Tag Archives: siege of orgrimmar

I Regret Nothing, More or Less

WTF Is He On Literally and figuratively

WTF Is He On?
Literally and figuratively

Soon after completing normal Siege, the guild moved onto the heroic version.  You might recall I spent some time fretting about this, but I ultimately concluded that I just wasn’t very interested in heroic raiding.  Yeah, I’d like the powerful gear and of course want to collect ALL THE COLORS of everything for transmog’s sake, but there’s “challenge,” as far as I’m concerned, and then there’s “suffering so much you learn to enjoy the pain.”  I did recently volunteer to jump off a cliff if it would get me a Garrosh kill, which actually worked!  (Can we talk the Dark Shaman transmog set now?  Because I will totally throw myself off a cliff into the sea onto a bunch of sharp pointy rocks for that … but preferably in Flex mode.  I got my limits.)

Bombelina, Liberator of Moar Gold Curse you, RNG.  CURSE YOUUUUUUU.

Bombelina, Liberator of Moar Gold
Curse you, RNG. CURSE YOUUUUUUU.

Yeah, I rolled, got gold, and then I died because of a dot or something, or possibly sheer frustration at FINALLY GETTING HIM DAED TIME TO USE PRECIOUS TOKENS and of course, gold.  (Or it could’ve just been overwhelming shock.)  So what’s a girl to do now that Garrosh has had his face punched in, Arf the Kor’kron War Wolf the Destroyer of Worlds has been adopted and I’ve conclusively proven that RNG doesn’t care how long you’ve waited for this moment?  GET MORE LEGENDARY CLOAKS, OBVIOUSLY.

The two closest contenders are Thermalix and Ignitine.  Thermalix is farther ahead in the quest series, partially because the end goal feels less distant.  She is currently stuck collecting Titan Runestones.  Ignitine’s got capped rep as well, but because she hit 90 so late, she’s still scrabbling for twenty Secrets of the Empire.  Thermalix and Ignitine are now both collecting Titan Runestones.  Niremere is trailing far, far behind at halfway through Honored with Wrathiewathie, and I don’t even remember where everybody else is (which means they’re probably all still collecting sigils).

I C WAT U DID THAR I feel it too.  IN MY SOUL.

I C WAT U DID THAR
I feel it too. IN MY SOUL.

Most people conclude that I am in dire need of an intervention when they hear that I’m working towards more legendary cloaks.  But I think I am still sane, since it’s not like I’m actually working real hard towards this goal or anything.  It’s more like, “oh gee, I guess I could transmute some trillium,” or, “well, it’s not like I’m doing anything else, so I could run ToT and see if any Secrets drop.”

Are You Saying Carnage is a Problem? Because I'm not seein' it.

Are You Saying Carnage is a Problem?
Because I’m not seein’ it.

But then again, I did just stay up until like two a.m. in the morning, grinding Ignitine’s Black Prince rep from the beginning of Revered to capped.  It was just so easy as a Destro lock, I couldn’t help myself!  I simply parked Ignitine and her Voidlord next to a spot where a bunch of statues spawned on a relatively quick basis (and some dumb ass Mogu walked by regularly), and they Killed Everything That Moved.  Sometimes all at once, even.  Was I not paying attention to what I was doing, and therefore got hit by four or five mobs that the Voidlord hadn’t aggroed yet?  Oh, I got a healthstone for that.  Healthstone on cooldown?  Oh, I got embers, I’m good.  Am I getting knocked back, interrupting my Chaos Bolt casts?  An eye for an eye and all that jazz, so I’ll just stun them … ALL AT ONCE. TREMBLE, STATUES, AS YOUR PATHETIC MAGIC BETRAAAAAAYS Y …

(Note to self: sure, you’ve broken ICC a couple times, but it seems clear that ICC has broken you.)

Even though Thermalix is the second character I ever created, I suspect that Ignitine’s got better long term chances of actually getting the cloak.  This is partially because Ignitine now outgears Thermalix (when the hell did that happen) by ten points.  It’s partially because the demons, while sometimes dumb, somehow seem to be less dumb than hunter pets.  (FOR THE LOVE OF DEEPS, STOP DESUMMONING YOURSELVES ON THE IMMERSEUS FIGHT.)

More importantly, Ignitine can heal herself with a renewable resource – embers.  (Healthstones don’t hurt, either, nor does making your demon shield you with its very health …)  Poor Therm has one pot per fight and any bandages she can get on herself, plus her spirit beast’s incredibly dinky heal.  Ignitine breezed through the part where you have to reactivate the Thunder Forge and make the spear to throw at Nalak, as did Bombelina before her.  Therm?  Nope.  I actually had to redo it (gasp), and I specifically planned ahead for the second attempt by running heroic dungeons until I got into a party with a warlock.  I stole a Healthstone and kept it for my own nefarious purposes.  Potion + bandage + spirit beast’s dinky heal + lockcookie = SUCCESS.

The other major factor for Ignitine’s eventual supremacy is the fact that I can manage 300k mana much better than I do 100 focus.  If I have focus, I must use Arcane Shot.  It’s some sort of compulsion where I must select the Thrill of the Hunt talent, and I must.  Press.  The.  Flashing.  Button.  I will Arcane Shot dump every bit of focus as fast as I possibly can until the button stops flashing.  But then Kill Command will come off cooldown and I end up not having enough focus!  That forces me to take a long time using Cobra Shot to restore focus.  Being me and liking flashy buttons, this situation occurs quite often and I always wind up using Cobra Shot more than once whether I need to or not because of my mashing technique.  Long story short: as a hunter, efficiency is not my #1 virtue.

