Tag Archives: pandaland

The Derp Knight Has a Plan

Mech heard about this joint called the Isle of Thunder.  She made note of the fact that it depressed the bejeesus out of Thermalix and seemed too risky to Alexalis, and thought – hell, she’s a Death Knight!  As long as she doesn’t go Unholy, she won’t have a pet to keep track of.  She wears plate.  She’s got the ability to suck the life out of things, just like the Isle.  Hell, she’s a professional faceroller.  It’s simply what she DOES.  Isle of Thunder?  How about Isle of Thundammitmechishererunaway?

So she swore to hit 90 and go there, because this type of plan can’t fail to go well.

Mech Has a PlanBECAUSE YOU ASKED FOR IT

Mech Has a Plan
BECAUSE YOU ASKED FOR IT

She began with Dungeon Finder, but concluded that some questing was, perhaps, inevitable.  You know, queues being what they are …

Mech Has a PlanI fail to see the issue here.

Mech Has a Plan
I fail to see the issue here.

Clearly she was simply attempting to free the guy … of his mortal burdens.  While questing, Mech decided to keep the LFD queue going, even if only for the lolz – since it popped about once every half hour to forty-five minutes.  She may have to learn how to actually tank.  WTB gear.  And knowledge.

Mech Has a PlanYou know you run LFD too much when ...

Mech Has a Plan
You know you run LFD too much when …

Running into people you know while LFD may be a sign that you LFD too much.

Mech Has a PlanFacepull does not equal faceroll

Mech Has a Plan
Facepull does not equal faceroll

Pandaland had a point to prove to Mech.  Namely, that facerolling thing you intend on doing?  EL OH EL TRY AGAIN.

Mech Has a PlanPractice makes perfect.

Mech Has a Plan
Practice makes perfect.

Mech, however, was not deterred.  After all, when you get Scourged, your brain isn’t quite the same, nor are your logical inhibitions, like that one where death = bad.

Mech Has a PlanAnd now for part two, gearing up.

Mech Has a Plan
And now for part two, gearing up.

Lastly …

WTB Direct FlightFlight paths, the airlines of Azeroth.

WTB Direct Flight
Flight paths, the airlines of Azeroth.

Becoming One With the Derp

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Let your worries flow from your body, and allow yourself to become one with the derp.

Or more accurately, level a DPS to 90 and then you’ll BE the derp, thanks to the amount of time spent traipsing around in Pandaland by your lonesome.  Blingtron being everywhere you go doesn’t faze you, but you’re startled when people actually say things out loud in the Shrine.  You’re jaded and you’ve lost your patience.  (I’m just telling you, those mother trucking hyenas were ASKING to die!  They should’ve just let me skin their buddy in peace!)  You wonder if that jerk of a questgiver really gave you all the quests he had, or if he’s just going to send you back to almost the same dang spot for something else.  Wait, were you there before?  You’re not sure anymore.  It’s all blending together … ding!  Level 90.  Clarity of derp achieved.

Some people craft gorgeous, useful jewels.  Some people engineer creative devices.I derp.

Some people craft gorgeous, useful jewels. Some people engineer creative devices.
I derp.

In all, Alexalis followed the same pattern established by my ninety million alts already in Pandaland:

The Pandarian JourneyI hear people quest in that Krasarangarang place.

The Pandarian Journey
I hear people quest in that Krasarangarang place.

  • Land in the Jade Forest.  Cue the pandas and Sha.
  • Leave the Jade Forest ASAP, because hozen.  Virmen take the stage.
  • At level 87, realize I can totally go to Kun-Lai Summit now and there’s a 24 SLOT BAG there! Hell yeah!
  • Decide to open up the Eternal Vale first in order to hearth at the shrine, since the return portal from Org is on the wrong side of Pandaland for pretty much any zone that isn’t the Jade Forest.  Bag tomorrow.
  • Get the bag from the quests.
  • Wonder what to do now that I’ve achieved my dream of increased storage space.
  • Quest aimlessly, shuffling from Townlong to Dread Wastes, depending on which seems the least agonizing at that exact moment in time.

During the course of 85 to 90, Alexalis encountered two rares, Sele’na and Lon the Bull.  She successfully defeated Sele’na, but lost to Lon.  She had the misfortune of meeting him exactly when everything ever in the area respawned, and that was just way too many mad cows at once.

Speaking of derping, I regularly catch myself referring to her spec as “Windwaker,” even though she’s used that spec for almost all of her 90 levels.  They’re totally similar, am I right?  Right?

Pigses.

Pigses.

Alexalis and Mr. WigglesThere may be a bit more suspicion in this relationship.

Alexalis and Mr. Wiggles
There may be a bit more suspicion in this relationship..

Decisionating

Flying baby pandas yay!  (Until the Forsaken DK kills them all because Forsaken DKs are generally cranky.)

Flying baby pandas yay!
(Until the Forsaken DK kills them all because Forsaken DKs are generally cranky.)

Putting aside Thermalix and Niremere for the moment (since they count as the mains for their respective factions), now that I think about it, I have four alts in Pandaland.  FOUR.  What am I doing!?  I need to pick one and level her to 90.  You know, “choosing,” that act of making a decision and following through on it?  Yeah, that thing.

