Tag Archives: rogue

How To Level a PvE Rogue Without Embarrassing Yourself

I was terrible at rogue.  I know this to be true because my previous attempts at rogue had damage so gawdawful bad, people in normally silent Dungeon Finder groups were openly questioning the validity of my very existence.  This time around, however, I have made decisions based on Goa’s expertise instead of the heirlooms I had available, and have accordingly arrived at a stage where (holy sheeyit) it looks almost like I know what I’m doing.  I’m not the worst DPS, you say?  AHAHAHAHA REVENGEEEE YOU THOUGHT I SUCKED BUT YOU WERE WROOOONG

In other words, I suddenly feel about 95% more badass and am therefore qualified to write this “guide” for the equally incompetent.

Step One: Mental Preparation
1. Begin the process of getting over your love affair with Pickpocketing.
It is sad to admit, but your love of Pickpocketing will only lead you to great frustration when it comes to leveling in dungeon groups.  Sheeyit dies too dang fast for you to actually Pickpocket and then Ambush.  Pickpocketing a few coppers and some gnome effigies is but a brief joy soon superseded by sorrow, thanks to the poor DPS you will do as a result.  Your goal is to find something that is hitting the tank, and attack it sooner than anybody else.  (p.s., ogres have pockets.  I hope you’re happy with that knowledge.)

2. Variety is the spice of life and all that jazz.
As DPS, one must prepare for a life of independence yet still be ready to work with others.  Ye must know your skills (or know someone who does, like Goa), since things like Kidney Shot are quite handy when leveling on your own, but are sadly useless against a variety of dungeon mobs.  DPS dungeon queues are quick and relatively painless up until about Blackrock, but once you’re in the 50s, you might as well quest until you hit 58.  Then you can queue for Hellfire Ramparts, where things pick up once more.  Once you hit the late 60s and start queueing for Utgarde Keep, you’ll probably want to quest until at least level 71 or so for your sanity.  Otherwise, it’s Utgarde Keep, Utgarde Keep, Utgarde Keep, and some more Utgarde Keep for you.  Ding, queue popped!  Oh, would ya look at that, it’s Utgarde Keep.

3. But I suck at melee!
Okay, yeah, you do, but this is one of just two classes you don’t have at 90.  You want one of everything, don’t you?  Don’t you?  Be the completionist that you are!

Step Two: Gear Preparation
You will need two heirloom daggers.  Other heirlooms are technically optional, but they’re great for making your nooblet damage-dealing look good in comparison to the DPS of other people.  “But Prinnie,” you say, “we’re in DIRE MAUL.  Does this sheeyit even MATTER?”  Fair question, fellow altoholic!  You see, doing decent DPS without even trying hides the fact that you don’t quite know what you’re doing yet.  Plus, looking good is good for your morale, and good morale is good for actually making it to the end of the leveling process.  By then, theoretically, you’ll actually know what you’re doing and you can ditch the looms.

Step Three: You Are a Mother-Trucking ASSASSIN
At level 10, for the love of Gawd, go with Assassination.  Seriously.  This is why you got two heirloom daggers, instead of one dagger and that agility mace you dumped in Void Storage after trying to level a confused enhancement shaman a year ago.  Speaking of assassins …

Step Four: At level 60, choose Cloak and Dagger
THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP HERE.  Seriously.  It is especially useful if you, like me, are a compulsive looter who often gets left behind by chain-pulling tanks.  Stealth (or Vanish if you must), target some poor mob trailing behind the tank, and BAM!  NOW YOU’RE IN RANGE, MOTHER TRUCKERS!  Shadowstep (which does not require that you Ambush or otherwise do something painful to your target) does not cool down quickly enough to make it worthwhile in comparison.  This is especially true considering that YOU SHOULD AMBUSH NOW.  Yes.  Right now.

Note: try to let the tank hit the mob at least once before you hit Ambush.  Otherwise you’ll Cloak-and-Dagger yourself into being a temporary tank, and that hurts, sometimes badly.