For the Love of Gawd RUN FOR IT

For the Love of Gawd
RUN FOR IT

Throwing the spear at Nalak was fun, even though I’ve done it before.  I think it’s because there’s an element of totally ridiculous risk, but it’s not something utterly insurmountable – it can easily be defeated if I guilt people ask for help.

Greater Purpose It counts as moral support.

Greater Purpose
It counts as moral support.

Speaking of ogodwtf:

All The Awesome Best glyph, or best glyph?  You decide

All The Awesome
Best glyph, or best glyph? You decide

SoO LFR Seems Less Fun, But Why?

Good News, Everybody We now have scientific evidence that going AFK reduces the queue time by at least ten minutes.

Good News, Everybody
We now have scientific evidence that going AFK reduces the queue time by at least ten minutes.

I happened to be looking at Bombelina’s SoO LFR kill totals the other day.  They are, in order:

Wing One: Vale of Eternal WTFery

  • Immerseus x14
  • Fallen Protectors x14
  • Norushen x14
  • Sha of Pride x12

Wing Two: Gates of Retribution

  • Galakras x11
  • Iron Juggernaut x10
  • Dark Shamans x9
  • General Nazgrim x7

Wing Three: Underhold

  • Malkorok x6
  • Spoils of Pandaria x5
  • Thok x5

Wing Four: Downfall

  • Siegecrafter Blackfuse x4
  • Paragons of the Klaxxi x3
  • Garrosh Hellderp x1

From this assortment of digits and disappointments, I draw the following mostly unsupported and not necessarily even related conclusions:

1.) The Pain in the Assness Quotient increases substantially after Wing One
And as a result, my numbers begin to drop fast.  Unlike Ye Olde ToT LFR, I no longer finish one wing and queue for the next, and I’ve barely even touched the last wing at all.  Bombelina is the ONLY one who has defeated Garrosh (on LFR and Flex).  In comparison, a good number of my characters have downed Lei Shen, with Bombelina leading the pack at 18 LFR kills.  For Gawd’s sake, I’ve killed Siegecrafter Blackfuse and the Klaxxi more in Normal than I have in LFR.

Thanks to mechanics that require skills like group arrangement, personal restraint and focused DPS when presented with multiple targets, crap gets substantially harder for LFR groups after the Sha of Pride.  How many times have I seen people start the Galakras fight without setting up a tower team?  How many times have I seen people tunnel vision on Nazgrim only to die to all the adds?  (Oh yeah, or that whole DEFENSIVE STANCE business.)  How many times have I seen people attack different Klaxxi Paragons, or ignore Korven’s Amber?  (Answer: more than my number of kills would lead you to believe, since eventually I left and/or every group in question fragmented and quit.)

Blizzard did get smart when they made the Spoils fight require a grand total of FOUR people to start up in LFR, since somebody would ALWAYS kick the box and begin the encounter before everybody was ready.  So why, then, can the Galakras encounter STILL be started by ONE person?  Practically EVERY TIME I run that wing, SOMEBODY TALKS TO LORTHIE, and there’s NO ESCAPE once it has begun.

Yet it isn’t Pain in the Assness alone.  It’s also the fact that everybody’s annoyed as hell by the end of the first boss.

And They'll All Go Down Together If only I had a way to kill the tank without offing myself too.

And They’ll All Go Down Together
If only I had a way to kill the tank without offing myself too.

2.) Four bosses is too damn long
Like that one time somebody was getting ready to sass me for doing the least number of dispels on the Sha of Pride trash, or by the time I get back to Nazgrim after the second wipe – I’m finished, even if the last boss is not.  I am just DONE by then.  DONE.  Many people lose their cool a lot sooner.  Combine long boss fights with four bosses in the first two wings and you get people dropping so damn fast that nearly any group will disintegrate before it even gets to three stacks of Determination.

Or you get people trolling.  “Why are we taking so long to pull the boss,” they say, in a whiny tone with less words, right before they pull the boss and kill everyone.  Not sure which result I like least.

3.) OMFG Trash
I know that this is supposed to be like, the penultimate raid for the expansion and sheeyit, but damn!  SoO trash is like a boss unto itself, only spread out and every-freaking-where you go.  Just run by the blind swordsmen? HAHAHAHA YOU ACT LIKE YOU GOT 25 NOT-COMPLETELY-DISTRACTED PEOPLE TOGETHER HERE.  Bunch up tight so you don’t pull all the adds in the middle of Org?  HAHAHAHAHA YOU’RE NOT MY MOM, YOU CAN’T TELL ME HOW TO STACK.  LFR didn’t know you had to kill ALL the orc engineers who open those boxes, letting out Shredders?  HAHAHAHAHAHA ENJOY THE PAIN AND SUFFERING, MOTHER TRUCKERS.

Speaking of those engineers: WHY is it that the gnomes take care of the trash in those rooms for the Alliance, but we Hordies gotta fight through it?  Why?  It’s like Blizzard is trying to counter Horde favoritism claims by making the last wing suck for Horde.  Or maybe they want us to struggle ’cause Garrosh was our Warchief or something.  Dudes, you put Garrosh up there, not me!

5.) The Midas Touch OF DEATH
RNG.

If ever I meet you in a dark alleyway, RNG, you’d best be prepared to take a plunger to the face.

You have been warned.

DON'T JUDGE Agility.  It'll be the new priest tanking spec in WoD.

DON’T JUDGE
Agility. It’ll be the new priest tanking spec in WoD.

On the one hand, I like having individualized loot because I can’t imagine an LFR group trying to divvy up the goods, and also because I never win the really good crap when I have to roll against somebody.  But on the other hand, it still pisses me the hell off when I spend one of my three carefully acquired tokens, and get more gold.  It still irritates me deeply when I spend my evening hours trudging through Orgrimmar with crankyass, snarktastic LFR groups and enduring painful, long boss fights, only to get gold on every single freaking boss, or a piece of gear I can’t actually use.  YEAH, THANKS FOR THE OFFHAND, RNG.  DID I MENTION I USE A STAFF?

