Lei Sheeeeeeeeeyit

Let’s Talk About This!
I need a minute to think up another excuse.

When Thermalix logged in late last week, Cal informed her that it was high time she shot Lei Shen in the face.  She was forced to admit that he had a point, since the one reason she had given for not doing so was “I CAN’T GO UNTIL HE GETS NERFED INTO REALITY,” aaand the dude got nerfed.  Unfortunately for her, she didn’t have a second argument to fall back on.  Therm couldn’t point to how she didn’t know WTF she was doing, because that’s normal and also the standard mode of operation for most non-tanks in LFR.  She couldn’t point to gear being a barrier, because she had the gearscore to get in.  She couldn’t claim that she had to wash her rocket camel, because it exploded the week before.

Here’s what Therm DID know about Lei Shen before going in:

• Has face tentacles or cancerous growths
• Would probably be the kid who sticks his finger in an electrical outlet for fun
• Most LFRs run screaming before they even take on the adds in front of his room
• He doesn’t drop a ranged weapon

Bring It On
C’mon Lei Shen, let’s just get it over with.

It’s hard to say whether more or less knowledge would have helped.

1st Attempt, Last Week

The first attempt did not start or end well.  I don’t know what it is about PoS, but so far, nearly all the tanks Therm has met there have been a bit off in terms of brain function.  The evidence lies in how they decide “Oh hey, we don’t need a second tank to beat Iron Qon,” or, “That dude over there in the DPS plate, he can be the offtank!”

This cat SHARES ALL MY FEELINGS:

NO!  What part of “No” do you not understand, the “n” or the “o” …?  I’m telling you guys, we need a second tank, and that guy in DPS plate will not cut it, no matter how awesome he thinks he is.  He is DPS in DPS gear.  He is le squish.  Squishy plus tank does not equal living!

Despite her misgivings, Therm actually tried to do a good job DPSing the first time the group charged Iron Qon with DerpyMcDPSKnight as an offtank.  This was mostly because the hopeful optimist in me says you gotta give people a chance, right?  Surely it isn’t 100% guaranteed that we’ll wipe, since this guy could be an unexpectedly amaaaazing player who has magic timing with cooldowns and stuff, or maybe a hidden set of tank gear that he puts on at the last moment!  Alas, as it turned out, Derpy’s tanking set was in the bank and actually going to get it was too hard/time consuming/smart/something.

This attempt ended in the predicted wipe (with bonus bickering between healers), therefore, the disappointed cynic in me claims a win. When they decided to throw themselves at the guy again using the same setup, Therm deliberately ran in all the freaking fire she could find and died.  Qon’s first set of spear tosses shoot out straight lines of fire from the point of impact, which it makes easy to run in as much of it as possible.

The third time the party went at Iron Qon, some poor DPS who actually had a tanking set on him and the sense to switch his spec piped up, took the place of the “offtank,” and we survived.  WHY GEE, I AM SO SURPRISED!  Having failed to nobly save the raid with his skillz, DerpyMcDPSKnight next spent a good deal of time derping about how people just give up so easy and how he doesn’t get it, and they should just quit WoW.  (He later went mysteriously AFK himself and got kicked.  Interesting …)

Even though Therm didn’t get a weapon from Iron Qon or the bonus roll, she had a dead-ish shirtless guy with a thing for electricity to kill (though it seems like we’ve done that before, maybe in Naxx), so she tried to remain motivated.  Yet despite her best efforts, Therm’s outlook was extremely dismal by the time enough tanks had come and gone for the team to kill trash and the Twin Consorts.  Qon had been her last chance for a weapon that week, and he blew it.  Going through the repetitive LFR song and dance routine with these crankypants leet players wasn’t fun, and the waiting – for the queue, for the tank, for the heals, FOR EVERYTHING ASLFKJAS;LFJAS;LFJ – was sucking up all her time.  If she got lucky, she’d make enough gold to pay for her repairs and maybe a pot of coffee, but what kind of freaking goal was that?  Now, everything was depressing.  It was suddenly quite hard to see the awesome in anything anymore.

