an NPC with a long and respected career, there was a goblin experiencing zero grief who was just barely resisting the urge to dance because she was alive and she could.

Siege of the Stairboss

Ever since I rolled my first character, I have been constantly trolled by stairs without rails, elevators that insist on going up or down at the exact wrong time, visual illusions that make me think there’s a floor where none exists, ledges that pop right beneath my feet, and the continued existence of the numlock key.  The latter is troublesome because I will sometimes hit said key without realizing it, which subsequently causes me to freak the hell out about how I can’t stop my character from running forward what’s going on, and CRAP, there’s a cliff, SOMEBODY HELP MEEEE!

In fact, I’ve only beaten the gravity god once in all this time – there was that day when Mech lagged out of reality and started trippin’ in the Valley of Four Winds …

Lighter-Than-Air Goblin Either lagging hard or on something.  Or both.

Lighter-Than-Air Goblin
Either lagging hard or on something. Or both.

So it figures that the Siege of Orgrimmar would feature towers.  Orcish towers, of course, much like the ones in use for the zeppelins.  Clearly, orcs do not give a flip about architectural improvements or lawsuits over broken necks, because they didn’t add any rails to the stairs in these towers, either.  SIGH.

Stairs ... This Can't Possibly End Well Somebody's going to fall down 'em, and it's probably gonna be me.

Stairs … This Can’t Possibly End Well
Somebody’s going to fall down ’em, and it’s probably gonna be me.

The guild started methodically smashing through the raid already, so I was not present when they cleared everything up to Galakras.  A couple of the regulars had to call off on this fateful, towerful* night, however, so I was summoned to heal.  It’s funny – once upon a time, I would have considered my healing spec’s 510 gearscore to be amazingly hot sheeyit!   But after listening to the raid discuss gearscores (520s was a definite must), I felt kinda like I was running into this battle wearing a pretty dress and not much else, just like Aethas Sunreaver.  (Spoiler: HOLY CRAP, AETHAS SUNREAVER HAS A FACE.)

OMG HUGE DISCOVERY HERE PEOPLE I dunno, for some reason ... I never thought he had a face.  Or hair.  Or a head for that matter.

OMG HUGE DISCOVERY HERE PEOPLE
I dunno, for some reason … I never thought he had a face. Or hair. Or a head for that matter.

At first, I was on the “tower team.”  This meant that whenever the raid leader said, “my team, let’s go,” I’d run like hell up the hill to the tower (hopefully AFTER somebody else).  We’d then smack some orcs around and run up the stairs in order to take on the dude at the very top of the tower.  Defeating him would let us wrest control of this tactically important feature for ourselves!  That was the idea, at least.

Stupid Stairs I DEMAND AN ELEVATOR ... on second thought, maybe stairs are for the best.

Stupid Stairs
I DEMAND AN ELEVATOR … on second thought, maybe stairs are for the best.

In reality, where was the tower team’s healer?  Ummmmm, well …

A.) Your healer fell down the rail-less stairs and had to run up a second time.
B.) Your healer got knocked the hell off the tower and plummeted to her doom.  (What, you didn’t hear her screaming on Vent?  The healer had the mic on mute, you say?  Oh.  Good.)
C.) That one time your healer got bounced off the tower but DIDN’T die on impact, she tempted fate by expressing her surprise.  So she got shot up and THEN died.
D.) Your healer was really concerned about NOT getting knocked off the tower.  Therefore, she was trying really hard to see the “don’t stand here” stuff on the ground that wasn’t there yet, so YOU died.  Sorry.
E.) Obviously, gravity slows the casting of healing spells by a factor of four.  That’s your healer’s story and she’s sticking to it.
F.) All of the above.

Correct answer: F.

So then they put me on the “ground team.”  Basically, the ground team stays on the ground, which I bet you didn’t expect!  They take on every opponent that comes down the path while preventing the Important NPCs from getting themselves killed, because if one of them goes down, everybody else spontaneously gives up and goes home.

Dangit People He's Just One Blood Elf They're everywhere!  We can get another!

