Tag Archives: the farm

No Shirt, No Shoes, All WTF

Sometimes, like when you’re questing Just Because and you accidentally run into two people out in the middle of nowhere who happen to be wearing no armor whatsoever and are talking about not being afraid of Santa, you just encounter a bunch of things that you can’t unsee.  (Or unthink, for that matter.  Can gnomes even do tha… ?  No.  No.  Bad brain!  BAD!  Stop that this instant!)

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

The Cat in the Garden of Elwynn

But onto the newer story (everybody knows just what goes on outside the walls of Stormwind, anyway).

The first time Thermalix completed the shipment for the August Celestials’ work order, she immediately turned her back to the cart to plant new things for Moar Rep.  I didn’t realize that somebody would show up at the ranch to pick up the produce.  I was expecting something more along the lines of the Harvest Moon game series, which has a magical “Shipment” box that you toss stuff in and it gives you money in return.  Magical cart that gives rep?  Suspension of disbelief, I haz it.

So when the Student of Chi-ji showed up to pick up the melons for the aforementioned faction, I wasn’t looking.  I saw the “I just love the sound they make when they explode!” line and had a small “wtf, is that what you’re doing with my carefully tended crops!?” moment before moving on.  I got Things To Do.  There’s virmen in them dere plants, and I gotta shoot ’em!  I’m BUSY!

But then Fel mentioned that the Student of Chi-ji shows up naked.

The idea of somebody picking up melons in their skivvies (or less) was seriously awkward.  Sure, Blizz has to compose outfits for ninety million NPCs, but forgetting to dress the NPCs for the new fancy rep quests?  Couldn’t possibly be true.  I had to know for sure, though, so the next day I waited for the Student to arrive.

I DON'T EVENWhy would you go get farm produce in your underwear?  WHY?

I DON’T EVEN
Why would you go get farm produce in your underwear? WHY?

WELL, I WAS WRONG.  IT’S TRUE.

WAIT, WHAT?I know your sentence wasn't that long, but you lost me.

WAIT, WHAT?
I know your sentence wasn’t that long, but you lost me.

Is this some sort of whacked out Gallagher reference?  Just what are they DOING in that Temple!?  Some kind of crazy watermelon smashing orgy?  Girl, if you gotta wear something, we got SWIMSUITS for that kinda thing.  Don’t go ruinin’ your nice lingerie.

[Edit: At least they armed her.]

Many Dinos, Tame Them

New in Patch 5.2: Thermalix Spendtrue, DINOSAUR HUNTARD.

MISSION: DINOThere will be Direhorns.

MISSION: DINO
There will be Direhorns.

Well, that’s not exactly true.  Thermalix had the white Devilsaur from Un’goro Crater for a while back in the day, but they parted ways some time ago when Therm had to clear out some stable space for a monkey in a fez.  These days, Therm wanted one of those scarlet Direhorns, bigger than a Cadillac and redder than hell.  While they don’t come with all the bells and whistles any good goblin expects, Therm’s an engineer – she can handle that.

In any case, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s return to the beginning of the 5.2 patch.

Thermalix’s first priority was obtaining the farm.  This was much easier than she had anticipated.  Given the amount of work involved in opening the place up to its full potential, she was expecting it to be handed over for only the most thankless of tasks.  Say, something like having to wine and dine all the Tillers all over again, or maybe offering bribes of hard-to-obtain items that ONLY drop from mushans which have been exposed to the Sha of Anger for five seconds or less, or even offing Yoon by orchestrating a mysterious Exploding Master Plow accident (much as she liked the panda, if he’s gotta go, he’s gotta go).  Farms are serious business, guys.  And plows OBVIOUSLY blow up all the time!  Everybody knows plow fatalities are common.  Fortunately for Yoon, however, Therm’s worries were unfounded.  Dude just walked off.

FOOL.  ENDLESS PROFIT IS MIIIIIINE!

Or maybe not, but a supply of carrots is.

Farm For The HordeI can plant four things at once now!  World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Farm For The Horde
I can plant four things at once now! World of Harvest Mooncraft, amirite?

Now, back to the thundar and dinos.

Thermalix arrived on the Isle of Thunder to find Lorthie* and the Sunreavers in need of assistance.  While they’re strong enough to create fancy magic invisibility domes that you can’t ride any type of mount in (this seems like an oversight somehow), they were having a problem with Mogu.  And dead things.  And trolls.  And Saurok.  You’d think we were having problems with EVERYTHING on this dang island … oh wait, actually, yeah, we are.

InvisibilityNothing to see here.

Invisibility
Nothing to see here.

Let me summarize this island for you: Blah blah blah dailies.  Also, lightning.