Step Five: FAN OF FREAKING KNIVES
At level 66, you get Fan of Knives.  If there are a handful of mobs near you (which there probably will be, since you’ll almost certainly end up with a chain-pulling tank), you’ll be Fan of Knivesing a lot.

Note: try to let the tank get sufficient aggro before you go Fan of Knivesing all over the place.  Otherwise, your fate is dependent on the group’s healer and your cooldowns.  Good healer?  You’ll be ok.  Got Vanish at the ready?  You’ll be fine.  Panicked at the sudden onslaught of damage and forgot about Vanish as a result, or was the healer busy texting since they didn’t actually expect you to do something stupid?  Welcome to Deathtown, party of rogue.

Step Four: A Glowy Button Appears
At level, uh, 70, enjoy the glowy stabbity button provided by Blindside.  Glowy buttons are the best.

I feel like there should be a step five, but I can’t think of one.

The Stove is Hot. Stop Touching the Stove.

I have a good friend with a fondness for nostalgia.  This isn’t always a bad thing, mind you, but it does tend to cause emotional burns from time to time.  So whenever she talks about doing X, Y or Z, I tell her that the stove is hot.  She knows the stove is hot.  She should stop touching the stove, because touching the stove she knows to be hot is stupid.  I find it obnoxious when people give advice they obviously don’t follow themselves, so I try to live by my own words of wisdom idioms.

I fail at this on a regular basis.

I was looking for some new way to consume my game time, since Daschela got her cloak and Niremere is stuck trying to get hers.  So about a week ago, I had a very specific dream about leveling a panda rogue.  I mentioned this to Goa, who (of course) said that it must be a sign and maybe I’d like rogue this time around!  There is something to be said to exposure, after all, since you can teach yourself to like formerly hated foods by eating them until you just don’t care anymore.  In this case, there’s the Forsaken rogue I started (and abandoned because WTF AUGH CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT WAIT), and all the former rogues I’ve deleted.

Still, I delayed.  No rogue, I said, because the stove is hot, and I’m not touching that.  Maybe a panda shaman?  I like shamans!  But then I realized that would be my third shaman, and that could be considered just a bit class-obsessive.  Okay, so how about a panda hunter, then?  I like hunters!  Oh.  Wait.  If I made one, that would be my third hunter.  Panda monk?  No, too obvious.  Panda mage!  Meh, Arcane Explosion is still not considered a rotation unto itself.  What about a panda warrior, then?  Naw, I still haven’t finished leveling Pixelby, who’s somewhere in the 60s.  While thinking through all this, I could practically hear my subconscious cheering in the background.  Panda rogue!  Panda rogue!  Panda rogue!

Yeah.  I made a mother trucking panda rogue.

The Eyes of Hellscream are Upon You The Eyes of Hellderp, maybe.

The Eyes of Hellscream are Upon You
The Eyes of Hellderp, maybe.

And the weird thing?  I … I liked it.  Kind of.  Assassination is more fun than Combat, as long as I don’t blow all my Energy at the beginning of combat (which I often do).  I dunno, I like the character for some reason.

There are still some issues, like positioning:

How Do I Rogue in a World Like This Logic is capricious

How Do I Rogue in a World Like This
Logic is capricious

And the lack of AoE is a real bummer.

The other weird thing is that healers don’t seem to like me much.  There have been several parties where every other member’s health has been topped off but mine was left at far less than full.  Is it because I am a rogue?  Is it because the perception of my DPS depends on the other DPSers in the party?  (That is, if there are other players in looms, I’m screwed.  If I am the only one in looms, however, I look great.)  Does “Nioma” mean something bad?  If so, oops.

Doomed to Repeat History

You’d think that I would have remembered just how bad I suck at rogue-ing.  I’d made it to level 80, after all, stubbornly stabbing things as best I could while other people actually did the killing DPS.  It sucked.  I sucked.  I was worse at rogue than I was at ret paladerping!

Forsaken Atmosphere Come for the culture, stay forever.

Forsaken Atmosphere
Come for the culture, stay forever.

But no.  I did not remember.