It’s All The Rage
Very useful for preventing people from inviting themselves over.

She WAS somewhat interested in the lightning stairs right before Lei Shen’s room.  It’s possible that Lei Shen and the Mogu operate in a meritocracy of sorts – if you can’t make it past the people zappers on the stairs, then you’re too dumb to be an advisor/minion/whatever.  Other than that? Blah.

Upon reaching Lei Shen’s platform, she made a note of the four fancy conduits, the fact that they seemed to accomplish nothing whatsoever other than being there for the lolz and/or pain, no possibility of a ranged weapon from the guy, and the group’s past history.  This made her feel somewhat like crying, because there was no freaking way this was going to be worth it.

Indeed, after the third wipe, she couldn’t stand it anymore and quit.

2nd Attempt, This Week

Another week, another attempt at shouting into the void, at throwing mud at the wall, at watching people link the fancy crap they got while wondering what, exactly, I am doing wrong because I keep getting gold.  Hooray!

CHIN UP
THIS WILL WORK OUT.

No.  You are not going to think like that.  NEVER GIVE IN TO THE SADS!  You are a BADASS, Thermalix!  You SHOOT STUFF!  You’ve fearlessly documented killer snails, maze hoaxes and bad decisions.  You are NOT going to fall over in a puddle of your own tears.  It’s time for you to queue again and BE THE HUNTARD YOU WERE MEANT TO BE.

My Work Here Is Done
No one can ever unsee.

Lei Shen might be an interesting painful fight, but he’s quite possibly one of the most incompetent Evil Persons in the history of Evil.  He gets magically resurrected by trolls, which is cool and all, but before he actually gets any sort of crap done,  he immediately retreats to his inner sanctum and stays there.  Worse, this inner sanctum has bad lighting, no comfortable places to sit, is really stupidly positioned and also has a lot of other issues.

Seriously
I’m getting zapped and I haven’t even touched something yet.

We wiped, of course.

Saw It Coming
I don’t think it’s possible for a LFR group NOT to wipe.

I think we got up to four stacks of Determination through wiping.  There were a couple typical wipes where we lost tanks or healers, and there was the one wipe with the million adds that nobody saw coming.

Was Not Prepared For These
They came outta nowhere, man.

There was also the wipe where everybody was freaking out about how nobody was Bloodlusting, only to realize post-wipe that there were, in fact, absolutely zero shamans in the LFR.  Thermalix, however, just happened to have a Corehound with her!  HUNTER SAVES THE DAY!  What, you’re sayin’ she has an overinflated sense of self-importance?  Well, yeah, she’s a goblin.

When we finally stood in enough of the things we were supposed to stand in while simultaneously not standing in the things that are unquestionably bad, enough folks survived to see Lei Shen freak out about how little he accomplished this time around (sure sure, you’re the Thunder King, that’s nice) and die.

A Hug Is Probably Cheaper

It would be totally fantastic if Determination also lowered the durability damage your armor takes.  The repair bill on this was insane, and Therm only wears mail!  Cal up there needed a hug, and I suspect that it wasn’t just the LFR ERP conversation – it’s because he wears plate.  My bad luck loot issues are well documented and probably unsolvable, so I’ll settle for being able to keep more of the gold I get.

Isle is Merely a Setback
Seriously, Zandalari, you’re better off on your own. This guy was a moron.

Dear Zandalari:

Your magic undead thunder dude was pretty much the worst bet ever.  Other than empowering one troll, he pretty much did Absolutely Nothing for your cause and essentially made you waste time and effort.  The moment the guy went into his little hole in the ground where he played with conduits while telling you to do all the sheeyit for him, you should’ve dumped his sorry ass.  Arsonist druids got more stuff done than this dude.

Love,
Thermalix