Now that we’re done with that useful and insightful description, it’s DINOTIME!  To the Land Before Time Jurassic Park Isle of Giants!

As it turns out, you need a fancy tome of learnin’ to know how to tame Direhorn-type dinos, even though you were totally able to tame Devilsaur-type dinos back in Un’goro Crater without having to get your Masters degree in Huntering.  While I say a dino is a dino, Blizzard either wanted to make some form of awesomesaur available to every hunter spec, or they simply wanted to use the word “Dinomancy.”

After careful CCing because OWW OMG WTF (apparently you aren’t supposed to fight the Dinomancers alone),  I was victorious.  It certainly helped that while Dinomancers do heal THEMSELVES, they don’t heal EACH OTHER.  Still, I don’t know how long it took, nor how many Dinomancers fell to my bow, mostly because I was too busy trying to grab some dang Dinomancers for myself.  There was a surprising amount of competition!  [Edit: It also helps not to pull all the dinosaurs ever, just sayin’.]

MISSION ACCOMPLISHEDWell, mostly, anyway.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, mostly, anyway.

Truly, he is a magnificent creature.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

Do you ever feel small and insignificant?
Enormous, as any awesomesaur ought to be.

* I’ve got some campaign slogans for him!

LORTHIE FOR WARCHIEF 2013: HE WEARS THE PANTS IN THIS FACTION
LORTHIE FOR WARCHIEF 2013: ONLY ONE MAN IN THE HORDE HAS HAIR ENOUGH TO TAKE ON VARIAN WRYNN’S PONYTAIL

Secretly, I’d still vote for Sassy Hardwrench or Basic Campfire.

Mental Battelz

Well, That's Awkward

Well, That’s Awkward
They kicked me onto a pole!

I’m about halfway through Revered with Golden Lotus, which means (of course) that I have had an allergic reaction to dailies and go into blogging fits when thinking about doing them yet again.  In order to preserve the sanity of my readers, I have deleted those drafts (they were all something like, “;laskfja;slkfdj Golden Lotusususususususa;lsdfkjas;ldfkjasdf” anyway).  In order to preserve my own sanity, I have pretty much stopped doing any and all dailies, though I hold certain pandabears responsible.  Think about these dailies, man.  Isn’t there something masochistic in running into a field full of swirling swords and burly pandabears who want to punch you so you fall into said swirling swords?  What sane person would willingly do that once, much less repeatedly?

I’ve even quit Tillering.

Pet Battling and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Pet Battling and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
… kind of.

In the meantime, alts have been crawling up the ladder of levels, as have my battle pets.  The Magic family is the last standing between me and the “No Favorites” achieve, where you level a representative of each group up to 10.  I have TWO (just two!?) magic pets, both of which are uncommon and therefore not really worth leveling.  So I’ve decided to go for “Going to Need More Leashes” and “Quality and Quantity,” because when I think about doing dailies right now, it’s just … not good. sal;fjas;lfjaw;leifja;sldkfjas!

Lag Baby, Lag

Lag Baby, Lag
Unfortunately the battle just ends when your opponent lags out.
I was hoping for an easy victory.

Awkward: Faux Pas Edition

From what I hear, the latest blogging topic is faux pas, those events/actions/etc. that are otherwise known as moments of glory in a most ironic way.  This sort of thing is my life.

Faux Pas #1: Staying Together is for Wimps

Well, That's Awkward

Well, That’s Awkward
Jaina, Healer, Tank and THE LICH KING OMG on one side.
All three DPS? On the other.

Faux Pas #2: THE MORE YOU SHOUT IT THE MORE EFFECTIVE IT IS

Strand of the Ancients Strategy

Awkward Strand of the Ancients Strategy is Awkward

Faux Pas #3: Assuming the Other Person Can Handle It

Alone on the Farm

Alone on the Farm
Yes, leave the inexperienced mage by herself.

Faux Pas #4: Don’t Think of the Children

The Story of Mazz

The Story of Mazz
I expected her kids to magically despawn or something.
WRONG! They ran around guilt tripping me.

Faux Pas #5: Situational Awareness is Key

Um, Ow

Um, Ow
I’m not sure the orc saw THAT coming.

Faux Pas #6: Talking to Strangers About Your Family

We Literally DIAF

We Literally DIAF
Sometimes, it’s better not to know.

Faux Pas #7: It’s on Cooldown, But We Won’t Need it Anyway

Cooldown LOLZ

Cooldown LOLZ
It’s all about the timing.

Faux Pas #8: Unintentionally Close Encounters

The Problem With Pandas

The Problem With Pandas
Thank Gawd I’m Dead