Since we beat the Challenge modes, Kash’s guild has the fancy cute pet thing that, alas, you have to be Revered to acquire.  As I am not able to finance a transfer at this point in time, I decided I’d just level up another alt – not like altoholism is a new problem for me or anything.  I had a full set of leather agility looms no longer in use, as well as one agility heirloom sword thanks to leveling a monk.  So I got an heirloom dagger, went Combat rogue, and have since regretted this choice utterly.

It’s like, DUH, self, DUH.  Didn’t you see this coming?  If I can’t be bothered keep up that Inquisition thing for ret paladerping, it stands to reason I am certainly not going to want to keep up Slice and Dice for rogue.  Especially not when building up combo points takes too @#$%king long to be useful in the first place!  I can generally get up to two or three of them if I can Ambush, which is so not guaranteed, and if my fellow party members are equally incompetent so the mob lives long enough.

Let’s assume I can Ambush, which means I succeeded in 1.) getting into Stealth in the first place, which is sometimes impossible because CHAIN PULLING, and 2.) getting behind the mob before it dies thanks to positional requirements.  P.S., the latter is only possible when the tank is a nice PvE person and not a PvPer, since PvPers continually whirl mobs around like some sort of paranoid drug addict on a high.  THIS IS NOT THE LUMBER MILL HERE, PEOPLE.  The next problem is that Ambush costs 60 energy, but I only have 100 energy max.  So let’s say the next thing I want to do is Revealing Strike.  Since Revealing Strike is only 40 energy, I can do two things in a row oh boy howdy!  But then I’m at absolutely zero energy and have to wait forever to do ANYTHING other than autoattack.  Oh, so Revealing Strike gives my Sinister Strikes a chance to generate an extra combo point?  Well, that’s just freaking SWELL, because Sinister Strike is a grand total of 50 energy – HALF MY ENTIRE ENERGY POOL.  You know how often I get to do that on a regular mob?  Like never.  I can use it maybe two or three times on a boss if the other DPS suck just as bad or worse than I do!

So you know what a low level rogue does?  ALMOST NOTHING.  Yeah, this is real fun!

And OoooOoOOooOo Combat rogues get Blade Flurry!  Sounds useful for low level dungeons, since people pull mobs en masse!  ONLY IT ISN’T USEFUL AT ALL, because it reduces your energy regen by 20%, which at this point is so laughably painful I just can’t even.

NO!  NO!  NO! WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MEEEEE

NO! NO! NO!

I was trying to get some levels in via LFD, since higher level questing gives you more gold – which I will need to purchase the pet –  but yeah, screw that.  I’m going to just quest.  Actually, I may just make another class.  Or maybe I should leave this rogue alive as a testament to how I can’t rogue – SO I REMEMBER.

“Savage Scout” Set, or, “How I Fail At Rogue-ing”

"Savage Scout" Set

“Savage Scout” Set

Class: Rogue, Monk, Druid (your weaponry may vary)

H: Scout’s Hood | S: Mantle of Darkness | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Vest of Welcome (Ebon Filigreed Doublet) | Wa: Taut Dragonhide Belt | L: Bogpaddle Leggings
G: Savage Handwraps | Wr: Not shown | B: Swabbie’s Booties

1h Axe: Silversnap Bottle Opener (because if that doesn’t look like a goblin weapon, I don’t know what does)
Dagger: Gutgore Ripper

Status: Finished

Thoughts: Breaking news!  This just in!  Bombelina dresses like an actual rogue, confuses the hell out of people, world explodes.  Details on the news at 10:00.

Poor Bombelina.

Ever since she landed in Outland, she had a deep suspicion that something was not quite right.  She never had quite enough energy to do all the things she wanted to, and it often felt like she was jabbing at mobs with a couple of sticks.  By the time she positioned herself correctly to stab something in the back, that something would already be dead or halfway across the room.  She liked her routines; getting in stealth was important and so was pickpocketing before the first strike (“Gotta get yer money’s worth,” she’d say).  But groups who ran from fight to fight left little time for that sort of stuff, leaving her feeling out of sorts.