Dangit People He’s Just One Blood Elf
They’re everywhere! We can get another!

Since gravity is SUCH a downer, you’d think that being on the ground team would be a great improvement for me.  It was, sorta, since I no longer had to explain my inability to ascend a spiral staircase at a run.  But it kinda sorta wasn’t, because then I had to explain my inability to stop standing in sheeyit.  (“But it’s everywhere” isn’t considered an acceptable excuse.)  Poison clouds got me sometimes, but my #1 biggest, most overwhelming issue was fire arrows.

I swear, it was like I was being constantly bombarded with the things.  You’ll always take some damage from them, but you can avoid the rest of the damage by moving a bit.  Seems like the obvious solution is to never stop moving!  So, um, why’s the healer dead?

A.) I DON’T KNOW BUT IT HURT
B.) Spiritwalker’s Grace was on cooldown, so when they shot me in the face practically constantly and I had to keep moving, I couldn’t get any freaking heals cast on myself or on anybody else, and I got overwhelmed by the initial damage.  Again.
C.) I tried to run away from some fire arrows, but then I ran into some poison instead.  Again.
D.) Actually, I didn’t see what killed me that time either, but I’m pretty sure some fire arrows had something to do with it.
E.) All of the above.

Correct answer: E.

I felt bad for the other ground team healer, who was pretty much carrying the whole thing despite saying that he couldn’t solo heal it.  I don’t know if it’s a lack of practice or what, but it’s like I just can’t make the right decision at the right time – hold still and finish casting this heal at the cost of eating some fire arrows?  Avoid eating more fire arrows at the cost of not finishing the cast?  Either way, this is going to hurt.  Enough consecutive bad decisions and down you go.  I WANT to live, it’s just that I don’t know HOOOOW.

Honestly, I don’t mind being backup.  It means that I don’t always have to be there, which is good, since the guild raids on Pacific time.  (I like shinies, but I also like sleep.)  Being backup does have its challenges, though, because I will always have a lower gearscore and less experience.  The lower gear means I have less oomph to my heals relative to the damage we’re taking, and the lesser amount of experience means that I move a fraction slower than would be ideal.  These things aren’t always fatal, but in current raid content, that sliver of time can mean a lot – especially when it’s a lot of little unconscious hesitations that end up adding into a ton of damage.

Towerful Lots of towery towering towers.

Towerful
Lots of towery towering towers.

* This is a totally legit way of describing things.  Got a lot of towers?  This place is towerful.  Are the towers very important to the whole encounter?  Those towers are towerful.

Part Three: The Real Lei Sheeyit

When it comes to fighting the Twins, I have a mental image of the guild hunter as some sort of well-armored ballerina, dancing out patterns that, if you look real close and squint hard, might actually resemble the Celestials.  He is dancing with precision and grace, but if you didn’t know what shape he was making, you’d be at a loss.

But enough of interpretive dance.  Let’s speak of Lei Shen, the guy who has no shirt and no shoes but expects service from the Zandalari anyway.  We intrepid adventurers went in to free the Zandalari of his oppressive regime for blood, guts and glory.  And gold.  And gear.

Right In The Middle With You From this platform, Lei Shen makes it rain in the Isle of Thunder.  Good job, Lei Shen.

Right In The Middle With You
From this platform, Lei Shen makes it rain in the Isle of Thunder. Good job, Lei Shen.

You know what freaks me out the most about Lei Shen, regardless of mode?  It’s how the freaking teleporter pad thing puts you RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of his platform.  Of course, the middle is better than the edge, since that’s where HE is … but it just feels so exposed, like he might just turn around, go “WELL HELLO THERE,” and shock the sheeyit out of us all.  Fortunately he, like every mob ever, suffers from extreme near-sightedness.  (Next big market for goblins: mob optometry.)

In LFR, the Lei Shen sequence feels something like this, with arrows indicating a period of movement:

↑ THERE WENT A HEALER → BATTLERES ON THE TANK PLEASE ↓ CAN WE GET A BATTLERES ON THE TANK PLEASE ← JEEBUS HOW MANY WARLOCKS AND DRUIDS DO WE HAVE WHO AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION ↑ GO TO YOUR MARKER → STACK ↓ etc.