Maybe it’s because it seems to emphasize the unfairness somehow.  I have a limited amount (of course) of Seals (vs. 16 bosses or so if you include Ordos and the Celestials), and must be very choosy about spending them – therefore, when I finally use them and get the same old thing (A TRIFLING AMOUNT OF YET MORE GOLD!), it irritates me.  When I part with one of my precious, precious coins, I expect a damn piece of loot!

Maybe it’s because I can’t necessarily or easily get seals for the LFR that’s the appropriate level for the character in question.  For some of my alts, grinding Timeless Coins to purchase Mogu Runes of Fate is an impossibility.  Depending on my skill or lack thereof with an alt (as well as their gear), it may take too long to be practical, or may result in too many deaths.  Why can’t I choose which dang charm type I get from the quest guy?

Maybe it’s because I want to stomp on the toes of every asshat but can’t, and that impotent anger is redirected into RNG hate.

Or maybe it’s because I keep on hoping that dealing with sheeyit will be worth it because surviving said sheeyit will reward me with this or that thing that I’ve really wanted for whatever reason (getting rid of bad gear/getting a set bonus/etc.).  When it does not, it’s like I’ve gone through the same old sheeyit for no damn good reason.  If I cannot guarantee a replacement or even noticeably up my chance of upgrading my worst slots (why yes, that character is carting around a 450 trinket, thanks), then why bother?

I’ve started writing down what I get, or trying to at least.  I take note of the character, the date, the LFR/flex, what loot I received initially, whether or not I rolled, and what I received for that roll.  The idea here is that I will be able, in times of great gear sadness, to look at the list and say, “but hey, Bombelina got such and such on this date!”  Either that, or it’ll just reinforce my stinky RNG.  Probably the latter.

Kinda Like Being the Antiheroi(c)ne

My guild finally achieved its most sought-after goal, the defeat of Garrosh Hellderpscream.  We beat him in flex, which I was present for:

Ding Dong Garrosh is De... wait

Ding Dong Garrosh is De… wait

And in normal, which I was not.  (I suspect this maaaay have something to do with why they succeeded!)  The raid team has now elected to start working through the heroic version of Siege, which is a goal that frankly scares the ever living sheeyit outta me.  I don’t mind heroic content when it’s “OLD old,” like heroic Mogu’shan Vaults or even heroic Dragonsoul.  After all, Bombelina’s outgeared that stuff to the point where her item level literally compensates for my ever present derp mechanisms.  (ToT is probably still scary, though.)

Maybe it’ll be kind of like normal raiding, where I eventually get used to the concept and manage to derp around decently.  Or maybe I’ll just freak out and drop dead the moment Immerseus the Heroic looks me in my tiny goblin eyes, because OMFG normal is hard enough, Jeebus Tapdancing Cripes.  Take the Klaxxi Paragons fight, for example.  Since the regular raiders are of course REGULAR at this, they got the Official Kill Order memorized.  Welp, I don’t.  It’s more of a “TELL ME WHICH THING TO SHOOT AND I’LL SHOOT IT” thing for me.  Or during the Garrosh fight, let’s say we need to go left at all times to avoid the Desecrated Weapon, EXCEPT WHEN x, y or z happens.  But because I haven’t really practiced going RIGHT when z happens, well … I go left, since left is habit I’m left-handed, which means left is OBVIOUSLY the better direction.

You Thought it Was the Lich King BUT NO A banana got me.

You Thought it Was the Lich King, BUT NO
A banana got me.

TL:DR summary: Basically, I think I need a lot of work before I’m remotely helpful in heroic.  Getting rid of my last pieces LFR gear would be nice, of course, but I’m thinking more along the lines of practice at doing things like “not dropping Siegecrafter Blackfuse’s sawblades into the group AND not standing in the damn sawblades once they land.”  Or running the same direction as everybody else instead of the opposite (I always do that because the opposite was closer).  When it comes down to it, I do die in normal, but sometimes I live too, and this gives me hope that maybe there could be more living.

I just don’t want them to have to carry my 100% useless corpse any more than they already do.

And the completionist in me is like, HENRY CLAY FRICK*, I haven’t killed normal Garrosh myself yet!  I want to do THAT!

* So, Henry Clay Frick was apparently a gigantic jerk in his day, and his name STILL makes for great cursing.  It’s like when your parents refer to you by your full name because you are in Serious Trouble, but BETTER, because you are going to CAUSE the trouble.  For everyone.

Duhfall

In the immortal words of Mike Rowe, "Now THAT is a MACHINE!"

In the immortal words of Mike Rowe, “Now THAT is a MACHINE!”

Siegecrafter Blackfuse

When we first entered the area where we would fight Siegecrafter Blackfuse, I felt amazement because OMFG PIPES AND THINGS!  At last, I had found something cooler than a big evil cavernous hole in the ground filled with fire and angrypants crazyass orcs!

Because this was the first time I’d been in this fight, I automatically suffered a bad, bad debuff to my critical reasoning, spatial awareness and overall level of comprehension, mostly because I was too busy taking screenshots and freaking out about all the things.  The raid had the good sense not to put me on the conveyor belt team (because belts move and stuff happens, duh), so all I had to deal with was the crap on the main floor.