Then there came The Day, as she calls it, when she had The Realization.  She was in a Violet Citadel LFD party, and for the first time ever, people started quoting Recount numbers at her.  She had always assumed that DPS numbers didn’t REALLY matter as long as you were seen fighting things and said things went down before party members did.  But it seemed she had passed some sort of threshold where Obviously Doing Stuff no longer sufficed to cover for her poor fighting skills.  She was no longer ignored.  No, it was fight, then Recount.  Fight, then Recount.  Fight, then Recount and a Polite Exchange of Words because OMFG really guys, you gonna keep on Recounting at me after EVERY FIGHT?

It was then that Bombelina saw just how awful a Combat rogue she actually was.  All she was good for was opening boxes and pickpocketing gnome effigies.  And if she was honest about it, that’s all she really wanted to do, anyway.

Still, it was depressing.  She’d always managed to cover for her not-quite anywhere near up-to-snuff DPS by being chatty and pleasant, but now it seemed nothing could compensate for her wimpy chicken arms.   Bombelina started letting herself go, so soon her gloves didn’t match.  Then her boots didn’t match either.  Eventually, her belt clashed, and Bombelina prayed to Gawd that no one saw her cloak and helm before she managed to hide those.  She put on a tabard to cover as much of the sartorial disaster as she could, but somehow, it did nothing but make those boots uglier than they already were.  She stopped going out in groups unless she knew the tank or the healer, fearful that without an Important Defender, she would almost certainly face snark she did not want to deal with.

In short, she became a goblin hermit of sorts.  She never left the Slums, and was usually seen hanging out by the mailbox, waiting for someone – anyone! – to send her another lockbox.  Lockboxes don’t quote Recount at you, and they always have TREASURES.

It was clearly time for an intervention.

A friend drew her out to Northrend with the promise of killing All The Things so she could skin them for leatherworking mats.  Leatherworking had gotten depressing too, you see.  Not wanting to say no to such a nice offer, Bombelina went out questing with him.  They murdered all the things with skins in Grizzly Hills (though you cannot skin all the things with skins) and leveled a bit.  Afterwards, she started to leave the Slums more often.  It was hard to go outdoors looking like such a hot mess, though, so it wasn’t long before she decided that another transmog was in order.

Here, we have the results.  Her DPS is still godawful, but at least she can /dance with pride.

“Sunny Side Up” Set

"Sunny Side Up" Set

“Sunny Side Up” Set

Class: Rogue, Monk, Druid

H: Expedition Hood | S: Mok’Nathal Champion’s Shoulderguards | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Wild Draenish Vest | Wa: Mighty Girdle | L: Guardian Pants
G: Guardian Gloves |Wr: Not shown | B: Bogwalker Boots

1h Sword: Whistling Sword (x2)

Status: Finished

Thoughts: This time around, the competition’s theme is “Spring,” more in the sense of “lots of horse races with crazy fashion and champagne yaaaay” than in the season itself.  This contest was more baffling to me than trying to turn a goblin into a druid.  At first I went “the bigger the better” route when it came to hat brims and totally went with cloth (the Vicious Fireweave hat is enormous, amirite?), but I couldn’t cook up a set that I actually liked.  I tried smaller hats.  I looked at turbans.  I gave mail a shot.  I pulled the chest pieces that I have never matched with anything out of Void Storage, hoping for some inspiration, but nothing struck me.

Finally, I changed my approach.  I said, “I should aim for ‘obnoxious.’  How can I, Prinnie, fail to come up with something obnoxious?  I can’t!”

Thus, Bombelina got a second chance to represent the goblins because she wanted to wear something crazy – for a rogue, that is.  You see, while wearing all black gives rogues a +5 to sneakiness, she was tired of that.  EVERYBODY wears black, and that’s boring!  Bombelina wanted a happy, perky rogue-inating outfit that better represented her overall personality.

I didn’t want her to wear white mostly because I have a sneaking suspicion that as a color, white is designed to attract trouble, tomato sauce and any beverage that isn’t water.  As a rogue whose main purpose in life is to open up boxes (while looking ADORBS!), Bombelina doesn’t need any more trouble than she can handle – which isn’t much trouble to begin with.  So what color do I go with?  YELLOW.  Yellow isn’t just happy.  Yellow is HAPPY.