You basically pray that the tanks know what the hell they’re doing with this whole conduit business, and follow them around the square until the intermission/one section of the platform blows/etc.  It’s a certain kind of chaotic, but it has a predictable pattern.

In normal, the Lei Shen sequence (for me, at least) seems something like this:

→ ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ ↑ ↓ OW → ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ OH GOD THAT HURT ↑ ↓ ↔ WTF → ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ ADDS → ← ↑ ↓ → ↓ ↔ CRAP UM WELL REINCARNATION’S STILL GOT AN 11 MINUTE COOLDOWN

A Rare Shot Trust me, they're hard to come by.  If there's something I can stand in, I'm already dead there.

A Rare Shot
Trust me, they’re hard to come by. If there’s something I can stand in, I’m already dead there.

Seems similar, but while you don’t have to worry about the tanks knowing their sheeyit, following them around the square is a completely different ballgame.  You must stack, but you GOTTA spread out.  STACK!  Move away!  You can’t be so close because adds pain bad ow help death. STACK NO BAD STACK MORE GO AWAY STACK SPREAD STACK it’s like some sort of … weird interpretive dance, actually, with potentially fatal consequences if you fail to perform the attraction/repulsion routine just right.  I think we had to take seven or eight shots at it in all before we managed to ground the guy permanently (for the week).

Dear Lei Shen This is why having friends is good.  They can kick ass for you when you are dead.

Dear Lei Shen
This is why having friends is good. They can kick ass for you when you are dead.

Since this was my first time defeating being part of a group that defeated the “real” raid version Lei Shen, I achieved:

Does This Feat Make Me Look Legit?

Does This Feat Make Me Look Legit?

Does this make me legit?

I credit the others for 97% of it.  The last 3% would be my own efforts that, while useful, were comparatively miniscule.  I don’t FEEL like a “real raider,” at least not yet.  (Maybe repeat exposure helps?)  Having the feat seems somehow surreal, as though I were some sort of dream-observer, watching from a different plane.  This could be due to all the time I spent dead.

Part Two: The Forgotten Derps (and more!)

Sounds Lovely I'll bring some chips.

Sounds Lovely
I’ll bring some chips.

Megaera apparently has a reputation for being a pain in the whozawhatzits for healers.  Still, I wasn’t too worried.  There’s only so much freaking out you can do before you simply canNOT freak out anymore because there’s just no more freaking out to be had.  I had expended all my available freaking out-type feelings on everything that had come earlier, so when it came to time to contemplate Meggies, I practically shrugged.  Eh!  Multiheaded hydrasnake thinger?  No biggie.

Bucket  List See, a total absence of caps or jibberish.  Means I'm perfectly calm.

Bucket List
See, a total absence of caps or jibberish. Means I’m perfectly calm.

Other than emotional burnout, I had one other, semi-logical reason for not being too worried.  You KNOW when Megaera’s going to Rampage.  Because it’s so regular and therefore predictable (unlike, say, a DPS getting a crit to the head while trying to kick a turtle during the Tortos fight), it’s easy to plan for.  Healer A does something this time, Healer B does something this time, Healer C does something this time, etc. etc. etc.  If we’ve run out of things to do or mana to do it with, then obviously we 1.) have a problem, 2.) are taking too long, or 3.) guys, just stop healing already so we can wipe it.*

The biggest “tough thing” was the distance factor.  You gotta run more and farther away from the party in normal than in LFR, but that in turn means you just maaaaaaaaaay be going out of my range.  This COULD (and did) turn into an issue, because if I’ve gotta dash to get in range, I face the second tough thing of normal version of the fight: I can’t always see the bad ice stuff on the ground.  I don’t know if it’s too light, too puffy or too transparent, but usually that means GTFO sounds the klaxons of imminent doom and I perish.

Murdersnail Why send the Alliance in after Garrosh?  We should just get some snails.

Murdersnail
Why send the Alliance in after Garrosh? We should just get some snails.