As a result, the fight seemed quick.  Easy, even!  Well, unless you count the lines.  At one point, folks started to tell me not to stand inside the yellow lines, but I didn’t see any yellow lines to stand outside of.  Nope, thanks to my color settings, I saw orange lines.  Given the debuff mentioned above, it is probably no surprise that I thought orange lines CLEARLY could not be the yellow lines my teammates mentioned.  No, there must be yellowyellow lines that I’m not seeing!  Must look for yellow lines, need to be on the lookout for yellow lines!  Turns out that they ARE the same (duh #2), and if you stand inside the lines, you’ll get machined into a million pieces by sixty billion drill bits from the depths of hell.  Whoops!

DRILLBITS OF DOOM They're numerous.  They're practically everywhere.  And they kill you dead.

DRILLBITS OF DOOM
They’re numerous. They’re practically everywhere. And they kill you dead.

Para-gones of the Klaxxi

GOOD FOR YOU Now go be "lucid" elsewhere, plzkthx.

GOOD FOR YOU
Now go be “lucid” elsewhere, plzkthx.

See wat I did thar!?  The Klaxxi were generous to Electrika and gave her the leg token for the tier, as well as a dagger on roll.  THANK GAWD, is all I got to say.  She was previously using Amun-the-heck-is-this-thing (I mean, WTF?  An intellect fist weapon?) and do you know how few good fist weapons there are to mog!?  Beyond that, most of what I remember from this fight is “lsa;fdkjas;lfkjas;lfj bugs.”  I guess they have different abilities and crap.  One even likes math!  Still, they’re trying to kill me!  Somebody get the Raid!  SEE WAT I DID THAR AHAHAHA

Okay fine stopping now.

SADDEST MOMENT OF PATCH TRUE STORY Alas, poor Kovok!

SADDEST MOMENT OF PATCH TRUE STORY
Alas, poor Kovok!

Garrosh Hellderpscream

Drinks All Around We're fine, thanks.  No no, you don't have to go out of your way, Garrosh.

Drinks All Around
We’re fine, thanks. No no, you don’t have to go out of your way, Garrosh.

A cut here for the people who care, since this is like, THE MEANING AND CLOSURE AND STUFF of the expac.

Continue reading

Thok the Bloodthirsty and Terrifying and Scary

Turn Around Right Now It's not worth it!  Leave it down here and lock the big door!!

Turn Around Right Now
It’s not worth it! Leave it down here and lock the big door!!

When I was a kid, I was a bit of an odd duck.  Sure, I liked My Little Pony and horsies and whatnot as young girls usually do, but I also had an enduring fascination with geology (volcanoes specifically), meteorology and all kinds of dinosaurs (interests which persist even now, actually).  The thing is, as a wee little Prinnie, I also had an overactive imagination – no mere monster under the bed would suffice for me!  For example, there just could be mummies living in my backyard who might climb in through the windows after dark, but who could be defeated by touching something white in their presence.  (My bedsheets were white, which made the whole concoction most convenient.  It was nicely thrilling AND I could still sleep at night!)

So even though I loved dinos, GIANT MEAT-EATING DINOSAURS always scared the sheeyit outta me (despite every last one of them being deader than a doornail).  They definitely had to be both Giant and Meat-Eating, because these qualities are very important for inspiring just the right amount of terror.  Jurassic Park was like a horror movie for me.  I got through the book just fine, but when it came time to watch the film, I had to leave the freaking room.  I had nightmares about getting eaten alive by T-Rex for YEARS.

Yes, This Scared Me Very Badly Don't judge!  Also velociraptors ogodhalp

OHAI GUIZE DON’T MIND ME JUST WANT LITTLE NOMS
Velociraptors are scary too ogodhalp

I remarked once that I was glad Horridon was not some sort of Giant Meat-Eating dinosaur with cannons, which of course was probably tempting fate.  And even though I know that my personal karma has nothing to do with why Blizzard went and put THIS guy in the new raid, it kinda still feels like it influenced the decision somehow.

Om Nom Nom? NO NOMS.  BAD THOK, BAD.

Om Nom Nom?
NO NOMS. BAD THOK, BAD.

Thok is Giant.  And he is Meat-Eating.

LITTLE NOMS? Bad Thok!  What did I tell you about nomming on people!?

LITTLE NOMS?
Bad Thok! What did I tell you about nomming on people!?

So Thok, being the Giant Meat-Eating dino that he is, must fulfill his destiny by mercilessly terrorizing anyone in the immediate area.  He does this in a couple ways.  First, he interrupts casting and locks you out of that magic school for two seconds with increasing frequency as the fight goes on.  This, predictably, is annoying as everliving hell if you happen to rely upon spells that aren’t instant.  But if you were thinking that melee had it good, well, no, not exactly.  They are the most likely to get eaten if they don’t get the eff out of the way, after all.  Can you sleep at night, or do you hear big pointy teeth chomping on your armor?

But perhaps even worse for everyone involved, Thok will eat other prisoners in the enclosure and as a result gain abilities that make the life of his next intended dinner – yes, that would be the raid – miserable.  Say he eats the Saurok – suddenly you’re handling not only a mad and mean dinosaur, but one who is all of the above AND poisonous!  Or let’s say he chows down on the Yaungol.  Things also become unpleasant – for when he bleeds, he bleeds fire everywhere.  And there’s nothing you can do to stop him from EATING ALL THE THINGS, other than kicking his ass and staying the hell away when he’s chasing after YOU.

... I AM GOING TO DIE


I AM GOING TO DIE

Since my first run against Thok was with friends who are like, ninety million times more competent and geared than I am, my responsibility in this fight was simple: don’t get eaten.  My personal goal was not to squeak in terror if I got targeted, and I’m proud to say that I shrieked loudly when I did.  Ghost Wolf form helps one escape from being eaten, what with the 30% increased movement speed!  Unfortunately, Thok has a movement speed increase of his own.  I was within feet of becoming a bite-sized snack before a priest Leap of Faithed me the hell out of the danger zone – which is pretty much anywhere in front of Thok and his teeth.