I apparently won by virtue of there being zero competition!  As a goblin at heart, I’m totally cool with easy victories – and there was no bribery, blackmail or explosives involved!  Yay!

Awkward: Faux Pas Edition

From what I hear, the latest blogging topic is faux pas, those events/actions/etc. that are otherwise known as moments of glory in a most ironic way.  This sort of thing is my life.

Faux Pas #1: Staying Together is for Wimps

Well, That's Awkward

Well, That’s Awkward
Jaina, Healer, Tank and THE LICH KING OMG on one side.
All three DPS? On the other.

Faux Pas #2: THE MORE YOU SHOUT IT THE MORE EFFECTIVE IT IS

Strand of the Ancients Strategy

Awkward Strand of the Ancients Strategy is Awkward

Faux Pas #3: Assuming the Other Person Can Handle It

Alone on the Farm

Alone on the Farm
Yes, leave the inexperienced mage by herself.

Faux Pas #4: Don’t Think of the Children

The Story of Mazz

The Story of Mazz
I expected her kids to magically despawn or something.
WRONG! They ran around guilt tripping me.

Faux Pas #5: Situational Awareness is Key

Um, Ow

Um, Ow
I’m not sure the orc saw THAT coming.

Faux Pas #6: Talking to Strangers About Your Family

We Literally DIAF

We Literally DIAF
Sometimes, it’s better not to know.

Faux Pas #7: It’s on Cooldown, But We Won’t Need it Anyway

Cooldown LOLZ

Cooldown LOLZ
It’s all about the timing.

Faux Pas #8: Unintentionally Close Encounters

The Problem With Pandas

The Problem With Pandas
Thank Gawd I’m Dead

“Goblin Prospector” Set

"Goblin Prospector" Set

“Goblin Prospector” Set

“Goblin Prospector” Set

Class: Can be donned by any leather wearer, but really only works for a Rogue

H: Clever Hat | S: Rageclaw Shoulderpads | Cl: Not shown
Ch: Bard’s Tunic | Wa: Belt of Appeasement | L: Scouting Trousers
G: Fuzzy Gloves |Wr: Scaled Leather Bracers | B: Bard’s Boots

1h Mace: Shovel of Mercy (x2)

Status: Finished

Thoughts: The latest transmog contest I’ve jumped into has a “Mother Nature” theme, which is very evocative of all the druids I’ve never successfully leveled and the shaman that I totally deleted in a fit of patch-induced rage.  I like the challenge of these contests all right, but what the heck can I do with this concept?

I was stumped for a while, but in a blast of irony, I abruptly realized that goblins love nature.  Though I hear you guffawing now, I can assure you that they really do!  After all, nature is merely untapped profit potential.  To prove my case, let me introduce the Goblin Prospector, as portrayed by Bombelina (who is a rogue, fittingly enough).  She’s out and about in the wilds of Stranglethorn, seeing gold gold gold in all things great and small.  (Always remember, there’s pretty much a market for everything: what an orc won’t buy, an ogre surely will.)

Those trees?  Profitable, in so many ways.  There’s surf boards, toothpicks, forts, 2x4s for hitting people with, and more!  That dirt? Profitable, baby.  Rich in nutrients and crap.  Gardeners love that stuff.

What about the Venture Company, you say, since they’re already there?  While they may have established themselves in Stranglethorn first, the situation is still profitable.  Combine lax security with multiple opportunities for highway robbery and other business schemes?  Heck yes!  Steal all their stuff and sell it!  Or kill them all and use their facility to start a new company (“Bombelina Pyroelastisplosirene Company,” maybe) without any of the associated startup costs!  Wait, you’d still need somebody to run the place.  Never mind on that last bit.

p.s., I totally recruited a druid (a.k.a. the ever-suffering Tab) to cry in the background of the full picture, seen at the contest location.  BRB FAILING HARDCORE