The snails are still vicious, by the way.  I remain (and will forever be) disappointed that a snail was not any of the bosses and/or the end boss for the final raid of Mists.  I bet if you introduced a murdersnail to a Sha, real bad sheeyit would happen.  REAL BAD.  It wouldn’t just be the Vale.  IT’D BE THE WORLD.  I can hold out hope that crazy killer mutant sha-snails is the threat Wrathion is worried about.  Let me have my dreams, okay?

Anyway, I got assigned to nest team for Ji-kun.  It was deemed safer to keep the big-number, well-geared healers on the main platform, due to the mass amount of damage expected.  (And I’m totally behind that decision, man.  If it means more survival for all with less weighty responsibility for me, wonderful!)

I admit that I began to feel a teeeeeensy bit of terror here, though.  Even though I instinctively attempt to avoid stuff on the ground by jumping over it (which never seems to work), I have a tendency to get disoriented when I suddenly have to move in vertical space in addition to the usual horizontal.  I solved this by requesting they put a raid marker on the hunter I was to follow, and also by never, ever deselecting him, ever.  (That way, if I lost sight of him, I could always see my target on my minimap, to give me an idea of where to go.)  More DPS would’ve been good, of course … but I was too scared of falling to my doom.

Also, when those baby birds are small, they’re all adorable and biting at my ankles and crap and awwwwwwww, I can’t kill them!  Fortunately, the warlock and hunter can – and did.

All Dogs Go to Heaven Ok, so I'm a Ghost Wolf.  Does that count?

All Dogs Go to Heaven
Ok, so I’m a Ghost Wolf. Does that count?

I spontaneously expired at the end of the Ji-kun fight for reasons that were not immediately apparent.  To be perfectly honest, I think it had to do with not actually plummeting face-first into a raid wipe while healing the nest team.  Because I lived, and was so shocked that I did, I could not continue upon the mortal coil.

Consistency I should work on my negative feelings.  Durumu's not a bad eyeball, he's just been in there for so lo... no, I hate him.

Consistency
I should work on my negative feelings. Durumu’s not a bad eyeball, he’s just been in there for so lo… no, I hate him.

Durumu just wasn’t going well since we had a number of nooblets (me, for example), so we decided to call it quits and come back next week.  Alas, I was not on the roster that week, so I was not able to get revenge on Durumu then.  They also killed Primordius at this point in time, so when I was back in, we started with Dark Animus.  Because our normal shaman healer was back in the game, I got to nuke things!  Or try to the best of my ability while running around like a chicken with my head cut off, anyway.

There's No Going Back Now

There’s No Going Back Now

I don’t really have a large number of screenshots for any of these fights, because print screen only takes a screenshot and doesn’t heal/throw lava (sadly).  Also, I only got two hands.  If I gotta be moving with one hand and casting a spell with the other (SPIRITWALKER’S GRACE, I LOVE YOU), that leaves very little left for getting a good screenie.  (You’ll see this even more in the next post, with Iron Qon.  Screenshot of fire phase: check.  Screenshot of tornado phase: missing.  Screenshot of icy/barrier phase:  check.)

Back to Dark Animus.  My role in this was simple.  Goal #1: Beth, get aggro on THAT add.  Goal #2: stand HERE.  Goal #3: Don’t die.  Goal #4: When we say to, drag the add to the middle (p.s., don’t stand in front of anything while there plzkthx).  Try not to die.

Goal #1?  Yep, got aggro, kept aggro.  Goal #2?  Yeah, stood there like a pro, man.  I’m real good at standing.  Goal #3?  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Goal #4?  I’m also real good at training sheeyit to faraway places, so dragging the add to the middle was no problem!

Stay tuned for “Part Three: The Real Lei Sheeyit!”

*Speaking of wiping it, I always have conflicting feelings about doing so.  I’ve suicided by jumping off Wyrmrest when the Ultralixion fight seemed to be going badly, and I’m certainly known for doing things like running away too soon, Feigning Death the instant I get a faint whiff of an incoming wipe, etc.  So really, I ought to have no problem with wiping it up already to save time so we can try again.