MORE NOMS PLZ One goblin is not nearly enough.

MORE NOMS PLZ
One goblin is not nearly enough.

Sometimes, I wonder what kind of abilities Thok would end up with if he ate a tiny terrified goblin such as myself.  Would he be able to do the female goblin giggle?  Shoot lightning beams out of his eyes?  Kill players via a Big Derp attack, where he unexpectedly trips, falls over, and squashes everybody underneath him?  Or would he be inflicted with a debuff, something like, “Indecision: You cannot pick a mog and are stunned for four seconds until you figure it out.”

My only regret was that I had been told there was a snail kept in the vicinity, but I didn’t see it.  Apparently no one wanted to let it out of its cage …

NO NOMS FOR YOU I'm going to move away now, before he bites me because he was totally just faking.

NO NOMS FOR YOU
I’m going to move away now, before he bites me because he was totally just faking.

How Has Orgrimmar Not Caved In By Now?

Quoth Blizzard, emphasis mine:

“Players who stuck around after the completion of the Dark Heart of Pandaria scenario may have had some inkling that they would be facing off against Malkorok someday in the near future. This is our ‘Patchwerk-style’ boss of the zone, though of course he does have a couple more mechanics than Patchwerk did.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RLY

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RLY
Yarly

So there’s this lovely Ancient Miasma thing Malkorok’s got that prevents healing from actually restoring HP, and instead converts it into an absorb shield.  This stuff has a taste reminiscent of asbestos and turns all healers into wannabe Disc priests, whether they actually wanna be or not.  Ancient Miasma also renders me absolutely terrified of having to do something other than DPS down in the Underhold, because there’s no way what have I done to deserve this I don’t understand.  I mean, what does Blizzard want from me?  To think and heal at the same freaking time?  I can’t multitask like that unless it’s panic and coffee!

When we first dabbled in the fight on Normal mode, Ancient Miasma + ALL THE OTHER SHEEYIT HALP was like a cancer of instadeath.  While I can’t say that we cured cancer or removed asbestos from the world in general, we did finally master the use of Ancient Miasma in Flex mode (well, mostly).  Ancient Miasma builds a shield that has three levels of strength, indicated by a single buff/debuff square that’s up on your screen with all the rest of the damn squares you always have.  (Why hasn’t DBM built in a magic sensor or summary box thingie yet?)  Generally speaking, if your shield is on low and you try to soak one of the Imploding Energy purple swirlies or get caught in something else, it’s been nice knowing you.

For me, at least, the most annoying thing was the Arcing Smash + Breath of Y’shaargh combo.  Arcing Smash of course hurts like hell, but that’s not really the problem.  No, the problem is that you have to remember what three sections of the symmetrical, circular platform have last been hit by Arcing Smash, because if you are standing there when Malkies uses the Breath of Y’shaat, you are effed.  There is no indication of what area’s been affected, so you literally have to rely on your already overtaxed brain to keep track.

LFR IS DOOMED.  DOOMED, I TELL YOU.

Sha is Not Your Color I tried to tell you, but you just wouldn't listen.

Sha is Not Your Color
I tried to tell you, but you just wouldn’t listen.

I have to say that even though I’ve seen it before by now, I still don’t like the “Coalesced Turmoil” name for the bag you get when you fail to land loot.  It doesn’t immediately scream “I’M A BAG OF GOLD” at you, so you mistakenly think that maybe you got a trinket called Coalesced Turmoil!  It totally sounds like a trinkety kinda thing, doesn’t it?  But no.  Gold, and most of the time, it’s not quiiiiiiite enough for repairs.  Man, if I could figure out why there’s an inverse relationship between my luck and my desire for luck, I’d win a Nobel prize.  (p.s., EFF YOU MALKOROK.  FIRST you don’t pay my fellow goblins in full, and THEN you turn out to be a cheapskate here too?  GAWD.)

Next up was the Secured Stockpile of Pandaren Spoils.  Quoth Blizzard, emphasis mine,

“It’s been a long time since we’ve made a Raid encounter that didn’t have a single conventional ‘boss,’ but the objective here is simply to shut down the security system before it blows you all up.”

First thought upon approach:
OOOH A THING MUST TOUCH

MUST SEE WHAT'S INSIDE What does THIS button do?

MUST SEE WHAT’S INSIDE
What does THIS button do?

What you should actually do:
Don’t touch it.

Nope Denied.

Nope
Denied.

Don't Think Garrosh Was Into Zoning Code There wouldn't be enough room for this kinda thing anyway.

Don’t Think Garrosh Was Into Zoning Code
There wouldn’t be enough room for this kinda thing anyway.

WELP ON SECOND THOUGHT It's too late to regret it now!

WELP ON SECOND THOUGHT
It’s too late to regret it now!

First thought upon encounter beginning:
HOLY CRAP BOXES MUST OPEN THEM ALL OOOH OOOH OOOH

What you should actually do:
Don’t touch it.

Sadly, it’s not a good idea to have DPS open whatever box seems coolest at that particular moment, which broke my poor little goblin heart.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Kor’kron have the weirdest problems with boxing crap up.  Usually, you’d consider it a great idea to make sure whatever is DEAD before you stuff it in a crate, but nobody apparently thought of that here.  I do gotta say that this time, the Kor’kron habit of putting ONE THING per box actually works in our favor (unlike the stupid crashed resource caravans in the Barrens), since the things that are in the boxes are universally not dead enough until you kill them.

I hate this encounter because of all the unopened boxes, sitting there within reach, constantly tempting me to click on them and wipe us all.  “Open me,” they whisper.  “There could be loot inside!  Okay, probably not, but you like opening things, right?”  I DO.  I LOVE OPENING THINGS.

