If There Are Five Stages of Tanking …

She's a Smashing Good TankIrony, I has it.

She’s a Smashing Good Tank
Irony, I has it.

Because I don’t really do Retribution so well and I’m not really temperamentally suited to be the healer (just because I can doesn’t mean I should and all that), I haven’t bothered to set Violaryn’s alt spec.  Therefore, she’s been tanking constantly.  I kinda like tanking; I envision myself plowing ahead FOR THE LIGHT AND STUFF WOOOO, smashing things left and right like some sort of sickly, extremely short Viking with fantastic hair.  And on the upside, the tank queue is OMG amazing even when you have to wait seven minutes for a heals.  On the downside, if there really are five stages of tanking, then I’m probably somewhere between anger and depression – which is just super.

Denial
I deny that denial exists.

Anger

I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight's GoneAfter dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I Can See Clearly Now, the Death Knight’s Gone
After dealing with him pulling and Death Gripping for 98% of the dungeon, I finally had it.

I would occasionally tell him not to Death Grip that, not to pull those and res him when things went wrong (among those guys you pulled is one that summons a totem that charms us, which would be why you died), but for the most part I spent my time giving up on all that because stupid is as stupid does.  He finally got on my nerves right before the last boss, so I had to say something.  I probably would’ve let it pass again after making my point – it was the last boss and all – but then he had to go start being a smartass on me.  Hell no, boy.

Bargaining

Dancing is No DeterrentHe kept on pulling but only danced once.  I am le sad.

Dancing is No Deterrent
He kept on pulling but only danced once. I am le sad.

So they keep on pulling.  They pull with Death Grip.  They pull with Moonfire.  They pull with pets, with arrows, with Frostbolt and arcane power.  You ask them to stop please, then they do it again; as soon as you get one LFD group to stop pulling all the sheeyit, the next LFD group pulls it all once more.  If this is going to be a regular thing – I might as well get some amusement out of it, right?

Depression
Y U DO DIS.  WHY DON’T YOU LEARN?  I AM NOT SLOW, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE AN ADDICTION TO ENERGY DRINKS AND THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.  I ONLY HAVE SO MANY SKILLS TO PULL CRAP WITH ANYWAY.  WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Acceptance
Eff it, man.  I’ll do what I do and they’ll do what they do.  Hey huntard, if your pet dies, your pet dies.  Warlock doesn’t know how to take the threat generation off their Felguard?  It dies.  If a mage takes the aggro, they can have the freaking aggro.  You may laugh now, but some day, a mob will smash your face into the ground.  You won’t say “Darn, I wish I had learned my proper party role and left the pulling to the tank.”  No, you won’t.  But at that very moment, I will know that you have gotten crushed into itty bitty little pieces, and I will silently rejoice.  Karma, people.  Karma.

Wait, that doesn’t sound so much like acceptance as it sounds like mostly restrained frustrations.

13 thoughts on “If There Are Five Stages of Tanking …

    1. Prinnie Dood Post author

      True – but my biggest problem with that plan is ME. I defeat my own purpose!

      If they pull aggro off mobs I pulled: I WANT IT BACK IT’S MINE, so then I buttonmash all buttons until I either have aggro back or whatever it is, is dead.

      If they pull extra crap: I instinctively go “OH MOBS CRAP” and use whatever available skill I have to make things look at me.

      THEN when everything is dead, I make a “OMFG DON’T PULL GAWD” type comment.

      So I’m not sure it would help unless I somehow managed to ditch the way I normally react. This would require training. REHAB, even. Rehab for nice folks.

      Reply
  1. felenvy

    Omg there were soooooooo many Death gripping DK’s in the lower lvls ><.

    I'd say I'm at the Acceptance stage where I'll just people die when they pull on their own. If there are other nice folks in the group I'll gladly protect them but everyone else who just annoys me to hell? *splat*

    Reply
      1. Neri

        I’m not sure what level you get Hand of Sacrifice, but you could always throw that on them? Oooh, and if they’re a particularly annoying DPS, Hand of Protection stops them from dying and should give them the hint that they’re being naughty. Screw having to actually move after those dopes, though!

        Reply
          1. Prinnie Dood Post author

            I keep on trying to kill them though. I want them to die. :<

            What's the point of having a tank if you don't let the tank TANK? What's the point of having a tank if the healer can just heal/shield any damage whatever DPS class takes?

            Reply
            1. Neri

              Never fear, that time will come once you’re in Mists content. I get your point though, it’s not really teaching new players their roles when everything is such a snooze fest, is it?

              Reply
              1. Prinnie Dood Post author

                Nope. We all beeyotch and moan about how OMFG NOBODY KNOWS THEIR ROLE AND THEY’RE LEVEL 90 WTF, but really, WHAT DO WE EXPECT?

                And it’s somewhat depressing to consider that Mists content is only for the last ten levels, so the first 85 levels is just more of the same old, same old, in terms of party dynamics.

                /finds brick wall
                /faces brick wall
                /smacks brick wall with forehead

                Reply
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