Mechalis, the Level 88 Derp Death Knight

Pros: How do you fail at a Death Knight?  (AND you can totally control the ghost pandas in the Shado-pan Monastery!)  I like being the equivalent of a death knight rogue, kinda.  I prowl around the edges of a quest area, pretending I’m not wearing plate.  Then, when the target mob has made the foolish mistake of separating from the others, DEATH GRIP.  After totally killing whatever it is, I then meld back into the shadows, sort of.  It’s more like using a goblin’s natural height to hide behind her surroundings.

Cons: Because she dumped Inscription/herbing a long time ago and only recently picked up mining and blacksmithing, girlfriend can’t mine in Pandaland yet.  Questing past all those cursed Ghost Iron nodes is driving me NUTS.  Otherwise, I have a completely unproven, unfounded suspicion that in Pandaland, the more armor you wear, the harder crap hits you – because it can.  Therefore, I do not look forward to Townlong Steppes or the Dread Wastes.

Ailabeth, the Level 88 Shadow Priest

Pros: Her Shadow routine is something like this:  1.) Summon a mindsquid and have it terrorize anything small and helpless in the vicinity, like critters.  2.) Realize critters don’t give EXP.  3.) Identify a better victim.  4.) Cast Power Word: Shield.  5.) Nuke its brains out while laughing because it totally can’t do any darn thing about it.  Additionally, smirk at any nearby Sha and insult nearby Mogu just because.  6.) Repeat as desired.  How is that not awesome?

Cons: When mobs hit me, it ruins my Levitate.  I actually have to RECAST it!  /whatsupwiththat

Centina, the level 87 Arcane Mage

Pros: Portal hotness.  Actually, have I told you how much I love Crittermorphing all the butterflies in Valley of the Four Winds?  FLYING BABY PANDAS YAY!

Cons: I am a wimpy lazy pansy mage.  You’ll probably find Centina cowering in a hole somewhere, whimpering about how all the things hurt.  Unfortunately for me, standing in one spot and nuking the face off things only works when you’re in dungeons, and the DPS queue is, of course, slow.  (As a side note, I recently learned that I can’t actually say “Slow as molasses in January” anymore, because molasses in January actually moves at 35 MPH and WILL KILL YOU.  The more you know!)

Alexalis, the level 86 Windwakerwalker Monk

Pros: Super survivor, Pandaland style.  Independent and able to quest on her own without cowering in a hole somewhere, whimpering about how all the things hurt. Wields hugeass swords.  Touch of Death.  Rolling.  See that mob way over there?  Flying Serpent Kick TO THE FACE.

Cons:  Alexalis’ only profession is Skinning, mostly to supplement Bombelina’s leatherworking.  You see, once upon a time, I planned on Bombelina hitting 85 long before I even got around to making a monk.  But as it’s turned out, monk is fun and I am a really incompetent rogue, which makes rogue-ing less fun.  (Also, spending a the whole PUG pickpocketing or skinning things is not socially acceptable, which sucks.)  End result: Bombelina is still in the mid 70s and just hit the cusp of Cata leatherworking.  She’ll actually have to level to get further at some point.  Oops.  So basically, WTF DO I DO WITH ALL THIS EXOTIC LEATHER  ALEXALIS IS SENDING OMG NO BANK SPACE.

At this point, I’m leaning towards Ailabeth or Alexalis, because I enjoy playing those classes in a manner that actually approaches the approved rotation.  (My favorite part of mage-ing – running around in circles while casting Arcane Explosion – doesn’t do so well for the DPS.)  Ailabeth has an advantage in that she’s already 88 and hearthed at the Shrine in the Vale.  But swords, guys.  They tempt me.

“Big Fat Target” Set

"Big Fat Target" Set

“Big Fat Target” Set

“Big Fat Target” Set

Class: Mage

H: Crimson Felt Hat | S: Gladiator’s Silk Amice | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Corsair’s Overshirt | Wa: Aboriginal Sash | L: Legwraps of the Master Conjurer
G: Vengeful Gladiator’s Silk Handguards | Wr: Not shown | B: Fire Striders

Staff: Tapered Staff
Status: Finished

Thoughts: Imagine a trigger-happy, scaredy-cat arcane mage in a jungle, and you’ve got the best picture of Centina.  Mechalis was supposed to be the next to make the journey to the ends of Pandaria, but plans change, and Centina moved up the queue despite her best efforts to move right back down it.  Centina didn’t want go to Pandaland, which she seemed to regard as some sort of horrific jungle safari.  She declared herself to be deathly allergic to Sha, panda dander and hozen, and anyway, she was definitely morally opposed to this putting her life on the line business.

Centina eventually gave in under the condition that she be allowed to pick her jungle wardrobe without interference.  Subtlety be damned, she’s no rogue.

Let’s Paint the Continent With Cash (a.k.a., Therm hits 90)

Thermalix Spendtrue, Reporting from Pandaland!

Thermalix Spendtrue, Reporting from Pandaland!

THERMALIX: Thermalix Spendtrue, reporting live from Pandaria.  I’ve just finished canvassing the continent, and I think we’ve got some excellent tourism opportunities here –

PRINNIE: Therm, try to stay on topic here!  I thought we were giving a report about, you know, the important things.

THERMALIX: RIGHT.  Like money?  So, as I was saying …

Continue reading