But when I’m healing, there’s a part of my head that’s like, BUT BUT, I CAN’T STOP HEALING, I’VE COME TOO FAR TO QUIT NOW!  I STILL HAVE MANA!  I’VE GOT MORE HEALS IN ME!  OKAY SO WE DON’T HAVE A TANK/DPS/HEALER/WHATEVER, BUT I’M SURE WE CAN SURVI…

… and then reality intrudes.  It’s got a knack for that.

Part One: Last Stand of the Zandaas;ldfjas;lfkjasf OGOD

Part One: Last Stand of the Zandas;ldfjas;lfkjasf OGOD

It's a Love/Hate Relationship As a goblin, my love is directly inverse to the amount of near death involved.

It’s a Love/Hate Relationship
As a goblin, my love is directly inverse to the amount of near death involved.

Okay, so, I’m not going to lie.  While Feign Death was incredibly useful for me as a huntard, you know what’s even MORE useful for me, as a player in general?  Reincarnation!  This does not always mean that I succeed on my next attempt at living (nor will I necessarily help anybody at all by getting myself off the ground), but hey, at least I get another shot at sacrificing my dignity on the altar of derp.

Reintarnation! It's a state of being.

Reintarnation!
It’s a state of being.

We had a grand total of nine people for the night, as the tenth didn’t show and the guild team Does Not Pug.  Still, we decided to keep on trucking.  On the Jin “the Zap” Rokh fight, I managed to get myself nuked super-dead by first getting smacked with a ball of lightning, and then Reincarnating too close too an electrified puddle.  I didn’t think I was in the puddle, but apparently I was!  SITUATIONAL AWARENESS, I HAZ IT.  There are a couple things to take away from this.  Number one, wow, holy crap, the lightning is like super bad here.  Number two, I have just scientifically proven that lightning does strike twice – with my face.

Kinda Sorta Still Kinda Sorta Counts It didn't look puddly to me.

Kinda Sorta Still Kinda Sorta Counts
It didn’t look puddly to me.

Any dreams I had of not coming across as a hopeful prospect and not “derpity derp derp derp” were pretty much gone at this point.  Fortunately, the other members of the raid team are both geared and good.  That meant that when the other healer got taken out too, they still beat him.  Hooray for my deaths not causing everybody to die!

Or Not BAD, Persay Just not terribly effective either.

Or Not BAD, Persay
Just not terribly effective either.

If you think the next boss I derped on was Horridon, you’re wrong.  It was actually the bridge.  (I DID derp on Horridon, but I’ll get to that in a minute.)

We have two warlocks,  both of whom positioned their demonic gateways in such a way as to lead to almost certain death.  They also coordinated via whisper and switched up the gate destination (so that one’s starter gate was not directly in front of his end gate), and then they presented it as a “hey, trust MY gateway, not his!” sort of situation.  (As a side note, one of the locks actually died to his own trick while laughing his ass off – not saying who.)  Since I’m me, and I have some issues with edges that are too close making me fall off them by accident, I elected to go Ghost Wolf form and run the distance rather than take a gate so close to the consequences of gravity.

First thought: Wow, the wind’s a whole lot stronger!  Jeebus, I’m so so close to the edge, lemme Rocket Jump to get some breathing ro …

Second thought: HOLY SHEEYIT I’M FLYING WOW

See, in LFR, the floaty blue spirit trolls do two things.  They freak you out by dangling their enormous weird toes right above your head, and they do a bit of damage so that you are inspired to get away from their beam of light.  So I was ready to get pushed into a beam by the wind.  I had my finger on the healthstone button and all.  It’s just … well, nobody told me that in normal, the floaty spirit trolls also launch you off the bridge.

Horri-“hell-this isn’t so bad, or wait, maybe it is”-don was truly an eye-opener.  In LFR, I am accustomed to trying to live through a variety of bad ouchy things like the whole raid getting double swiped, or shamantanking the adds because the offtank is off somewhere.  In a normal run with a guild group that’s gone through the place before, it’s actually rather nice and comparatively calm.  You never wind up staring Horridon in the face (or tail)!  In short, it was going GREAT until I stood in poison.  I was too busy marveling at my survival to actually survive.