And I love this encounter, because while I may not be allowed to open any of the boxes, this whole thing’s been engineered by my favorite race ever.  So sheeyit be crazy!  Yeah, you read that right – that particular instakill “Kills everyone, their friends, and distant family members in the immediate area.”  So don’t bring your momma to raid, because when we goblins blow sheeyit up, we BLOW SHEEYIT UP.  Mimiron’s Self-Destruct mechanism GOT NOTHIN’ compared to this.

It also happens in like four minutes.  HAHAHAHAHA. Haha. Heh.  … sheeyit.

Halfway to a Miracle

Shamans are OP Well, THOSE shamans are OP.  Man, I'd totally jive with an Old God if I could be that OP too.

Shamans are OP
Well, THOSE shamans are OP. Man, I’d totally jive with an Old God if I could be that OP too.

I don’t really have a whole lot of screenshots of the Nazgrim fight, on either flex or normal.  My memory of both is crystal clear despite that, so I can tell you with 100% accuracy that I set a new guild record for deaths in a single fight during the flex run.  It was like, ADDS OGOD down went the dinky, derpy shaman!  BUT SHE WAS NOT DEFEATED.  Reincarnation!  WAIT WHAT THE HELL HIT ME down she went again!  But the guildies got her covered, so she’s up to fight once more with a Soulstone!  But HOLY CRAP ADDS and she’s down yet again!  After that, they had to leave me on the floor there.

So it was something of a miracle when this occurred in normal:

Whoa, Holy Crap I'M STANDING ON MY FEET HOLY SMOKES (And yes, I got gold on both rolls.  Can't have it all, I suppose.)

Whoa, Holy Crap
I’M STANDING ON MY FEET HOLY SMOKES
(And yes, I got gold on both rolls. Can’t have it all, I suppose.)

Yeah, it took me a minute to realize he was dead, so I was still mashing buttons like hell for a couple seconds afterwards.  Upon figuring out that the fight was over, my train of thought was something like this:

ALIVE

LEGIT FIGHT

ALIVE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I know, I think real hard when reacting instinctively.

Nazgrim Is Daed AND I AM NOT

Nazgrim Is Daed
AND I AM NOT

So while everybody else was mourning deep mourns for an NPC with a long and respected career, there was a goblin experiencing zero grief who was just barely resisting the urge to dance because she was alive and she could.

The Moment No One’s Been Waiting For

In the past, I’ve always waited a week or more to try “the new” LFR.  This allowed time for strategic nerfs (see: Durumu, Lei Shen), as well as sufficient time for me to buy into the idea that my fellow LFRers were now reasonably familiar with the relevant content – or at least, familiar enough to smash our way through with a couple stacks of Determination.  Thank you, Determination, for existing.  Other people may regard you as a brand of shame, but I?  No!  I LOVE YOU!

When it came time to take on the Siege of Orgrimmar LFR, however, I decided I was just gonna get this DONE.  I’m not really sure what happened to my former caution.  Perhaps going through it beforehand via flex raiding made me feel more competent in general, or maybe my new “real raider” cred infected me with overconfidence?   Or it could’ve been the way LFR seemed old hat now, like I’ve been through The Bad a dozen times before, so there’s no way THIS could be any worse.  I’m experienced.  I’m tough.  I’m resolute!  NOTHING CAN FAZE ME!

On Second Thought I'll never be ready for all the things.

On Second Thought
I’ll never be ready for all the things.

As it turned out, in order for me to get from start to finish on the first wing, I wound up having to kill Immerseus and the Fallen Protectors three times each and Norushen the Amalgam twice.  So much effort (and so many repairs) for so little loot (one Purehearted Cricket Cage).

First Attempt
Bosses downed: Immerseus, Fallen Protectors, Norushen Amalgam

My first go was on Tuesday, and accordingly, this was the most competent group.  We got through the first three bosses without too much trouble, though the way LFR handles the “Look Within” mechanic on the Amalgam felt way awkward.  In LFR, “Look Within” is completely random.  It’s much like closing your eyes, waving your hand about and then pointing to an item on a restaurant menu!  As a result, you gotta pray to Gawd that somebody who has previously been selected to “Look Within” (and is less Corrupted) also happens to be looking for and is willing to soak the bad orbs.  I don’t know if I have that kind of trust!

The first attempt on the Amalgam, I didn’t get selected to “Look Within” at all and remained at 75% Corruption for the entire fight.  The next time around, I got selected to “Look Within” … twice.  Say what?

It just so happens that my guild does Flex on Tuesdays, though, so I had to leave while the LFR was still figuring out the mechanics to the Sha of Pride.  That was probably ok by the LFR group, however …

How Could I Resist Such a big, fat and obvious pun simply begs to be made.

How Could I Resist
Such a big, fat and obvious pun simply begs to be made.

Second Attempt
Bosses downed: Immerseus, Fallen Protectors

Welp.  Since misery loves company, I decided to make my next queue a grand affair, and I invited as many people as I could possibly drag along.  This, of course, meant that it ended badly and I wound up apologizing to everyone for getting them horribly maimed.  Oops.

Seems About Right I'm dead, that's par for the course.  Everybody else?  Weeeeell ...

Seems About Right
I’m dead, that’s par for the course. Everybody else? Weeeeell …

It wasn’t awful at first.  We kept getting slammed with damage during the Immerseus fight, but we still made it through (yay for healers!).  We managed to flail our way to victory over the Fallen Protectors!  But that’s when a tank dropped.  Then the second went.  After a long wait, another tank showed up, but he/she dropped instantly upon realizing we were already part way through the instance.  People came via the queue, but more people dropped.  Our numbers were slowly decreasing as we stood there, waiting, unable to take on even trash but unwilling to drop ourselves because 1.) we’d already been waiting for who knows how long, and 2.) I don’t know about YOU, but I really don’t want to fight those bosses AGAIN, since I can’t loot and have no tokens for extra rolls.