Fortunately, with two warlocks and a druid, we got an excess of battle resses for people like me.  I am pretty sure that whenever I show up, someone will have an additional role: “Beth’s battle resser.”

Look At How Healthy We Are! You can credit that 75% to the other healer.  Yep.

Look At How Healthy We Are!
You can credit that 75% to the other healer. Yep.

The methodology I adopted on the fly (after I got picked up again) worked well for healing and for surviving the rest of the fight.  In short, closely follow the people who know where they’re going!  “Stay away from the frost things, ’cause they’ll mess your sheeyit up.”  Ok, as long as you do, I do too!  “Stay away from totems, because ditto.”  No problem as long as I’m your shadow!  It sounds totally dependent and it probably is, but if it works, it works.  Right?

Now, the Council fight was the one that terrified me (in concept) the most.  SO MUCH potential crap could happen, but there’s only so much of me!  Of course, I actually lived on this one.  (Say whaaaaaaaaaat?)  I was healing the tanks for this one, which was both a relief and a source of great terror.  On the one hand, there are only two of them!  Sweet!  On the other, DAMAGE THERE IS DAMAGE AND OGOD DEAR SWEET JEEBUS if they die and we don’t/can’t get them up, we die.  So suffice it to say I got a little tunnel-visioned, as best evidenced by this paraphrased Vent exchange:

Raid Leader: Beth, get away from the panther.
Me: What?  Get away from the panzer? (while thinking, “wait just a second, the trolls get tanks in normal!?”)
Pretty Much Everybody: PanTHer.  PanTHER.  The cat!  The shadow thing!
Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Tank: Uh, I think she’s focused on healing.

I must also report that frantically double-clicking does not make your spells cast any faster.

After that, we decided to start the Forgotten Depths.

When Happiness Conflicts Trauma ensues.

When Happiness Conflicts
Trauma ensues.

I mentioned before that we were at nine people.  It just so happened to be one of the tanks, which in turn caused the group’s rogue to switch to his blood DK to cover for him.  The fact he was able to switch was great, of course.  The fact that he is is like the DREAM rogue (everything that my poor Bombelina is never going to ever be able to be) meant that we were without one of the highest DPSers!  As a result, we didn’t really have much intention of trying Meggies.  Tortos, however, we thought we could take.

Summary:  A;SLFKJAS;LFKJAS;LKFJA;SLFJ TURTLES AND CIRCLES AND BATS GAWD

Having now completed the fight in both LFR and normal, I think I can safely say that I hate it in all the freaking modes ever.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s “fun” in that it’s chaotic and geeze all the things, but as a caster who has to hold still to cast sheeyit most of the time, the inability to stay put for very long makes the fight kiiiiinda sucky.  Spiritwalker’s Grace (enabling me to cast while moving, a.k.a., when turtles have tossed me up into the air) only lasts for so long.  I tried to wedge myself into the far corner by Tortos’ one leg where I could see the tanks (was on tank duty), but that wasn’t any good either, because it meant I had a harder time seeing the circles/falling rocks that were aiming directly for my skull.

Dear ceiling stalactites: WHAT HAS MY SKULL DONE TO YOU!?  FALL ON TORTOS FOR ONCE, WILL YOU!?

Dear bats: GTFO, I’m serious.  Nobody likes you.

Dear turtles: For eff’s sake, will you die in a more convenient spot?  Urgh!

After a few circle/turtle/Stone Breath related wipes, we finally managed to kill him.  Of course, he didn’t drop a thing that anybody could actually use (Lord forbid he do that), so we disenchanted all the loot and … hearthed out.

If I can still see him ... Then I haven't beaten him to a fine enough pulp yet.

If I can still see him …
Then I haven’t beaten him to a fine enough pulp yet.

Stay tuned for Part Two: Forgotten DepTHE HELL DID I STAND IN NOW!?