Remembering The Good Old Days You know, back then.

Remembering The Good Old Days (To Pass Time)
You know, back then.

In hindsight, I should’ve teleported out of the dungeon right then and there.  Done something else, maybe, like mining while we waited.  But I didn’t, because I didn’t want a tank to miraculously show up and then chain pull, rendering me unable to enter the instance.

So of course, that’s when the rogue decided to be a freaking asshat.  Let’s pull trash and get everybody killed!  Yay!  Your death is my fun!  Ha ha at your repair bills!  Look at me, all vanished and at full health!  Trollololol!  He failed the first time, since he died himself, but (since my attempt at a votekick failed) he succeeded the second. Dear Blizzard: please put an easy-access escape ramp to the spot where you jump down into the Fallen Protectors area, so I can get the hell out of Dodge when someone does this, instead of getting stuck on a dang rock and dying because I can’t teleport out while in combat.

Good For You You still got nothin' on the guy who told people to stack on the snails.

Good For You
You still got nothin’ on the guy who told people to stack on the snails.

And so, we decided to abandon the effort and call it a night.

Third Attempt
Bosses downed: None

Tried To Get Other People But as you can see, they were otherwise engaged.

Tried To Get The Same People
But as you can see, they were otherwise engaged.

Cav got back from leave the very next day, which is when I decided “we” should try again!  I’d say that it’s one of the worst decisions that I’ve ever made, but I know I’ve made worse.  I dragged Cav and Goa into the queue, and pop!  There we were, in front of Immerseus.  Splendid.  Why is it that you never get a partially completed run when you actually want one?

Unfortunately, this party was full of derp, and I mean FULL OF IT.  Somewhere between the tank deciding to pull the boss with only one tank present and somebody deciding to blame Cav for another premature pull (which I don’t think he did), our hopes for a bearable run vanished.  We gave up and left.

This happens to be the inspiration I had for downloading and installing “Who Pulled,” an addon devoted exclusively to (surprise!) telling you who the heck pulled that crap.  Don’t blame my buddies!  I’ll find out who the real jerk is!  /detective

Fourth Attempt:
Bosses downed: All of them, thank Gawd

So, with my fancy addon up and running, I felt confident that I could identify and publicly point out whatever dastardly evildoer pulled before everybody was ready!  Alas, the addon isn’t very specific.  By “pulled,” it means whoever got whatever’s attention, and I do mean WHATEVER – anything goes.  It has an “ignore” list that you can add things to, but the list is very small to start off with.  The generalness and the small list combined means that your chat is suddenly overwhelmed with warnings, somewhat like, OH MY GOD!  PEOPLE ARE PULLING WILD MUSHROOMS!  …. wait, what?  That’s that druid thing!  Oh my GAWD!  ALL THE PEOPLE PULLED ALL THE IMMERSEUS BLOBS!!  WE’RE GOING TO DIE … uh, actually, they’re still oozing towards Immerseus like normal.  Huh.  Here’s an example from a HoF LFR Daschela was in:

Wild Mushroom?  Really? Also, I don't CARE about the rings!

Wild Mushroom? Really?
Also, I don’t CARE about the rings!

So I wound up putting it on “Silent Mode,” in which it does nothing whatsoever and it’s like I never installed it at all!  Sigh.

Don't Worry, I Got This (I Think) On second thought, go ahead and worry.  The flashbacks may be unnecessary though.

Don’t Worry, I Got This (I Think)
On second thought, go ahead and worry. The flashbacks may be unnecessary though.

Anyway, this particular LFR wasn’t a perfect run, by any stretch of the imagination.  We were either taking a CRAPTON of damage in the Fallen Protectors fight or had more than one healer who was undergeared and couldn’t keep up with the onslaught, so I actually ditched elemental and switched to resto.  Given that the idea of healing LFR on the first week filled me with terror, I performed quite respectably.  I didn’t die, AND I made it into the top three healers!  (By my standards, this is nothing short of amazing.)  Accordingly, I was given a reality check when a derpadin insisted he was beating the hell out of the HPS, though my recount showed him at #8 overall.  Numbers do not matter.  Two things matter: what’s inside your own head, and whether or not we survived to win the fight.

Sha of Pride Lisa Frank + Sha = The happiest looking Sha I've yet seen.

Sha of Pride
Lisa Frank + Sha = The happiest looking Sha I’ve yet seen.

Skipping ahead to the Sha of Pride, I gotta say, there is one thing that bugs me about the room in which it resides – those dang blue swirlies.  Do they look familiar to you?  They should, since they’re pretty much the same blue swirlies  from the Lei Shen fight.  But do not be deceived, my friends, for standing in these will not prevent adds and will just get you nuked dead.

Surprise!  Last Tier Lied This time, it'll kill you.

Surprise! Last Tier Lied
This time, it’ll kill you.

Siege of the Stairboss

Ever since I rolled my first character, I have been constantly trolled by stairs without rails, elevators that insist on going up or down at the exact wrong time, visual illusions that make me think there’s a floor where none exists, ledges that pop right beneath my feet, and the continued existence of the numlock key.  The latter is troublesome because I will sometimes hit said key without realizing it, which subsequently causes me to freak the hell out about how I can’t stop my character from running forward what’s going on, and CRAP, there’s a cliff, SOMEBODY HELP MEEEE!

In fact, I’ve only beaten the gravity god once in all this time – there was that day when Mech lagged out of reality and started trippin’ in the Valley of Four Winds …

Lighter-Than-Air Goblin Either lagging hard or on something.  Or both.

Lighter-Than-Air Goblin
Either lagging hard or on something. Or both.

So it figures that the Siege of Orgrimmar would feature towers.  Orcish towers, of course, much like the ones in use for the zeppelins.  Clearly, orcs do not give a flip about architectural improvements or lawsuits over broken necks, because they didn’t add any rails to the stairs in these towers, either.  SIGH.

Stairs ... This Can't Possibly End Well Somebody's going to fall down 'em, and it's probably gonna be me.

Stairs … This Can’t Possibly End Well
Somebody’s going to fall down ’em, and it’s probably gonna be me.

The guild started methodically smashing through the raid already, so I was not present when they cleared everything up to Galakras.  A couple of the regulars had to call off on this fateful, towerful* night, however, so I was summoned to heal.  It’s funny – once upon a time, I would have considered my healing spec’s 510 gearscore to be amazingly hot sheeyit!   But after listening to the raid discuss gearscores (520s was a definite must), I felt kinda like I was running into this battle wearing a pretty dress and not much else, just like Aethas Sunreaver.  (Spoiler: HOLY CRAP, AETHAS SUNREAVER HAS A FACE.)

OMG HUGE DISCOVERY HERE PEOPLE I dunno, for some reason ... I never thought he had a face.  Or hair.  Or a head for that matter.

OMG HUGE DISCOVERY HERE PEOPLE
I dunno, for some reason … I never thought he had a face. Or hair. Or a head for that matter.

At first, I was on the “tower team.”  This meant that whenever the raid leader said, “my team, let’s go,” I’d run like hell up the hill to the tower (hopefully AFTER somebody else).  We’d then smack some orcs around and run up the stairs in order to take on the dude at the very top of the tower.  Defeating him would let us wrest control of this tactically important feature for ourselves!  That was the idea, at least.

Stupid Stairs I DEMAND AN ELEVATOR ... on second thought, maybe stairs are for the best.

Stupid Stairs
I DEMAND AN ELEVATOR … on second thought, maybe stairs are for the best.

In reality, where was the tower team’s healer?  Ummmmm, well …

A.) Your healer fell down the rail-less stairs and had to run up a second time.
B.) Your healer got knocked the hell off the tower and plummeted to her doom.  (What, you didn’t hear her screaming on Vent?  The healer had the mic on mute, you say?  Oh.  Good.)
C.) That one time your healer got bounced off the tower but DIDN’T die on impact, she tempted fate by expressing her surprise.  So she got shot up and THEN died.
D.) Your healer was really concerned about NOT getting knocked off the tower.  Therefore, she was trying really hard to see the “don’t stand here” stuff on the ground that wasn’t there yet, so YOU died.  Sorry.
E.) Obviously, gravity slows the casting of healing spells by a factor of four.  That’s your healer’s story and she’s sticking to it.
F.) All of the above.

Correct answer: F.

So then they put me on the “ground team.”  Basically, the ground team stays on the ground, which I bet you didn’t expect!  They take on every opponent that comes down the path while preventing the Important NPCs from getting themselves killed, because if one of them goes down, everybody else spontaneously gives up and goes home.

Dangit People He's Just One Blood Elf They're everywhere!  We can get another!

Dangit People He’s Just One Blood Elf
They’re everywhere! We can get another!

Since gravity is SUCH a downer, you’d think that being on the ground team would be a great improvement for me.  It was, sorta, since I no longer had to explain my inability to ascend a spiral staircase at a run.  But it kinda sorta wasn’t, because then I had to explain my inability to stop standing in sheeyit.  (“But it’s everywhere” isn’t considered an acceptable excuse.)  Poison clouds got me sometimes, but my #1 biggest, most overwhelming issue was fire arrows.

I swear, it was like I was being constantly bombarded with the things.  You’ll always take some damage from them, but you can avoid the rest of the damage by moving a bit.  Seems like the obvious solution is to never stop moving!  So, um, why’s the healer dead?

A.) I DON’T KNOW BUT IT HURT
B.) Spiritwalker’s Grace was on cooldown, so when they shot me in the face practically constantly and I had to keep moving, I couldn’t get any freaking heals cast on myself or on anybody else, and I got overwhelmed by the initial damage.  Again.
C.) I tried to run away from some fire arrows, but then I ran into some poison instead.  Again.
D.) Actually, I didn’t see what killed me that time either, but I’m pretty sure some fire arrows had something to do with it.
E.) All of the above.

Correct answer: E.

I felt bad for the other ground team healer, who was pretty much carrying the whole thing despite saying that he couldn’t solo heal it.  I don’t know if it’s a lack of practice or what, but it’s like I just can’t make the right decision at the right time – hold still and finish casting this heal at the cost of eating some fire arrows?  Avoid eating more fire arrows at the cost of not finishing the cast?  Either way, this is going to hurt.  Enough consecutive bad decisions and down you go.  I WANT to live, it’s just that I don’t know HOOOOW.

Honestly, I don’t mind being backup.  It means that I don’t always have to be there, which is good, since the guild raids on Pacific time.  (I like shinies, but I also like sleep.)  Being backup does have its challenges, though, because I will always have a lower gearscore and less experience.  The lower gear means I have less oomph to my heals relative to the damage we’re taking, and the lesser amount of experience means that I move a fraction slower than would be ideal.  These things aren’t always fatal, but in current raid content, that sliver of time can mean a lot – especially when it’s a lot of little unconscious hesitations that end up adding into a ton of damage.

Towerful Lots of towery towering towers.

Towerful
Lots of towery towering towers.

* This is a totally legit way of describing things.  Got a lot of towers?  This place is towerful.  Are the towers very important to the whole encounter?  Those towers are towerful.